The dirt is collecting in the creases of empty
pages
Obscuring the words, my own, not worth
reading
Spat onto yellow notebook paper, ugly
handwriting
Burnt alive in her shell, devoted & destroyed by
her faith
Lovingly left to the
dogs
Carelessly spent like every paycheck you've ever
earned
Wasted on the cheapness of mass produced
poison
Half gone before we began, gone before
we knew better
Our transience mistaken for permanence, out of
ignorance
My belated "I love you" to late to matter
much
Just words by the time they're spoken, empty as
her promises
The sun still shines & the grass still dries, but the
silence has abandoned us
Predicting that quietness, absorbing sterile
noise
Put down the pen, crumple the page, writing about it never
changed a thing

Stains on the concrete like blooming brown flowers
Piles of wild grass, dry as sand, tracing a path up the curb
Potholes brimming with ***** water, a gleaming sheet of oil
Rotten houses, with all the windows smashed into collages
of razors
Stinking in their own slow decay, eaten away by time &
termites
The trees in the yard have shed their leaves, blanketing
the ground in fading brilliance
Fingers of breeze shift them, rustling with the sound of
a thousand roaches
Shedding the mornings condensation on the boots of
two legged insects
A pile of walking guts, giving nothing, taking everything
Vomiting their poison on the soil, reaping their foul
harvest
Wielding guns & machetes, cannons & swords, sticks &
stones
It's bone against bone, hand against hand, man destroying
man
Because the definition of war is many men dying for a few mens
interests

Quietly loving you, quietly holding my heart in your hands
Sitting under this leaking roof, gripping each others hands
Running my fingers through your short, black, hair
You wrap your arms around me, sweat, breath
Eyes telling me something words cannot, never will
Your breath has a voice of its own, drowning my mind
Spinning my body down to ground level, bottoming out
Resting shoulder blades on these old floor boards
Hearing the groaning of this dusty house
But this stillness overwhelms me, compounding my reflections
Wasting notepad upon notepad, trying to describe these nights with you
Balling up countless verses, throwing them in a pile
Waiting for this roof to cave in one day, so we can watch the sunrise
From the warmth of our blankets on the floor

You're a quiet thought in the middle of the night,
when I'm so tired I can't sleep
My saving grace when I can't catch my breath,
or take that next step
I'm doing this for you, even though I'll never have you,
my love
Trying to tell myself I'm used to being alone,
the old lie
Telling it to myself for so long I almost believe it
But I can't fool these sleepless nights,
methodically destroying my illusion
These sleepless nights which run me into the ground
And when I finally fall asleep, I dream of nothing

She wrote, and I quote,

   Star and mild flower
      You are mild girl mild mother
           And much much much more

Can you understand how I love you?
Like a country song on repeat.
   Like a memory under Tamarindo and Medalla

Grass on my clothing while I stare into emptiness
The blankness behind my eyes
Patterns in the hedges
Reflections of a part of the whole
A witness to all

Witness all my savior soul
Sacrifice your beauty for your health
And call more than once a year
Goodbye, call you later

Old Willie Nelson on the radio through the desert,
The sound of cactus blooming in the afternoon
next to the lake
The sound of fresh water flowing from springs
in succulent gardens

I picked these fresh
herbs for you
To make with your breakfast
my love
Could you run your fingers through my
scalp for a while
While the coffee
kicks in
And I find myself
kissing you
like a
boy
all
over

Writing words in the low light, the night light
By gray illumination, pooling on my window sill
Casting a shadow on the carpet, though dimly
Faint traces of music, on the edge of hearing
Teasing my ears as they filter under the door
I'd like to hear it, to replay it once or twice
But I sit here writing in the low light, the night light
Outlining thoughts for no one to read
Wasting ink has become my night time obsession
Hoping for sleep, the insomniacs dream

Words in the night, distant daytime conversations after the downpour
Smoke exhaled from heavy lungs like the last rain drops
Clouds reanimated in the cloying nicotine
Memories of a smile over kiwis cut crosswise
A bottle holds it all now, those memories
Memories closed and final
Wash the dirt from my hands
With loving pen strokes
Help me make the world fall
Away


Water in the mug, a smile like insects under heel
7 a.m., all alone, empty road, I’ll walk until
I lose my sole
The sun burns luminous
The day breaks lovingly
Fresh brewed love
Drank down like a poison
Spat a poem for you
Broke it all again
And here we sit among the blooming hyacinth
The moths on our skin like the gin we sweated out
In the night over Roman candle illumination
Oh tell me, oh spell me, cover me with your algebra
Little notes on hand or thumb
A loving limb separated with skilled hands
The subtly of your heart
Sewed so skillfully to my dullness
Strong hands have retired to
Holding a basket of bitter apples  

