She smiles at the dark
She laughs at the shadows
She stares at the emptiness
She sings for the hollow
And you think her crazy
She thinks you blind

She talks to nothing
She cries out to the nothing
She holds her hands out to the nothing
She loves the nothing
And you think her crazy
She thinks you lack passion

She reads sensless text
She says sensless things
She beileves sensless things
She writes about sensless things
And you think her crazy
She thinks you lack faith

She dances with the masses
She sings with the masses
She cries with the masses
She prays with the masses
And you think her crazy
She thinks you alone

Daft, scruffy, crazy hair unbounding
Bouncing piece of bursting joy.
Sensless madness going berserk
  but please take me on a journey.
I love you, really love you so very much
I am happy to merrily trot and follow  
the path they all call LOVE.
As you float like a bubbles
perfect pink ballons.
Happy I am to be lead by LOVE

While those ever so precious cats
tip toe the rivers edge cringing at
thought of getting wet.
I just jump jump and jump
While others hold back
make plans control.
I pull pull say lets go live in the unknown.
I say lets play a silly game or two.

I am submissive not controlling
I let go of my ego
as a plastic crown falls of my head
I am filled with love.
Driven by something inside me racing
faster than any wind so let me jump inside
your heart and drag you kicking
into something beautiful.

And even though I really love all my
life so very much frightened that
I will loose it all.
I Silently tentatively sit by the rusty
waters edge as spring flowers blossom.
And wait for the signal
from you too
Love and Love.
To simply let go
to love and love.
As I jump ,jump and jump
Love ,Love and Love.
With a great big
Clumsy Splash
So the whole world can hear.
We let go and go,
dissolving all our ego.

Driven on by a deeper yearning
I love and long, love and long.
As I swim in a river that
has no tomorrow or
yesterday.
As I surrender to you
the great master OH GOD
what ever you wish
of me I will become.
Just throw me a stick
I will truly run do anything.


There are many who
rush away from great pain
I only rush towards joy.
There are those frightened
of getting lost to afraid to let go.
But I even though I melt like softest
butter in the sun. And fall in love
deeper than an ocean.
Expanding outside of the sky
into other greater worlds.
I NEVER GET LOST

For deep inside I cradle myself
cherish, nourish blow kisses in
my heart.
As I am never running away only
running too.
As I am touched by a tender softness
inside I always hold myself.
As I gather myself to make a leap
hold myself to make the jump
as I carry myself through a hoop.
But I never loosing myself always
taking myself with me on the journey
into LOVE.

Much can be gained by listening to
mans best friend his Dog.
As we can all live in a river
paddling, expanding in
a Blissful  LOVE and JOY

it's crazy how a single thing can flip you upside down
how a single thing can shake you sensless
turn the tables right around
i never meant to try to be a part of something else
i was confused when it was quiet
you were the only thing that sounded loud
everything once said to me that was tucked up in a sleeve
was all but broken and a memory
and that's all it's ever going to be
i was held up in a chokehold
a phantom pressed it's lips to mine
poison rushing on my skin
emotions running out of time
shadows lingered where i stood
fog never seemed to clear
and then one day, when least expected
a shadow disappeared
a few days have passed since that shadow left me
still my mind has turned to fear
but i can sense another presence
a radiance stays here
now the shadows no longer linger
quite as close as they had before
they still haunt me in the dead of night
but i'm no longer frightened to my core

Bedecked with a halo of dreamy
Daffodils
Cooing Dracula from the windowsill
With legs outstretched
Sensless to feel precious
To someone you
Just met
Jagged fingernails tapping
On the back of my neck.
Lymph nodes rotting in
The sunshine with the
Whistles dripping down my
Boney spine
Cars crashing on Sunday afternoon
And the milkman is late
Head hung low in the steam room
As we evaporate.
Pieces in contrast thrown
Together in Frankenstein
Dimensions.
Taken apart like an insect upon
Inspection
From some schoolboy.
Try to string myself together
As my seams start to combust
To make myself over as
Someone who can trust
Sharp concoction of spider satin
Caused my sheen to waver
The skin has wrinkled and been
Discarded on the floor
Disheveled as some records in an
Old tin drawer.
Without passion
Lifeless to lie about the
Surrounding hypocrisy
Shatters the storm colored skies
The dark days trapped in
My ribcage
Breathing deeper so
Sunken in by the daybreaks
Careful gaze
Sinking deeper into the
Toll buses swollen chairs.
Blushes shaken awake
By the rues of
Translucent eyes
Alike the gleaming orb of the
Werewolf's demise.
Gawking into a
Crystal ball struggling to forsee
The oncoming chill of November
Why November?
Among the ****** empty spaces
Among the smosh pit parade as
If misplaced in fields of *****.

