When I look at you at night I think
God, why did you make him,
Just to please me or haunt me ?
I don't know if having you or being far would hurt more
I don't know if my body could stand the hurricane of your skin on mine, or if it would burn itself without it.

What can a man do but love you, what can I do but want you,
Because I 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 you.
I need to touch the neck that keeps your head high and thank it,
I want to feel your hands on my face, reverent, like they never want to leave
Want to hear your voice crack when I touch you,
Your whispers, your moans, the deep notes it would sing when I let you unravel under me,
I want it so bad, I would accept anything.
Even a second of it. Even less than that.
Anything from you, God do you hear my plea, anything from you.

"But are you writing this for a lover or a friend ?"
What's the difference, a lover. a friend.
I will love both just the same,
Can't divide something so grand into tiny parts to give out,
You'll get the whole truth of me or you won't.
I'll love like the sun warmths the earth,
Shake your core and leave you breathless,
Scare the night away and burn you with how strong I feel for you,

A lover is a friend, a friend is a lover.
That's it. Just my truth.

Lately all the words I write,
and all the things I draw,
and all the love I let spill out,
Theyre all about you.

I'm so exhausted, man !
So tired of loving you.

One day you'll find someone,
And that day I'll see what you were to me,
and what I was to you.

But now all I know is that
Every **** word, every last thought,
About you.

Driving at night and watching the city lights flash by,
Going to the lake and napping in the sun, the water quiet just to let us sing,
Walking when it gets dark and not caring about the morning to come,
Watching flocks of birds departing for far far away,
Breakfast with my mom outside while the air is still as fresh as the grass,
Those nights we wanted a huge feast and ended up being too many to fit in tiny kitchens,
My body breaking to the music in crowds,
Bus rides that made my *** hurt for hours,
Sleeping in on sundays, knowing i'll walk to school when the next cold day comes,
Chosing to live everyday,
Not simply existing because I have to hold on for later,

But mostly what i miss is family,
and freedom.

I've read poems about doves and stones afloat in rivers sunlit by the warmth of summer,
and poems about love so intense it cuts you into tiny pieces of longing.

But where is the poem I need about
despising yourself so much it aches,
spreads around you like a sickening disease and leaves your body to rot in shame
and self inflicted panic.

About not being able to pour anything but cowardice in every action you take,
about feeling so alone that
you end up eating yourself.

About hate becoming fuel becoming fire becoming ashes
of you.

You did this to yourself,
What poems can help you now ?