When you are not near me
  I question where you are.

        When your messages do not find me until late
                  where are they going?

                                   Do they find a home with someone else?
                                            Or do they stay safe with you?

                                                           ­            When you are not here
                                        staring at me with those golden caramel eyes


                                 I can't help but wonder
                               where else they might be.


                                              Do they stay on one path?
                      or do they wander the world
                                      hungry with curiosity?

My family always questions my relationship status as though it determines the person I am.
My mom believes I am too independent and headstrong.
My stepdad thinks it's because I don't socialize with enough people and I don't get out of the house.
But, no one really knows the truth hidden in these walls.
No one in my home truly understands.
All of my family has carried a set of higher goals for me than I really ever had for myself. I have always been told,
"Hannah, I hope and pray you find the perfect man in your life that treats you right and loves you for you."
What if that person wasn't a man?
Would it be the same? Would I fulfill the hopes and dreams they have always wished for me?
Unfortunately, the little girl that they have always cherished would never be seen through the same eyes.
Because loving the same *** is against the bible and everything they have ever believed in.
So therefore, it would never be right. I would always be wrong in the eyes of my loved ones and my so called creator.
While I did not find someone who matched the perfect image everyone has set for me, I did find what was perfect for me.
I found someone with my sense of humor and my beliefs.
I found someone who loves me for all of my curves and personal battle wounds.
I found someone who took me out of the darkness and into the light, showing me a whole new world.
This person became a part of my motivation to success and apart of a new forever.
I would have never thought I would experience such a love in this forsaken world.
So, mom, I found someone.. You don't have to worry anymore.
I fell in love and I am the happiest I have ever been.
I'll just never be able to tell you.

Playing in the dirt, not a worry about our shirts or our skirts.
Building pillow towers, Wasting away our hours pretending we were wizards With great power.
Slaying the bad guys and winning the noble prize.
That's the way things used to be, when happiness was key..
But now we waste our time, only being mimes.
All of us fake and conniving like snakes.
Sneaking around bringing others down.
Only wanting fame and a crowned name.
Rotting at the very core all because you couldn't open your own door.
But this is Life As We Know It.

Dangerous I may be, Sadly this is only the half of me.
I unfurl my wings wishing I looked like a king but instead I carry around a ******* wings.
With this beast inside, even I found I have no where to hide.
No one realizes that I'm just like the others. I have a mother and I have a brother.
But still I'm seen like the wolverine. All claws and jaws.
Ive tried and tried, but I sadly only found myself tied and set aside.
Theres no where left for me i'm here on my knees begging for someone to pick up the pieces.
I am destruction and there will never be construction.
My mind and soul have been slammed and jammed for I am the ******.
There is no where left for me.

Good night. Don't let the bed bugs bite.
I promise there is a light. Just close your eyes and things will be alright.
Sleep and dream of somewhere out of sight like the movies that are black and white.
When you go to sleep tonight ill hold you tight.
I promise things will be alright. Know that i'm forever yours tonight.

Like a lion I seem So brave, But inside i feel like I'm in a cave.
My "Confidence" roars It almost seems as if I'm ready for war.
But sadly enough, I'm not tough.
Strong i may seem, But I'm tearing apart at the seams.
You have to agree, Showing the real me would only cause people misery.
So i hide so no one can see my insides.
Like a eagle i want to soar, but i always run into a door.
Trapping myself in a cage, only building up rage.
Like lion I seem brave.

You swallow down that pill. As if you were taking your life uphill.
Heart beating fast, Oh how the hours have passed.
Slurping down a glass is as easy as breathing in  laughing gas.
One pass, its so easy right? Sure. it don't take muscle mass.
That life you once knew, that you once had hoped had grew,
Is now a sinking ship, but at the moment that sudden rush was such a wonderful trip.
Here you stand, on a single strand.
All just for that night of fun, to feel like you took a mile run.
Was it really worth it? would you really recommend it?

Pain.
Some say it's all in the brain.
But for some reason it all comes around again.
On the heart it just leaves a stain.
Sometimes its just hard to explain.
Controlling it is hard to maintain.
Some Lead themselves to ******* and champagne.
While others let themselves go insane.
Pain just drains the brain.
Some find the pain as just a gain.
People just want their own happiness to obtain.
Pain Is like carrying a ball and chain.
Weighing heavy on the soul and brain.
Pain.
Is there really ever anything to gain?

Like a Dove my love is Life-Long, by your side I stay strong.
My wings are swift and agile, but sadly enough they are fragile.
My life is short, but I swear it will be you I will always support.
Tomorrow could be my last, No matter my past.
But here on this fence, alone I sit. how I am so unfit?
Wishing for just one chance, I promise I would give the perfect romance.
Together we could fight against any weather.
By your side I would stay strong, But I guess by your side is a place I just don't belong.

I lay here trying to numb the pain. Am I really all to blame?
Alcohol no longer does the trick, Hopefully this death will be quick.
I really wish it didn't come down to this, But I've been dying for far to long in this dark abyss.
This noose around my neck, I'm just an emotional wreck.
My lungs slowly begin to close, I'm barely even on my toes.
So close now, the voice whispers as sweat drips down my brow.
I wonder where I go from here. All I know is that I just want these demons to disappear.
Tears fall from my eyes, As I tell you the last of my goodbyes.
I just wish my choice was more wise.

Here I Alone I Sit. So Sad Isn't It.
I Keep Saying This Little Prayer, But An Answer Back Is So Rare.
All I Wanted Was A State Of Bliss, But It Seems Like I'm Falling In A Deeper Abyss.
I Roll in Pity, Awaiting For My Entrance Into The Holy City.
Some Tell Me To Take Action, But I've Only Found Myself To Be The Tourist Attraction.
A Joke Of Myself I Make, People Just Laugh And Do A Double Take.
Tonight Once Again I'll Dine Alone. Awaiting For An Answer From The Man Up At The Throne.
To Once Again To Be Shown That I Am Unknown.

Don't breathe me in to close. I'm one toxic, Narcotic dose. That's built for destruction and will never find construction.
Asleep you fall, You call out but no one hears nothing at all.
Why you ask as you breathe in your oxygen mask. You've never done a thing You scream to God the King.
Don't breathe to deeply I told you. all because you wanted me to hold you.
I told you there was consequences.
I told you to beware. But now you call out in despair.
Now no one can save you. Oh look you're turning blue.
But remember you're the one that thought you were so brave. Now come on, Lets go dig your grave.