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Tommy Johnson Feb 2015
I feel as though I'm different than the people my age that I see in the bars and clubs I go to

Not better, just not like them
Maybe lesser, I don't know

I don't dress like them
I don't listen to all the same music as them
Or even into the same movies as them

I wear Italian leather Beatle boots
They wear Nikes or Jordans
I listen to Bob Dylan or The Mountain Goats
They're into whatever rapper or dj is hot right now
They're talking about American ******
And I'm still trying to wrap my head around Inland Empire and The Holy Mountain

And it's not the fact that we don't have similar interests
It's the fact that we have nothing to actually talk about or bond over

I have problems meeting people and making friends
I even have problems keeping friends

I'll tell you why
I lose friends because I see people for who they are
I observe and I listen
I'll even call someone out if I've had my fill
Or I'll do something they don''t like
Not on purpose, I just **** them off

This one time when I was younger I had this "friend" and he asked m for five bucks
Now, this kid and I wee not close at all so I said no
Then I bought a drink  or something
And the next thing I know he's calling me grimy because I had money to give him but I didn't

It was then and there I realized the concept of the phrase "people ****"

People ****
We all say that
But why?
Because when someone does something to us that we would rather not have them do we automatically put them in the category of "****"

Oh you ****
He *****
They ****

We say that because they're not doing what we'd prefer them to do
Like hang out with us
Or do us a favor
Or keep a secret
Or lend money

But there is a ratio of suckage

The sucakge of someone's person depends on their history of things they've ****** at

If someone ***** at being on time, they're not really hurting you directly
They just can't get their **** together and by now you should prepare for that
So there isn't really any harm done

But someone who acts like a friend, gets on your good side, gains your trust and makes you feel comfortable enough to let your guard down just a bit
Then turns around and bad mouths you to people
Puts word in your mouth
Even make up lies about you
That persons suckage is outta here

And that kind of experience can make a person a tad wary in social situations
Bringing me back to my main point
That I feel a sting of separation between me and my peers whenever I go out

We're all twenty something
We're all out to have a good time

Then why do I feel so inadequate?
Maybe because I'm self conscious of my appearance?
Maybe because I'm not that tall, five foot ten is the average right?
Maybe because I feel like a loser for being at a two year community college for four years because I ****** up because I went through a bad break up and went into a drug induced spiral while dating someone who I used to make the person who broke up with me jealous and at the same time enabled me to further my drug use and care free attitude to rock bottom until I realized where I was and broke up with that person, got over the first person and met someone who made me a better me and gave me the confidence to  move forward
Maybe it's because I depend on relationships too much

And that's another thing
I'm with someone
But I go out to bars and clubs with the desire to possibly meet women
What the **** is with me?
That's wrong
Isn't it?
Could I be a polygamist
Maybe I'm just a selfish ******* who thinks with his ****

Maybe it's because I'm twenty one, still living at home with my mom and dad and don't really pay for ****
I work at a middle school in my town as a janitor part time for $10.25 an hour
Four hours a day five days a week
Most kids are either living at school and graduating by now
Or working and living on their own

Should I stop comparing myself to everyone?
Yes
Should I just keep trying to better myself?
Yes
Should I let the past be the past and learn from it?
Yes
Will I?
I'm making an effort to

I hate being where I am in my life right now
I'll tell you man it's been a long road and I'm sure you've had a long road too
And I feel for you even if I don't know you or have even ever spoke with you
Because we're all human
We all share this world
So why not?

You know maybe I am different
Maybe I am a little weird
Maybe I have a few issues
Maybe I am socially inept
Maybe I do **** because I;m not doing what I wish I was doing
Good!

That means I'm not complacent
Not that I'm ungrateful or anything
But I want more for myself and I deserve it
We all do

Some people say I'm the kind of guy who isn't happy unless I'm miserable
Well they could be right
Or maybe I just haven't found what makes me happy
But I intend to
Gigi Tiji Mar 2015
boom boom boom and
It's glowing technicolor grid lines
and points of pulsating rainbowdots
tracing silhouettes of wriggling bodies
intertwined with the cursive signature of
rhythm boom boom boom

and then it's cold air and
briskly-shivering-bliss-bodies
huddled in giggling masses
amassing intentions of warmth

I blink and step over a threshold
into a cute-house-cute-house but —

it looks oddly outlined,
too angular, out of place...
but it may just be that
my thoughts are curved
and blurry after a night of
bouncing around to
electronically generated sound particles
pulsating from amplifiers that engulf my body
in a bubbling-sonic-ball-pit jumping up and down
in sync to nearly-bone-shattering-bass leaving
every fiber of my being little jelly fish
going with the flow

It seems strange to be back amidst the throes
of right angles and forced aesthetics
engineered with only efficiency and
capital in mind.

A cute-boy-cute-boy with
long, dark, wavy hair offers me a
blue-pill-blue-pill 'time to chill', he says

He looks a bit like me and his hair is
highlighted with electricity
and he's me he's me I see

Baby blue pop ****
powder blue chalk.
Spit it out
halfway chewed
let it roll into my pocket
safe for later suffrin'-suckage

Now I've gone, over
and I'm out now and
there's a blackout in my
mind now black

My eyes slowly slide open
to a succubus staring into my soul
******* its contents from my pupils...
and it holds me there, smiling
until I am nothing but a
dried cantaloupe skin
sitting in the safety of my room...

