The cross-tressed paintings on the wall
Let light in, but hide it all
Not to short, not too tall
The cross-tressed paintings on the wall

The gilded handle on the door
Will enclose me here no more
An hour long in this bore
The gilded handle on the door

The piercing sunlight through the trees
Doesn't seem to bother me
Now outside, I'm finally free
The piercing sunlight through the trees

I am a moth
And you are a light
I'm drawn to you like magic
Seduced by your aura
I drift in closer,
longing to wrap my wings around you
To feel your warmth
As I get close
Excited and Nervous
I accept your warm embrace

Burn me up with your light
Because though you're bad for me
I just can't stay away

Don't blame the lion for the pride
Don't let yourself whisper those insults
Don't see the bad and push away the good
Realize there's more to the pride than that
Because even though the Alpha Male
May not be who you'd choose
It's not up to you
Or me
Or he
It's up to the fittest
And his mighty roar may petrify the gazelles
Who ignorantly graze on the pride's land
Who sheepishly bolt away from danger
But the pride should have no fear
The pride should rally around the fearsome roar
Not be scattered around like gazelles
And when one member
Leaves the pride
He steps off the captain's seat
And begins to eat the grass

I saw your tweet today
It reminded me of you
And how you've gone away
And I was sad

Wading through the crisp moonlight
I saunter to your door
Searching for the answer, to make things right
But you don't want me anymore
Caught up in the life of thrills
Refusing to settle down
To be honest, it makes me ill
To see you getting around
I respect your decision
Though I don't agree
I guess that's just the difference
Between you and me

As I lay here inspired
I try to think of the things I want to say to you
I want to say I know exactly how you feel
I want to say that someone is waiting for you to come along
I want to say that you're a good person
But I don't know you
I don't know if the words spat, spoken, and whispered
Reflect all of you
I have no doubt
What you say is what you mean
But I think there is more to you
Than the letter type that I see before me
Your words are beautiful
Your emotions seem sincere.
As someone who has hurt,
I yearn to help
But
It's hard to fix what isn't broken
It's hard to see what isn't shown
It's hard to be let in without a key
And
Though I believe that it's true
Though I feel your pain
Though I want to reach out
I won't.
I can't.
Because reaching out means letting you in
It means hard work
Sacrifice.
It means I'm ready to help
and I'm not yet.
My mind is broken,
I had a mental car accident
2 broken legs and a fractured wrist
The legs have healed, and I can walk with my head high
But my wrist hasn't healed yet
And though I try to pull you from the water
We both end up drowning

I miss you
Your image haunts me
Every step
The memories pull my hand
Tug me to places I don't want to go
Places that belong in the past
For the sake of my misery
but when I looked at that picture
I remembered us
And what exactly that meant to you and I
How I was floating on a cloud for a year
And suddenly came crashing back to Earth
It's as if I've been asleep
Unconscious to what I've been doing
Now I try to get back to sleep
By staying up all night smoking ***
When you're thinking about everything,
It's a lot harder to think about one thing
The cool steel is pulling out of my chest
But it stings more now,
that it's almost out
I thought this was over
But now
I think this is just the beginning

Oh you know her?
She likes you
She wants you
She's into you
Go for it man
Go for it Zack
Go for it Bud
And then, standing,
Choking on the words I pretend to mutter
Sputtering with embarrassment at not being heard
But unable to speak louder
Caged behind a wall of glass emotion
Colorless
Odorless
Painless
The pane holds it in
So I let nothing out
Blank expression
Relaxed body language
Are you tired?
Yeah, I had a late night
Not a lie
But not the truth
Hide behind the sleep
Or the ****
Keep to myself
Who cares to know me?
Listen instead
Learn secrets
Maybe about you
Maybe about other people
Could be interesting
Uninterested
Wonder if I look that way to the customers
They tip well
or not at all
Hard to tell
Spiraling into control
Learning to live again
You've degenerated me
Back to the middle school
version
Timid
Shy
unsure
unconfident
Wanting to escape
Nothing to say
Nothing that would matter to anyone anyway

