Every day I hope for rain
Just to match my pain
6 years in a daze
Go to work in a haze
Get drunk every night
Sometimes I don't even put up a fight
Feel like I'm in over my head
Wonder if I'm better off dead

Trying to convince myself there's a tomorrow
While my eyes are telling me I'm feeling nothing but sorrow
Don't know much, but I know I'm alive though
I hope that's enough when I wake up tomorrow

Every day I hope for rain
To match my daily strain
Fickle memories lecture me
"open your eyes and finally see"
And though I hear their lesson true
I can't stop thinking about me and you

Trying to convince myself there's a tomorrow
Though I'm feeling nothing but sorrow
Feel like I'm in over my head
Wonder if I'm better off dead

Every day I hope for rain
But I hope so in vain
Bright sunny skies, temperate degees
Make me want to go inside and flee
Live vicariously through my Playstation
So I don't have to feel that pain again.

Wake up late and sleep early
Everything's the same
Same salty taste
Same boring place
Same frustrating video game

Wake up early and sleep late
Everything's the same
Same Netflix show
Same footsteps below
Same flickering of the flame

Wake up and sleep
Everything's the same
Same **** routine
Same depressing scene
Same struggling to reclaim

Wake up and
Everything's the same.

The Journey winds down the lonely Road
Flanked on the sides by Spirits
Recognizing the faces nearest
They stuff my backpack, add to my Load
In their countenance is where their fear is

Starting out, weak dumb and small
With no mind for allegory
See the winding Road before me
In this beginning, I have to crawl
In this humble beginning, I begin to see

Standing now on my own two feet
Toddling down the road
Now I'm in exploring mode
Hoping for someone nice to meet
Hoping for a special Someone nice to know

Getting stronger, day-by-day
Trying to conceive the end of it all
Hoping my missteps don't make me fall
Wondering what Price I'll pay
Lost deep in introspective thought; my mind's enthralled

Now I pause along my path
Knowing I'd have to find some meat
Seeking this one special treat
Sneak away to divert His wrath
I look eagerly for a baker to entreat

The glowing Angels guard the sacred Ground
Forcing me to cut short my break
Showing, not telling, my mind to stay
A breathless whisper without a sound
That breathless whisper said all they needed to say

Now strong and tall and unperturbed
I wonder what lies beneath
The Road spans o'er what's underneath
I let my mind wander, undisturbed
And wonder about the secret hidden heath

Wiser now but youthful still
Talk and research of subjects profound
None of which fail to confound
Waiting patiently, I walk with Time to ****
While words of thoughts buzz lazily around

No longer Young but I am not old
My appetite for destruction, curbed
My longing now for just a Word
The One that can be forever untold
But only Once does It need to be heard

I am old now and growing weary
I see now the end of the Road before me
Winding up to those Benevolent Three
As I draw closer, my eyes with old age, bleary
I heard them say 'I love you dearly'
And slipped into Their Grace.

One White, pretty and clean
One Black, shady and mean
Their Puppy perceived as crazy, nice, even humdrum
The Truth is none, maybe just a conundrum

Picture a big Dog, a ******* risen from Hell
None understood, to many, just a mere shell
He loved many *******, therefore fathering many puppies
His intentions were redeeming, his soul would be condemned

Picture a small Angel, genius incarnate
She walks a lonely road, always menial, not subordinate
Angel carries a curse, and that of a strong will
For it was the choice of life that brought her thrill

Two Dogs from opposite litters and homes
Harboring different triggers from opposite roams
Meeting in a place of retribution and salvation
Trying to end the Common Search for Reconciliation

Two dogs, one Black, one White
Seeing them together, a very odd sight
Only one Puppy would leave their nest
Always in turmoil, never knowing which Dog barks Next.

Perpetually ******, peeved and put-out
                        Cocked my cans back to give them a clout
                        Surrounded by slithering serpents suffocating my shout
                        Asking angry ******* what their apathy is about

Longing for her luscious locks to be locked with a look
Burgeoning, bumbling, believing love's broken book
Tired of the teasing, I take what I've come to took
Nestling near, cradling only my pillow in my arm crook

                              *******, *******, **** right you're going down
                              Fixing your ******* face into a freckled frown
                              Grouchy and greedy, I gasped seeing her gown
                              Hungry and *****, I can't leave the scent, like a hound

              Where was 'we' written in the wedding
              Roaring raucously, I rip off her ring
              Zealous, jeaous, I zag away from my zig
              Can't you cantankerous ***** see I want to be **KING

I wish these lines in my mind would straighten out
Not really sure how they got twisted about
All I want to do is break free and shout
But no, that's not what it's all about

I wish I understood where I stand
I am, after all, only a man
I just want to reach out, and again feel your hand
But I can't, after all, I'm only a man

I'm so tired that a forever sleep is too short
I'm so confused and my thoughts must be sorted
I don't know if I want or need you Lauren
I need my thoughts to be sorted.

