Natalie. Roberto
Oh my dear friend Roberto. I remember back to our time, when we made love. Not the last time but the time before. When you were doing your college film studies and were so happy on your future. It was you who said, “Nat, I’ll make the best film ever made.” And his dear eyes were so full of passion, life and innocence. And a love so powerful, I cried, right there. Love for life, film, his country and lastly, for me. I new then in that moment, Roberto loved me. Maybe more than all the other things. How was that possible?

I replied to his film statement. “Tell me, what film will you make Roberto?” Those precious eyes clouded over. I heard him whisper: “Why Natalie, I’ll make the film about you. A small story about you, how you’re in a band and love to fly in your red stunt plane. My film is about you Natalie.”

I was utterly speechless. Those close to me and anyone who cared to listen knew my voice was always in motion, just like the ocean. He looked at me. That moment is still with me, over thirty years later. I never did reply to him. I embraced him and cried tears of joy. For him and for a love I had but never dared admit to myself, till Roberto died in a British artillery barrage weeks later. I was in love with him. He has no known grave.

Was his body found and marked ‘Unknown Argentine Soldier’ because he had no dog tags? Those beautiful innocent eyes are gone forever. I can’t remember what colour your eyes were!

Oh my dear Roberto, I say it now. Every day since you were killed in battle, I say aloud my love for you. Even now I’m married to Nick and am with him, he understands. His words bring clarity to me when I weep for you, dear Roberto. A life stolen by war, unfulfilled. You never did make your film about me, never completed your film course or chased your dreams. All dreams shattered by Them, those who forced you to join our army to fight the English.

I quietly say to myself, your end was fast and you never suffered. I don’t know exactly where you lost your young life, just the area. I’ve been there to see with my own eyes. I felt you were nearby to me. Are you still earth bound my love? Are you? I sense that you are. Please be happy for me and my new family. I wanted all this with you but war stole you from me, forever. I can’t remember what colour your eyes were!

At least I have someone who should hate me for what I did to his countrymen and who listens to my incoherent words about you Roberto. It shouldn’t be Nick wiping away my tears, it should be you. Please stay close to me. I have to move on from those awful times. I dedicate my life to peace. Please understand my lost friend.

100 billion years have passed.
The dinosaurs are cast back into the forgotten fields of heaven.
After wiping out the dinosaurs from the planet God has been busy working on his new pets.
Rumors have popped up among the dinosaur community. Something called humans have inhabited the earth. They take the image of God and his angels.
Lost in misunderstanding, rage and jealously flow over the community of cold blooded reptilians.
Roberto, The last of the dinosaurs, The Last Dinosaur-asaurus,
Stands calm in a fury of scales and teeth.
He was hurt the most. He was left behind, witnessed the great fire ball scorch the earth and char his friends.
He was the only one who talked to god, and asked him why.
"It was your time." He had said.
Those four words, had instilled so much hate in him.
Now, His time has come.
An ancient evil has crept his way into the place where angels forget to look.
Satan himself, seeks council with The Allosaurus.
Revenge has been on the dinosaurs mind and hate fills him.
Beelzebub bestows power into Roberto and his friends.
The time it seems, has come at last.

God sits upon his throne content with the humans progress. Cities have risen where, billions of years ago, only ash rained and a lone dinosaur walked the earth.
Roberto and his army, every dinosaur that ever was, march upon his great Hall.
Angels stand guard.
Without even looking up, obsessed with his ego driven creation, God says,
"Why do you stand before me? I have cast you and your kind away from here.
Be thankful I let you stay in this realm. My mercy has kept you from hell, but I still hold the power to cast you down."

"Your mercy?" Retorts the Orphanedasuarus, his cold blood growing hot.
"You cast fire from the sky, wiped my race from the planet for no other reason than you were bored. Your mercy will be your undoing."

God laughs heartily as Roberto, powered by the rage of a trillion reptile souls and the spell of Satan, charges towards God.
The Dinosaurs of a thousand ages rend the flesh of the angels and tear their wings from their shoulders, casting them from heaven.

Before the All Mighty can even rise from his chair, or draw another breath for shock,
Roberto Sinks his teeth into his throat.
For the first time since his childhood, he tastes flesh.
For the first time in his life. He savors it.
Feasting on the blood of Him, Roberto becomes all that was and all that is.
The humans feel a disturbance in their nature.
The dinosaur takes his place upon his throne, and looks down on Earth.
The audacity of these creatures.
What was once the homes of him and his friends, now stood skyscrapers and massive buildings. Highways on the bones and graves. Cars running on the decomposed bodies.
They will pay. He will have his revenge.

So, we were slaves again,
like we were before.
Instead of a man with a white beard, it was a dinosaur.

I
Colonel Zaev(1), our commander,
Lived seventeen years in Angolian land.
There are no Luanda’s(2) experts better
Than him- he met its ambassadors two hundred
Times. He smashed UNITA(3) and weakened SAR’s (4)
Power. He supported Fidel Castro(5)
And he became famous for counter-attacks.
The Angolians call him Victor-Pastor:
He does always set the young on the right path:
Aoi!

II
Roberto Holden6 was the foe of Neto
He was a monarcho-tribolist.
And he happened to declare vendetta
To foes. His aim’s to banish socialists.
He invited China’s instructors to teach his
Soldiers the skill of fighting retreating under
Kifangondo(7), he’d not swiftly yield positions
Colonel Callan(8) retreated farther
With him. He was a cruel and fearless
Rascal, he was good at arranging ambush in
Woods. He fought hand-to-hand many times
But he was taken prisoner by the Guard
He declared political indifference but the court
To his grief didn’t believe him so that
Then he was quickly and publicly shot.
Aoi!

III
Savimbi Jonas(9) continued that war
Robin Holden quitted his Motherland –
It’s hard to revise views. What’s to be done for
Tearing a half away for his Fatherland?
He went to America, got a Baptist,
As preacher – he was the lost’s lecturer.
He didn’t wish just to be a pessimist
He wanted to live till times more fair.
Savimbi Jonas founded UNITA –
He made up his mind to go underground
MPLA’s detachments were defeated
By the Cubans but they were free quite
For diversions in the city. A new spiral
Of resistance began – two ideologies’
Confrontation took place and in final
It did cost life to many people for this.
Aoi!

IV
Our Victor Zaev, the commander
Of marines often trained us tirelessly
And all of us were not up to laughter
In gas-masks. We loaded incessantly
Our guns, we crossed the equator, anyway
In a moment Poseidon glorifying
By recompense. We stuck to the right fairway,
Neptun’s Day(10) became a great undertaking.
Aoi!

V
Coming to Luanda was usual rather,
The port’s scenery was bright, beautiful.
“Well, beauty!” exclaimed Igor, a warrant officer,
Zaev added: “It’s, brothers, very wonderful!”
Our councilor climbed up a deck as
Head of the Soviet military legation
He tried to explain the situation to us
Continuous seemed to be his Head’s duration.
Then the Cubans’ crew met us, their commander,
Did happen to know Russian at his fingers’
End. He valued the bearing of our landing
Force. And he was called Francisco Ortis.
Aoi!

VI
Here Agostino Neto came with
His suite consisting of twelve grandees
The President was cordial and gay. This
Day was marvellously fine, in his
Speech he praised the ******’s guard arranged
To meet him. He’d not fail to give his regiment
For it. “What an array!” admired said
Antonio. And at this moment
Tanks floated forward out of the hold
To display Agostino manoeures
Antonio began to sweat: old
Allies can always surprise friends, of course.
The Angolians were invited to dinner
And contented officials were standing
But “No!” was Neto’s serious answer,
“We should return for the fight’s resuming!”
Aoi!

VII
We reached Kanton on cruisers. A warrant
Officer cried: “Sound urgently bells”
The Angolians didn’t let us on to the port,
We anchored no outer roads. What was else?
Mattheu Kureku visited us then.
The President of far mountains of Benin,
And we’d appreciate his being of those men
Who were as modest as Ibn- Sina.
We displayed him gifts and even more
Than we wanted: hand- to- hand fight,
The landing force’s landing to the shore.
Mattheu said us his warm good- bye after that.
Aoi!

VIII
Soon we headed for Luanda, how
Long an action had been fought in its suburbs
And suddenly we saw a fishing scow
Six fisher- men were rowing in the ocean’s
Water catching the sight of us they began
To row faster knots increasing as
If punishment waited them but the race did happen
To be transitory. But cruisors’ powers
Are not boats’ powers equal and at last
We caught them, their fish fell to our lot.
The fish’ reserves were enough for a month.
We said with thankfulness: “Thank you a lot!”
The meeting was pleasant for them and us.
Aoi!

IX
Suddenly came order of the day:
To bring in an identification prisoner. Stas
A secrete service man, volunteered. Anyway,
His own fist was of the bull’s head’s size.
And Grigory, head naval petty officer
Then did volunteer to follow Stas.
“Well, who is else?” were the sailors asked after
It. Silence. It’s better to live on deck. At last,
Watching this the captain himself intervened
In it. His bas was heard even in far hold: “Oh,
You, cowards, I’ll feed you to whales, mind it!”
And phrases were not necessary any more.
Thus six more sailors gathered together – they were
Superheroes as if they were handpicked
The detachment of sound, strong men. Chernomor
Himself would take them so quick-witted.
There are not more safe people in the fleet,
There were not, there won’t be, indeed!
Aoi!

X
Here the scouts came down from the deck and they
All went so deep into a foreign land
A hundred verst’s was their sailing away
From the port. Ships from their Motherland
Were seen. Their commander
was the major lieutenant
And he said: “Motherland is calling us!”
In the fleet he was just called Kostya Brandt –
He did lead the scouts bravely forwards!
Aoi!

XI
The detachment marched into woods being dense,
The jungle were rustling around Luanda. It
Was raining cats and dogs, there was entrance
There, there was no exit for retreat!
They covered their necessary ten versts
More on that day they heard their foes’ voices.
They thought: it’s, perhaps, one of hostile posts.
A good luck attended them! The members
Of UNITA waited for them ahead
Savimba knew of Brandt’s group so dare –
Devil. He was warned by an Angolian friend,
The general had friends everywhere.
Aoi!

XII
Even Kostya Brandt didn’t know it
And he led his vanguard through a marshy path
Sailors were like brothers in the detachment.
Everybody was ready to sacrifice
Himself! And suddenly they saw in front:
Tents standing in forty meters from them and
And something went pit- a pat in Kostya Brandt
And he stretched his hand to a pistol hard.
They stole up to the last one, went into it:
It was empty, there were only playing- cards
There: and perhaps it seemed to them far, indeed?
On the ground there were three machine-guns.
Aoi!

XIII
Meanwhile Savimbi Jonas gathered troops
And he made such a speech when warriors gathered
Together: “We’ll die for freedom as heroes
We do not want another Motherland!
We will repulse all the Cuban occupants
We’ve recently sacked all the colonists!
The Soviet landing force’s scouts
Are going here. Near are the communists!
We’ll organize ambush for them behind the tent –
I’m sure they will go into it a at once.
I was informed that there are less than ten
Of them. We’ll **** the foes at once
We’ ll win because there are much more of us”
And selecting one hundred and forty men,
The strongest ones, Savimbi encircled the scouts.
Aoi!

XIV
“Well, that’s all, forward”, Kostya said strictly
The tent’s bed- curtains having half- opened
By his hand. But suddenly he was slightly
Taken aback- he saw foes get in his road
And he did cry: “We shall die for Russia-
Not disgracing ancestors or the Motherland!”
He stepped forward like a sent messia
He had no right to run away like a coward.
Aoi!