Even now
A click of your send button
Has the power
To break my heart

To whom it may concern
I'm leaving this world
I realized that life is short
So I did my best to live
And I did, for a while
For a couple of years
I did a lot of things
Got a lot of experiences
But now I know
I'll never be married
I'll never live till 30
I'll never get to hold my newborn daughter in my arms
I'll never have a house
I'll never own a nice car
I'll leave all my friends
Well, if they see it like I do
It's better that way
This isn't a call for attention
I just need you to know this is real
All of these words I meant.
Goodbye mom, dad
Goodbye sisters
Goodbye friends
Goodbye my love
The one who gave me everything
The one who I turned to
The one that means so much
I'd die for you
In fact, I probably will.

Who am I?

I often thought
I knew who I was
What it meant to be me
Why I do what I do
But now,
After you,
I'm beyond broken
I'm a blind man in a room full of mirrors
Confused, with no hope
I prided myself,
Well, maybe that was the mistake,
I tried to help
But in the end, you made my heart ache
I'm going through the motions
The key to life is simple:
Give up
Let in
Find a shepherd
Follow
Repeat
The sheep may be ignorant
But they're content eating weeds
Even when luscious pastures are close
They'll follow their shepherd
Forever,
Or
Until
He
Changes
Political
Parties

Obscene
Yet doable
Unwanted
But required
Vast
But unrequited

Maybe it's a bad idea
But this sheep
Has had a taste of real grass
And the more he chews
Reluctantly
On his dandelion
The more he realizes
Slowly
He needs the grass to live
But as he arrives at the pasture
The grass is burnt
The trees are cut
And he turns,
And he weeps
Because he knows what he has lost.

I miss what we had
Twisted
Alone
Broken
We've grown far apart
Losing
Crying
Hurting
You've moved on, it seems
Independent
Carefree
Rebellious
I haven't moved on
Clinging
Hoping
Searching
Your texts still make me smile
Guilty
Addicted
Confused
But your smile makes me wilt
Sinking
Withdrawing
Frowning
Your happiness reflects my pain
Great
New
Visible

I'm leaving this pain behind
I don't need it anymore
I can't be friends with this person I don't know
She doesn't want that anyway
She just wants to prevent
Another death
From another
Depressed
Hurting
Being
She doesn't want to become
Just friends either
She wants separation
Forever
To be left alone by the annoying
mosquito
That buzzes and buzzes
In her ear
Trying to remind her
She isn't single
She's promised love
She's said she cares
She swatted at this pest
Missed a few times
And hit it
Struck it down
Until it ceased
it's incessant buzzing

I wish I could be the Jude to your Lucy still
But I can't think of my love without feeling ill
I promise I'll stay safe, stay away from these pills
I promise as a lover, who's felt loves cold chill
You meant the world to me
I lived for you, you know
Now that you're gone, a hole is left
Gaping bigger than a black one
Stretching out forever
Leaving me scarred, unable to function
The end

I thought we could figure things out
I thought this could work
But the second you told me
That forever wasn't possible yet
I knew it would end like it did
I knew it would hurt us
I knew it wouldn't be happy.
I knew it had to happen
Because I can't stay in something that's draining my life
My soul and my vitality, my livelihood's turned it's back on me
The person I live for, lives for something else
Someone else
Somewhere else
Eyes open, but not processing
Ears hearing, but not listening
Nose, dripping, but it doesn't matter anymore
Your tears are yours again
They're no longer mine
No longer will I be trying to find
an answer to the questions that seemed simple at first
Where are you?
Who are you with?
Why are you ignoring me?
The progression goes on
The I'm sorry's come out
The promises of change
I've heard all about
The lies and deceit
That fills up those words
I'll be better now,
Without you
I'm determined to hit big
I want to do everything I wanted
But didn't because of you
I want the girls
I want all of them
I want to love each one
To remember what we had
Living a low life
Becoming a low life
Degraded from the pure love we had
Into this tainted, despicable mucus
with the guise of love
You don't love me
Don't lie
You don't care about me
Don't lie
You wanted this to be over
Don't lie
You wanted me to hurt
Tell the truth
As the words from my pen
write themselves on this page
I find that I'm struggling to find something to say
You meant everything to me
And you took that away
That your life works out well for you
I can only pray.

