i long for his touch
because feeling pain is better than feeling nothing at all
he takes advantage of my fragility
and slices through my skin
watching this carnage unfold before him

The smiles hide the screaming
The laughter hides the hurt
The "love" hides the cruel intentions
The gifts hide the truth.

My mask hides me

The insults don't lessen
The arguments don't cease
The swear words are abundant
The yelling never ends.

My panic overtakes me

The tears won't stop flowing
My fingers won't stop twitching
My arm won't stop itching
Help me hide from My Family

Blood is red
And red stains
Like the red slits
On my wrists
That leak red
in the drain
And that leak
pain

It's soothing
The beads of pure red
Purer than any colored pencil or marker could signify
It doesn't even hurt anymore

You say it’s to help me.
To keep me in check.
You haven’t seen the patterns Ive dug in.
My wall has kissed my fist millions of times, my door is slammed shut because of you.
You say it’s to help me.
To keep me in check.
I’m crying and shaking in bed alone.