[Sidra of the Stars]

a goddess has awakened
eyes slowly open
penetrating...
light reflects off the irises
(recessive blue alleles on chromosome 15)

my name is Sidra
and I will not be diverted.

-

I stand under sol
I stand under the earth's satellite
I stand in the vale.

-

look upon my feet
the fine lines of support
and strength of design

golden light showers
my long legs
strong and graceful

gaze upon my curves...
silky
ample
hypnotic

look at my golden arms
that comfort babes
dig into the earth
and create abstractions

hands and fingers of elegance
given to me by my grandmother
nails to claw and hands to hold

look at my long neck
draped in silver metal and black glass
falling between my *******

hips compliment the
curve of my spine and
the upward tilt of my chin

my hair is a golden light
shining over hoops of silver
and diamond studs

crystal pierces my nose
lips soft and full
eyes lined in black, never faltering

-

this goddess is aware
conscious
enlightened
eager.

-

I will not abide
silence
undeserved
because you lack the courage
to face me.

I will not abide
deception
manipulation
or syrupy black selfishness.

I will not abide
injustice
mockery
or ultimatums.

I will not abide
misrepresentation
vagueness
or weakness.

-

I am Sidra
of
the stars
of
the sky
of
the night

-

I move swiftly in the night
eyes bright
a creator
a lover
a muse

thoughts align
images swirl
pen to paper
my body moves
sensuous and confident
music booms
lips curve upwards

-

the day descends with
distractions pulling awareness
into waves of concentration
tiny fragments of
thoughts and ideas
begin to build
for later contemplation

-

I know the minds of men.
I will not be diverted.
My power has been revealed.
I will protect the unprotected

And I will stand

Made of stars

And unleash Hell.**

-

I will reign terror on your ego
and bring the sword down
on your garishness.

Naked and ******* on my warhorse
I will strike you down with silver spear
and you will pay for your misdeeds.

In all my thundering beauty
with nothing but logic and art
I will slam you to the wall
and declare you a fool.

-

I am Sidra of the Stars
I stand in the vale
I will not be diverted.

The sun sets yet another day,
I watch all the colours fade into one dark veil
infecting the sky
and with the sky goes my mind.

Another night alone with my thoughts,
the same thoughts that eat me alive,
numbing me until i feel nothing.
I'm scared, I'm scared, I'm scared.

I hold myself as I drown in my sorrows.
I'm scared of what i cannot control
and what i cannot control
lives deep inside me.

I know I could end this all
it's so simple, yet i cannot do it.
It is a strange type of sadness,
one that i cannot even feel

yet is there all the time,
haunting me every night.
I hear the dark sky,
begging me to join him,

tempting me more and more
with promises of serenity
and open arms,
ready to finally hold me.

BY SIDRA ALRIFAI

Sometimes I feel like I'm being held underwater,
I open my mouth and scream for help,
I kick and push, desperate
to escape her clutch.

I want someone to help me,
I want someone to hear me
and pull me out of this
bottomless sea of sorrows.

She violently floods me,
I feel the water cascade through me.
I feel it crush me inside,
drowning me slowly.

I begin to realise that
no one will ever hear me,
when my head is this deep
under the sea.

Eventually I get tired.
I'm tired of the kicking
I'm tired of the screaming.
I am ready to succumb.

I close my eyes
and feel as my head finally goes silent.
I find comfort
at the bottom of the sea.

I feel her current
as she caresses me softly,
handling me with the utmost care.
I feel safe.

She wraps me in her warm embrace,
closing in on me,
suffocating me gently.
I inhale once more

finally free.

BY SIDRA ALRIFAI

I love you
three simple words
that hold an infinite amount of feelings.
First it's happiness
overwhelming happiness,
you tell yourself you can never be sad again
but love is the deepest sorrow you can face.
It's delicate, like a rose
but poisonous like the thorns
for the love,
it slowly turns to hate.
You love him
with all that you have you love him
you want nothing but for him
to love you
but he doesn't,
for when he looks at you his heart stays steady
whilst yours aches in pain.
You're not oblivious
you just refuse to let go of him
you cling onto the make belief ideology
that you can be loved when you know
you simply cannot.
Your eyes swell
as you think about his doting touch
your heart breaks
as you sit and wait yet another day
for him to finally say
those three simple words.
And you know you could keep waiting for him
until your very last days
only to hear him once say
'I love you'
BY SIDRA AL RIFAI