Isabella Rosemary

Isabella Rosemary Jun 2016

My identity was stolen
by God.

I have no sense of self,
no sense of purpose,
every personality trait of mine
is nearly reflecting
from a nearby shiny surface.

I crave individuality,
to feel like I'm a person.
I was born a blank canvas
inside and out.
Whenever I try to decorate myself
it doesn't feel like self-expression.
It feels like plagiarism.
It feels like copying someone
else's hard earned work.
For how can I express myself,
when I have no ******* clue who I am?

Supposedly, I just have to "find myself,"
But along with no identity,
I have no sense of direction.
So I wander,
and I wander,
and I wander.
I think
until my brain bleeds.
I think
until my eyes close.
And it all grows
quiet.

It all grows
white.

It all grows
into nothing.

So maybe,

I found myself

after all.

#self #depression #anxiety #lost #identity #did #bpd #self-expression

Isabella Rosemary Jun 2016

A Dance With Dependence

Dependence. I danced with dependence that night. A disgusting word on its own, but when you say co-dependence, now it sounds nicer, right? It sounds more socially acceptable. It sounds like adoration. But I hear heartbreak. I hear one misstep and the whole dance crumbles. I hear stepping on toes and twisting ankles. I hear broken sobs, and a strained "I'm sorry." I feel the pain that courses through your whole entire body. I feel the vibration of the living earth, and the struggling breaths just trying to get some **** air into those stubborn lungs. But you're still thinking about how soft his hands were and how you'll never get to feel them again. I hear disaster. I hear "What now?" I hear grieving. I feel his hands.

#love #heartbreak #sad #depression #lost #dependence #breakups #co-dependence

May 2016

Sarah

Let go

Let go
what does that truly mean?
are we to fall to our deaths
or go on with our lives

how does one truly,
let go
are you to forget everything
or simple pretend you no longer care

let go
two words
so simple
but the action is so hard

What's better to let go with the chance of losing everything, or to hold on even when it hurts you more?