XV
Ours defended each other by backs hard
The battle was hot as it was hand- to- hand.
Two sides’ supporters did not know fright
This region was home for the partisans. And
Brandt fought as an ancient lion Neimeyan –
No pistols’ bullets could reach him at all.
He was a mighty, stately warrior European –
UNITA’s terror and poets’ idol!
The partisans had also a strong warrior –
He was called Manuel by Luanda’s citizens
When hunting he became a hero of yore –
He could hit varios marks without miss.
He took aim at the lieutenant’s back so that
A sharp bullet could pierce his heart. He pressed
The sear. And it did hurt Konstantin and
Shroud overshadowed his consciousness
And a celestial disk burning low, meciless
It’s opening a picture before his eyes:
His own mother’s meeting him and he is
Whispering her: “Mum, I’m going to the skies ”
And fell onto the ground Kostya breathless:
People’s blood was shed as the river around
But ours fought desiring nevertheless
To be gone with foes in the palace. Wounded
Stas’ll hit and three of them’ll fall without
Life’s signs. When he hits on the right–eight
Of them’ll fall at once although there are a few
Epic heroes all of them are heroes dead.
The dead can’t be responsible anew.
Aoi!

XVI
They all were dead. There were
three times more foes
Ours and UNITA collected the dead.
And that very day happened to be worth
A week. Bitter news of blood that was shed
Killed us. Our ship was anchored for five days more
We covered Cuban troops from the sea there.
On the sixth day we sailed from the shore,
Painful grief left an after- taste in their
Mouths. And Victor Zaev, our bold
Colonel, was silent in painful sadness,
He had done the last deed for the dead of old.
He presented them with rewards: “For service”
Putting them on each of coffins. All the ******
Were standing being in their low spirits.
Aoi!

XVII
Thus the song of Luanda came to an end
We paid our duty to military Motherland.
We’d drawn up and the commander said:
“Fine fellows! I wish your life to be quiet!”
Then he sailed not a little, I must say.
He waged war in seven companies. “Glory!”
Cry we to him in Navy Day today.
That is the end of the Luandian story.
Aoi!
The Civil war in Angola represented armed confrontation between
quarelling with each other groups: MPLA (People’s movement for
Angola’s liberation, the Labour’s Party), (port.Movimento Popular de
Liberaçao de Angola- Partido de Trabajo, MPLA), UNITA (port. Uniao
Nacional para a Independencia, Total de Angola, UNITA). The war began
in 1975.
1.Victor Zaev is the main hero of the given poetical work, he is an
invented personage;
2. Luanda (port. Luanda)- Angola’s capital;
3. UNITA – see above;
4. SAR – South African Republic;
5. Fidel Castro – Fidel Alejandro Castro Rus; he was born in August,
13, 1926; Biran, province Oriente , Cuba. He’s a Cuban revolutionary,
party and political figure, Chairman of Ministers’ Council and Chairman
of the State Council of Cuba (president) in 1959- 2008 and 1976- 2008.
6. Roberto Holden- Holden Alvaro Alberto (port. Holden Roberto;
January, 12, 1923, Mbanza- Kongo(its former name is San- Salvadordu- Kongo)- August,2, 2007, Luanda). He was also Jose Gilmore, an Angolian founder and many- year leader of the National Liberation’s Front (FNLA). An active participant of the war for Independence and of the Civil war in Angola. He’s a conservative monarcho-tribolist, anticommunist.
He was a member of the Angolian Parliament.
7. “…under Kirfangongondo…” – this battle was from October, 23
until November,10, 1975 in Angola. It was the first common victory of MPLA and the Cubans.
8. the colonel Kallen… – he is also “colonel Callan, a British service
man, corporal of parachute troops’ regiment’s corporal.” He’s an ethnic
Greek and Cypriot (Greek. Kώozaç Γιώργιoν). He’s a participant of the
Angolian’s Civil war, on FNLA’s side. He was executed according to the
court’s sentence in Luanda, on July,10, 1976.
9. Savimbi Jonas Maiheiro, (August, 3, 1934- February, 22, 2002),
an Angolian political and military figure, a partisan leader, the rebel
movement’s founder and the political Party UNITA’s founder from
March,13, 1966 to February, 22, 2002. He was an active participant of the
Angolian war for independence and of the Civil war. He was candidate
for President in Angolian elections in 1992. He was a prominent figure
of Cold War and world anti- communist movement.
10 Neptun’s Day-Nepptun’s holiday, sometimes it’s called “Neptun’s
Day”. It’s a water show. Sailors founded this tradition after their crossing
of the equator.

{2018}


ПЕСНЬ
I
Наш командир – полковник Виктор Заев(1)
Семнадцать лет прожил в стране Ангольской.
Страну Луанду(2) он отлично знает –
Встречал раз двести местное посольство.
Разбил УНИТА(3) и ЮАР(4) ослабил,
Поддержку оказал Фиделю Кастро(5)
В контратаках. И себя прославил.
Зовут его ангольцы Виктор-Пастор:
Он молодых советом наставляет.
Аой!

II
Роберто Холден(6) был врагом для Нето –
По убеждению – монархо-трайболистом.
И объявил противникам вендетту,
Поставив цель – изгнать социалистов.
Он пригласил инструкторов Китая
Учить своих солдат уменью драться.
Под Кифангондо(7) в битве отступая,
Он не хотел стремительно сдаваться.
С ним отступал назад полковник Каллэн(8) –
Головорез жестокий, но бесстрашный.
Засады ставил он в лесах умело,
Не раз бывал и лично в рукопашной.
Но был пленён он гвардией. И вскоре
Всем заявил свою аполитичность.
Но не поверил суд ему на горе –
Он был расстрелян быстро и публично.
Аой!

III
Савимби Жонаш(9) ту войну продолжил,
Роберто Холден родину покинул –
Переосмыслить взгляды очень сложно:
Как оторвать Отчизне половину?
В Америку уехал, стал баптистом,
Как проповедник – лектором заблудших.
Он не желал быть просто пессимистом
И до времён хотел дожить до лучших.
Савимби Жонаш основал УНИТА –
Борьбу свою он перевёл в подполье:
Отряды МПЛА кубинцами разбиты,
Но для диверсий в городах – раздолье.
Второй виток пошёл сопротивленья –
Противоборства двух идеологий.
И жизнями платило населенье –
Война тогда коснулась очень многих.
Аой!

IV
Наш Виктор Заев – командир морпехов -
Тренировал нас часто, неустанно:
В противогазах было не до смеха -
Мы заряжали пушки беспрестанно.
Пересекли в один момент экватор,
Прославив Посейдона воздаяньем,
Наш путь лежал на правильный фарватер.
Нептуна день (10) – большое начинанье!
Аой!

V
Приход в Луанду очень был обычным,
Пейзаж портовый – яркий и прекрасный.
«Ну, лепота!» - воскрикнул Игорь-мичман.
Добавил Заев: «Это, братья, классно!»
На палубу советник наш поднялся –
Глава советской миссии военной.
Он обстановку дать нам постарался,
Поскольку был там, кажется, бессменно.
Затем кубинцев встретила команда –
Их командир знал русский в идеале.
Он оценил всю выправку десанта –
Франсиско Ортис команданте звали.
Аой!

VI
Вот Агостиньо Нето подошёл
Со свитою двенадцати вельмож.
Был Президент приветлив и весёл,
И день был удивительно хорош!
Он похвалил матросский караул,
Поставленный наверх его встречать.
«За них бы полк отдать не преминул, –
Антонио сказал, – вот это рать!»
Из трюма танки выплыли вперёд –
Маневры Агостиньо показать.
Антонио пробил холодный пот:
Союзники умеют удивлять!
Ангольцев пригласили на обед –
Чиновники довольные стоят.
Но Нето отвечал серьёзно: «– Нет,
Нам возвращаться надобно назад!»
Аой!

VII
На крейсерах в Катону мы приплыли
И крикнул мичман: «Склянки срочно бейте!»
Но в порт ангольцы нас не пропустили –
На якорь встали мы на внешнем рейде.
Затем нас посетил Матье Куреку –
Сам Президент из дальних гор Бенина –
Заметим в дань ему как человеку –
Он скромен был как мудрый Ибн Сина.
Ему мы показали все таланты –
И даже больше, чем хотели сами:
Бой рукопашный, высадку десанта.
Матье тогда тепло прощался с нами.
Аой!

VIII
И взяли курс мы снова на Луанду –
Велись бои давно в её предместьях.
Вдруг видим мы рыбацкие шаланды –
По океану плыло ровно шесть их.
Завидев нас, они быстрей поплыли,
Узлов прибавив, будто ждёт их кара!
Не долгими, однако, гонки были.
Любая лодка крейсеру не пара!
Догнали их. И нам досталась рыба –
Запасов тех на месяцы хватило.
Сказали мы признательно: «Спасибо!»
И после встречи всем приятно было!
Аой!

IX
Нежданно вдруг пришёл такой приказ:
Любой ценой доставить языка.
Тут вызвался морской разведчик Стас –
Его кулак был с голову быка.
И главный корабельный старшина
Григорий захотел идти за ним.
– «Ну, кто ещё?» – спросили. Тишина.
Уж лучше быть на палубе живым.
Тогда вмешался лично капитан –
Был даже в дальнем трюме слышен бас:
– «Ну, трусы! Всех скормлю сейчас китам!»
И больше не понадобилось фраз.
Так набралось ещё шесть моряков –
Супергерои – все как на подбор –
Отряд здоровых, крепких мужиков.
Их взял бы даже Дядька-Черномор!
Надёжнее людей на флоте нет
И не было, не будет и вовек!
Ушло в разведку восемь человек.
Аой!

X
Вот с палубы разведчики сошли
И углубились в даль чужой земли.
На сотню вёрст от порта отошли –
Уж не видать родные корабли.
Руководил всем старший лейтенант.
И молвил он: «Нас Родина зовёт!»
Его на флоте звали Костя Брандт –
Он храбро вёл разведчиков вперёд!
Аой!

XI
Отряд вступил в дремучие леса –
Вокруг Луанды джунгли шелестят.
Льют воду каждый день тут небеса –
Зашёл туда и нет пути назад!
Прошли они ещё десяток вёрст,
Услышали чужие голоса.
Подумали: возможно, вражий пост –
Счастливая настала полоса!
Унитовцы их ждали впереди.
О группе Брандта сам Савимби знал –
Его ангольский друг предупредил:
Имел везде знакомых генерал.
Аой!

XII
Сего не ведал даже Костя Брандт
И вёл отряд болотистой тропой.
Любой матрос в отряде был как брат.
Готовы все пожертвовать собой!
И вдруг увидел каждый впереди:
Стоят палатки метрах в сорока.
У Кости что-то ёкает в груди
И к пистолету тянется рука.
Подкрались к крайней и в неё зашли:
В палатке пусто, карты на столе –
А может, померещилось вдали?
Три автомата было на земле.
Аой!

XIII
Меж тем собрал Савимби Жонаш войско
И речь сказал собравшимся такую:
– «Мы за свободу все умрём геройски,
Ведь не желаем родину другую!
Дадим отпор кубинским оккупантам –
Прогнали ведь недавно колонистов!
Разведчики советского десанта
Идут сюда. Уж близко коммунисты!
Устроим им засаду за палаткой –
Они войдут в неё, уверен, сразу.
Мне донесли: их менее десятка.
Возьмём числом: врагов положим разом!»
И отобрав сто сорок самых сильных,
Пошёл Савимби окружать разведку.
Аой!