These cigarettes
Are keeping me alive
Without them, I'd cry
All the time
With them I'm broken
Needing a fix
Where packs turn to cartons
And ash piles high
I sit on my throne of ashtrays and ****
Wondering how I became King
My loyal subjects:
Marlboro, L&M;, Camel
Ready to let me die
Helping me to die
Without blowing my head off
Just smoke more cigarettes
Lung cancer at 25
When I was living, I was alive
Live fast, die young
That's the plan
I just didn't know
I'd die this young

With tears in my eyes
I think of you
I think of what was
I think of what could have been
I think of everything you brought me
And cry harder because it's gone.
I have no one to depend on anymore
I have no comforting figure
You can't make me feel better
When you're why I'm sad
I hate this life, and what I've become
Sullen, despondent, distant
My emotions kept hidden
You look at me now and you say this man's diseased
Well I am.
Or at least it feels like it
What's it called when your heart feels like it's dying?
What's it called when someone talking about you makes me sad? What's it called, where I wither away, a dead flower, lost in a sunlight world without life giving water and gently slip into the night?
This disease is called love, and it's more dangerous than greed
Because what love is
Is a need
A need for somebody
Somebody to be there
Somebody forever to hold you and cradle you gently while you weep
Somebody to grasp firmly in your arms like only time can break you apart
Someone to kiss so passionately that the 'cute couples' are jealous of that love
Someone worth dying for
And when love first grabs you
It treats you like a king
It pampers you
It spoils you
And then it spoils
Then it becomes sour
3 month old milk
You're an old plaything Woody,
Don't you know there's so much else?
There's the parties
The drinking
The drugs
The hot guys
Don't you see, Woody, you helped me one time
To get through the tough times
But that doesn't matter now
My new friends are calling
Good bye Woody
And just like that
You cast me aside
Threw me in the trash
And went along with your life
You may be broken
But not as broken as me
You crashed your car at 20
You crashed mine at 80
I desperately seek the only one that can comfort me
But you're too far away
Too busy.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste
A mind can bring you to new heights
A mind can show you the right way
A mind can be creative, and interesting

A mind can be evil, filled with sour thoughts
A mind can imagine destruction, and revel in it
A mind can bring the world to an end
A mind can ****

A mind is a terrible thing to waste

Is she *******
Or
Shaking from the cold

Clasped cigarette
In
The night as she feels alone

Tears stream down
Our
Faces and onto our sleeves

Quiet 'I love you's
But
It's seems loves not enough anymore

I want to try
Please
If you let me pick up the pieces

Trust me, don't ask
Why
I want to be with you

I love you
And
I never will or have another

You are special to me
You
Make my days shining bright

And though
It seems we're far apart

I know
I can't repair a broken heart

Hurt
Heartbroken
I am

Pain
Sharp and biting
I feel

Furious
Disappointed
I am

I thought of you
Always
You thought of me
When it was convenient

I want us to work
But you have to understand
I am your man
Not him, or him, or him, or he
You're not a toy to me

And I'm not a toy to you either

When you jump, think of me
Not before
Savor that feeling of life
And then think about the dying as you are

When you step, think of me
Not before
While the rope is set up
And the chair's underneath
Because my harsh words are wrapped around your neck

When you pull, think of me
Not before
When you're buying ammo
When you're setting up the tarp
But for the split-second of your short life
I deserve to be in your thoughts

When you die, I'll be thinking of you
Of our love
Of the past
And I'll join you, wherever you are
Because Hell's okay with me if you're there

