Larissa Lou McCasky is hurting relapses needs Clyde Eli Moskowitz to stay at her side and more than anything he wants to help her through this difficult time yet there is nothing he can do but watch his most precious angel be devoured in her own flames at first it is drinking he can not keep up with her she drinks until she feels oblivion next drugging she goes back to old destructive ways she practiced after divorce 15 years ago Clyde will not go there with her Larissa stops writing reading her sewing machine sits dormant hairs around her ******* grow long she makes demands he is not capable of giving Clyde is *** addict he reads to Larissa from Yukio Mishima’s Madame de Sade “the more exalted the man the more refined his pleasures” Larissa learns from Clyde then she insists on more goes beyond him buffalo meat is tough Clyde shows her how to cook it with water little lime juice Larissa repudiates his coaching she prefers to chew the meat tough sometimes she hears war drums beating in her heart Clyde owns 3 guns in his house 2 pistols and a shotgun he keeps them hidden from Larissa

2

spirit dog is dog that stays long after dog dies sometimes spirit dog needs to be fed or water left out in case spirit dog is thirsty spirit dog makes you question did you do enough when dog was alive spirit dog dogs you with faint sounds in house dogs you in dreams in bed at night dogs you when you look in face of other dogs spirit dog does not ever leave your side

3

the artist is will always be at odds with him/herself society the system when his/her work becomes viable commercially it becomes corporatized part of the system imagine Nine Inch Nails song Closer lyric “i want to ******* like an animal” becoming elevator music

4

concerning creation establish location characters then sit back let imagination go wild take your time think it through the weirder the better there are no mistakes just pure improvisation

5

what power did her dog Sweeny sanction within Larissa that Clyde could not fulfill? was it Sweeny’s absolute dependency that brought out her nurturing instinct? Clyde needs Larissa yet wants her more than he needs her when spirit dog inside Larissa gets hungry she indulges him

6

Larissa takes to the streets and that’s where real damage commences slow at first old man with worn out $20 bill then young punk who shoves her out penniless with mouthful of *** then biker dude gives her lift unto back of Harley rides her back to clubhouse feeds her rohypnol 13 men pull a train stub out lit cigarette butts on her face and ******* then crack 2 front teeth shoving shotgun down her throat another up her *** and take bets on where the shots will meet they decide instead to leave her naked with no water in the desert Mexicans sneaking across border rescue her escort her to Tucson she finds her way to Clyde’s house begging he stands in doorway sees missing teeth scars on cheeks chin above left eye damage beyond his understanding how to fix feels both fear and tears welling up lies to her tells her he has new girlfriend she knows he’s lying wanders off gets arrested for vagrancy then disorderly conduct then prostitution

7

every author faces the dilemma of how to fix what they have broken if the work is to be original then it must break from convention

8

Larissa Lou McCasky has an epiphany in Pima County jail when she gets out she will find a job sewing or writing or proof-reading maybe all 3 then she will find a dog and after she is settled Larissa will look up Clyde Eli Moskowitz and try her best to win him back and regain paradise lost yet knowing it is unlikely she will gratefully accept whatever comes her way and remember to honor respect spirit dog and vigilantly at times keep him on leash

9

Larissa keeps promise to herself she and Clyde meet at Sky bar it is 3 years since their first meeting she has more gray hair than he her teeth are patched up

LARISSA i’ve missed you Clyde and thought about us a lot

CLYDE i’ve missed you too Larissa you look lovely like good things are happening around you i forgot how beautiful you are

LARISSA chill on the flattery Clyde i’ve found a new dog and named it Eli after you he’s ******* outside see him

CLYDE wow that’s your Catahoula hound that licked my hand on the way in wow where did you find him

LARISSA animal rescue hey Clyde if you don’t mind i’ll just cut to the chase you know i want to come home with you

CLYDE slow down girl one step at a time let’s order some drinks and talk and yes i would love getting back with you

BARTENDER may i help you

LARISSA yes i’d like a Shirley Temple and my friend here can have whatever he wants my treat

CLYDE guess i’ll have what the lady is having

LARISSA you quit drinking too

CLYDE yup starting now with you

LARISSA i love you Clyde i really truly do

harbour abyss
shallow dwell our shotgun cells
open wide
tastes like magnesium
swallow now
magnesium magnesium

fall down you barrow folds


     why are all the snails out?