I have found a quiet place to write it all down
A silent place to find the distinctions between sounds
In our absence such life has grown
In our tolerance such symbols have been sketched
I found the gap between the stones
Delved in the depths of a bottle or two
Stacked stones on the shores of empty
Bodies of water

Love sketched out in five
Letters

Spun up from ground level
A thousand blades of grass
Under a pair of scarred feet
Ocean breaks calmly on sand and smooth pebble
We find a space between it
Colors broken down into coded text
Light refracted, time distracted

I smiled under the shade of the paint chipped wall
Over the scent of juniper and gin
We drank from the bottle like heathens
Wandered crowds, a microcosm of a world
gone mad
Here’s to you babe, here’s to you

We chose this, you know?
Fleeting streams of style and ****** days
Of such tired contemplation
Collar bones carrying the ink of skilled fingers
dexterous and agile
These hands carry bones broken
set like jigsaws

A reflection of Koi and Hygrophila
A breeze through thin cotton
shirts
A smile, a smile and a hand to hold
As we adventure through this life,
wandering to wander


A moment to hear you breathe
Lungs full and tired
Heart ready to burst
Smoke the last one down to the ****
filter

I shed the weight,
my pack off, and the dirt in my lungs
and the nicotine in my lip,
the copenhagen gave off quite a flavor,
and the smile on your lips  
gave off quite a character, and the coughed up dirt and sand,
and watched the clean ones walk by,
us drunk masers,
sipping water,
no,
chugging it, to get the dryness out,
and to make the world a little cleaner
with our spit, my comrades,
my compadres, my sombreroed
masters of delight.
watch casablanca
with
me

Waste the way that it tastes as it rolls off the filter
tip
Light off the night as it riles up our lower lives like pure
reptile brains
Do moths fly towards lightning bugs like
candles?
Does a drug overdose vision of God
turn the addict into a messiah
Or is it just another try at seeing the light
for the first time right overcoming might
Like a sight for sore eyes sick to my stomach
every **** morning
Two Coors Lights and the rain is pouring
it's **** cold in this Texas town

We sat in shade, watched cirrus circle sun, robbing temporary
warmth
Hands through burlap & jute, clutching at photons illuminating
eyelashes
Cedar sap & crushed pine needles, fragrant on our hands, amber &
ambient
Saw your heart through crooked teeth, the same as
mine
A hundred pounds of saw grass hair & pliable
emotion
Speaking of a hitch through New Mexico,  a night on that lake,
where you convinced me you could
make clouds disappear
Speaking of a first kiss in a creek bed, that night we watched
Javelinas and Mule Deer
Fireworks by the river, smoke so thick we lost
each other
Our ugly handwriting, tucked into breast pockets, notes on
the back of old receipts
Empty bottle love, scattered & sporadic,
ours, ours, ours

Washing sand from cuts on my
feet
Wiping grains from the corners of my
eyes
A hundred stones, bouncing together
musically
Tossed back and forth by rushing salt water,
seaweed
I sit here in silence, waiting for the last
puff
Off a cheap cigarette, pulled from cellophane,
cheap wrapping
Adorning your arms with a ball point
pen
A human canvas, framed by smiling green
eyes
And the ocean crashes with tired
repetitiveness
While we are still unaware that we even
exist
Or that we will someday, maybe even today,
cease

Blue bubble
Blue bubble
Flower
Green
Stick freshly planted
Plant an entrance to a secret level
Mario
Cactus
Christmas tree

Little fuzzy elephant
chasing her first
LION
Do the hot chili pepper dance
Vooooooo Dooooo woman
Bow to HER, clay-man, walker in the day, man
all servants to shay-tan
Cherry cotton blossom killer
slumlord white powder thriller
****** sticks to kids
****** sticks to kids
****** sticks to kids
No god can forgive our sins
There is no life without
an end
Stainless steel I bend
under rail road cars as my
head spins
**** me now, coward
do me that favor
I'm a warrior with flavor,
so like it, life I will savor
Help me God, por favor
nessicito Allah, my soul is pour
My eyes turn to pitchers as
my brothers turn into 1 man martyrs
Victims of every veterans second war,
the war inside & at home
Surah An Nas 100 times tonight

Break pace, loose lace, space race with the radiated men in the tree line
Lime eyes, ghosting, humans roasting, apple in mouth
South of center, dagger re-enters spinal column, all of em'
At once, in the corner, dunce hat, fat rat overdosing on cheese
God please take this weight
Flying out the window insect-like
Cleated, spiked, rattlesnake like, one quick strike
Just like learning to ride a bike

Oak tree in the middle of a field, the limbs are twisting, dancing,
but no wind is blowing.
Dry grass stands still, a flower disintegrates off its stalk,
colors fading, degrading.
My house used to stand here, when I was a child, now there is just a tree,
such green leaves...
All these memories, swept away in the night, but there is no wind blowing,
never has, really.
You stand next to me in my mind, but you're long gone, in reality,
decomposing.
A blurred outline of a face, something that was, but is no more,
never could have been, really.
I sit on the corner of this concrete slab, watching the clouds rush by,
shedding alkaline tears.
Birds ride the currents, gliding effortlessly, but the wind doesn't blow,
it never has.
Fence posts, dry as paper, they've stood under this harsh sun too long,
but this sun has never shown.
I'll sit here a while longer, under these rustling leaves,
sounds reminiscent of crashing waves.
You were a gust of wind, drying sweat & tears from my face
that feeling left with you, & the wind blows for me no longer.