XIV
«– Ну, всё, выходим!» – Костя молвил строго,
Палатки полог приоткрыв рукою.
Но только вдруг... опешил он немного,
Когда врагов увидел пред собою.
И закричал: «Умрём же за Россию –
Не посрамим и предков, и державу!»
Шагнул вперёд, как посланный миссия –
Он не имел бежать позорно право.
Аой!

XV
Стояли наши все спиной друг к другу,
Был жаркий бой, поскольку рукопашный.
Из двух сторон никто не знал испуга –
Для партизан был этот край домашним.
И бился Брандт как древний лев немейский –
Его не брали пули пистолетов!
Могуч и статен воин европейский –
Гроза УНИТА и кумир поэтов!
У партизан был тоже сильный воин –
Его луандцы звали Мануэлем.
Он на охоте сделался героем –
Без промаха стрелял по разным целям.
Прицелился он лейтенанту в спину,
Чтоб сердце пуля острая пробила.
Нажал на спуск. И больно Константину,
И пелена сознание затмила.
И тут картину взору открывает
Небесный диск, на небе догорая:
Родная мать с войны его встречает,
А он ей шепчет: «Мама, умираю…»
Упал на землю Костя бездыханно:
Людская кровь лилась вокруг рекою.
Но бились наши – было им желанно
Нести в чертог жизнь вражью за собою.
Изранен Стас: ударит – лягут трое,
Направо стукнет – лягут сразу восемь.
Богатырей хоть мало, все – герои
Погибшие. А с мёртвых долг не спросят.
Аой!

XVI
Все полегли. Врагов – в три раза больше.
Забрали павших наши и УНИТА.
И день тот был иной недели дольше.
Мы были горькой новостью убиты.
Ещё пять дней на якоре стояли –
Мы части Кубы прикрывали с моря.
На день шестой под вечер отплывали –
Осадок был от тягостного горя.
И Виктор Заев, наш полковник смелый,
Молчал угрюмо в тягостной печали.
Последнее для павших сделал дело –
Он «За отвагу» им вручил медали.
На каждый гроб он положил награду –
Все моряки в унынии стояли.
Аой!

XVII
Так завершилась песня о Луанде.
Отдали долг мы воинский Отчизне.
Наш командир сказал тогда команде:
– «Вы молодцы! Желаю мирной жизни!»
Он по морям потом немало плавал.
И воевал ещё в семи кампаньях.
В день ВМФ кричим ему мы: «Слава!» –
На том конец Луандского сказанья!
Аой!
{31.12.2015}

Гражданская война в Анголе представляла собой вооружён-
ное противостояние между враждующими группировками: МПЛА (Народное движение за освобождение Анголы – Партия труда (порт. Movimento Popular de Libertação de Angola — Partido doTrabalho, MPLA), ФНЛА (порт. Frente Nacional de Libertação de Angola,
FNLA) и УНИТА (порт. União Nacional para a Independência
Total de Angola, UNITA). Война началась в 1975 году, а завершилась
в 2002 году.
1. Виктор Заев – главный герой данного поэтического произве-
дения, вымышленный персонаж;
2. Луанда (порт. Luanda) – столица Анголы;
3. УНИТА – см. выше;
4. ЮАР – Южно-Африканская республика
5. Фидель Кастро – Фиде́ль Алеха́ндро Ка́стро Рус (исп. Fidel
Alejandro Castro Ruz; род. 13 августа1926; Биран, провинция Орьенте, Куба) – кубинский революционер, государственный, политический и партийный деятель, который являлся Председателем Совета министров и Председателем Государственного совета Кубы (президентом) в 1959 – 2008 и 1976 – 2008 годах.
6. Роберто Холден – Холден Альваро Робер-
то (порт. Holden Roberto; 12 января 1923, Мбанза-Кон-
го (тогдашнее название – Сан-Сальвадор-ду-Конго) –
2 августа 2007, Луанда), он же Жозе Жилмор (порт.José Gilmore)
– ангольский политик, основатель и многолетний лидер Национального фронта освобождения Анголы (ФНЛА). Активный участник войны за независимость и гражданской войны в Анголе. Консерватор, монархо-трайбалист, антикоммунист. В 1992 – 2007 годах– депутат парламента Анголы.
7. «…под Кифангондо в битве…» – это битва при Кифангондо,
которая произошла с 23 октября по 10 ноября 1975 г. в Анголе и стала первой совместной победой МПЛА и кубинцев.

8. «…полковник Каллэн» – настоящее имя Костас Ге-
оргиу (греч. Κώστας Γιώργιου, англ. Kostas Giorgiou; 1951 –
1976), он же «Полковник Каллэн», Colonel Callan – британский военный, капрал парашютно-десантного полка. Этнический грек-киприот. Наёмный участник гражданской войны в Анголе на стороне ФНЛА. Казнён по приговору суда в Луанде 10 июля 1976 года.
9. Савимби Жонаш – Жо́наш Малье́йру Сави́мби (порт. Jonas
Malheiro Savimbi; 3 августа 1934 – 22 февраля 2002) – ангольский политический и военный деятель, партизанский лидер, основатель повстанческого движения и политической партии УНИТА. Лидер УНИТА c 13 марта 1966 по 22 февраля 2002. Активный участник ангольской войны за независимость и гражданской войны. Кандидат в президенты Анголы на выборах 1992. Видный деятель Холодной
войны и мирового антикоммунистического движения.
10. «Нептуна день…» – Праздник Нептуна, иногда –
«День Нептуна». Водное представление. Берёт основы от тради-
ции моряков при пересечении экватора.

Translator - I. Toporov

Elena Ramos


Aquí todo en mi mente da vueltas, nada es estable, no hay un objeto al cual pueda ver directo y guiarme para no caer. Para mí no sirve el simple hecho de tenerlo todo para ser feliz, ni el dinero, ni una familia reconocida en todo Miami y el resto del país. Me llamo Gimena Rodríguez, mis papas son de Honduras pero emigraron a los Estados Unidos cuando mi hermano mayor Roberto tenía apenas diez años en ese entonces yo tenía ocho horribles y apestosos años, era muy fea, mi mama siempre me ponía dos ganchitos en la frente para quitarme el pelo de la cara; bote todas las fotos que dejaban evidencia de ese abuso hacia el estilo y la dignidad de una niña pequeña.  