Hush now child, it'll all be fine
I'm right here, right by your side
Here's where I always hope I'll be
Wrapped in arms of a lover who loves me

Hush now darling, it'll be alright
I'm fighting hard with demons of the night
But all for you, and never in vain
I'll fight forever, for I've so much to gain

Hush now baby, I'm here with you
I hope that nothing gets between us two
I hope our love can go on and on
And I'll wake up next to you each and every dawn

Hush now dear, they're coming near
Stay low and wait until till it's clear
I'll signal when we can keep going
Crouch down, leave nothing showing!

Hush now, I'm through with listening
Looking at you, my eyes glistening
You were the last suspect in this crime
And now I realize we never had time

Dear God, are you there?
Or am I just praying to air?
I once believed beyond doubt in you
And now I just don't know what's true

Dear God, can you help?
Can't you hear my fearful yelp?
I don't wish to be an issue
I just want to know if I would miss you

Dear God, I'm struggling here
I'm not used to not feeling you near
To tell you the truth, I'm really scared
I miss the trust we used to share

Dear God, is Love real?
Is it really the biggest deal?
How can I know Love without my past?
How can I know Love's meant to last?

Dear God, please don't let me go
There's things I've learned I don't wish to know
Please show me God what I can do
Anything, everything, to get back close to you

Poetry shouldn't make you sad
Or bring you to your knees
It's not always about something bad
A fact few choose to see

Poetry should be pure happiness
A candle in dark night
Not that Poetry's always bliss
But not quite so dark as bright

Poetry shouldn't be your pain
The source of all your woes
It shouldn't blot your sunny days
Not send you sinking to a place below

Poetry should be your armor
What reflects away the hurt
Will the metal get dented? Sure
But Poetry's a friend that won't desert

Poetry should be your crutch
What you use to cope
Poetry can mean so much
Poetry is hope

Poetry should draw you close
Like a warm fire and blanket in cold
Comforting when you need it the most
A voice when yours isn't so bold

Poetry is a magical thing
Because it's much more than lines
It's the emotions that from those words spring
That makes a poem fine

Poetry is not just for sad;
It is for happy too
I hope this poem's made you mad
Now you can write some too!

When poetry comes easily
Emotion wells inside of me
It's hard for me to stop

My rhymes all run
Like an unloaded gun
Waiting for the pop

And soon I see
What they've done to me
Pushed me toward the top

I don't quite care
Inside, I'm scared
Rhymes for bullets are swapped

I could never be
Your one and only
That fantasy must be dropped

You'll never know
I'll never grow
My roots and stem are chopped

Believe me truly
And trust in me
I wish I could just stop

It's almost as if you think I wanted it this way
That I wanted to be the reaper, blotting out your rays
I ask you, take a walk with me, and see the other side
The feelings that I'd been running from I sought no more to hide

I'm sorry that I hurt you for that was not my plan
I merely wanted to be right with you, let you know where I am
How could I tell you Truth in absence of being so blunt?
These past weeks were not to play; the feelings were no stunt

I'm sorry that you hate me now, and that your blood boils hot
I'm sorry I thought I knew who I was, only to find that I was not
I'm sorry you gave so much to me, you should have kept it all
I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you, to catch you when you fall

But do not take this as a hope that you will take me back
I've moved from wanting to be tied to you to wanting more than slack
I don't curse our past for you have shown me a different part of life
I wish my words read out as words, and not whispers of mocking strife

I wish that I could be there, to help you change your mind
But what I've done is better, don't drop me another line
You should forget me, and all the pain I've caused you
Remember what it means to love when eventually you love anew.