Antipsychotic licks, lyme disease ticks, pick up sticks
Cutting wicks, playing tricks, flicking BICs
Just another hick, way you look at me, like you got whole books of me
Come cook with me, write a hook with me, become a crook like me
Static backpeddle, piddling on the ant pile, been lost awhile
Cross-cut file creasing cuticles comfortably, clutter-free
Oh say can you see, why did they lie to me, why did we go to war?
Was it Junior settling Seniors' score, or something more?
We sit and snore gently, herbivores, wonder why the carnivores are hungry
Love me, if you can, I'm as temporary as sand spilling sideways
Fresh rays of sun, this photon was the one to finally find me
Chain reactions and Lurasidone interactions gives sanity in fractions
Join your faction and justify that violence, my two cents
Begging for pence and pennies, eating garbage behind Denny's
A whole scrap book devoted to ladybugs

Young man, just a shell, with a sigh of 'oh well'
Ripping up roots with worn hands, wiping sweat from beaten brow
Scratching lines in the field with his fathers plow
Praying for the rain, living for the sun,
only to rot in the ground
But the grass still grows, drying & dying as it always has,
like we all will
Scattering itself among a forest of rusting iron
& oily puddles
You were young once too, before you knew what it meant
to die
You were young once too, before you had to pay your life
away in toil
Now we're old, you & me, the years have run their course
Now we're old and it all makes sense,
and it never meant a thing

Ladybug lovesongs, shorts, longs, Genghis Khans
It's raining outside, warm and gentle
Fresh lentil soup, rearrange, regroup the thinking piece
Find peace part in parcel, gray zone embargo, let's go
Swing the *** down the row, break your back for it
No ****, take a hit and pass it along, left or wrong
The Khan is coming out now, stomping through the mud
A cow chews her cud, the sky turns ice eyeball blue, Bailey
Hate me, I deserve it, tell me, I've probably heard it
Spit, throw your salt over your shoulder, shift that boulder
Mold over the wet bread slice, kimchi and rice
Sugar, spice, and everything spicy, like me, jalapeno tattoo'd on my arm
Does good, some harm, sound the alarm
Break the strong arm and be free
Self conscious in me, oh say can you see
By the setting of the sun, ants, plants, trails
Quails in flight, saying poison out of spite
Change your thoughts and change your life
Ladybug love songs, sing to me in your silence
Try this, I want your voice lifted to it
A note to hit, high point, max ordinate, advocates
Words of hate, washed clean with bar soap
Some hope, at this point, concise and contradictory
Dissect the diction, resurrect the dialect
Stand ***** in the face of flooding flashes
To make it in this country you need cash, kid.
Smoke a **** Winston down to the filter

Unsettled lines, scores of blank words on the page, here I sit, smiling into the grit that found its way to the bottom of the coffee, settled at last

Like silt in the water tanks, stirred up by eager hands, the same that bear the scars of childhood into tired, sterile, lives; brushed off the stray dandelion feather a while ago

Gutters full of humanity discarded, smiling from the sidewalk as a million people shove by, this bundle of gray hair, emaciated arms, arthritic hands

Beggars bracelets, two for the price of one, a smile used often & certain of the uncertainty of life, been and seen I suppose

Buildings like beehives & 5 baht to take a ****,
beer courage & the sticky sweat of wanderer’s inebriation

Kids in the street following the trash truck for pocket change, a bottle of the strong stuff to keep it all moving

She smiled and I knew she was the one, to serve us drinks on a Buddhist holiday, grabbing tinted bottles from the stained bar wood, a gamblers grin over naked shoulders

The combination of nicotine & caffeine & strong drink, a *******’s blend, a broken moment in a sea of people, humbled by flashing neon & blank expressions, not pausing once to take in the madness of it

Like silt, we have found our way to the bottom again, the bottom of another tasteless cigarette, the bottom of another ****** bottle

Sunken chest sighs and yellow eyed smiles among the standing water of side streets & nameless alleys, accumulating life’s backwash, out of view for your convenience

Easier to change the channel & focus on what really matters, celebrity, fashion, a certain star’s daily interactions & a reality T.V. show to take a tour of their mansions