I'm back where I started:
Ground Zero
I hear the same insults
The same snide remarks
The same character judgments
Supposed to make me better
At school
At life
Instead all they do is push this knife
Further and further into my bleeding head
Twist it around, hang out with him
I can handle this pain
I know you love me
I know you're here
But believe you me,
I get the same amount of jealous as you
I just do a better job of hiding it
I don't have to be childish about it
I don't have to delete your messages, your contacts
He wants you, you know
And if I'd guess,
I'd say you do too.
You're longing for respect
You're seeking it with these strangers
But they don't respect you,
Not like Me and He
Those strangers hit and ran
Not like Me or He
We stuck around
For whatever reason
And we have your back
Whenever you need it
He's respectful of you
He's interested
He wants inside
You want to let him
Here again I am
Outside looking in
It's like watching someone get shot in the back of the head
You know it's coming,
You try to warn them,
Then BANG, dead
I'm trying to warn you
He likes you like that
Remember the last time
You had someone like that?
How it ended sexually, with you feeling awful?
Or what about him, will you break his heart?
Does he deserve that?
No. He doesn't.
He respects you
He likes you
He is nice to you
He takes care of you
All of these,
I cannot do.
Not because I can't,
But because you won't let me.
I need your help
I need you near
I need you to stay home
I need you to isolate
Because while I'm sitting at home,
Getting yelled at again
I'm thinking of you and He
Spending time, holding each other
Talking, *******, Kissing
Smoking, Drinking, Snorting
I hate this.
I can't break free
I just want to leave and be with you
But you don't want to be with me

To write a happy poem
First you need a start
You need to find something beautiful
Something close to your heart
If those are the guidelines
Then I'll write about you
Because I see your beauty
There for me, through and through
Your smile brightens up the room
Like sunlight in the dark
Your eyes though small and squinty
Reflect the beauty contained within
I know the reason why they're small
It's not because of genes
It's because you're protecting them
Showing them to those who deserve to see them
Because your eyes are like your heart;
Sensitive, but beautiful
Hidden, but alive

I wanted to write a happy poem
So I tried to write one about you
I hope it says what I meant to mean
And in your heart rings true

The words used to describe you
Don't matter to me
I know who you are
I know where you're from
I know what you're like.
These people don't know you like me
They haven't obsessed themselves to you,
In other words, I know you better
Inside and out.

Inside
You're beautiful
You're a caring friend
You're a friendly person
You look out for other people
You love to sing
You love your family
You love your friends

Outside
You're beautiful
Your face is soft, begging to be held
Your eyes, gentle and inviting
Your lips are smooth, caressing
Your body is perfect;
Healthy, and gorgeous

Which one of these descriptions
Fits the name you wear?
None of them
Reflect the opinion of the describers.

So don't be sad
And don't me mad
Just let ignorant people be
They want you to be a certain way
It's up to you to prove them wrong

I'm here for you
I always will be
I'll be your armor
When these sticks and stones are thrown at you
And I'll be your slingshot
When you fire back
And I'll be your hammock, and teddy bear
When the world's too much and you need to cuddle
I won't let you face it alone
I love you

Though we're not as close now
I'm still in love with you
We've grown apart
We've made mistakes
We hold each other tight.
I stroke your gentle hair as I whisper in your ear
You listen this time, comforted
We leave our bubble of love and compassion
I walk you back home
And kiss you goodnight again
Like I used to before
It made me smile, it made me laugh
I love you, from the bottom of my heart.

I don't know if I'm lost or found
If I should let go, or show latch on
I want one, but need the other
I love you still
And that's what haunts me
I could be with you
And hope you stay true
I could run away
And never again talk to you
I could be ******
I could be sad
I could be happy
I could be mad
But what I am
Might surprise you
Because what I am
Is in love

Please don't worry baby
It's just a night alone
I'm staying safe
I'm staying sane
I'm staying in your heart.