Sitting on this floating couch
I'm drifting in and out
Notes float around my head
I can't hear, but I can see

Floating through this bitter life
Alone is how I spend most nights
Thoughts floating like the cursed notes
I can't think, but I can feel

Bitter as a butterscotch
You all turn your heads to watch
My body slowly fades away
Eaten completely by Love decay

Shh my baby, please don't cry
I'm here to help you out tonight
Things may not seem alright
But now you have my by your side

I know this change is confusing you
And it's confusing for me too
I'm just content in doing what we do
Not trying to end, nor begin anew

I know you know how I feel
I know you know my Love is real
I know you'll be okay; you're made of steel
I know this seems like a turning wheel

Give me this chance, and nothing more
I hope there's more of Us in store
And like you said, when it rains, it pours
But I've not forgotten the oath I swore

I told you always, and that's what I mean
You'll always on me be able to lean
I'll take you to sunny skies, and pastures green
I'll be your king if you'll be my Queen

I know this may not be what you want to hear
But it's come from my heart, so take note my dear

I miss you so much
I couldn't help but kiss you
Though I don't think it will help us along
I couldn't help my leaning
I couldn't fight it again
I just don't know if together's where we belong
It kills me to say that
Please don't think it don't
For both of us, I'm trying to be strong
I just don't know if
I just don't know when
I just don't think this can last too long

Shifting his gaze from my face to the ground
His twisted mouth shouts at me without a sound
Pleading with his stoic expression
To save him from his inner depression

Holding your hand like running water
Leading you, a lamb, slowly to slaughter
Not out of choice but because we must
To hope that are actions are ones we can trust

Smiling spite into suspicious spectators
Assuring them that there's nothing greater
Nothing greater than life's unfairness
To strip us of worth and force us to bareness

To remind them all that life is bleak
And its answers we're not meant to seek
Denying the purpose, the magic of life
Showing it is nothing but tremendous strife

You should know better than to think this way
To reconsider what you're trying to say
Because life may sometimes be far from gay
But that doesn't mean in the valley it stays

It means more than imaginable for life to just be
Its undeniable magic is not lost on me
Though there are limits on what we can see
Finding yourself through the ******* is key

Cause if you don't know who you are, then who will?
What then do you become except a flesh-bag with skills?
Why not sup from life's goblet until you've had your fill?
Why rise up in objection, voice scratchy and shrill?

You don't understand, that much is clear
It doesn't make sense that you're not filled with fear
How can you do anything when there's nothing to do?
How can you have an internal rendezvous with just you?

We are on different levels of thinking of stuff
And I don't mean for my words to be taken as gruff
But maybe your spirit is not up to *****
You know who gets going when the going gets rough

I hope you're not thinking that I've given up
That I've had my fill, and am done with my cup
I'm hoping that life can make a turn for the better
That it turns warm and sunny, with no need for a sweater

No, I'm still here for a reason; I'm not done yet
There's still a lot in life I'm trying to get
I'm not quite ready to admit this is the end
There's still to many wounds that need to mend

Now you are talking like a man with some sense
You've opened your mind, stopped being so dense
And though life's not perfect, from this point hence
Try to understand it, even though it's immense

I will do my absolute best
And I know someone else will take care of the rest
Just promise me one thing before you go
That you'll always be with me, that you'll help me grow

*I promise to you that I'll always be there
To take arms with you, and help you prepare
To fight back against things causing despair
No need to check by your side, I'm not going anywhere.

I don't care
What the others say
What advice drips from their lips

I don't care
When they turn away
With their hands resting on their hips

I don't care
Cause they can't see
What really goes on between us

I don't care
If we're not meant to be
Because we still have a lot to discuss

I don't care
That I still feel
The love for you, so strong

I don't care;
Next to you I kneel
Because it's with you I feel like I belong

The fog is leaking through the door
Creeping slowing across the floor
Coming closer, frightening me
Filling the room, I can hardly see

The fog has broken down the door
Can't escape it any more
Nothing more that I can do
Now I'm enveloped with thoughts about you

The fog has eaten away the door
I'm not getting out of this, I'm sure
Soon the fog will turn to fire
This room to become my funeral pyre

There's only fog, there is no door
Now I know what it's got in store
Suffocating, I can hardly breathe
I take a step but cannot leave

It pains me that you don't see what I
Saw that very day
I saw nothing in your eyes
I saw there was nothing I could say
Because you convinced yourself you couldn't be rescued
That you were on your way out
Your declaration of passing away cued
Tears and ended my shout
See I saw that day that you'd never listen
When times got much worse
You'd look to yourself, and if you weren't there
There ain't nobody else that can help
So speak about how I left you
About how all I am is high
About how I abandoned you when you needed me
And blind yourself from the truth you need
You were my constant as well
I'm glad you've already forgotten
I'm glad I meant so much to you
That your only opinion of me is rotten.