Worshiping fools, selling our minds for 3 easy payments of nineteen ninety five, delivered to your doorstep

Import your soul, bury it all in soil, sell your heart for a meaningless monetary sum, bury it all a foot down

4 a.m. & I can feel the tide winding its way down, leaving new patterns in the sand and garbage left behind

In broken English we pass the bottle & I learn that it’s easy to make a living selling cigarettes on the street to foreigners

We stumble our separate ways & I stand four stories up, the rain filling the gutters & pipes like *****, washing away the grime, replacing it with ozone & the scent of sewer

The girl with the heart necklace & orchids in her basket, a brief glance as we crossed paths, I still wonder who you could be

Buried in sighs, we weave our time out of glass, we twist & turn our lives into spires of wax, wilting wicks, the brightest seem to burn out first

Sitting in our own nowhere, you asked me if I loved you, told me to lie, I’m glad you gave me the easy out, I didn't want to hurt your feelings

I remember the look on your face those dark mornings, sipping gin and water, we watched the sun rise another day

Light the last cigarette & take our first step, I hope to see you around kid

Writing with your guts on the floor at your feet
one last line

I thought I saw the dampest of the rooms, the quietest of them all
a place to thaw out and find solitude

Crystalline castles of crushed candy, cobwebs in your clover,
stone cold sober but I'm lying

Water in a parched mouth like parchment sent south with
letters left sideways

Paths in the patchwork with placid predictions on the possibilities
ahead of us

A rusty hook in your back between the discs, rupturing cartilage,
imperceptible and brisk

The wrong angle and I choke, strangle, hang from a bad angle, clothes-dangle and mangle

Pieces of Pisces carved up like jack-o-lanterns on the front porch

Internally I feel the roaches, ashes on the floor and cigarette butts
sticking to the soles

Plastic deconstruction, reshaped through combustion into the
typical and obtuse

Unwashed and wild, we ran under street lamps of places
unknown
Unvarnished, the raw stuff below the
grain
Light spills from groups of inky syllables on chest, collar bone,
calf
From the exhale there is rebirth, sacred sterility and latex
lives
I found a place today, not my own, but mine the
same
Saw you there counting the crows and the petals of
dead flowers
Taking the tally between lines on crumpled notebooks,
torn loose leaf
We drank gin till the sun rose, and sighed, slight and
pale against me

Today I shed some tired eyes
Under leaves, leaves with corners
and sharp edges
Today I shed some weary legs
Upward over the mountain
down into the streams
The fragrant and decaying
The cloying and the stagnant
Odd how a man can look over miles of open country
& see nothing but subdivisions
Odd how a man can look at another
& **** for a belief
Odd how a man can smile into the empty bottle
& see no light through the glass
Bones buried under sand a time, bulldozed another foot deeper
Someones kid hidden behind a picture in a wallet
We hid somewhere, in those bushes in the field
Hid from ourselves
Listened to the creek and tried to decipher language
The tea your brewed sits cold in my hands
And the smiles you shared sit cold in my lips
We drank together on the beach, me and these guys
Selling cigarettes to put food on the table
While their sisters sold themselves
And all I could decipher through my drunkness
Was that I wasn't supposed to be there
Never was, never was

I sit with these ugly ballpoint words and think of you
I sit with these grasshopper thoughts and think of nothing
I sit with my feet in still water, my eyes on dead clouds
I think of the broken days
Blackout wine bottle days
Writing on the wall on where to ride trains to
Through New Mexico, to drift
Fall off the face of it for a while
Bootknife nights

We spoke through the cigarette smoke
How we didn't choke I'm not sure
Made me put them down
For good

It was odd, watching those dogs eat those camels
In the sand dunes
The bodies of a car accident lopsided and covered in someones
sheets
Drove for days, small cities, large refineries
An empty ocean that seemed to carry its sand into the horizon
Dune after dune
Somehow we bargained a pack of smokes for two
Saudi riyal

I drank to much and said to little, she always said
Over and gone, pictures on the fridge
Sleeping at 2, waking at 5
Eyes heavy and the first cigarette
A cup of coffee and the slow realization
That the sun remains to rise

Love lost stoner, quiet loner,
what are you reading just now?
Gentle mother, sister, brother,
help me learn to forgive one another
Blunder, come out from under
your rock
Wash up, put on some new
socks
Wash your gentle love
locks
Long eyelashes and rock, crooked
corrupted slop
Just taste a drop, tip of your
tongue
Exhale your lungs, we are all
one

Chisel a poem out
for the hell of it
Scratch one out of sandy beach brush
watch the waves attempt
to destroy
you
fullstop.

