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J Jan 2016
They call it normal.
And so I did.
It was a mature thing
And being young and naive.
I decided to do it myself.

It was extraordinary.
A glimpse of what will come,
when that time comes.
It was amazing.
Yet absolutely terrifying.

I was taught that
our body is special.
And needs personal care.
Not that soap and water care.
That mind and heart care.

It is created
Our body is created
For a purpose.
And that purpose
Isn't what I am doing
Right now.

I was torn
From belief and human nature
From what I was told as right
And what I know is wrong,
(Yet feels so right.)

And so here I am
Blaming almost every single piece
That is my being.

When will I stop?
When will I resist?
This ****** thing called

Temptation.
Too personal to be even put up here but I just feel like talking about it. Sigh...
J Dec 2015
When you thought
she was just like you.
From the hair
down to the attitude
and to the soul.

When you thought
she was your friend
Who can laugh
and who can understand
all silly conversations.

When you thought
she was like a sister.
With the same fathers' hometown
But with different blood.

When you thought
She was your only hope
Only happy light
In the darkest of times.

When you thought
you were right.
But turns out
you were wrong.

She was never
A sister.
Not what you expected
her to be.

She was instead
A ticking bomb.
A time bomb
Of impossiblities you've never thought
she would be.

A smart mouth
Of obscenities
and forced language.

But in the end
She's still the friend.
Who you get to be with
Until the end.
J Nov 2015
Can you feel it?
that crumbling sound
coming out from your stomach

Can you smell it?
that sick and foul smell
like a dead rat on it's wake

Can you taste it?
that metallic tang
covering the whole of your mouth

Do you know it?

Can you know it?

Did you do it?

How could you do it?

Why did you let yourself do it?

It wasn't that hard doing it
But it sure as hell
painful as hell
enduring it.

Can you now see it?
How treacherous
your inner demons are?

Or is it just something
something between
you and me.

Do you know what it is?

Deception.
Wherein I had my own case of stomach problems thrice in a year and it is unnerving as it is scary. And mainly because it is ~partly~ my fault.
J Nov 2015
My fingertips reach toward
  the unknown abyss
  that is your heart.

It claws its way up
  yet all it touches
  is nothing.

Like your love.

I didn't quit though
   I didn't cry.
   I cling to the Only Hope.

And I know that there will be the right time.

I don't know when,
  I don't even know how.

But here I am waiting.
  Waiting at the mouth
   of the dark abyss
   that is your heart.
Because I dreamt of him that night and he was the one who made me write poems back then. And he was the one who took them away.
J Oct 2015
I cry in pity in front of this stupid funny thing.
It is both an embarrassment and a tad bit annoying.
J Oct 2015
In the game of hypocrisy,
they raise their mighty swords.
Thinking that each one is a comrade.
But then again no,
rather an enemy in disguise.

Here I watch and witness each ******
Each drop of blood a waste until it ends.
I'm torn between pitying and saving
these disgraced souls going to straight to God knows where.

The fight isn't over
At least not yet.
I'm waiting for the last battle cry.
And there I will clean the soil from their blood.
From the immaturity of them all.

-100215
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