When I die
I don't care what happens to my body
throw ashes in the air, scatter 'em in East River
bury an urn in Elizabeth New Jersey, B'nai Israel Cemetery
But l want a big funeral
St. Patrick's Cathedral, St. Mark's Church, the largest synagogue in
        Manhattan
First, there's family, brother, nephews, spry aged Edith stepmother
        96, Aunt Honey from old Newark,
Doctor Joel, cousin Mindy, brother Gene one eyed one ear'd, sister-
        in-law blonde Connie, five nephews, stepbrothers & sisters
        their grandchildren,
companion Peter Orlovsky, caretakers Rosenthal & Hale, Bill Morgan--
Next, teacher Trungpa Vajracharya's ghost mind, Gelek Rinpoche,
        there Sakyong Mipham, Dalai Lama alert, chance visiting
        America, Satchitananda Swami
Shivananda, Dehorahava Baba, Karmapa XVI, Dudjom Rinpoche,
        Katagiri & Suzuki Roshi's phantoms
Baker, Whalen, Daido Loorie, Qwong, Frail White-haired Kapleau
        Roshis, Lama Tarchen --
Then, most important, lovers over half-century
Dozens, a hundred, more, older fellows bald & rich
young boys met naked recently in bed, crowds surprised to see each
        other, innumerable, intimate, exchanging memories
"He taught me to meditate, now I'm an old veteran of the thousand
        day retreat --"
"I played music on subway platforms, I'm straight but loved him he
        loved me"
"I felt more love from him at 19 than ever from anyone"
"We'd lie under covers gossip, read my poetry, hug & kiss belly to belly
        arms round each other"
"I'd always get into his bed with underwear on & by morning my
        skivvies would be on the floor"
"Japanese, always wanted take it up my *** with a master"
"We'd talk all night about Kerouac & Cassady sit Buddhalike then
        sleep in his captain's bed."
"He seemed to need so much affection, a shame not to make him happy"
"I was lonely never in bed **** with anyone before, he was so gentle my
        stomach
shuddered when he traced his finger along my abdomen ****** to hips-- "
"All I did was lay back eyes closed, he'd bring me to come with mouth
        & fingers along my waist"
"He gave great head"
So there be gossip from loves of 1948, ghost of Neal Cassady commin-
        gling with flesh and youthful blood of 1997
and surprise -- "You too? But I thought you were straight!"
"I am but Ginsberg an exception, for some reason he pleased me."
"I forgot whether I was straight gay queer or funny, was myself, tender
        and affectionate to be kissed on the top of my head,
my forehead throat heart & solar plexus, mid-belly. on my *****,
        tickled with his tongue my behind"
"I loved the way he'd recite 'But at my back allways hear/ time's winged
        chariot hurrying near,' heads together, eye to eye, on a
        pillow --"
Among lovers one handsome youth straggling the rear
"I studied his poetry class, 17 year-old kid, ran some errands to his
        walk-up flat,
seduced me didn't want to, made me come, went home, never saw him
        again never wanted to... "
"He couldn't get it up but loved me," "A clean old man." "He made
        sure I came first"
This the crowd most surprised proud at ceremonial place of honor--
Then poets & musicians -- college boys' grunge bands -- age-old rock
        star Beatles, faithful guitar accompanists, gay classical con-
        ductors, unknown high Jazz music composers, funky trum-
        peters, bowed bass & french horn black geniuses, folksinger
        fiddlers with dobro tamborine harmonica mandolin auto-
        harp pennywhistles & kazoos
Next, artist Italian romantic realists schooled in mystic 60's India,
        Late fauve Tuscan painter-poets, Classic draftsman *****-
        chusets surreal jackanapes with continental wives, poverty
        sketchbook gesso oil watercolor masters from American
        provinces
Then highschool teachers, lonely Irish librarians, delicate biblio-
        philes, *** liberation troops nay armies, ladies of either ***
"I met him dozens of times he never remembered my name I loved
        him anyway, true artist"
"Nervous breakdown after menopause, his poetry humor saved me
        from suicide hospitals"
"Charmant, genius with modest manners, washed sink, dishes my
        studio guest a week in Budapest"
Thousands of readers, "Howl changed my life in Libertyville Illinois"
"I saw him read Montclair State Teachers College decided be a poet-- "
"He turned me on, I started with garage rock sang my songs in Kansas
        City"
"Kaddish made me weep for myself & father alive in Nevada City"
"Father Death comforted me when my sister died Boston l982"
"I read what he said in a newsmagazine, blew my mind, realized
        others like me out there"
Deaf & Dumb bards with hand signing quick brilliant gestures
Then Journalists, editors's secretaries, agents, portraitists & photo-
        graphy aficionados, rock critics, cultured laborors, cultural
        historians come to witness the historic funeral
Super-fans, poetasters, aging Beatnicks & Deadheads, autograph-
        hunters, distinguished paparazzi, intelligent gawkers
Everyone knew they were part of 'History" except the deceased
who never knew exactly what was happening even when I was alive

