In truth, I am terrified of this body—
I am terrified of what I put in it
and of what eventually comes out.

I worry repercussions are at hand—
there will be consequences in the near future
because of what I’ve put into this body,
and it will no longer be mine
by the time I die.

But, maybe soon, if I’m lucky,
I will evolve,
I will break out of these
naturistic characteristics,
I will survive natural selection…

I will spread my wings
and take my first flight.

sometimes it's like i feel too much.
waves of emotions overwhelm me
and i am powerless against its force.

it's like i feel everything deeper.
canyons and trenches could not compare
to the depths of what makes me, me.

somehow i feel everything for longer.
droughts have ended faster
than i have been able to let go.

my emotions build and dissipate
more quickly than the rain falls.
one minute thunder, the next a rainbow.

If you are not one to place blame
on yourself
create voices in your head.

They will be the versions of you
who dictate the rules of your body,
they will tell you what to say
and what to do—

so when you make a mistake,
say the wrong thing,
act the wrong way,
to the eyes of someone
unsuspecting,
you will at least seem kind enough
to blame yourself.

What do I know of this Blue Bird?
Absolutely nothing.

I know It flies so high into the pink of the sun,
It migrates south one year then comes back
north for the next.

I know It likes to sneak Its eggs
into other nests to ensure Its brood
survives.

But really,
that’s all I know.

I know nothing significant—
I know not what It feels,
what It thinks,
I do not see Its memories as a young chick
learning to fly, to hunt.

All I know is that it's blue
and likes to crack nuts with
Its sturdy black bill.

Dear God there is something in the air at night. I can taste it on my tongue, feel its musk caress my skin as I sleep—I know it’s out there waiting for me.

Dear God it undresses me with its eyes. Whispers to me, licks my ear with its spiked tongue. It drives me crazy.

Dear God it wants me to die for it, tells me that if I do it will grant my wishes unattainable by normal standards.

Dear God I’ve never been one of your children. Though I bathed in your good graces while your loving follower prayed to you, my allegiance was never solid.

Dear God at night I know you’re watching, but it’s not really you.

Is it?