You are the heat of a fever
Charting course in my veins
Even Icarus in this flight
Never felt the pulse of Apollo like this

I remember a rainy day
You told me you were hungry
I broke my heart in half
Like a peanut butter and jelly sandwich
Cut of the crusts
We sat on the couch in silence
Nibbling away at all the love I had to give

The troubles you said
Were below sea level
Are eye level for me

Take me to the darkness
In the middle of the sea
Drowning is nothing
When you live your whole life free

Love was was not enough for us
Now we must face the music

Tell me if you love me
And I'll tell you if I care

Sick of wearing my heart on my sleeve
For those who are never truly there

Tell me
Your fantasy of God
Of goodness
Kindness
Tell me of sinners
And death
Speak of angels

We are poets
All we know
Is cigarettes and regret

We are poets
We know of heartbreak and all her words
The size of each of her veins
Asking to much of a broken heart

We are poets
We slip into the madness
Because it's more comfortable

We are poets
We observe
Saying nothing
Preferring to write our words

We are poets
And each of our lengths of love
Are our most beautiful works

Those of us who are human
Will never be free from our thoughts

You are
The muchness and the madness
I look for the morning
The love I long for in the night
You are the softest star
In the evening sky
You are my guiding light

The moon has never said a word
All this time
I wonder if she knows
I dream of her thoughts
How utterly entranced
I am by her beauty

I have only ever wished to be gentle
And at peace
It has always seemed just out of reach
You never allowed such a thing
So now I shall rage steadily
Against the fading of the light
Spare me your words
I have ached long enough

You say I am being emotional
What a crime
That only one of us feels

If I asked you nicely,
Would you break my heart

We fell apart
So long ago
It still feels
Like yesterday
I still feel
Sort of

If I could only feel safe one place I would ask for it to be my mind.

September 22, 2020

Falling in love with pain
Is either an ending
Or beginning

I suppose one day when I walk into a room and the lights don't turn on
I'll know I'm a ghost then
Now my only proof I have is my cold hands and faded presence

Tremble against the strings
Row against the rage
Sleep against the grain
Know when time ends
We are not even stars
Not even sand
Only human, only sin
Bear me not your faults
As I am relinquished
Of soul and stamina

Even now
After you are no longer found
In the physical of my life
I still feel your hands
Around my throat
And covering my lips
I will bite your palm again and again
Favoring the taste of blood
Over that of silence

Even if I never write
Anything great at all
Know that I have
Given my best
Know that I have
Said my all

I looked to the stars
And said
I am your student
Teach me of death

Sometimes I think
Anxiety makes me a bad person
But I'm too depressed to fix it

I did something wrong once
I take that as a solidifying truth
For my abhorrence

The creative mind can be strange place
You can create the most captivating beauty
And the darkest monsters imaginable

When you wake
In the morning
Face the struggle
And the sun of the day
Know when the gray creeps in
That you need only muster
Strength for one day

.                   .
                   i t
               c o m e s
           a n d       g o e s
      i n                   w a v e s


who will d
                    r
                      o
                 ­       w
                           n
    
         who will be  s a v e d

                    o                 a   e
who will l     v   the  w   t   R
                    e


and who wil take her  p  l  a  c  e

I will turn you into poetry
Because that's the only way
I know how to cope
Every word seems to seal my fate
It is to late for us
I never deserved you
Nothing I do
Will ever earn your love
I'm sorry
~
I wondered for the longest time
If you had died
If your family would tell me
I know that's a horrible motivation
~
Now I wonder
When I passs
If you will remember my soul
As it was with you
Or how terribly dark
It is without
~
Only one of us
Will be burdened
With 'what ifs'
In the end


------------------------
'In the end
As we fade into the night
Who will tell
The story of our life'
-Andy Black

Sometimes
When you give another
A piece of your mind
Know that you may sacrifice
Your peace of mind

I will never know your thoughts
And I take that as a gift
My thoughts are my own
And that is where I will dwell

Would you still
Love the sun the same
If you saw her
Barren of her rays

I asked you
To trust me
Not knowing
You would be
The one
To teach me
What trust was
Neutral tyrants
Drink themselves
To the bottom
Of the glass
I pray only
That the well
Will not run
Dry

Will we be angels too
When the heavens are emtpy
Crossroads of empty streets
Will not bear
The body of Nazareth
We remember our shame
As children
Like nothing else
What do we hold
In common with monsters
Will we ever covet
The exhibition of kidness
Not only the reception of it
Are you willing
To be an imperfect
Example of compassion
While whole human
And partly humble

I once begged
God
And the universe
To cling to my mortality
Now I know
To even begin
To know peace
You must give up yourself
Only from nothing
Is something built
After so much time
Do we ever truly disentangle
Do we ever really split
Like the trunks of two oaks
We are wrapped together
Who could tell
Our branches apart
And if one dies
The embrace of love lost
Is held
Until the latter passes too
It would be
My greatest aching
For you to pass
Before we are through

These words
Are my testament
My everlasting ode
To attempt sanity
Clinging to the edge
Of my mind chasms
I have fallen before
I will do it again
Sending my thoughts out
Only words return
Only words

When you get to heaven
Ask Icarus of the sun
When I get to heaven
I will tell him
Of the brightest light
I ever knew
I will spin him stories
Of golden thread
And he will wonder
Why he did not instead
Chose to fly
Close to you

I feel fear in my feet
And that is why
I am not grounded

I suppose this letter
While not the greatest
Is one of the most important
Things I've ever written
.
It is too much
And somehow
I do not think
It will ever be enough
.
I don't know
What to say
I don't know
What not so say
So I will tell it all
And I hope you will
Bear my grief
As a labor of love
As I have borne
Our time apart

The music was right
Time is a dark