Chris Lafleur wrote a new note: fighting myself

12 hrs · 

im a mess and im aware of it
thanks for noticing,
but for some reason i cant find it in me to quit
cause every time is my last,
followed by relapse
typical cycle for anybody with this type of tolerance
still i keep making excuses, to give into temptation.
like its friday, or im single or i enjoy the conversation.
but the attention im getting, is negative
and consists of alterior motives 
the people that surround me, are pathetic and desperate 
we just share an addiction that controls our every action, predictable, insane , and defined by our habits
yet i still struggle to overcome it 
because satisfaction is so comforting
I crave a fix thats so damaging
yet i continue abusing myself and neglecting the side effects

its been so long that iv adapted amongst the monsters
and brought myself to accept it 
i understand the effects its had on my life 
and still cant change, 
i mean i try constantly, and have the right idea
just seem to fail repeatedly, and its becoming discouraging to never acheive whats expected from me 
Ive earned a bad reputation that i carry with me
everywhere i go, and its obvious im not a model citizen

not that im bad person ,i posses a kind heart , a beautiful mind, and the ability to be what i chose
i beleive in god and i try to do whats right
its society that doesnt agree 
they say im sick, confused , selfish , or bad 
this was not my intention when i began on this mission
and i never ment to hurt anybody?
yet i hv a book full of victims
that cant understand how i reason
in my defense i was curious, it all started as an experience but i underestimated the consequences that are associated with the sensation
sharing pills with my friends and creating memories
seemed beneficial at the time being
but now i see it was toxic and i was only bringing everyone down, a bad influence disguised in desire
destroying relationships and hurting each other 

so i cant be sick since that implys theres a cure 
more like twisted and stuck in reverse
and i cant escape this place since its myself that im avoiding
a problem thats affecting my entire existance.
ive forgotten how to smile without being under the influence, and loves become just a word i use to my advantage that i abuse amongst women to have *** without meaning, cause i do enjoy the company means i must contain misery 


so at this point im sensless 
incapable of feelings, without inducing them artificially
ive lost all direction,and theres no signs pointing towards the exits, 
just time wasted standing in the same position
Searching for somewhere i can feel wanted
a paradise,where i can be accepted for who i am
but without a clue how to get there i stumble through life without a destination in sight 
im lost in the darkness, and cant remember how i got here
i understand that its not right, and do appreciate the concern 
but in the end this is my life and i have to find the light on my own terms

Slow breathing-
Taste the sol in perception,
Sensless as the fear grips,
A wry smile
In a confusion hung by mind:
The living room table is too small
But the grandiose thought
Kills joy scrolling
On a thousand beats,
Taking panic
Wherever the people roam,
Grazing on the mind,
Slowly melting summer
Cones,
Alone writing strength
On a page soaked in
A cold sweat

The ****** gallop through my veins,
Vessels boil and start to drain,
I'll take pleasure with the pain,
And I hope I'll go insane.

Her screams echo through the night,
Roaring shrieks that know no end,
Each of them to hearts delight,
Each of them to hearts content.

While you stand and wonder brooding,
Sensless wonder breaks the stale,
A force that defies eluding,
Strong and potent lifts the veil.

As one grasps last straws of mind,
They'll be blown away with storm,
Not a thing be left behind,
When the ground is raised  by horns.

All that matters is the fire,
All to be heard are the shighs,
Flesh and soul quench my desire,
A home between her pale thin thighs.

The ****** gallop through my veins,
Vessels boil and start to drain,
I'll take pleasure with the pain,
A good thing that I am chained.

I will escape.....

Ageless blasphemy from elder stars
Creeping across the sky, holding in the dark
In awe of his power, my dreams he chars
Invaded by crawling chaos, anguish's spak

Shapeless, formless, flawless, everytime I close my eyes
Voiceless, speechless, breathless, he whisperes his lies
Madness, sadness, (?), in infinite supplies
Sensless, faceless, darkness, he has taken every guise

You must beleive me, the black wind is ever nearing
I hear him, I hear him, why are my ears ringing ?
In the woods of N'***, he is awaking
I hear him, I hear him, why do these walls all have padding ?

Under all the suffering
is a drum beat.
Staccato, like rain
on a tin roof
or the steady off beat
pounding of a heart
filled with fear and love
and it moves in us,
slithering under skin.
A parasite growing fat
on the swell of blood
inside us.
One word and our feet
leave the earth
as suddenly we're
soaring toward the stars
at a velocity high
and strong enough
to break gravity and
punch a hole in the atmo.
We're baseballs, our skin
shed, as we sail over
the parking lot outside
the stadium.
A glance and we're
crashing through car
windshields and bouncing
off of highways.
We're burning up on re-entry
hoping our time outside
the suffering made a
difference, hoping that
one ******* time in
all this stupid, sensless
daily pain that we
scratched important.
Hoping we mattered.
We are high metaphor
wrapped in low fantasy.
We were young and
in love and it was extraordinary,
even though it was
so ******* ordinary,
because it was happening
to us.
Does anything ever
feel that big again?
We are always chasing
oceans inside ourselves.
We contain multitudes,
as sure as I'm alive,
and all of it fades
into nothing,
as sure as I'll die.
I loved like an ocean,
like a wild summer storm.
Burned like starlight
distant and faintly warm.
I once lit up the night
just like approaching dawn,
We burn hot for awhile
then one day: we're gone.