Read:
Talking to you last night
Helped me to understand
Understand this wasn’t right
Which is why we changed our plans

I’m not going to lie to you
I’m better than before
I’m not 100%, that’s true
But I don’t think you as a *****

I know that this is hurting you
As much as it is me
I wish there were things I could do
To help you forget about me

Reply:
*I’m shadowed by the memories
I’m hollow with the loss
I’m weighed down by my heart of lead
I bear it as my cross

I know we did what’s best for us
I know we did what’s right
That doesn’t mean I don’t still miss
You holding me at night

Forgetting you is not my goal
My best times that would take
I cannot lose that part of me
I only want to numb the ache

I wish that you could say the same
But that may not be true
Forget me, if that’s what you need
I want what’s best for you

I think about the words wrote before
Wrought with the iron of anger
Dripping with meaning, emotion and more
Each word expressing some danger
I haven't written like that in a while
I guess I've calmed down a lot
I prefer now to take the world with a smile
Learning the lesson not taught
More mature now, maybe
But more childish than ever
Perhaps I'll never lose that part of me
Perhaps it's already gone forever
I'm trying to correct my perceived fault
Trying to change who I am
To reset my personal default
To become a better man
I am no longer a boy
That much is clear
I've put away childhood toys
And held 'adult' things near
I do not want to claim
That I think myself a man
Though I am not the same
I'm not yet finished with my plan
I have a rough outline
Of where I want life to go
I want what I attain to be mine
Skills working in unison to put on a show
I will say for certain
There's no turning back
I'm pulling back the curtain
Releasing light from the black
I've decided a few things
About what to believe
I believe in what God brings
I'll trust Him fully when I leave
I'm not sure of a lot
But I'm not that worried
I still have years left of thought
My life needn't be hurried

I've learned a lot about life
In these 4 short years
They've not been without strife
They've not been without tears
But what I've gone through
Has made me who I am today
I've learned some things that are true
And things that aren't, decay
I'm glad of my trials
Because they could be much worse
They've been softened with smiles
To lift some of the curse
I am the person that I am today
Because of the following:
Because I thought I was in love, but realized that I wasn't
I turned into someone I didn’t want to be me
I found true love in someone unpleasant
And found out that love isn't always meant to be
I've found what true love means
When you're connected with another
I've learned what is needed
To be considered a brother
Knowing what I know now
And knowing that I'll never know all
Gives me hope through the doubt
That I'll be helped up when I fall

***
Coke
Blunt
Smoke
Cough
Choke
Laugh
Joke
Drink
Deep
****
Sleep
Wake
Bake
Con­template
Relief

Smile
Frown
Ups
Downs
Use
Abuse
Tight
Noose
Slip
Free
Just
Be
Smoke
Tree
****
Me
No
Peace
Can't
Breathe
No
Life
Just
****

Now that I've seen you
Things don't seem as bad
We've seemed to figure it out
Trying to embrace the new
And block out the sad
Never farther from you than a shout

I wish we could be
Together right now
But we have to go through this trial
And someday maybe
Somewhere and somehow
We can be with each other a while

And if that's not
What's supposed to happen
There's nothing I can say in retort
I can say that I fought
That I was fully wrapped in
Our love like the best pillow fort

I'm not letting go
Of my love just yet
Though there may be I time I must
I still want to show
I'm glad that we met
And in our combined strength, I trust

It's hard to believe
We're in this position
I've really never been here before
I will not just leave
I've made it my mission
To give all I can and more

So take heart in this poem
Don't let it distract
Keep your head held high in the sky
Let's together show them
That we are on track
To make it out of this all right

I love you baby
I know you do
Don't you...
Want to tell me you love me too?
That we're held together like glue?
That nothing can stop a love this true?
Well, that is true
And I do love you
But we're far from being new
We're turning from yellow to blue
And I think that soon
Something bad will bloom
And you and I
Will be doomed
But my love don't you see?
Love can set us free!
Be who and what we want to be!
Baby girl, are you listening to me?
I am listening
And I hear what you're saying
But what if...
The sky turns black
I lose my Zack
And turn my back
Memories stacked
Burned, turned to ash...
Baby, this negativity
This negativity will be the end of you and me
While staring at the sights unseen
You lose track of the present scene
And I don't want you to think I mean
That you live the world in a dream
But that you could do for positivity
Please baby, please. For me

I'm on a kick again
A rhyming, patterned disease takes me
And before I can even count to ten
I've succumbed to the feeling, trying to see

Not to see the whole world objective
Not to see the good in the bad
Seeing positives may be my directive
But dwelling on negatives turns me sad

Not just a sad that a few tears can fix
Not just a feeling that's gone soon
A feeling, or feelings, that inside mix
So I'm walking, head down, by noon

And though I pop out of the feelings eventually
I'd rather not feel them at all
I'd rather feel freedom, to feel happy
To not look at the ground, but instead stand tall

Not always, I know, can I forget the sad
Not always, but sometimes I can
And not feel the feelings that make me feel bad
But to rise from my chair, to stand

Stand up for what I believe
And understand the other side
To let myself, when necessary, grieve
But not to be swept away by the feelings tide

So to all of those people
Who think I should care more
That I should look only at the steeple
That I should guess what is in store

No.