Feel your lungs explode

Saw you for the last time 2 months ago
in a picture on my wall
and now I know
I will see you no more
pennies, dimes, happy rhymes
a nickle for a copper thought
brew me on home on damnation's
doorstep

The joy of nicotine gum
Pencils the size of your pinky finger
& the smell of ****

A tumbling river of psychosis, towing me down the line
Finding the speaking tree, where the levee bends skyward
Eyes open we shelter shock our ***** socks into piles
then flop down in arms spent days in
  shaking for longing
    longing for being held

A strange place to find yourself, down this road tonight
Bright lights on tip toe through the needle sharp live oak
Cough up and choke on the last broken syllable spent
  in a corner store snoring
   symphonies

Beetles on the screen and all it can mean is the light is
attracting them
A stem on the prefrontal cortex was forced more or less
open
Serotonin blue potion puts life back in motion with
little to no commotion


Here we are, finding the time to slice rhymes into watermelon triangles
Here we are, losing it all over again
You and you and you and you

Tired old men with their heads bent low
taking the salt and brine in tow
hooks like daggers
skinny steel
octopus
rings
for
a
fishes
meal

Found a stem
Growing from dry earth
Found a kiss
Among sand
And the promise
Of waiting lips
Could you define a broken soul
Pieced together with
super glue and
clear
tape
My love, my everything
I cried when
You smiled
I cried when
You chirped at me
With those eyelashes like
clearcut pine
Pine needles stick into
Our hand knitted blanket
While you kiss my ear
as we make love
I find you hairs in my clothing
And think about nothing but the scent
Of your sweat on my lip
And the feel of your tongue
On our teeth
Ours ours ours
Find me
Dreaming
The ones we shared
In a desert where you passed water to me
like a bird
Lips against mine
Not a word spoken
But the warmth of your breast
Against my heart
Made me believe in
life again

Males of Dynastes bear two long horns, one on the head, and the other on the pronotum, forming a "plier"; the pronotal horn has reddish setae on its underside. This pronotal horn is absent in females.[3] Some species have an iridescent colouration to their elytra.[4] Certain species of the genus Dynastes also have the ability to change colour.[5] Specific species have been noted to occur with either black or yellowish to khaki green elytra.[5] This variation in colour is due to a spongy layer below the transparent cuticle;[5] this spongy layer is a network of filamentous strands made up of three-dimensional photonic crystals lying parallel to the cuticle surface.[6] When the cuticle is filled with gas this layer can show through, presenting the yellow to khaki green colour, but when filled with fluid the cuticle appears black.[5] This is due to the change in refraction index allowing us to see the difference in colours.[6] This system is known as a hygrochromic effect.[4] Female beetles can change colour but not as completely as males, which is not yet explained as the mechanisms for the colour change is still not completely understood.[5] What is known is that changes in humidity affect the levels of moisture in the cuticle which leads to a change in colour in most cases.[5] Since the change is due to humidity it is a reversible process, however, it has been observed that after multiple colour changes or high stress the beetles will maintain some dark spots on their cuticle.[4] Some hypotheses for why this colour change occurs at all are the ability to blend with surroundings depending on the time of day (black for nighttime and yellow for daytime) to best avoid their main predator, the tropical screech owl (Megascops choliba).[5] Another theory has to do with thermoregulation in the sense that a black beetle heats up faster than yellow and then once they have warmed up theoretically there will be less moisture in the cuticle which leads to changing to a colour which does not heat as quickly so they won't overheat.[5]

Died inside
for the
last
first
time

Speaking into the speaking stone
Listening to the listening tree
Breaking the breaking bone

Half empty green bottles smashed to sharp emeralds
Cans crushed into half stars
Passing cars like comets

In the dark place we find each other breathing
Console me with your tears
Bleed the last drop dry

Upward drift in the quiet space
Things falling into place for once
What is the capital of your heart
let's travel it
Backstreet mouthwash cobblestone wordlocks
Sterile wipes on your cut hands
Find me out in the rotten Hyacinth
Wash me clean of the metaphors of understanding
I'm a child in the darkness crying out
Ripped from the womb with no say in the matter
Cold blank homogeneous liquid
Dampness constricted and concentrated
Four square corner games in crevices
Ceviche on salty chips in the backroom
The gloom you feel post coitus
Unravel the pieces of seed pod thoughts
Untravel every destination post-partum
Under the bridge drug overdose martyrdom
The forest is burning all around us
                      DRIVE FASTER

Feeling alright for the first time in a couple days
don't know if I'm intoxicated
or just numb