I blink and I am up and moving,
leaving the room into a hallway of endless doors
leading to other endless hallways of other endless doors and
a shadowy figure, quite familiar, swiftly steps into one as I step out.
Gone. Was it really there? I step through another doorway and
in the corner of my eye I see the shadow return to the hall.
I step back and it steps forward and I step forward and it steps back.

I step-step through the threshold and
I'm back in the city.

There's six or seven others with me
and they all look quite familiar, they
all look quite a bit like me.

and we're all going
we're all going somewhere
but I can't seem to figure out what to bring

and I'm emptying my pockets but
my pockets are universes
endlessly expanding and
before I know it,
my life sits pretty in a pile before me

I leave it all and I leave...
I'm gone, over and out now
I'm on the street getting into my car
to go go go and I'm driving and
I have no idea where I'm going
or what the hell I'm doing.

I'm lost now and I wonder,
how am I going to be found?

Stop, park. There's a bus!
They've always got somewhere to go...
I climb aboard and it's completely-empty-dead-of-night.

The driver hands me a beautifully bound book of poetry and
it reads quite a bit like mine does.

Turns out we're on a trolley and
we're ascending the sides of buildings
and we're going up, up
and up into
bright stars
suspended in a
deep blue sky
fading to green...

WAIT!!!
We need to stop!
I need to get off!
I need to be somewhere else!

The trolley descends and we stop at the dead street.
Right angle buildings line the sides of the parallel lines.

I get out and the driver gets out with me and
all of a sudden we're dancing in the road!

LOOK!
The stars!
They are pulsating
in connected constellations
sparkling and

LOOK!!
LISTEN!!
You can hear them glowing
in sync with the breath of the universe!

We bask in their glory and
I recognize the driver
as a childhood friend.

SID!? Siddhartha?!

I blink and
on another corner
someway somehow
some ways away
there are six to seven people
looking quite a bit like I do and
they're standing and waiting for me.
They're all waiting for me, but
I've forgotten everything...
at the cute house.

One splits and now I'm three!
and it's me and me and Katiie
and we're going back to the
cute house cute house
but there's all these walls we gotta
crawl under and squeeze between
and walls we have to climb over and
hoops we gotta jump through!

and it's crawl under smooosh!
face-squeeze-jump-walk and I JUMP! -
to the top of a building and walk walk
and leap! down-and-walk-walk-jump
bounce-bounce up-the-wall reaching
fingertips-cling-pull up-and-over and
on-the-roof, walk-walk, jump-fall and
land-crawl under another wall and
squeeeeeeeze!

"At least all their blinds are shut," says Katiie, chuckling.

I realize I'm naked and wake up.
Johnny Jul 2018
Do you know how long I waited?
To muster up an ounce of courage to ask
Of course you asked first
You were always better at talking
And knowing what you wanted
So we did
I don't regret a single moment
If anything...
I regret taking so long
I didn't know that I could love so deeply
So purely and happily
You were my better half no doubt about it
I just wish I could've been yours
I'm sorry
But I can't truly love someone until I love myself
I can't give you what you deserve
What you need
If I can't be happy with myself
I'm so sorry
I swore to protect you from hurting
But I failed
You don't understand why
Neither do I sometimes
I lay in bed wishing I had my **** together
So I could be together with you again
Maybe
We said
Maybe down the road
But then you moved on
Or at least
That's what it looks like
I asked you not to wait for me
Cause that wasn't fair to you
Then I realized I was the one waiting
Now it seems like it's too late
I suppose it is
It's 1:30 am
I've spent 2 hours playing sad songs
And realizing that sometimes life happens
Sometimes it just *****
Tons and tons of suckage weigh down on you
And it feels like you're suffocating
Right now
I feel lost
The way I'd get lost in your eyes
Hopelessly
And yeah, this isn't much of a poem
But you were always the better poet anyway
Just a late night release,
Lyla Jul 2019
I’m 16. That’s a small number but I’ve lived. I’ve learned a lot and I still have more to learn, but so far in my life I’ve learned life is too short. Life is too short to not say what you mean. Life is too short to not tell the people you love that you love them. Life is too short to not cherish your loved ones. Life is too short to say quick goodbyes. Life is too short to lean instead of hug. Hug, please. Even if you haven’t seen a distant cousin in 10 years, give them a proper hug hello and goodbye because you never know when you’ll see them again. Try to understand those in your life, understand that their lives are as complex as yours. Listen, talk, meaningfully. Make sure your words are yours and not a character you’ve created because life is too short for that *******. Laugh a lot. Enjoy those moments where you can’t stop laughing, take a moment to soak them in because they can end in an instant. You never know when you are going to need that happy moment again. And when you need those happy moments and life is harder than words can express, understand that it ***** and it’s okay to feel that. But share your share of suckage with someone and hopefully they’ll share theirs and it will **** a little less. Live. - From a 16 year old girl trying to honor lives lived
Give somebody a real big hug today-not a lean

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