He buscado en la internet el significado de mi nombre, porque ni yo sé que soy. Hay unos sitios bien raros que dicen que soy de las que necesita ser apoyada por los demás, algo que no es cierto, pero he topado con un sitio que dice que soy de pensamiento firme, ágil y con capacidad analítica. Y por cierto mi número de la suerte dice ser el número cuatro, puede tener algo de sentido ya que el 4 de noviembre es mi cumpleaños, o que casualmente mis papas estén de aniversario el mismo día. Suelo ser de esas chicas que todo el mundo conoce o dice saber conocerme, por el simple hecho de tener una familia la cual, toda América conoce. Mi papa heredo el negocio de mi abuelo, (por lo general el abuelo o como yo lo llamaba Yeyo, era el único que me entendía hasta llegue a prometerle que seguiría los pasos de la familia y seguir el negocio) una empresa que distribuye muebles, ya sean sofás como camas y cosas así. La compañía se llama DecoArte, había empezado en 1934 con mi bisabuelo Arturo, que luego paso a ser mi mi Yeyo y ahora de mi padre (solo espero que Roberto pelee por su lugar en la compañía y decida quedarse todo para él, así no tendría que seguir en este negocio, porque realmente no me gusta). He decidido que quiero ir a Los Angeles y estudiar Fashion Management & Marketing, en la Universidad de Argosy. He aplicado a varias universidades y aun espero respuesta, seria decepcionante no ser aceptada en ninguna y entonces tendría que trabajar en DecoArte toda mi vida. Todos los días son decepcionantes, siempre es lo mismo, mi casa parece un lugar solitario. Roberto tiene su propio apartamento, todos los días sube fotos a su cuenta de Instagram haciendo fiestas, las cuales son mencionadas como las mejores. Fraternidades de muchas universidades terminan ahí, los vagabundos igual, y así todo Miami. Sería bueno si por lo menos me invitara a una de sus “reuniones”, como el las suele llamar cuando estamos frente a nuestros padres. No me veo pequeña, tengo diez y siete años y el próximo año me graduare de Miami Beach High School. Muchos me preguntan si realmente tengo la edad que les digo tener, nadie me cree, muchos dicen que me veo mucho mayor, algo que para mí no está mal. En mi cuenta de twitter me he fijado que Roberto dará una fiesta, tal vez pueda decir que voy a ver una película y me voy un rato a su casa, solo espero que mi propio hermano no me eche de la casa. En mi tiempo libre, después de clases, suelo agarra mi computadora portátil y abrir Word, y escribir todo el día. Hace poco subí gratis un libro de poemas de dicados a la gente que no sabe qué hacer con su vida. He tenido buenas respuestas, inclusive en mi blog recibo visitas y buenos comentarios a montones. Existen dos mundos parami, la realidad y el mundo que creo con los libros y la escritura. Cada libro que leo me envuelve en un sentimiento que hace que imagine estar en el libro. Al escribir siento que mis ideas fluyen y que soy yo honestamente, sin censura, sin miedo a expresarme. En este momento estoy escribiendo una historia ficticia de esta joven que desea encontrar el amor, ya que casi lo encontraba pero el murió. Por su falta de confianza no es capaz de hablar con ningún muchacho. Esta es la introducción del libro:
               Para amar hay un tiempo límite, o por lo menos para mí sí. Si tienes una enfermedad terminal, es muy probable que ese amor nunca llegue. Desearía tener por lo menos un romance que dure poco o hasta cuando yo siga viva. Mi vida se complica cada vez más, el único hombre que veo seguido es mi médico el doctor Collins, está casado y tiene una hermosa hija. En el hospital veo morir a diario personas de las cuales me hice amiga. Aun no olvido su rostro, su pálida cara, que me reía aun a pesar de tener peores condiciones de vida que yo. Se llamaba Mark, tenía doce años cuando lo conocí, y diez y siete cuando lo vi por última vez. Cada año lo volvía diferente, siempre había un problema más o algo en su cuerpo había cambiado por  completo. Lo conocí cuando yo tenía once años, llegue a emergencias esa noche, mi mente giraba, era más verde como la pared que trigueña. Gracias a dios detectaron mi cáncer con tiempo. Pero esa noche ahí estaba el, sentado en una camilla, me pareció muy guapo desde el primer instante en que nuestros ojos se cruzaron. Mientras mi mama hablaba con la enfermera afuera, yo estuve acostada, mirándolo y luego mirando el techo. No sabía que sucedía conmigo, solo sabía que  me sentía a morir. No llore porque él estaba ahí, a dos camillas de la mía. Sabía que me observaba aunque lo disimulaba muy bien. Entraron mi mama y varias enfermeras y un doctor,  después de un rato sacaron mi camilla y me llevaban a otro lugar. Deje a ese muchacho solo en ese espantoso cuarto, solo, y seguramente con dolor en alguna parte. Desperté el día siguiente en un cuarto, había dos camas más  pero al parecer solo yo ocupaba y llenaba aquella gran habitación. Me di cuenta que mi mama y mi papa estaban dormidos, me sorprendió ver a papa faltar al trabajo. No estoy muy segura, pero anoche tuve uno de los mejores sueños más reales que he tenido en mi vida. Soñé con el muchacho de la sala de emergencia. Vi su hermoso pelo, dorado que caía sobre sus orejas, sus perfectos ojos, que no se distinguían si eran grises o verdes. Tenía una camiseta roja, parecía el tipo de adolescente que se intoxica con algo y termina aquí. Definitivamente desearía poder volverlo a ver por lo menos un instante, para poder recordar mejor esa mirada y su hermosa sonrisa.  No hice ruido y me levante buscando un baño, estaba bien, solo algo cansada, y molesta por esa horrenda bata que llevaba puesta, ya que no tenía nada abajo. Hice ruido al levantarme ya que presione uno de los botones que levanta la camilla. Mi padre Augusto, se levantó en un abrir y cerrar de ojos del sofá donde dormía para ir en mi auxilio. –Papa estoy bien-,-No te creo, a dónde vas?-,-solo busco un baño, necesito ir ahorita-. La cara de papa estaba muy diferente, hoy no tenía esa mirada de las mañanas que me decían que todo estaba bien, que la economía estaba por las nubes, o que sasha mi perrita no le causaba alergia cuando todos sabíamos que sí. Me detuve a observarlo, sabía que algo le ocurría,  tal vez fue despedido, o tuvo una seria pelea con mi madre, algo que creo lógico, ya que Paty se pone muy insolente cuando tiene discusiones con papa. –qué ocurre?- le pregunte, tocándole la cara muy delicadamente, tratando de leer su mente o entenderlo-cariño, hay cosas de las cuales tenemos que hablar- al decir esto mi padre, supe que no era nada bueno, porque en ese mismo instante se puso a llorar, por un motivo yo hice lo mismo con él. Mi madre se despertó por el ruido.-Mary, el cáncer no te va a matar, te juro que te van a curar, te lo prometo hija pero por favor no llores-. Mi padre la observo fijamente a los ojos. Fue un golpe muy duro el que recibí, darme cuenta que tenía cáncer y de esta manera. Simplemente, busque la puerta y Salí corriendo, lo más rápido posible, segundos después me di la vuelta y vi que ya no sabía en qué parte del hospital me encontraba. –Mary!-se escuchaba en el fondo. Era mi mama que locamente me buscaba. Me imagino lo mal que se ha de sentir en este momento, pero no lo puedo creer aun, pero tengo cáncer…logre salir de esa situación, ya no estaba corriendo por los pasillos, estaba en un cuarto. –Hola- me di la vuelta y lo vi a él, creí no volver a ver esos ojos, pero si.-hola-creo que nunca estuve tan nerviosa en mi vida. Busque la forma en que la camilla cubriera mi bata, estaba descalza y muy despeinada, pero aun ocupaba ir a un baño. Al fondo vi una puerta, había un baño,-Perdón, pero me puedes prestar tu baño-, él se rio enseguida-si no hay problema, además no es mío es del hospital-. Fui caminando muy rápido, y me encerré, luego, me lave las manos, me enjuague la boca, lave mi cara, y Salí.-me llamo Mary- extendí mi mano hacia la suya.-un gusto Mary, soy Gabriel-. Nombre perfecto para un ángel, el cual él se parecía mucho. Sentía mi corazón palpitando mucho, en un instante sentía que me desmayaba y era enserio, no era por las mariposas ni nada por el estilo, realmente me sentía mal. Gabriel tomo mi mano, me ayudo a sentarme y enseguida llamo a una enfermera. Al rato todos estaban en la habitación, incluso mis papas. –Mary!!—mama estoy bien-.la enfermera me acostó en la camilla de Gabriel, y me tomo la presión, al segundo llego otra enfermera a sacarme sangre. Papa me tomo de la cintura, y me guiaban para ir a mi habitación. Estoy en este momento entrando en un túnel donde sentía que nunca llegaría a casa, pensaba en todas las cosas que hice antes por diversión, pero ahora vivo una pesadilla, que espero que sea simplemente eso, y despertar termine con ella. No pude decirle adiós a Gabriel, pero ya sabia que su numero era treinta y seis, y la mia era la sesenta y dos. Había un brillo que trataba de iluminar mi vida, mi cerebro, había tanta oscuridad, tanta tristeza oculta, cuando la gente que yo amo se de cuente de lo que tengo y en lo que me convertiré tendre miedo de su miedo. He visto tantas películas de esas en las que alguien tiene cáncer o una enfermedad terminal, tengo miedo de no querer luchar por mi vida, miedo a no querer salir de esa comodidad en mi mente y querer rendirme. Tengo solo pocos momentos en mi vida, que valen la pena ser contados. Qué tal si no lleguen mas momentos asi y muera sin haber vivido mi vida. He viajado mucho para que termine asi. Mi mente viaja por lugares muy profundos de mi alma, siento eterna la llegada  a mi habitación. Solo escucho bulla de afuera, tanta que no se en cual enfocarme. Mis papas respetan mi silencio, saben que quiero aclarar mejor las cosas pero que tal si no quiero saberlo y seguir así, viajando por la vida solo por viajar sin rumbo, porque la verdad asi me siento. –mary quieres desayunar, el doctor dice que no tienes dieta-. –Si mam, -dije para romper el silencio de aquella blanca habitación. Tengo una terraza, con hermosas flores, no tengo nada que perder ni ganar ahora, solo disfrutar de su belleza y el canto de los pájaros, es hermosa; la única que no me altera, la única que no se siente como bulla. –pero, creo que todos necesitamos una ducha—si, papa, pero no tengo ropa-.Mama ira a la casa y yo a comprar el desayuno, y tu te quedaras aqui con la enfermera mientra te terminan de revisar-. No  soportaba la idea de que tuvieran que sacarme sangre o que alguien estuviera tan cerca de mi, como esta enfermera. Mis papas salieron de la habitacion, y tuve el descaro de preguntarle en el oído a una de las enfermeras, de quien era Gabriel.-te gusta verdad?-,-no!, simplemente tengo curiosidad-.y ahí empezó la historia mas fasinante e interesante que había escuchacho antes.- Se llama Gabriel Cole y tiene doce años, su mama, no sabemos nada de ella. Vino hace seis meses y desde entonces vive aquí, su papa es Señor Cole,no pudo soportar verlo enfermo entonces pago para que viviera aquí, y se fue. Viene a visitarlo una vez a la semana pero tiene dos semanas sin venir.es un buen muchacho, no le vendría mal una amiga, ahora que no tiene a nadie-.no  puedo creer que su familia lo haya abandonado. No me imagino vivir sin mi mama o sin mi papa, seria horrible.-Bueno he terminado contigo, el doctor Collins vendrá en un rato, descansa-. Salieron por la puerta dejándome sola.

“Even the streets leading up to its outer barriers were roamed by gorilla-faced guards in black uniforms, armed with jointed truncheons.”
                                                    ­ George Orwell, 1984* (published in 1949)

Which brings us, of course, to the subject of torture since 1949.
Come with me to the Casbah, Babaloo.
We begin in the 1950s with the French in North Africa,
****** baguettes in Algeria,
Couilles frits, anyone?
Electrodes wired to Mustapha’s *****.
And "Bigeard's Shrimps,” as the bodies were called,
Dumped over the Mediterranean from aircraft,
All things considered a je ne sais quoi,
Though Camus and Sartre gave it a whack.

Then the 1960s: the CIA dabbling in mind-control and LSD.
Later, a Phoenix Program,
Very secretive, sympathies with the Cong required,
Various elders selected,
The village disinfected,
**, **, ** and a bowl of Pho.

Apartheid anyone?
Thirty years of South African terror & torture.
Torment in the townships,
Shaka Zulu gold and diamonds,
De Beers in Swaziland swing.

1971: riots at Attica,
Prisoners abused and tortured,
Rockefeller’s overcrowded slammer,
An upstate New York katzenjammer,
Nelson’s finger on the trigger,
39 dead and counting,
But who’s counting?

The CIA, back in the news in 1973,
Torture chambers under Chilean soccer stadiums,
And the Khmer Rouge:
Those Wacky Cambodians with skull racks.  
And let us not forget the British,
With centuries of colonial experience behind them,
Occupy six counties in Northern Ireland.
Finally codify the imperial process,
The Five Techniques:
Sounds like a Motown group,
Satin smooth colored boys,
But more method than music:
(1) Wall-standing,
(2) Hooding,
(3) Subjection to noise,
(4) Sleep deprivation,
(5) No food and drink.

And there’s a bunch of horrible ****,
We still don’t know about the Argentine ***** War,
And other Mai Lai-like,
****-fest massacres in Vietnam.

How about torture since 1984?
Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo,
Come quickly,
(www.prematureejaculatorsanonymous.com)
To mind,
As do US-sponsored rendition facilities,
Spread throughout the NATO alliance.
And closer to home, it’s never a dull moment in the 5 Boroughs:
Brooklyn, Queens, Staten Island, The Bronx and Manhattan.
Take your pick from Giuliani’s Greatest Hits,
Rudy Kazootie’s campaign of law and order,
Not necessarily in that order.
More awful than lawful,
A bathroom plunger rammed up,
The Haitian voodoo ****** of Abner Louima,
While he be handcuffed at a Brooklyn station house.
Or, the NYPD partying like it was 1999.
When in fact, it was1999,
And a curious death it was for Amadou Diallo,
Would-be American citizen from The Republic of Guinea,
(No connection to Italy or Italians),
Abner & Amadou: a pair of cautionary tales,
Either/or reflecting standard procedure for the Po-Po,
Time and time again from coast to coast.
Either/or: poor Abner, no Haitian Papa Doc.
Poor Amadou, on his way home from night school,
When police squeeze off 41 rounds,
Most of them in his direction,
Hitting him 19 times.
Just the facts, ma’am:
Diallo had reached into his jacket.
A trigger-happy police officer yells “Gun.”
A jungle warfare quartet springs into action:
Shenzi, Banzai, Ed & Zazu,
Four equally trigger-happy colleagues,
Empty their weapons.
No gun was found on Diallo,
Only the wallet he tried to pull out,
Containing his Green Card,
4 U.S. dollar bills;
And a laminated,
Credit card-sized copy of the U.S. Bill of Rights.
(I just didn’t know when to quit, did I?
The wallet was there with Green Card and the bucks,
But I made up the part about the Bill of Rights,
Trying to add poetry to tragedy, as usual.)

I don’t have to say much about Rodney King (RIP).
You watched it on TV a hundred times,
And a picture’s worth a thousand words.
Or ten thousand or a million, I suppose.
“Can’t we all just get along?” asked Rodney Glen King.