Broken vases, vaulted nights
days spent in the embrace
of blissful inaction

A pile of pillows
no thoughts
still

I found my center
but it decided
it needed a while
to find me back

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[01:48] fearitferret: I got a minte or two
[01:52] fearitferret: I'm named after a flower
[01:52] fearitferret: gotta impress better than that  
[01:52] oldnumber7: haha
[01:52] oldnumber7: ill try
[01:52] oldnumber7: imma press them in a book
[01:53] fearitferret: Patrick
[01:53] fearitferret: can I ask you a serious question
[01:53] oldnumber7: yes my love
[01:53] fearitferret: break my heart, but do you ever see an actual future for us?
[01:53] oldnumber7: yes
[01:53] oldnumber7: if we can stay alive long enough
[01:53] oldnumber7: yes
[01:54] oldnumber7: is that okay?
[01:54] fearitferret: like, we get to live and die together?
[01:54] oldnumber7: you're my lady im your man?
[01:54] oldnumber7: yeah
[01:54] oldnumber7: if we can do it
[01:54] oldnumber7: inshallah
[01:54] fearitferret: die being decades ahead
[01:54] fearitferret: I'll **** YOU if you awnt to die of anything but old age
[01:54] oldnumber7: hahah
[01:55] fearitferret: I prmise you, I think you'd love it out here, so close to the beach and I want to play with you in the ocean all the time
[01:56] fearitferret: but this means I can work towards moving closer to you if I have to
[01:56] oldnumber7: i want to come to you
[01:56] oldnumber7: get away from here
[01:56] oldnumber7: check ur fb
[01:56] fearitferret: I wish I could make you come here right now, bit **** is super complicated
[01:56] oldnumber7: i know
[01:56] oldnumber7: we have time
[01:57] fearitferret: ummm really?
[01:58] fearitferret: God am I really getting teary eyed over the fact you wanted to be in a FB official relationip with me
[01:58] oldnumber7: i ****** love you
[01:58] oldnumber7: i was blind but now i see
[01:58] fearitferret: RELATIONSHIP
[01:58] oldnumber7: yep
[01:58] oldnumber7: 3.2.1. go
[01:59] fearitferret: you  better be ******* serious about this
[01:59] oldnumber7: i am
[01:59] oldnumber7: im not ****** around
[01:59] fearitferret: I love you to absolute death
[01:59] oldnumber7: same
[01:59] fearitferret: and it
[01:59] oldnumber7: feels good
[01:59] oldnumber7: right
[01:59] oldnumber7: etc
[01:59] fearitferret: it'll take a lot of work to make it
[01:59] oldnumber7: we can do it
[01:59] oldnumber7: work is good
[01:59] oldnumber7: i have a lot of work to do
[02:00] oldnumber7: god willing i am able to accomplish a lot here in the next couple months
[02:00] oldnumber7: hey you
[02:00] fearitferret: You know it'll be 100 times easier for you to move here first, then maybe we move back if that is what you want?
[02:00] oldnumber7: i like the ocean
[02:01] oldnumber7: i like you more though..
[02:01] fearitferret: hahah me too, please don't ever make me leave it!
[02:01] oldnumber7: like a lot lol
[02:01] oldnumber7: deal
[02:01] fearitferret: you're bigger than me
[02:02] fearitferret: you have to take me deeper in the ocean
[02:02] oldnumber7: i got you
[02:02] oldnumber7: trust me im a waterman
[02:02] fearitferret: I trust you way more than I should
[02:02] oldnumber7: i know
[02:02] oldnumber7: i think we can do this, seriously
[02:02] oldnumber7: like a big adventure
[02:03] fearitferret: **** I love you, I trust you
[02:03] oldnumber7: thank you
[02:03] oldnumber7: let me earn it first
[02:03] fearitferret: I really don't want this to be a TOTAL UP choice
[02:03] oldnumber7: if it is then i would rather stay here
[02:03] oldnumber7: i feel happy
[02:03] fearitferret: but I'm here, do or die
[02:03] oldnumber7: do or die
[02:04] oldnumber7: exa.ct.ly
[02:04] fearitferret: be are be
[02:04] oldnumber7: kk
[02:04] fearitferret: like, 10 seconds tops ok, 30
[02:04] fearitferret: I HAVE TO ***
[02:04] oldnumber7: lol do ya thing girlie