Perpetual clouds dominate this place
I long to be rid of this loathsome place
Wishing the depression, the fear, the pain
To be swept away like leaves in the rain

I know that nothing can be known for sure
I hold on to the things that can be sure
Not wishing to dwell in the darkness around me
Wishing to come to light, wishing to see

And though the darkness keeps pressing in
I do my best not to let it in
I do my best to stay true to myself
Not to put my beliefs away on the shelf

It's hard to stay strong when you're pressured to change
When everyone around you wants you to change
When you see the people, riddled with sin
Try to explain to you why we should be kin

In the perpetual darkness, for now
I have to escape, but not now
I have to keep going, I have to stay
I have to understand why they say what they say

And though I am surrounded with no exit
I don't want to leave early, to walk out the exit
Because though the darkness presses hard
I want in my deck, the darkness card

The card that shows the world where I've been
The places, the splendor, the sadness within
The memories of times not so good
I don't think I should let them go, but maybe I should
And maybe all I've said is for naught
I just want to show the world that I fought
That I didn't give up when the light seemed to vanish
That I didn't curse it, so I shouldn't be banished
That I sought to find the bright in each day
Well that's what I want,
I just don't know if it will end up that way

It may be the hardest thing to do
Though it may come easy to you
Reject ideas you're used to
Try to find the meaning of 'truth'

But maybe if you try to see
The world may just clearer be
From lonely mountains to chopped down trees
From big blue whales to bumblebees

And you may just wonder how
Can you change yourself right now
Your question answered with a scowl;
Immediate change is not allowed

Instead you must take years to wonder
To speak the lighting and draw the thunder
And in this time, you'll no doubt blunder
Just don't let the setbacks take you under

Just try from each mistake to learn
Try not to reject, lest you be spurned
Though the world is endless turns
Don't just seek knowledge, yearn

And if you follow this advise
Realize this world may not be nice
Just remember to think twice
Unless you want to pay the price

Take your life in your own hands
Do everything you think you can
Before the hourglass is drained of sand
Make your living, Make a stand

Life is destruction
Like a glacier to a mountain
Like a volcano's blast
Like tornado's cruel whip
Like a scathing remark
Unstoppable and Uninterested
Smashing, crashing, and lashing
Laughing while you struggle
Prometheus without the metaphor
Literally struggling through
Literally unable to cope
Literally all alone
Until the bleak, black, blistered,
Bashed, Banished, Blindness
Fades into bright light of sunshine
A welcome sight to sore eyes
To sore ears, mouths, and noses
To sore hearts, minds, and souls
Too sore to reach out
To grasp for the sun like a final breath
To overcome the scars, scabs, and scrapes
And as the sunlight fades away
The creature, product of this world
Sinks, crawls, and curls
Into a ball at the corner of existence
With its dying, agonizing, and brief
Hollow and rattling breath
Chasing away the rays of sun and happiness
And closing its eyes
Its heart, its mind
It accepts the darkness as its own.

Starting up, the engine roars
The car lurches forward hard
Way too fast for us
We both grip the door, and
Have all four feet pressed to the floor
Has our chauffeur lost his mind?
Made a petty issue into a deathly lesson?
Me, I can't say for sure
Love makes me believe that's not the case
You, not so easily convinced
More sensible and logical
Than I can be at times
I let my emotions control me more
Could this have grown out of control?
Have we made a final mistake?
Ever foolish in our words and deeds?
Hoped it wouldn't end like this, because
Baby...I don't want this ending

Ah the way this feels
To be a part of us
And I know I'm just a part
Act One in a Broadway play
Special in my own right,
But not ever complete
Without Act Two

I've never felt this way before
The way a child feels with ice cream
The way a chemist feels with a mol
The way a Christian feels with Jesus
All of them combined
To make my heart swell
Bigger than the Grinch's
On Christmas Day in Whoville

And because it's grown so big
I can't help but to share it
Because it's like the best milkshake in the world
Two straws are necessary
And how this has come to be
Took my more than by surprise
Almost as if someone dissected my thoughts
And produced someone perfect
To more than cancel out the negative past

Although my face doesn't always smile
Know that through my frown,
That though my tears stick to my cheeks
Inside, the smile's still there
Because, see, it can't be switched
It can't be turned upside down
And even though I know it's hard
To see past my tears and frowns
Please know that it is there
Underneath everything else