Last but not least there’s Kelly Thomas (RIP),
Another incidence of police insanity,
It was July of 2011 in Fullerton, California.
Thomas, a 37-year-old homeless man,
Schizophrenic, but unarmed,
Beaten to death at a bus depot,
During an altercation with six Fullerton police officers.
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2019225/Kelly-Thomas-Poli­­ce-beat-taser-gentle-mentally-ill-homeless-man­-death.html#ixzz1e­3­4QnHtr

Mervyn Lazarus | Attorney | (www.mervlazarus.com) Police Brutality, Excessive Force and Jail Injury cases | California . . . Albuquerque

Jackie Chiles perfect attorney -YouTube, (www.youtube.com/watch?v=jpcEietIoxk) Nov 17, 2010 - 13 min - Uploaded by Kroeger22 All the scenes with Jackie Chiles from Seinfeld."Chiles is a parody of famed attorney Johnnie Cochran; both ... www.seinfeld.com

Perhaps the greatest torture of all,
Is that which artists subject us to.
Let us examine the case of Roberto Bolaño:
Roberto Bolaño, the great Chilean writer,
Tells a fabulous World War II story,
About a Spaniard--an Andalusian--
Fighting for the Germans against the Russians.
Captured by the Russians,
He is tortured for information.
The Spaniard speaks no Russian,
He knows only four words of German.
The Russian interrogators strap him into a chair,
Attach electrodes to his *****,
Attach pincers to his tongue.
The pain makes his eyes water.
He said--or rather shouts--the word coño.
It is Spanish for ****.
The pincers in his mouth,
Distort the expletive,
Which in his howling voice comes out as KUNST.
The Russian who knows German looks at him in puzzlement.
The Andalusian was yelling KUNST,
Yelling KUNST and crying in pain.
KUNST in German means art,
And that was what the bilingual Russian heard, KUNST.
“This ******* must be an artist or something.”
The torturers remove the pincers,
Along with a little piece of tongue,
And wait, momentarily hypnotized by the revelation:
The word ART had soothed the savage beasts.
So soothed, the savage beasts take a breather,
Waiting for some kind of signal.
Meanwhile, the Andalusian bleeds from the mouth,
Swallows his blood liberally mixed with saliva, and chokes.
The word coño,
Transformed into the word *KUNST,
Had saved his life.
It was dusk when he came out of the building.
Light stabbed at his eyes like midday sun.

So, it’s a fact that I love,
Truly love the simple blunt Anglo-Saxon expletive ****,
****: I pray that while I am being tortured some day,
I have the dignity to scream the word out loud.
And if I am screaming **** at the very end,
When my nervous system finally fails,
When I **** my pants,
When my pulmonic heart and lungs collapse,
Is that so bad?
Is that so wrong?

Do you realize that 1984 came--
Came and went, without any significant cultural hoopla?
The networks ignored it.
As did the cable pundits.
No significant comparative analysis between,
Orwell’s book 1984 and the year 1984,
Was broadcast electronically or publicized in print.
Steve Jobs got it, but as usual no one else did.
Mr. Jobs (RIP) did his best,
To mainstream its profound cultural relevance,
But ultimately failed,
Despite the $1.5 million he paid one of the networks,
To air a one minute nation-wide commercial,
During the 3rd Quarter,
Of Super Bowl XVIII,
January 22, 1984.
Despite Ridley Scott’s astonishing spell-binder,
His 60-second spot for The Macintosh 128K--
Still considered a watershed event,
And an advertising industry masterpiece,
…YouTube it and watch it.  (www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z8ji0B98IMo).
See the hammer throwing athlete chick,
See her fling the sledge,
That huge sledgehammer,
Smash into Big Brother’s flat screen face.
Despite Jobs’ global presence,
Despite Steverino’s unfettered microphone access,
Whenever he felt an oraculation coming on,
Despite everything,
He was unable to move the powers that be,
To either hype the book or the prophecy come true.

So, what’s my point? I have two.
First, in April 1984 the estate of George Orwell,
And the television rights holder to the novel 1984,
Considered the edgy Jobs/Scott commercial to be,
A flagrant copyright infringement,
Sending a cease-and-desist letter to Apple Inc.
And the advertising agency that produced the spot: Chiat/Day Inc.
The commercial was never televised as a commercial after that.  
Score: Lawyers 1, Artists 0.

My second point is that in November 2011,
The U.S. government argued before the U. S. Supreme Court,
That it wants to continue utilizing GPS tracking of individuals,
Without first seeking a warrant.
In response, Justice Stephen Breyer (one of the sane ones),
Questioned what this means for a democratic society.
Referencing Nineteen Eighty-Four, Justice Breyer asked:
"If you win this case, then there is nothing,
To prevent the police or the government from monitoring 24/7,
The public movement of every citizen of the United States.
So if you win, you suddenly produce what sounds like 1984 . . .”*

My third point,
(Yeah, I know I said two, but *******.)
My third point is that I’m just so ******* angry,
All the time, late and soon like Wordsworth,
(Was anyone more aptly named?)
I am angry about so many different things,
And every day that goes by I relate more and more,
To the thousands of Americans that occupied,
Zuccotti Park and Oakland,
And countless other venues,
Out into the streets.
Across the country.
Around the world.  
I am humbled by their courage and perseverance.
Yet, I am afraid for them.
I am made paranoid by the scope and power,
Of the government,
Of the ruling class that controls it,
And the technology they allow us to embrace,
Technology’s sinister potential,
Now that more and more knowledge and information,
Has been digitized,
Existing only in cyberspace.                                                      ­                                                 
What frightens most is the realization,
That anyone with a word processor,
And access to the database could rewrite,
Any historical or legal document,
To fit the needs of a current agenda.
The scary part is—
Repeating myself for emphasis—
That anyone with a word processor
And access to the database could rewrite,
Any historical or legal document,
To fit the needs of a current agenda.

Does anyone out there give a ****?
Does anyone out there share my nightmare?
Do it to Julia.
Do it to Julia.

"We can say that we have crossed the threshold of myth only when we notice a sudden consistency between incompatibles"

If you had to pick one adjective to sum up Michael Kors' collection at last month's New York Fashion Week, a good bet might be "feathery."

The designer was going for "the flirty freedom of things that move," to quote his production notes, and there were flirty feathers on at least 10 of the looks he sent down the runway - starting with feathers adorning a pair of jeans, and moving to feathers on a houndstooth tweed coat, on a denim or tweed skirt, and on black silk for ultimate evening effect.

There also were plenty of sequins, adding a very bright sheen to some of the fashions, especially a silver sequin embroidered "streamer" dress, with the hem cut into strips that indeed looked like streamers, and also a pair of seriously glistening silver metallic stretch tulle pants.

This is Kors' flagship collection, not his more accessibly priced secondary line.

Kors always has a healthy celebrity contingent at his fashion shows, and February's event was no exception: Blake Lively and Jennifer Hudson were among the front-row guests. They were there to witness an anniversary of sorts for Kors.

"I'm not one for anniversaries and I'm really not a big kind of looking-over-my-shoulder kind of guy," Kors said in a backstage interview. "But when I started designing this I realized, oh my God, this is my 35th fall collection. That's crazy!"

Kors added that as he reflected on the milestone, he realized the most important thing was to keep his fashion fun.

"I wanted this to be full of fun and charm," he said. "So it's very flirty, short, leggy, not a gown in sight. All the rules are broken because stylish people break the rules ... The seasons are crazy anyway. So when the weather's terrible, don't you want to put on a fabulous apple green coat to change your spirits? Don't you want to wear tweed with flowers? Don't you want to put feathers on flannel? Wear flats at night? Wear metallic for a day?"

From his sunglasses to his gold glitter pumps, Kors' collection exuded fun, not fuss. Even a denim skirt is luxe, when covered in feathers. A hoodie adds reality to a silver sequin cocktail dress. And who doesn't love handbags the colors of jelly beans.

CAVALLI'S DECADENCE

MILAN - Even while venturing back in time to the Belle Epoque era, Peter Dundas' latest collection for Roberto Cavalliremains rooted in the rock 'n' roll '60s and '70s. His collection bowed during Milan Fashion Week last month.

The languid looks were strong on glamour and workmanship, from the ephemeral sheer beaded evening dresses in pale shades to the colorful patchwork fur coats worthy of any rock star: art nouveau meets Janis Joplin.

''Decadence, superstition, mysticism, Gustav Klimt, Aubrey Beardsley - things that give me a kick," Dundas said backstage, describing his inspirations.

He said the Roberto Cavalli woman for the season is ''a little wild and instinctive."

The Cavalli animal print for next winter is tiger, in long skirts and short bomber jackets, while denim gets its due with a long trailing coat and flared embroidered jeans. Looks were finished with long scarves tied casually around the neck, makeup hastily done and hair loose and natural.

Notwithstanding the labor involved in his creations, Dundas says he would like to see his collections get into stores more quickly than the current system permits.

''I wish I could. I am working on it," Dundas.

DIOR'S PARISIENNE

PARIS - Vogue fashion doyenne Anna Wintour, former French first lady Bernadette Chirac and Chinese actress Liu Yifeiwere among the celebrities on the front row of the Dior show held in an annex inside the picturesque Rodin Museumgardens in January.

In the clothes, the "spontaneous, relaxed Parisienne of today" mixed with the iconic styles of the 1940s and 1950s.

High-cut post-War shoes with occasional retro ankle bows accessorized embroidered silk gowns in freestyle volumes - often with "sensual, bare" accentuated shoulders. A couple of flapper-style lace, chiffon and tulle look also evoked the joyful feeling of the 1920s - the period between the two World Wars.

Dior's studio team of designers also set about experimenting with the famed "bar jacket" - it "changes appearance depending on whether it is worn closed or loose," said the program notes.

It thus came in myriad forms: in tight, embroidered black wool, loose and white, open to expose the breast sensually, oversized and masculine, or as a beautiful dark navy wool coat.

There were also traces of the historical musings of past creative directors - such as Galliano and Simons - set off nicely in one look off-white wool "bar" jacket interpretation with flappy 18th-century cuffs.Read more at:www.marieaustralia.com/bridesmaid-dresses | www.marieaustralia.com/short-formal-dresses

Shortly after 3pm on September 29, 31-year-old Olivier Rousteing strode through the shimmering, fleshy backstage area at Balmain's Spring 2017 Paris Fashion Week show. Along the marble hallway of a hôtel particulier in the 8th arrondissement, long-limbed clusters of supermodels were gamely tolerating final applications of leg-moisturiser, make-up touch-ups and minutely precise hair interventions from squads of specialists as fast and accurate as any Formula 1 pit-stop team. The crowd parted as Rousteing swept through.

Wearing a belted, black silk tuxedo and a focused expression that accentuated his razor-sharp cheekbones, Rousteing resembled a sensuous hit man. Target identified, he led us to the board upon which photographs of every outfit were tacked.

We asked him to tell us about the collection (for that's what fashion editors always ask). "There is no theme," said Rou­steing in his fast, French-accented lilt. "No inspiration from travel or time. The inspiration is what I feel, and what I feel now is peace, light and serenity. I feel like in my six years here before this, I have tried to fight so many battles. Because there is no point anymore in fighting about boundaries and limits in fashion. Balmain has its place in fashion."

And the clothes? "There is a lot of fluidity. A lot of knitwear, lightness, ponchos. No body-con dresses. But whatever I do, even if I cover up my girls, it is like people can say I am ******. So this is what it is. I think there is nothing ******. I think it is really chic. I think it is really French. It is how I see Paris. And I have had too many haters during the last three years to defend myself again. So, this is Balmain." And then the show began.

Star endorsements

Under Rousteing, Balmain has become the most controversial fashion house in Paris. Rousteing has attracted (but not bought, as other, far bigger houses do) patronage from contemporary culture's most significant influencers. Rihanna, all the Kardashians, Kanye West, Taylor Swift, Miley Cyrus, Beyoncé, Justin Bieber – a royal flush of modern celebrity aristocracy – all champion him.

Immediately after this show, in that backstage hubbub, Kim Kardashian told me: "I thought it was very powerful…I loved the sequins, and I loved all the big chain mail belts – that was probably my favourite."