[02:07] fearitferret: I spent so long swearing you wereit for me
[02:07] oldnumber7:  
[02:07] oldnumber7: baby
[02:07] oldnumber7: hey
[02:08] fearitferret: I am scared you'll take this away again
[02:08] oldnumber7: i will do everything in my power for that not to happen
[02:08] oldnumber7: i promise
[02:09] oldnumber7: i am a fool, but not such a big one to leave you...
[02:09] oldnumber7: a second time
[02:09] oldnumber7: foolish the first time
[02:09] oldnumber7: i was so misguided..
[02:09] oldnumber7: i love you hah
[02:09] fearitferret: I mean I  understand what happened but "getting caught up in another chick" is pretty basic for not happening
[02:10] oldnumber7: yeah
[02:10] oldnumber7: ******* idiot, straight up
[02:10] oldnumber7: and i claim that
[02:10] fearitferret: I won't deny that
[02:10] oldnumber7: lol you'd be lying if you did
[02:10] fearitferret: but come on, you're awesome
[02:11] oldnumber7: im just doing what i told you, bootstraps
[02:11] oldnumber7: not mine, yours
[02:11] oldnumber7: thanks
[02:11] fearitferret: I guess that hinges on me knowing you much more
[02:11] oldnumber7: i am like a flower sorta haha
[02:11] oldnumber7: just serene
[02:11] oldnumber7: you know me already
[02:12] fearitferret: I'd like to think I know you
[02:12] oldnumber7: i am really excited to get to know you
[02:12] oldnumber7: we have a lot to learn from eachother
[02:13] fearitferret: ouch
[02:13] oldnumber7: we gotta remember, july 8th
[02:13] oldnumber7: you've shown me so much, but it's just a little bit of you
[02:13] oldnumber7: just like you've seen a little bit of me, in passing
[02:13] oldnumber7: like lights
[02:13] oldnumber7: through windows, incense through the drapes
[02:13] fearitferret: You've seen every bit of me
[02:13] oldnumber7: but i want all of you
[02:14] oldnumber7: i've sipped from your cup in my mind
[02:14] fearitferret: I've seen a bit of you, because I was too busy bitcing about myself
[02:14] oldnumber7: i was being crazy
[02:14] oldnumber7: loco
[02:14] oldnumber7: etc
[02:14] oldnumber7: still am a little
[02:14] oldnumber7: you know me
[02:14] oldnumber7: but im working on that
[02:14] oldnumber7: lol baby u look tired
[02:14] fearitferret: I love you baby
[02:15] oldnumber7: you worked hard today huh
[02:15] fearitferret: always have, always will
[02:15] oldnumber7: exactly :3
[02:15] fearitferret: I'm glad you came back
[02:15] oldnumber7: somehow
[02:15] oldnumber7: i didn't think i wanna gonna make it man
[02:15] oldnumber7: seriously
[02:15] oldnumber7: but im changing things
[02:16] fearitferret: I'm absolutely ****** in the brain babe
[02:16] oldnumber7: well another thing we got in common
[02:16] oldnumber7: ;3
[02:16] fearitferret: and I've spent decades
[02:16] fearitferret: fixing, and coforming and screaming about how I need help and then screaming about how I didn't
[02:16] oldnumber7: baby, that's okay
[02:16] fearitferret: and go on and on and on and on
[02:17] oldnumber7: then go on and on with me
[02:17] oldnumber7: we can do that
[02:17] fearitferret: babe
[02:17] fearitferret: look at me
[02:17] oldnumber7: hey
[02:18] oldnumber7: sorry
[02:18] oldnumber7: you're right, the now
[02:18] oldnumber7: now matters
[02:18] fearitferret: I would've killed, and then dreaded, then killed, then dreaded, then killed etc and etc for ******* hrlp
[02:18] oldnumber7: i wish i could've been there
[02:19] oldnumber7: be a rock like you were for me
[02:19] oldnumber7: in my mind
[02:19] fearitferret: For me, take all the help you can. I'll scream and beat on the walls for you if I have to, just, take the help I wanted but didn't get
[02:19] oldnumber7: paint in watercolors behind me while i sing
[02:19] oldnumber7: pick basil out of the garden
[02:20] oldnumber7: read a book somewhere
[02:20] oldnumber7: anywhere
[02:20] oldnumber7: doesn't matter
[02:20] oldnumber7: with my best friend
[02:20] oldnumber7: that makes my heart smile