Please don't worry baby
She's just a friend
Just trust me honey
Just trust me doll
I'm staying in your heart

Please don't worry baby
It was just one time, that's all
I know I was wrong
I know I betrayed you
I'm staying in your heart

Please don't worry baby
You'll make it out alright
It's not you it's me
It's not you it's her
I'm leaving from your heart

Please don't worry
We're not together
It wasn't healthy
It wasn't right
I'm tearing out your heart

I'm sorry that you worry
I'm sorry I wasn't there
I'm sorry that I ****** it up
You're still here in my heart

I never wanted it to end
But it did.
And though it's hard accepting that
I'm still not stupid
I'm not going to try to convince you I'm right anymore
I'm not going to follow you like a servant
I'm not going to love you like I did
I'm through being with you
I realize it was ****, and that's fine
I know I did all I could
I know you didn't
You admitted that it was unfair
Far too late, but early still
Our commitment wasn't made golden just yet
Symbolized by the bands on our hands
I wish you the best life in the world
I know you deserve that much
Because I've lived it, and it's great
The only problem:
I lived it through you

I saw a text message from my friend
I thought it was you
My heart leapt
Then it wasn't.
Sorrow...

Please tell me how I'm wrong
Please tell me that you're right
Please explain to me how you didn't break my heart
Please tell my friends that I'm okay
Please understand, I've thought this through
Please, I want to say these things to you
If they're wrong, tell me why, and then I'll believe you
But so far, you've just told me they're wrong
And asked me to get on with my life
I'm sorry I'm hung up
I'm sorry I can't let go
I'm sorry that you're the only person that meant a **** to me
I'm sorry that I wasn't cool with the way you wanted to live your life
I'm sorry that even now, you mock, and despise me
I'm sorry that this poem will do nothing
But I hope that it will tell you
Something that you need to know
You're not always right
I'm not either
I find out when you are when I listen to you.
Do you find out that way too?

I hope this brings you happiness
Which you so dearly seek
I'm sorry I couldn't bring it to you
Please understand, I am meek
See I believe in a thing called love
And that's what makes me weak
I believe in its power over me
Something not to throw away, but to tweak

I hope in the end you're happy
Because you deserve to be
I want you to know I won't be there
When your life is a small raft on a sea
I want you to know
How much you've really hurt me

It's not the letters that bother me
It's the way they are worn
It's not the ignoring me that bothers me
It's why
It's not the cheating that bothers me
It's you doing it
It's not our arguments that bother me
It's the way we argue
It's not the necklace that bothers me
It's what it represents
It's not your life that bothers me
It's just the way you live it.

We just got through the toughest time
We made it out of the valley of death
We finally seem to be making things right
And then, again, it happens.
The worry
The aching heart
The tear-stained face
The devious mind
The thought of you with another
That's what sets me on edge
You act like you're innocent
When you're actually ignorant
You don't care why or how I feel or do
You just care about finding fun
You should care for me, you love me
Then again, I love you
It's okay for you to get jealous
Of course it is, it's fine
But God forbid I say my fears
Because it's fine, it always is
Just forget about the past
When you didn't love me too much
When you decided to choose another
When you tore out my heart
I can't just forget about them,
Though it is almost a year since
You're a prime target
It doesn't matter if you think you are or not
Because half the guys at the party
See you as prettier, which already you are.
I'm just stuck waiting around
For you to mess up
But don't worry, if you do
I love you
It's okay.

Don’t worry baby
It will be alright
I gently rub your back
And say goodnight.
I walk out of your room
Down the hallway and stairs
Walk into the kitchen
I crack open a coke
And turn on the television
I stare at the screen
Distracted by what’s happened
Not listening to the death
Not listening to the races
Not listening to the sports
Not listening to the crimes
Not watching the dog chase its tail around and around
Watching that dog, realizing he’s me and you
While the dog’s excited about going around
We aren’t, and can’t be
Because the closer to our tail we get
The further from each other we are.
I’m preparing for the bite on the tail
But the dog keeps chasing
Around and around and
Around.

The only person I want to talk to
Has left me, alone
I sit, mired in love
Aside from my sobs, I sit like a stone
My shirt's soaked wet
From my tears, and blood
I never thought it would end.
I never thought it would come like this
I never thought this gun would be in my hand
I never thought I'd think this again
I never thought this love would be over
Or my life.
BANG

I promise I love you
But that doesn't matter
I want to be near you
But that doesn't matter
I cry myself to sleep over you
But that doesn't matter
I can't let go of you
But that doesn't matter
You don't love me
But            that                   doesn't            matter                  





Or does it?