Yet for every famous fan there is a member of the fashion establishment who will sniff over coffee in Le Castiglione that Rousteing's crowd is declassé and his aesthetic best described by that V-word. The New York Times' fashion critic Vanessa Friedman reckoned this collection appropriate for "dressing for the captain's dinners on a cruise ship to Fantasy Island". At least she did not use the V-word. When I once deployed it – as a compliment – in a 2015 Vogue menswear review that declared "Rousteing is confidently negotiating a fine line between extravagance and vulgarity", I was told that Rous­teing was aggrieved.

The fashion world's ambivalence towards Rousteing is a measure of its conflicted feelings towards much in contemporary culture. Last year Robin Givhan of the Washington Post wrote of Balmain: "The French fashion house is always ostentatious and sometimes ******. It feeds a voracious appetite for attention. It is anti-intellectual. Antagonistic. Emotional. It is shocking. It is perfect for this era of social media, which means it is powerfully, undeniably relevant."

Since joining Instagram four years ago Rousteing has posted 4000 images and won 4 million followers. The combined reach of his audience members and models at this Balmain show was greater than the population of Britain and France combined. Balmain was the first French fashion house to gain more than 1 million followers, and currently has 5.5 million of them.

Loving his haters

As digital technology disrupts fashion, Balmain's seemingly effortless mastery of the medium galls some. Last year, the designer posted an image of a comment from a ****** follower to his feed. It read: "Olivier Rousteing spends more times taking selfies for Instagram than designing clothes for Balmain." Underneath, in block capitals, he commented "i love my haters".

Rousteing can be funny and flip – doing a video interview after the show, I opened by asking, tritely, how he felt. He replied: "Now I feel like some Chicken McNuggets with barbecue sauce, and then some M&M;'s ice cream."

When at work, however, that flipness flips to entirely unflip. The previous evening, at a final fitting for the collection, Rousteing had paced his studio, his face a scowl of concentration, applying final edits to the outfits to be worn by models Doutzen Kroes and Alessandra Ambrosio. The 30-strong team of couturiers working in the adjoining atelier delivered a steady stream of altered dresses.

"We are ready," he said from behind a glass desk in a rare moment of downtime. "This a big show – 80 looks – and I want a collection that is full of both the commercial and couture. But it's smooth too. All of the girls are excited about the after-party and interested in the music. And eating pizza." In the corridor outside Gigi Hadid – this season's apex supermodel – was indeed eating pizza, with gusto.

The fitting went on until far beyond midnight; Rousteing, fiercely focused, demonstrated the work ethic for which he is famous. When he was studio manager for Christophe Decarnin, his predecessor at Balmain, the young then-unknown was always the first in and last out of the studio. Emmanuel Diemoz, who joined Balmain as finance controller in 2001 and became chief executive in 2011, says that his hard graft was one of the reasons he was chosen to succeed Decarnin.

"For sure it was quite a gamble," says Diemoz. "But we could see the talent of Olivier. Plus he understood the work of Christophe – who had helped the brand recover – so he represented continuity. He was a hard worker, clearly a leader, with a lot of creativity. Plus the size of the turnover at that time was not so huge. So we were able to take the risk."

Clear leader

Which is why, aged 24, Rousteing became the creative director of one of Paris's best known – but indubitably faded – fashion houses. In 2004 it had been close to bankruptcy. In 2012, Rousteing's first full year in charge, Balmain's sales were €30.4 million and its profit €3.1 million. In 2015, sales were €121.5 million and its profit €33 million. Vulgarity is subjective; numbers are not.

Rousteing, who is of mixed race, was adopted at five months by white parents and enjoyed an affluent and loving upbringing in Bordeaux. "My mum is an optician and my dad was running the port. They are both really scientific – not artistic. So I had that kind of life. Bordeaux is really bourgeois and really conservative, I have to say."

After an ill-starred three-month stint at law school – "I was doing international law. And I was like, 'oh my God, that is so boring'" – he did a fashion course that he managed to tolerate for five months.

"I found that really boring as well. I just don't like actually people who are trying to **** your dream. And I felt that is what my teachers were trying to do."

Obsessed with Gucci

Following a three-month internship in Rome – "also boring" – Rousteing became fascinated with Tom Ford's work at Gucci. "I was obsessed, obsessed, obsessed. Sometimes the press did not get it but I thought 'this is like genius, the new **** chic'. Obsessed, full stop."

He wanted to work there – "that was my dream" – but applied to every fashion house he could, and found an opportunity to intern at Roberto Cavalli. "They took me in from the beginning. I met Peter Dundas [then womenswear designer at the brand] and he said you are going to be my right hand – and start in four days."

Rousteing counts his five years in Italy as formative both creatively and commercially, but when the opportunity came to return to France in 2009 he leapt at it. "Christophe said he liked my work and that he needed someone to manage the studio. So two weeks later I was here. I loved Balmain at the time, when Christophe was in charge. It was all about rock 'n' roll chic, ****, Parisian. And he was appealing to a younger generation. You can see when brands become old but Balmain was touching this new audience. I always say Christophe's Balmain was Kate Moss but mine is Rihanna."

When Decarnin left and Rousteing replaced him, the response was a resounding "who?". His youth prompted some to anticipate failure.

"It was not easy at all. Every season I had the same questions." Furthermore, Rousteing (who has said he thinks of himself as neither black nor white) was the only non-white chief designer at a Parisian couture house. In a nation in which very few people of colour hold senior positions, his race may have contributed both to the establishment's suspicion of him and to his powerful sense of being an outsider.

'Beautiful spirit'

As he began to build a personal vernacular of close-fitted, heavily jewelled, gleefully grandiose menswear – fantastical uniform for a Rousteing-imagined gilded age – for both women and men, that V-word loomed.

"They asked, 'But is it luxury? Is it chic? Is it modern?' All those kinds of words. But you know there is no one definition [of fashion] even if people in Paris think there is. And, I'm sorry, but I think the crowd in fashion are those who understand the least what is avant-garde today."

In 2013 Rihanna visited the studio, met Rousteing, and reported all with multiple Instagram posts. "You are the most beautiful spirit, so down to earth and kind! @olivier_rousteing I think I'm in love!!! #Balmain." :')"

Rousteing met Kim Kardashian at a party in New York – they were drawn together, he recalls, because they were both shy – and was promptly invited to lunch with her family in Los Angeles.

An outsider in the firmament of old-guard Paris fashion, Rousteing was earning insider status within a new, and much more influential, supranational elite. He points out that Valentino, Saint Laurent and Pierre Balmain himself "were close to the jet set of their time. What I have on my front row is the people who inspire my generation".

From them, he learned a new way of doing business. "I think it was Rihanna and the music industry that first understood how Instagram can be part of the business world as well as the personal. But in fashion? When we started it was 'why do you post selfies? Why do we need to know your life, see you waking up, see you working? Why don't you keep it private'. And I was like 'you will see'."

Rousteing cheerfully declares his love for Facetune – "I don't have Botox but I do have digital Botox!" – an app that helps him airbrush his selfies and tweak those ski-***** cheekbones.

Reaching new population

From his office around the corner from Rousteing's, Diemoz adds: "When Olivier first proposed Balmain use social media, our investment in traditional media was costing a lot. Here was an alternative costing less but bringing huge visibility. It has been successful, quite rapidly…we decided to be less Parisian in a way but to speak to a new population. A brand has to be built around its heritage but we are proposing a new form of communication dedicated to a wider group of customers."

The impact of that strategy became apparent in 2015, when Rousteing and Balmain were invited to design a collection for the Swedish fast-fashion retailer H&M.; Within minutes of going on sale – and this is not hyperbole – the collection, available at vastly cheaper prices than Balmain-proper, had completely sold out. In London, customers fought on the pavement outside H&M;'s Regent Street branch. "Balmainia!" blared the headlines.

You have to move fast to get backstage after a Balmain show. I was out of my seat and trotting with purpose even before the string-heavy orchestra at the end of the catwalk had quite stopped playing Adele.

Rousteing had taken his bow merely seconds before. Still, too slow: I ended up in a clot of Rousteing well-wishers stuck in a corridor blocked by security guards. A Middle Eastern woman against whom I was indelicately jammed looked at me, laughed, shook her head, then said: "We pay millions for a fashion house – and then this happens!"

In June, Balmain was bought for a reported €485 million by Mayhoola, a Qatar-based wealth fund said to be controlled by the nation's ruling family. As so often with Rousteing-related revelations, some declared themselves nonplussed. "Why Would Mayhoola Pay Such a High Price for Balmain?", one headline asked. Yet Mayhoola, which acquired Valentino four years previously for $US858 million, might have scored a bargain.

Clothes key to revenue

Despite its huge, Instagram-enhanc­ed footprint, Balmain is a small, lean and relatively undeveloped business. Most luxury fashion houses today – Chanel, Burberry, Dior, et al – will emphasise their catwalk collections for marketing purposes but make most of their money from the sale of accessories, fragrances and small leather goods like handbags and shoes. One of the big fashion companies makes a mere 5 per cent from its catwalk clothes.

At Balmain, by contrast, clothes bring in almost all the revenues. If Balmain had the same clothes-to-accessories ratio as its competitors, its overall annual income could be more than €1 billion ($1.4 billion).

The company is moving in that direction. New accessory lines are in the pipeline. "Now we have to transform that desire into business activity," said Diemoz. "Sunglasses, belts, fragrances, the kind of products that can be more affordable."

The first bags should be available in January, as will a wider range of shoes, and then more, more, more.

Six days after his show, on the last day of Paris Fashion Week, I returned to the Balmain atelier. Apart from two assistants, Rousteing was the only person there – everybody else had gone on holiday to recover from the frenzy of preparing the show, or was busy selling the collection at the showroom around the corner.

Rousteing sat behind his desk in the empty room, wearing slingback leopard-print slippers, sweatpants and shades. "I am not even tired! I am excited. Because there are so many things happening – and I can't wait."Read more at:www.marieaustralia.com/red-carpet-celebrity-dresses | http://www.marieaustralia.com/formal-dresses-adelaide

Paris has traditionally been the city where inter­national designers – from Australia and England to Beirut and Japan – opt to unveil their collections. However, Karen Ruimy, who is behind the Kalmar label, chose the runways of Milan Fashion Week for her debut showcase in September.

The Morocco-born, London- based designer hosted an intimate al fresco event in a private palazzo to launch her holiday line of fine cotton and silk jumpsuits, breezy kaftans, long skirts, playsuits and off-the-shoulder tops in tropical prints.

Ruimy had a career in finance before moving into the arts – she owns a museum of photography in Marrakech – and has become increasingly involved in fashion and beauty, thanks to her personal interest in holistic therapies.

These are clothes, she explains, that marry luxury and wellness, and are the things she would wear when she wants quality time by herself. The fact that they are made in Italy, convinced her that Milan was the right place for her debut – where she showed alongside the likes of Gucci, Prada, Verscae and Marni.

On fashion calendars, Milan has conventionally been the place where the runways confirm the trends and themes hinted at ­earlier, in New York and London. However, this season, the Italian designers did not speak with one voice, making Milan Fashion Week all the more refreshing for it.

Often, there might be an era or style of design that dominates the runways during a particular season, but for spring/summer 2017 in Milan, there was a standout showing of techno sportswear and techno fabrics employed in updated classics such as coats and box-pleat skirts, or with references to north African and Native American themes.

The Italian designers sent looks that would appeal to everyone, from the haute bohemian and athletic woman, to the cool sophisticate and the art crowd, as well as – as in the case of Moschino – to the iPhone generation.