Today I helped save 00036800
water bottles going to waste, so behold
my contribution to Mother Nature

Something, small, silver
Turning in hand, of a child
Eyes wide, concussion, cry
Gap tooth ******
Sing slow, for me
Cane Cholla cufflinks,
barbwire scars
Chainsaw mars and disfigures
Sew it up with boiled
dental floss

*****
Mood stabilizers
Anti-psychotics
Xanax
Silence never felt to heavy

Just don't stop coward
Write what's in your heart
Like a doe leaping over fences
Entrails, somehow it fits
Snow on the lawn in Texas
A ****** salt nose dripping on lips
A first kiss in a creek surrounded by mule deer

Two spaces between each empty place
How do they get their names on
The **** bottle

Sitting on Orchard road, in front of the towers
Waiting for a friend or two
The six pack turning warm in its plastic bag
Taking sips under an umbrella in the rain
Espresso and Guinness
**** me for trying

My love សំណព្វ saamnapv
For you សម្រាប់​អ្នក samreab anak
Grows like លូតដូចជា lout dauchchea
Flowers in morning ផ្កានៅពេលព្រឹក phka nowpel pruk

My heart បេះដូង​ខ្ញុំ behdaung khnhom
builds anthills កសាងអាកាស  ksang akasa
of memories នៃការចងចាំ nei kar changcham
you អ្នក anak

The everlasting now ជារៀងរហូតឥឡូវនេះ chea rieng rhaut ilauvnih
mine, yours អូនអើយឯង aun aey eng
friend មិត្តភក្តិ mitt phokte

Lodestone, lovesouls, the boundaries of my blue blooded lover
Gentle mother with a fresh razor cut, do you know how much you hurt me?
Chocolate and candy on the table of the mental ward, mental *******
Figuring out what works, our ways, our quarks, or muons and gluons
Milk chocolate dissolving on your tongue, not bitten, forbidden, bitte fraulein
Gloria, gloria, shalom, assalamu alaikum, hands out, shake 'em
Pull the sword from the stone, water matters, patterns carved in bone
Love is lone, dove, rain from above, mud, life is not crud, maybe

Two sparrows
Sang shrill melodies
This afternoon

Skating down cracked sidewalk waves

Shedding this mind enslaved

Shredding in the name of peace

Inner peace, not some short term lease

The real deal, official seal

Watch me steal away down this sidewalk

Hear my wheels talk under streetlight

Disappear into deep night, no fright

Riding concrete waves out of sight

Knowing this feeling is right

Novels of Kipling on the floor
Between bottles of ***
A smile I could find
like pocket change
Familiar and bright
words on my hands
In ballpoint abstract
The script on your teeth
Bite skin deep
expose my veins
so I can bleed
a verse onto
your breast

1
Airless in the morning motions
Every quiet moment shattered in self consciousness
Like coffee on new rugs

2
Flew straight up one time
Fell back down, found the humble ground
Unsteady but reassuring, press on

3
The next song reminds me
Of days spent in this same spot
Waiting on the next song

Chewing nicorette until your jaw
hurts
A Grateful Dead song as you switch
lanes
Glances in the rear view, making eye contact for the first
and last
time

Late nights on the tail gate
Looking at the same scene
Up and down the road
Found the hidden things
Between my feet
Above my head

And to finish it off
Another haiku I just wrote for you
To pass the **** time

Habla nada
eyes on low
beam
Gusano
worm like men
with skulls
under
tattoo'd skin
For once
        Will you trust me?

Putting pieces of books together
Hidden messages between pages of composted life
Last poem, his greatest work

Cacti blooming in the moonlight
Water lapping on shore
The smell of your hair
The touch I adore
Profound devastation
A leviathan of sorrow
Spit in my face
So I can feel your warmth once more

Days in the ward writing notes
On how to live life and not suffer
Tears on sterile bedsheets
Meditation with killers
Eyes bent on damnation

Run the comb through his hair
Feel his scalp give way
Dandruff on your fingernails
Eyes like burnt plastic
Time endless, elastic

Rye beer, rye bourbon
Drink until the days shift
Hours turn to seconds
Days to minutes
Your smile winding down
Hours in Puerto Rico
On a bench in the center of San Juan
Drinking beer and making love
Hold me once again in memory
For old times sake

The medication I'm on works apparently
I just blend in
Not as crazy as I seemed
A ******* in color
Find me please
Among the juniper and pine

Strange sounds in the night
Like pinpricks on your spine
Saw a shift in the reflections
A killer coming for me
I'm sure of it
Lock the doors
Load the guns
Shotguns up front
Knives in pocket
Come at me you *******
Out of the night and train screaming sirens miles away
Come at me
End my misery

Spend every day on razor edge
Feel the tingle of action
Destroy every inhibition
Fall into nothing

Hookers and tattoos
Destroy what's left
Burn it all down

Pills and malt brew
A small sliver of the moon
Would you like to be friends?

The way it feels to be caught in the rain
brainwash dish toss, victory & loss, blood on the floss
Spit it out
We are deep in the forest & the sky is turning red
the animals are running white eyed, singed stink
Kids at the roller rink, trying to speak, to you &
you alone
Words spit in hostile tones when all we need is love
Like a dove with a BB in her heart
Tumbling tumbilina, Small as Thumbelina
I see ya, coming out of the dark, red sparks
Larks on the high line, fine wine, salt & brine
Crying out in the darkness simply to cry
Trying to figure out the reasons why,
why

In tired spirals we graph our days
In colored stains we speak our shaky hands
Rubbing white shirts on the chalk board to
make tie dye tees

Two sets of teeth licking molars
smelling their breath over
half smoked
cigarettes

The feeling of being caught in the rain
with nowhere
to go

I once saw a field so green it could be an aphid
I once saw a sky so blue it could be a puddle
ink stains sit and blur and muddle
together again

Words pressed out of a pomegranite
it could be any
but they turned out to be
yours