It's like the embers of a roaring fire
Red hot, like the Chili Peppers
Inextinguishable, a passion so strong
And also reaching out forever
Like a line on a circle
Wrapping round and round
Like an infinite slinky
And like that slinky that goes on
That I could never get bored of playing with
That I could forever push down the stairs
And rush to the top, more excited than ever

This feeling, here in my heart
Means the world to me
I've learned so much from it
I've learned what it means
I've learned what love truly is
I've learned what smiles are made of
And learning a lot from this lesson
Seeing both the good and bad
Just makes the feeling stronger
To have the smile again

And this poem would have no purpose
If I didn't mention that I thought
That it could never be this way
That two could feel so much like one
While still being two
While letting us do us
Like smashing the ball out of the park
Farther than any home run before
And more powerful than a cannon's blast

And though I know that maybe
At sometime yet to come
My smile may not be as easy to see
I will know, as I know now
That smiles never fade
That they only hide close to the heart
Waiting for a chance to shine again
Like sunset's final wink before night

All of this is to say
I really really enjoy each day
I wouldn't want it any other way
I wouldn't want a thing to change
Together, things are never strange
And thinking about you makes me think
That this kind of ship could never sink

It didn’t mean for it to go
This far into the dark
I didn’t want the friendship glow
To be extinguished in that way

But I could not take anymore
The way that you behave
Your lies hurt like an open sore
All I wanted was to save

I wanted you to trust me
Just like friends should do
I just wanted you to see
How much I trusted you

But your words reflected a deeper thing
Something I’ve seen before
Something I wished never again to bring
To let into my door

And now the friendship glow
Is shut out completely
I just want for you to know
It really hurt me deeply

I'm writing a lot
So I want to talk about you
I could go on and on
About how 'us' is true
About how we
Should last for forever
No matter the problems
No matter the weather
No matter the goings on
No matter the fights
No matter the evil
No matter the nights
Where we don't agree
Where our different opinions
We don't seem to see
But more often than not
The way you treat me
Our smiles and laughter
Allow me to be me

And not that the sadness
Isn't me too
I just want to be happy
Because I'm with you
And when I'm not super
I know that you're there
If I ever should need you
If I ever get scared
If I ever need someone
To blot out the black
I know, no matter what
That you have my back
That you will be there
When my cards are down
When my face shows
The grimace of a frown
And you will drag
Me up by my shirt
Keeping my honest
And out of the dirt
Keeping me clean
Keeping me safe
Keeping me close
Keeping me honest
Which means the most
Because though I love you
Sometimes I lie
Not to hurt you, or anyone
Just to get by
But I don't want
Merely to get by
I want more than ever
You in my life

Your smile shines brighter
Than the sun in the sky
I would do anything
To prevent this from dying
And when I say such
I mean it as true
Meaning as much
As I hope to mean to you
Smelling your tender,
Loving, and caring person
Wafting your greatness
I'm in total immersion

I want you to know
What you mean to me
You're the whole show
And not just a scene

I want to watch
As we grow stronger
I want us so badly
To last longer than longer

And I know you know
How I feel about you
And I hope I show
You that I want to marry you

Because though I
Know now's not the time
I want it so badly
I want you to be mine

And I don't want you to think
That I don't think I'm yours
I don't want you to sink
Crying, on all fours

I want you to understand
The feelings within me
Because feeling them with you,
Well, they set me free

And that is to say
That you make me free
Not just for yesterday
But for as long as I can see

And though I realize
That we may not last
I've done my very best
To learn from the past

To treat you nicely
And respectfully too
I feel that's the least
I can give to you

Because when you smile
The world is right
And when you're sad
I stay awake at night

I try to think
Of what I can do
To make it better;
Your life, and mine too

We have a connection
Like twins from a womb
Able to talk through
Whatever we need to

And that means more
Than you could know
If I was with you,
I'd take ten years of snow

I'd bear the hard
And the boring life
If I could have the chance
To call you my wife

And that's not to say
That I want decisions soon
That I need an answer
By tomorrow afternoon

But it is to say
You mean so much to me
And honestly, when I think of it
There's no one with I'd rather be

I hope this makes
Your heart swell up
But I don't need it to
Your love is enough

I love you Lauren
You know it is true
I hold tight to Us:
To me and you

And I don't expect
Us to always agree
I only wish
For you to love me

And because you do
It makes me happy
I only want you
Even though it sounds sappy

You make me Me
Without even trying
When I am laughing
And when I am crying

You mean so much
To me as a person
I want my parents to say
You have done well, Son