Only three seasons ago, Gucci’s creative director Alessandro Michele was lauded for his complicated maximalist styling. Yet in Milan, Gucci channelled a dreamlike vibe with Victoriana, denim, athletic apparel and oversized accessories, thrown together in delightful chaos, making it difficult to predict the direction Michele is taking Gucci in.

Currently he seems to be in a holding pattern, hovering at once over 1940s Hollywood glamour, 1970s flared pantsuits, and ruffled party dresses from the 1980s, in a cacophony of ­colours and fabrics.

The feeling of joyous madness continued at Dolce & Gabbana, where street dancers emerged from the audience to start the party in the designers’ tropical-themed show. The clothes used some of their familiar tropes, such as military jackets, corseted black-lace dresses miniskirts. New, however, were the baggy tapering trousers redolent of jodhpurs, and the lavish and detailed embellishment the designers used to sell their story.

Wanderlust dominated the moodboards at Roberto Cavalli – rich patterns, embroidery and patchworks inspired by Native Americans – and Etro with its ­tribal themes on kaftans, duster coats and Berber-style capes.

Giorgio Armani, Agnona Tod’s, Bottega Veneta and Salvatore Ferragamo – with its stylish twisted leather dresses and crisp athletic sportswear designed by newcomer Fulvio Rigoni – all answered the call of women who want stylish but undemanding clothes.

Marni would appeal to the art world for its graceful, pioneering ideas. The label’s finely pleated dresses displayed a life of their own, and its micro-printed dresses were gathered, folded and distorted to walk the line between stylish and quirky.

In contrast, the sportswear at MaxMara and Donatella Versace targeted the dynamic generation of athletic women, with sleek leggings, belted jackets, power suits and anoraks. Versace has made it clear that she thinks this is the only way forward. She may be right, but there’s always room for the myriad styles displayed at Milan Fashion Week in all our wardrobes.

It was feathers with everything at Prada. Silk pyjamas, boldly coloured and mixed checks, cardigans and wrap skirts with Velcro fasteners show Miuccia Prada reinventing the classics. Most glamorous was the series of evening dresses and pyjamas with jewelled embroidery and feathers, worn with kitten heels that married sporty straps with heaps of crystals. Prada’s must-have bag of the season is a bold clutch with a long strap fastener, that comes in a multitude of geometric and daisy patterns.

Versace

Over the past three seasons, Donatella Versace has been carving out a new image for her brand – a shift from the luxe glam of red carpets and superyachts, although the inhabitants of that world will be sure to buy into the new Versace vibe. Donatella’s girls are both glamorous and empowered. The sporty look is tough, urban and energetic, judging by the billowing ultra-thin high-tech nylon parkas and blousons, stirrup trousers and dresses (the shapes of which are manipulated by drawstrings). Dresses, skirts and tops are spliced at angles and studded together. Swishy pleated dresses and silky slit skirts gave energy when in movement, and were as soft as the look got.

Bottega Veneta

Model Gigi Hadid and veteran actress Lauren Hutton walked arm in arm down the Bottega Veneta runway, illustrating the breadth of the Italian maison in Tomas Maier’s hands. This was a double celebration of the Bottega’s 50th ­anniversary and Maier’s 15th as its creative director. Menswear and womenswear were combined, and the focus was on easy, elegant clothes in luxurious materials, such as ostrich, crocodile and lamb skin for coats; easy knits and cotton dresses worn with antique-style silver jewellery; and wedge heels. Fifteen handbag styles debuted along with 15 from the archive.

Fendi

Silvia Venturini’s new Kan handbag was a star turn at Milan. The stud-lock bag dotted with candy-coloured studs, rosette embroidery and floral ribbons couldn’t help but charm every woman in the audience. It was the perfect joyful accessory for Karl Lagerfeld’s feminine vintage romp through the wardrobe of Marie Antoinette, with sugary colours, bows, big apron skirts and crisp white embroidery juxtaposed with sporty footballer-stripe tops – effectively updating a historical look.Read more at:http://www.marieaustralia.com/formal-dresses | www.marieaustralia.com/red-carpet-celebrity-dresses

Prelude  PART I


"Today when the threat is looming, as close apocalyptic years approach, it will be by cohabiting itself and the ruining valley of debris, which will make this world corrupted the next issue of the numeral scale of the new count, a rising hyperspace , concerning the parts of the kingdom of God ... "

Then on the Lord's day, John saw the glory of the risen Christ, and she understood from the point of view of God, he saw that the fate of the Church and threatened in the first persecutions took the appearance of a dark beginning.
And the time John wrote the Evangelist, including books were Jews called Revelation, that is, "Revelations". With fantastic images of monsters, angels and cataclysms, evidence of the Jewish people are stressed and are invited to await the judgment of God who intervenes from heaven with all his power.  So my beloved world is harsh and does not represent an apocalypse, but it is the true reality is when I will bear its overwhelming slaughter.

" Today when I walked with my winged feet near my friend Victor, I confided down the road crushed by afflictive legs; how difficult the taste of laughter when the decadent surrounds you, the human, the vile, the loose ...
Even though the celestial charisma invoke his memory and help nourish the weakness of Robert in hyperspace, with clean clothes, I can see his beloved mother consumed as automaton can take care of him. She is also her father, because it carries rooted in its members and manners, infinitely sharp look; in their arms they will gather wherever his soul is under his patronage that lives there ..."
I am  who  say that Roberto is a dog, who bears all the faces of dogs humble and serene. Perhaps tired of hearing young people, it is flush adults who do not accept, and who do not share as young faces were watching them, getting them to receive them what they should disclose them.
This is how we are numbed and distraction is fleeting, and he looking aside in his astrayed, he would be saying ...:
"Among the cradle and the grave I have a feeble scaffolding, and then complains, though his other I demolishes; unsconcient defends his executioner ... that the threat of death is its widespread depravity, which dominates it and want to go on like mortifiying.

      I want to talk about life ..., he said in his short years of life, which is more of it; possibly coming to complex, what our Somatic territory responds in normal or involuntarily. Comparative anatomy, and its innermost portion, the link body and mind, as a pure white as Samadhis and nature.
Homeostatic factors regulating our vitality, making its experimental modification, increasing to evolution, or maturation as a criterion of personal psychology go with the passage of time into in the depths of our mind.
Thus in a known threshold of Vedic architecture, its sensitivity is excited by regulating the effectiveness of the response to be made ... and everything related to the world of Ludwig Garroch; brother Robert in his strange Emigrate.
Yesterday when my arms away from hers, my fingers pounding away and recording what the heart more than a song, was a symphony sonata with a single end, long and sustained movement; It was the adage inner melancholy with an eye romanticism, which dominates the
passions of the visible world, which inhabits Antonieta, causing me, unbalanced living.


                                       CHAPTER I


In the beginning years of his childhood, little Ludwig sitting at home, in the gallery. Ask her aunt who was ironing ... Madelain, how I would always be a child of five ...?, And being as such, a privileged to receive toys for many years. Attentive aunt, maybe go to hear with little complacency as his hands only want unroll clothes.
After two years at the age of seven, when her aunt arranging his coat to go to Mass, she teaches a carol that had been taught in childhood. When many wondered whether there is a Santa Claus ...?, And among his friends they looked to unravel the mystery. One year later, when he enjoyed his unicycle, who just dominated him, called him a cousin telling her it was her birthday. He did not hesitate to go to find out what was behind the call, so he found the means by which we celebrate, we live and cooperate towards happiness and delight to have us at each other.
Not long after a friend told him .. "You do not have ten years are too big And Ludwig thought he was well endowed and well stopped, so not your friend was wrong in the above. It is my label and my stance has put the world on me.
Every passing day came the stamp of manly character, a woman or girl who made change her hairstyle, and he did dress more attractive every day.
Later, in his teens, his gaze was well received and their voices radiated security screening. Where He must continue the line of men. Even when I was living as smoothly, looks out strong destination with which calls us to live with skin clean or *****, because it is inside the feeling and the pain does not come out, it is enclosed by the overflowing affection. Here is the portion of good or evil haunting things casual and destroys the healthy, it fertile.

                                        
              ­                           CHAPTER II


Then was a year with a sports compensate pleasant summer sated outdoors, almost fugitive ... will not wonder that life smiled on him serfdom, and very willing opened his prudence.
Every time I decided to go to his favorite places, he went with his burly comrades in the best mood to conquer optimistically. Thus, no wonder he wanted when he was alone and put your reasoning judiciously, because nothing is distant, nothing is impossible.

After unite desires and forces, to clean your bike, piece by piece, in full sun know much security would not allow the mother of vices ruin their fun, that scarce alive to possess the desire to move and go on compliance instinct. Casts on itself, the vigor of the inner, its desolate world full of free enthusiasms who obey no doubt the vital complex activity.
Ludwig and entering the maelstrom of men love hate Godson, you can glimpse the friction with the air, with people ... I wore. That their voices heard their soul contracts, and thus puts light feet towards an acceleration which does not afflict his troubled stomach, nor regret his decision and put fearful, but, bring himself retained encouragement of his mind to remember the maternal cooing, comfort and timely relief to protect forever the suffering, the suffering of torment without end, not he shut the inspiration of the good man that no harm will result, and not for nothing the valence of living and not quarrel prancing. No existing could shed some light on what role, and that little thought is not complicated, and thus shown kneeling and unable to distressing oppressors and agents tangled conduct to chaos, those characters of ambition and discrimination.
Ludwig, who lives in the Ecologist City, where large forest ... budded, is home jungle floral site, whose relations are flowers, trees ..., next to Strange birds migrate flower in her intra nature reproduced, and pods evacuated by butterflies.
His close friend, is the watery and salty sea, which is beloved because he falls in love, puts on alert and curses him by his surroundings and invoking him. Anyway, it dwells wherever it is, and is accepted as a basic element of the universe.

                                    
                                         CHAPTER III

The act of tender love would be fulfilled later ..., what his voice fell silent and had his eyes and heart fortify, which will be linked from far inside.
At night, with Roderick going to a festive night, they climbed the rungs center alone, with heat in his shirt skin later. And in a deliberate action, someone asks you a sign that taking care tired and distinguishing see that John was his friend, school mate. He did not hesitate, he approached, greeted him and his sister and a cousin when she noticed well, he saw that he wore perfect for your night.
Debra wore elegant, dark clothes and sang with her dark brown wavy hair; his white brunette and harmonious ****** complexion line, gave her constant reflection. Fate was present, as it would not go around the world to be looked at by someone, he would watch his choice. Little was said, he only realized he was not passing and North America came eleven years ago.


They roasted the hours and the party ended, Ludwig remained with her new friend and his old friend John. They went downstairs, thinking about committing his new friendship, as I had noticed a slight interest in it. This happened and the meeting lasted for several hours.
The next day, he went to see her lawns roads where she lived, always with its mystique and kneeling the beast that wanted to impose upon him, that gives it excessive materialism unloved peace.
She arrives at her house, which was to John, though not very comfortable, but sure to please and attentive to host it.
And that night said much that was the tender feeling and liking her, but as his policy was rigid and concerning celibacy, only mattered to him, the unknown world of madness in his brawling to survive.
Time passed and deepened love, Ludwig went to say goodbye to his beloved, especially that he had faith, but that day would betray him. And so I wanted to put his heart and iron sleep peacefully, but Debra no secret  to tell ...:

"Ludwig, do not abandon our own, we must have faith, and I understand what it is. Ludwig rested and then brought her hands to her, hugged her and kissed all over her face, covering her eyebrows, nose, forehead, mouth; his lips positions in the middle of it, wanted to feel her warmth and tell her he loved her and would miss a lot of pain. But there was no show weakness, he must be strong and not to complicate the farewell from North America. Mourn scared him, because he had forged the feeling, because his aching grief was deep and it was at an undetermined point, with great desire to hold her and kiss over his face.
So ever, it was unbearable, she would like to die in his memory and had to remember in the collective thinking of his family circle. Which it fits the feel shivers ideas with sensations, such as the best in its inherent upstart point.