                                 you haven't heard?
    it's been forty weeks of rain
    it's been forty years of rain

      crush them if you see them-
       don't you know we're in a bubble economy?


the churches crumble
cats lie bored in parking lots
surrounded by nothing
pat pat


the summer heat


dye your bones
in rohypnol veils

empty into cartridges
shoot up
sky burial
float the concentric
lace of vultures


    do you ever pantomime being hurt,
                              just to hide your hurting?

       hahahahaa,
                                        no



this ******* heat


  pavement swells
dig up the dirt
relay the dirt
reseal over                                   spit your teeth
tap tap                                           from the mountaintop
                                                    i­nto the ocean

spend the days watching
    kids stamp on the ants
and then cry as they learn what it is to know death

mothers stare on with tired eyes


        the summer heat  
        the summer heat
              who took all the rain?  



-sosososo,
there's this game,
this game, you see
  you
make a jigsaw
but replace every odd or so tile,
with an image of your own design


after a few tries,
the whole thing becomes entirely incomprehensible,

but at least it's yours

Dropping gently
In the drink
Disable your
Instinct to think
Just sink into
A bed of shame
No way to say
You’re not to blame
Restraint is for
The faint of heart
I am the strobe lite
In the dark
The luminescent
Blackout switch
The dumped her body
In a ditch
Acquit the rich boy’s
Wettest dreams
Enrich his daddy’s
War machines
The silent status quo regime
Complicit
Like complacent apes
Engaging,
Waging
Data rapes

"I hate you more when I'm drunk" you said

    Everything about me makes you angry
I still sit on my hands and try not to say anything unless spoken too
"No one else will deal with you, ****, stop crying, I don't want people seeing my woman with tear stains."
    So I wouldn't cry in front of you anymore

     Each night I'd fall asleep helpless to my meal sized portion of pills
Anti-anxiety, antidepressant, sedative, pain killer, sleeping aid
"You're just like your Mother, all messed up"
I'm so ******* tolerant and you're so ******* disturbed
At least my Mother, didn't **** my married Father for his money
Sorry I just told everyone that

"Why can't you be more like...
Claire? Caitlin? Maia? Anna?"
I don't want to be like them
but if I was, you'd probably actually love me or at least stop
smacking me hard enough to make my jaw ache for hours
Three days before you put me in the hospital,
      by the way I tested positive for Rohypnol
You gave me a ring, solid gold and diamonds
that night you weren't worried about my stomach being pumped
but,
     "She better be wearing that ring, better not lose it in the hospital"

I flushed your $15,000 guilt gift down a hospital toilet.

He is immune to things that could shake him
for years and years
like the rohypnol, cotton bleach, light beam
more tears and tears
been shed upon the Christ's myth
and nothing could indulge in more width.

He can never lie in the bunk
throughout the summer, forever
a thousand of ships have allegedly sunk
into the oblivion, since we gather
in the acrimonious way in withholding
the frivolous conviction that we refused.

He missed thousands of roses, lilies, daisies
He stepped on it, he couldn't resist
when they arrived to announce the capture from the harem
he departed just to leave a terrifying mark all over them.

He dragged his soul through the abandoned street
street of hope and lie that forget to greet
tend to set ablaze any shape of territory
Inferno's fault is that it never told us the whole story.

He is now dancing alone on the sacred mountain
savoring the peace that he thought he could never obtain
horrendous mistake when they set him apart to be blamed
even Abraham made up something to take everyone's sight off the frame.

They shirk their responsibilities resulting in the furor
he wished that he can never be bothered anymore
for John, Donald, Henry are passersby in waiting
and the Sun now, seems to be brighter and deafening.

I wouldn’t ride in on a noble steed.
It’d be a tauntaun.
Much like myself it would smolder with hatred and be high. All the time.
I’m going to **** in your garden before I knock on your door.
I’ll accidentally **** on the fairies in your garden. They’ll never let it go.
My tauntaun is going to attempt to mount your unicorn.
If you live in a mushroom, I’m going to lick it.
I’ll take you down by ******* river to watch the nymphs do battle with the pixies.
It’s a racial thing.
Our centaur waiter will bring us pork and meade.
I’ll mock his political views and we’ll be asked to leave.
You’ll like be horrified that I feed my tauntaun the hopes and dreams of children.
I’ll ask to accompany you to rainbow valley for a stroll amongst the fireflies of bliss.
You’ll comply because rohypnol.
By the time you come back around. I will have burnt down rainbow valley and the fireflies of bliss have been pimped out to the honeybees of discontent.
You’ll be unscathed. Don’t flatter yourself. It’s a first date. You could be ripe with chlamydia.
By the time we get back to your ****** up house of fungus. We will have grown weary of one another.
We feign a hug and go our separate ways. You’re going to go cry in the shower of happiness and I’m going to fight a homeless leprechaun.