Because you are with me
Even when you're not right there
You've made me see
That love should be shared

That love is a wonder
That love should be held
As closely as you can
No matter what hell

And I don't mean to say
That being with you is bad
Because it isn't baby
Being with you makes me glad

Being with you completes
Where I alone cannot
The love I found with you
I would have never have thought

So thank you baby,
For all that you are
For being my baby
My bright shining star

I'm done trying to squeeze out drops of creativity
From my beaten, abused, and exhausted mind
I try writing words on my page
But they don't even rhyme

And as I slowly feel my wither
My sinking back to dust
I wonder who I can depend on;
I wonder who I trust

Not that I don't trust you
You, I, and trust just don't mix
It's not that I'm not friends with you
This just isn't worth it to fix

And I don't mean to offend you
Because I really would take offense
If I so much as touched your ego
And caused those cracks and dents

And I'm sorry for casting the rock
I couldn't see that you are glass
How was I supposed to know
Through you my rock would pass?

Was I supposed to know
Exactly what should happen?
Maybe so or maybe not
But away from me you're passing

I don't really want to let you go
Please take that as the truth
But frankly I've had enough of you
Begone, and take your youth

Leave your Youth of awe and wonder
And take the immaturity away
I really can't be subtle anymore
I DON'T WANT YOU TO STAY

As I lay here
With thoughts racing through my mind
Faster than NASCAR
And closer too
While I'm laying here,
I'm thinking of you

As I sit here
In class again
With thoughts racing through my mind
Faster than a speeding bullet
And harder too
While I'm sitting here,
I'm thinking of you

As I lie here
The truth seems to evade my words
With thoughts racing through my mind
Faster than my beating heart
And full of emotion too
While I'm lying here,
I'm thinking of you

As I draw the curtains
On another sarcastic day
With thoughts racing through my mind
Faster than you dumped me
And more hurtful too
While I'm drawing curtains
I'm closing off from you

Smiling in the morning
I'm rising as you shine
Brightening up my day
By waking up in bliss
I love this love and tenderness
I hope it never goes away

That's not to say,
That I think it will
That all things fade with time,
But rather to say
In a happy way
That things like this should shine

And while some may doubt
And think it won't last
And curse our brand new love
I don't quite care,
The love we share
Is given from Above

So hearken, hear
And listen closely
For my feelings can hold no longer
I love you honey
I love you babe
And each day, my love grows stronger

Lonelier than wind at night
Sitting there, in the light
A man looks down
His face a frown
Sighing because he's
Lonelier than wind at night

Long ago he felt the love
Those feelings out of his mind he shoves
Doesn't want to feel the pain
Doesn't want it . . . not again
Memories float 'cross his mind
Lonelier than wind at night

I see him there, full of grief
To see this torture is beyond belief
I want to save
He wants to stave
Wants just to be left alone
Lonelier than wind at night

He walks down the street
Not wishing with anyone to meet
He ducks his head
He'll soon be dead
Pulls the trigger,
Click,
For he has become
Lonelier than wind at night.

I love writing to you
You make me complete
Complete like a finished puzzle
Puzzle Pieces, that's what we are
Are we going to last long?
Long have I hoped for someone
Someone who helped me
Me and you together forever?
Forever is a long time
Time seems to move fast
Fast and furiously erasing the past
Past that haunts me to this day
Day and night, while thinking
Thinking of our future
Future so uncertain and scary
Scary, yet I can't help but be hopeful
Hopeful that we will last
Last for a long time, together
Together, nothing can stop this train
Train hard making seconds count
Count the days we've been with each other
Other than that, I'm blind
Blind as a bat to the outside
Outside of us, I feel nervous
Nervous that I can't make it through
Through the hard times
Time's trying to catch up
Up to our heaven
Heaven must seem like this
This has been great
Great love has yielded great trust
Trust in my words
Words may be cheap
Cheap as in free
Free, ah baby, that's how I feel with you
You are my sunset
Sunset so beautiful you can't help but stare
Stare intently to capture every detail
Detail my feelings so you understand
Understand I love you

How can it be
That I can be happy?
I was deathly distraught
Hope was gone, I thought
And you appeared out of the gloom
To start something that'***** full bloom
You plucked me up from the lowest of lows
How long it'll last, neither one knows
But the future of us
Won't cause me to fuss
Because if I'm with you
My love, babe, is true
Letting you in helped me
Finally, after this long time, become free
I may not owe you my life
Still I want you as my wife
Because I could be much worse
I could be in the trunk of the hearse
And I don't say that lightly
And I dream of you nightly
And my former love
Has been replaced with a dove
You have completed me
My one, and only, baby