                                                February 22, 1997

He sings with me as if in a dream
on the rolling hills of green
In a voice so clear every man can hear
Every word we mean -

Backed-by-a-choir, he beats on his tamborine
He's soft; and slightly off-key -
We are the ones that we want to love, and fortunate are we -

His lips, they purse around each syllable. His hair is moved in the breeze -
He is the spirit I've been channeling; Forever He and Me -

Two-by-two the dyads move,
Swaying in the dance -
The sun, a bobble, shines in our eyes-  
By the Universe entranced -

Two are joined by the choir, the sun
And the face of the dancing crowds -
The cone-of-power confirms the manifest,
Then we ascend to the clouds -

the pharaoh's soul
ride a ferry
through the
umbilical chord
of another
cosmos
with a
steady drumbeat
and
the sound of
a tamborine

Drumbeat of Sunlight
Upon Tamborine Sky

Shaman Whisper

Hissing of A Wisdom
Called Present

Add an I and a D
And I'd Be There Too

In Fact

I'D
Probably Be
THE President
Wouldn't I?

Thank You.  
Always a Good Ending

.........................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­.................................................................­......



ACCUSATION  i

A Military Test
To Prove
God's Grade
Of Metal Born
By Light and Dark
A Spectrum All
From InfraRed
to X Ray Mean
For Me
Opaque
To
Life Unseen

what make
thunder and lightning
touch the ground
when blue sky
sings a tune
in perfect pitch
and harmony
taps her
tamborine
against the
gray clouds
that crack open
like a nest of
blue robin eggs

an orchestra
made of
cherry wood flutes
golden lyres
and cosmic
tamborine drums
instruments
played
by the gods
make
a
quite thunderstorm
yes
all that we need

oh the
hand of God
beat her
cosmic tamborine-drum
ripples through
space and time
thus all remains
a constant
what giveth
thy soul joy

Went to Carbondale to save my friend,
That was the night my life almost came to an end!

Pretty sure my kids saved my life, thank God they were there,
Pulled up to the wrong trailer and almost got shot, now that wasn't fair!

The ***** said get of my f...ing property and I asked if she knew where Kane stayed.
***** said no, so I called him and prayed!

Thank God he answered the phone, that probably helped too
When I got there Lizzy was passed out drunk and that kinda blew!

I realize it was the middle of the night,
But I had to save Lizzy, just knew it was right!

She was out and my kids wide awake,
The next day was fun, we went to the lake!

Southern Illinois is a beautiful place,
But everyone there is crazy and I knew I needed to return to my home base!

Brayden played the bongos and Karissa the tamborine,
Lizzy was so impressed, she gave them a large cuisine!

Brayden was such a mess,
I wondered why I even got him dressed!

We went to the castle park, that was cool though,
Both of my kids were just like "Woah!"

It was good to get back,
And out of that ghetto shack!

I like taking them on adventures,
And I hope they will always remember!