All she wants
Is for her body to be wanted
Screaming, clutching, *******
Longing for the childhood she left behind
Longing for the father that left her childhood
Longing for the sweet stickiness
Longing to be wanted
She's finished with work
Pleasure is her job
And the man she pleases on screen
Tells her that her hard, painful effort
Was second rate
Was not pleasurable
Was not worth it
She closes her bedroom door
Knowing nothing else but pleasure anymore
Pleasure now means pain for her
She's caught in a trap
She's scared and alone
She's seeing the consequences of her actions
She cries out to the night
But only the sun and another day of work answer

I'm coming bro
I'll be there man
Wouldn't miss it for anything
Do we want bottles, or cans?

I'll try to show up
Though I won't stay the night
I want to come, I really do
I just don't want a fight

I might show up
I've got some things to do
You're still my brothers
Especially you

I want to show up
But it doesn't look like I can
Sorry to let you down bro
If only I could get a ride man


Oh, last night was fun
My brother's friend is cool
Cooler than you guys
I've moved on from high school

I'm coming bro
I'll be there man
Wouldn't miss it for anything
Do we want bottles, or cans?

I'll try to show up
Though I won't stay the night
I want to come, I really do
I just don't want a fight

I might show up
I've got some things to do
You're still my brothers
Especially you

I want to show up
But it doesn't look like I can
Sorry to let you down bro
If only I could get a ride man


Oh, last night was fun
My brother's friend is cool
Cooler than you guys
I've moved on from high school

I once thought of Christmas
As a time of cheer and laughs
A time when family rounded together
Life has made my cynical

Now I see Christmas
As the adulterated holiday it is
**** presents, I'm broke
**** family, I'm ostracized
**** this, I look to Jesus
****, I'm wrong

I try to find the 'reason for the season'
But the harder I look, the more hardened I become
I want it to mean something again
Just like it used to when I was 10
But never again
Will I wish for Santa to come
Will I get excited for presents
Will I scrape together my piggy bank to please those that snub me
Will I regain what I've lost

I search for answers in my girlfriend
Reassured that our love will save me
From this cynical, unholy matrimony that I'm caught in
I'm Henry the 8th now,
I want a divorce
I want the love of Christmas again
I want to believe that this is all for Jesus
I want to think that I love him above all
But I don't, and I won't
Until I release this inner anger and angst

I'm forcing an annulment
I'm playing my hand
I'm trying so hard to fit in
But I realize, there's no way I can

Headaches, again
Time for another desperate attempt to suppress the need
Block out the noise, drink more water
You are full.

Itching, under my skin
One piece won’t hurt, right?
One leads to many, drink more water
You are content

Jitters, distracted
The sweet aromas surround me, as if they can satisfy
Then I hear the soft grumble, drink more water
You are determined

Smoke, filling my mind
Replacing all that’s been lost in this fight
Another cigarette, drink more *****
You are forgetting

Concentrate, use your tongue
Pleasing him has become more important than bread
A little longer, drink more water
You are empty

Bliss, almost free
I feel like a kite that’s been let loose on a windy day
Eat everything in sight, drink a coke!
You are guilty

Shameful, but act happy
Holding his hand, no thanks, I ate already
Change the topic, drink more water
You are hiding

Pressure, stubborn
He knows my lies, pushing some carrots my way
Chew nervously, drink more water
You are weary

Laughing, releasing
No dessert in this world could compare to how he makes me feel
Bring me closer, drink me in
I am full.

Smoke circles my eyes
Glasses of fog rise
Through them, my life seems different
Beautiful, not like it is, rent
This mist keeps me alive
Without it I would surely die
Life of Cigarettes
Life of Regrets?

Where are you?
I look for your face in the darkest of places
Who are you?
I try to erase all of your traces
What are you?
You demon, you devil, you smiling serpent
Where are you?
I'm seeking this out, to put it to end

Crashing
The cellphone against the floor
Shattering
Like the former love
Smashing
To pieces, trust that was built
Terrified
Heartbroken sadness
Uncertainty
The final decision
Resolution
Like a knife in my throat
Forgiveness
Like the memory of us
Gone.