I wanted to write you a poem
Not to tell you to take
Life one step at a time
Not to show you the extent
To which I love you
Not to tell you how
To live your life

I wanted to write you a poem
Not to hope to draw out
Some inner sadness
Not to cause a dramatic
Change in your thinking
Not to seek desperately
Your praise and love

I wanted to write you a poem
Not to make you feel
The same way for me
Not to keep you from
Being honest with me
Not to turn you away
From your current beliefs

I wanted to write you a poem
Not to show you that
My feelings for you
Mirror my former, misplaced
Emotions and actions

I wanted to write you a poem
Not to bring you to
Your knees with awe

I wanted to write you a poem
Because you're worth writing about

As I reflect back
On previous poems
I remember the feelings
That each one contains
They're there in the words
Not visible,
But palpable
Speaking more than the symbols on the page
Could ever hope to convey by themselves

I think of my anguish
The pain and hurt I've been through
And as I hear stories from others
I learned what to do
To keep my head up
Even if I'm alone
To let it out, and let it in
No matter what feelings they are
To cry when I'm sad
Or laugh when I'm glad
Or sit there when I have nothing to say
Not to intrude
Not to delude
Merely to Live each and every day

I don't mean to Live
As to possess life
I mean to Experience
And value your life
I take much for granted
I'm realizing more
Whether it's a long talk
Or laying on the floor

I think Living is contingent on Loving
Not anyone or anything in particular
But Loving the world wholly
And knowing that you don't know
You and I don't know why the trees grow
You and I don't really care
You and I can't tell if it's a Heavenly glow
We just hope to make it there

Believe in what You choose
I'll believe in my choice
God or no God
Take hold of your voice
And proclaim out loud
What you believe
Because though some may shun you
Some may shut you out
Some may tell you you're wrong
Some may tell you 'what it's all about'
I ask you to answer
When criticism knocks
To stick up for your feelings
To stand up for your thoughts

And when you stand strong
Head held aloft
Know that I'll listen
And Learn from your thoughts
I may find it silly
I may not agree
But one thing I promise
You'll receive no critiques from me

I've learned through others
And through myself
That we each have our own paths
Our own crosses to bear

And I will never know
What lead to our paths crossing
But what I do know is
That I owe it to you
To figure it out
To learn who you are
To seek out the answers
To drive in your car

See, to me it seems
The world has become mean
And discontent with being a part
Of the Evil, Greed, and Misery
I choose instead to seek out the Good
To seek out the Giving, and the Elation
Because though I'm glad
That I've been sad
And that I've learned from it
I'd rather be Happy
And spread Goodness
Than fester in this rotting pit termed Humanity

People together can do great things
People alone can too
People in general are maddening
People specifically are True
True to themselves
True to others
True to their Values
True to their Brothers

Beware the false Prophets
The ones who reach out
And try to tell you
What it all is about
They tell you to conform
To go with the flow
And pretty soon you're converted
Content not to know

Please avoid this Fate
If you so choose
Try not to Hate
Yourself, don't lose
At the end of the day
You're nothing but yourself
So be the best you you can be
The rest will handle itself

You say I should be unashamed
I should proclaim on high to all
About the Man, the God, who saved us
And I should devote my life to him.
But see, you twisted serpent of Scripture
You're reaching for the apple
And I, like Newton, merely observe
As you, and the apple, fall
I don't claim to be better than you
Because I'm not in any way
But neither are you.
I'm embarrassed to say I follow Jesus Christ,
I mean, Jesus Christ, have you seen the others?
The self-righteous ones who picket the streets
With their crosses held aloft
Meant to guilt trip the masses into faith.

For all the Christians:
Speak your faith, don't scream it
Because the more you try to force it
The less Christian you become.

I'm unashamed of Jesus.
I'm ashamed of those who claim to follow him.

I wish I still missed you
I wish I'd angrily text you again
And apologize later like usual
I wish you'd want to talk to me
But you don't, and I don't
I miss wanting to talk to you
The aching, the pain, the bliss
I miss crying my eyes out and burning my arm
Sweet release coupled with intense sadness
I miss giving a **** about you
Because honestly, I don't
I don't love you anymore
Your icy heart has grown hard as stone
And your words have turned into venom
Begone from me, snake, I need you no more
Go have fun and get blown away
Because
At the end of the Day
You lied to me about who you were
Made me believe something untrue
I'll not **** away the memories
But quite frankly darling,
I'm done with you.