It was hard, as if more than man Ludwig out the feminine side of himself. But irremediable was the end, eager poisonous reaper approached. Ludwig hugged her, kissed her and stroked her right breast ... saying: "Do not forget me ..." and so left. Then he wrote her, that madness had transformed her away, but the distance was prevented against carcinoma being all postponed.
To know he could not boil your blood heavy thinking, they were contracted muscles. When he relaxed, he saw back through the hatch of his head, the soul that was in an ****** tragic holocaust, where Eros tenaciously and rebellion dictated its laws. Ludwig slept, and consciousness became natural color, as if it were safer, eternally fresh and manufactured this dream a poem ...:  

" That one corresponding to the celebration,
I wish to reunite with enthusiasm and strength ...
touching eyes closed
the sad sky, the dry ground, dried flowers
and people backward habits.

As meaning if it takes itself ...,
is the meaning
although they are scattered
in flows oppressions ...
the animosity of delight just widow and desultory,
losses and more losses at the time of aging ...
and profits to appease others.

For more like,
there seems to be a big drop ...
the same credibility ...?
and setting as a feeling
remain imagination stationary.

As hard it corresponds to the body,
It is destroyed inside ...
and hardened thoughts
tears falling to the esophagus,
without recognizing either way.

Who the pace of living is customizable,
and no opportunity is lost ...
but growing and creative
rears its profile,
as an unforgiven mirage. "


    Have been and unrestless forms of peremptory perceive, and when it starts to wander in my solitude, transporting my sorrow with grief, wherever I go I will take silent and vivifying separation completes the probable brain, which lives and endures in avidity stamped man with his need to want the Lord's command that made me forge this creation .--- he told himself, as a witness epilogue of his poem, albeit as the cry to its essence it was about. Originally from the Ecologist City, where reigned the wise and calm, where he healed their diseases, which has dodged the putrefaction of their wounds, where you inhale the aroms most want and cordoned off its without a grave lack of soft and flowering odour.
To believe missing, do not be afraid and trust that will grab everything, that not a drop of air was not lost on her fingers, which will not fail to display their imaginative stuff Alma Mater.
With all their eating, you want to cure your bad like venereum, and would go into the hands of a counselor or a warlock who extirpated the curse. Heal her feet and hands to despair, to heal the memory of his thought that I seasoned and voluptuous breaks the veins of his caleter, which seems not of it like a dwarf be provided with a dagger will break their venal, and this to commit such surgery, he laughs loudly with garnets eyes, full of the worst evil.

And this way Ludwig Garroch, vague without fear of rags, without fear of hunger or the messiness, only idles so that someday I can walk on the water surface, leaving their hydrocentric footprints where plankton reverence their sense of pain, his infarcted heart , her long fingernails of violence.


TO  BE CONTINUED….

He said
I had
the softest
hands he'd
ever felt,
that's the
only nice
thing he
truly said
to me,
still I
rub lotion
between my
fingers for
if he
returns.

Eres mi amor, Paula, mi amor, Paula, Clara quise decir.
Y cuánto tiempo, Paula, digo Clara,
sin ti y sin mí. Las diligencias
parten sin mí y sin ti.
O a ti te llevan hacia el norte, hacia el pobre Roberto.
A mí, hacia el sur, contigo hacia el sur, donde ya no estabas,
donde nunca estarías. Ahora he tomado el tren
para decirte adiós. Y sueño, sueño mío.

Cerré los ojos, deslumbrado por la memoria.
Apreté la cintura del paisaje, recorrí sus caderas,
miré sus ojos verdes, ceniza con sentido.
Tendía el cielo su metal hermético.
Y se superpusieron mediterráneos y cantábricos,
cipreses respirados desde un sótano,
casi a vista de muerto, y jazmineros.
Después, las cosas y sus nombres
perdieron sus contornos, su significación
y fueron nada más que ritmo, armonía viajera
liberada de los instrumentos que le dieron su carne.
No queda nadie ya que pueda perdonarte,
que pueda perdonarme, perdonarnos.
Nadie que pueda rescatar los besos que se pudren
sobre Roberto y su locura piadosa.
Ahora que voy a ti, a encontrarte en la aduana de la muerte
pienso, Clara, amor mío, que cuando nos besábamos
era a Roberto a quien besábamos, al engañado
hijo de nuestro amor. Él murió un día.
Su esposa, tú, amor mío, Clara, también has muerto ahora.
Yo tomé el tren para encontrarme en la frontera,
para decirte adiós desde el lado acá de la muerte, amor de mi vida.

Pero nunca llegaré a ti.
El viejo Brahms es viejo, y está gordo.
Me he quedado dormido y me he pasado de estación.
¿Comprendes, amor mío, que nunca llegaré a tu lado
por culpa de este sueño, que es mi bálsamo y mi enemigo?
Ya nunca llegaré a tu lado.
Puede ser, amor mío, que no te amara ya,
que no te hubiese amado nunca,
que sólo hubiese amado a mi propio amor,
el amor que te tuve, Clara, amor mío.

I know you say it,
time and time again,
yet I wonder....
are you telling me,
or convincing yourself?

You touch me,
and sometimes i feel the connection,
and sometimes, sometimes it's way out there
i see the affection at times,
but i can't help but think it's not enough

It hurts,
when i think that you dont care
whether we last or not, its matters naught
it kills
to feel unappreciated

I need you to show me
that you, that you care
I need not only to hear it
but to see it
feel it...

I don't wanna go,
coz i strongly believe in us
and know that it can work
and i don't want to stay
where always feel unappreciated
Sincerely,
Dark Angel
i would walk up the walkway as i heard his voice, "never. i will never be on thy side!" he shouts. i just think we should've been there before it even happened, i thought. he was standing there. just thinking and nothing else more besides lost in in thought. i put the letter aside and said, "Gabriel. you're supposed to be an ark angel, i thought you were the one to protect." said I. he would just shake his head as he said, "never do i as much as i thought it would be." just for a minute i would just stare, until i hear the sound of his wings in disperse. alike when he said he loved me, he did. he'd say, "please forgive my thy side. i beg you to please forgive," i would just think that he would do something else. but then i noticed, he loved me because he does want to be with me. on the other hand, Roberto did also. Roberto was a brother to Gabriel, even though they do not get along quite well as they usually did before.

May be I missed something…
Sitting lonely by the fireplace, in the rocking chair, just like the one he always wanted to have since childhood, and to sit just like that with such a serious face… thinking really widely and broadly about own… like Sherlock or Epicur… and with a glass of Merlot..
In the whole house just crackling of the fire and hissing of the conditioner… May be I missed something.. Said he, but now out loud to himself…
Something started vibrating, flashing with an idle melody through the dark silence of the house…
- Да.. answered he, in hope that it is some of the “close” people that remembered him in the New Years Eve..
- Hola! Puedo hablar a Sr. Miguel. Esta en el casa ahora?
- -Discúlpeme, está equivocado el número, señiorita…
- -Lo siento…

And she hang up the phone… wrong number… She needed somebody called Miguel…

hmm.. I should’ve said that I was Miguel. Then, shoud've reserved the table in a restaurant and asked her out… And when she woudn’t meet Miguel there, just before she starts leaving, accost her and tell:

-Hola, Senioritta. Me llamo Roberto. Esta muy bonita y estoy solo esta noche. Quiere beber algo comigo?
You don’t have to wonder that people treat a woman with such beauty like that. You’re not first, you’re not the last…
And she responded:
-Gracias y Mucho gusto Roberto. Me encantaria…
And then with projectors and street lights through bars and clubs until the dawn… and then it’s not lonely and very hot in your bed… and in the morning, a little bit ill and tired you ask her:
-Como te llamas?
-Maria…
That would be the last word you would hear from her.. and she gets dressed and gone, gone…
You’re lonely again.. inside just the fantasies and at front of you their reflections on the burning down fire…

Natalie. Basic
Basic flight training was like dancing to The Elementals. Basic, scary and fun. Did Nat know that in a year she would be at the controls of a deadly multi million dollar warplane in the wrong war, with the wrong enemy? No amount of gothic looks would appease her situation over the coming months. Was it all real? That was a distant question, not for now.

The girl danced and flew with equal passion and ferocity. Her brown hair was all over her face and she danced like a spinning airplane. Eyes shut, she was somewhere else. In her mind, she was in the cockpit of her red coloured training plane. Her flight instructor, Alberto, allowed Natalie to acrobat the little plane. She flew it with wildness that surprised everyone, including her.

Rolling upside down and pulling the control stick to her guts, the red airplane moved like a kid’s toy. Diving straight downwards, picking up speed. Alberto was going to take over before top speed was reached but Nat second guessed him and pulled back into a half loop. Up they went into the blue, a hawk in the heavens. Free. Natalie screamed in joy. Looking over at Alberto, her smile said it all. She was a born pilot.

When the record changed, Nat went to the bar and ordered a glass of red wine. Joining her friends, they chatted on guys, music and Nat’s new air force career. Several of her friends had nice boyfriends or lovers with them. In close embraces, they kissed and made small talk. Nat chatted to Katie, on the fundamentals of aerobatics and flight, demonstrating how to loop and roll with her hand. Her other held her wine. Time passed, music played, wine was drunk and Nat slow danced with Roberto.

Being Catholic and part of a close knit family, the girl was a bit of a rebel. Her mother wanted Natalie to marry and have children. Nat was having none of this; it was music, flying and the air force. Not even men like handsome Roberto swayed the girl for marriage. He was local and conscripted in the army. His passion was films and he had to give up college to serve his country. After a year he would finish off his film studies, if fate allowed. Both were friends and occasional lovers, now they danced in Sacha’s.

the ad on my kitchen table asks,
would you consider donating to
dolphin causes? orphan briefcases? factories for bread and water and those
miracle pills that cure a country in just 3 small,
prescribed,
doses?

would you change a child's life for only $35 a month?
begs the ad rolling in with the mail.
his name is roberto, five foot four, a good kid
who likes baseball and summer days.

a doller a day: a woman begs from channel 6,
donate to the children's hospital of saint something-or-other
have a heart, she says, and help the baby who has a defective one.

a doller a day, or if you're feeling generous,
round up to 5 cents an hour.
how else will you get rid of your rich world guilt?

you could perhaps,    some n
ight come
up to 3rd flr           &
entertain. you know
.     split
words in 1/2 with
silver straight razor kept in
yr mouth. loving to
chastise mundane things i do —
grip th' railing
white hands
as petals of obscene flower
that makes feel    ...
one's everything  ...
o phelia.

and why when siren wails
past the mercadona at 3 AM
while i sit on the curb
as you buy
some-thing (i forget. wine i hope).
do you come out and stare
at my shaking hands?
your very eyebrows contesting
my innocence?
the way the fully-loaded hips ****
with the asking of your unspoke question and
legs angle to the sidewalk left foot turned
slightly inwards,
a heart attack in roberto verino.

Ruby,  her passionate heart, it was
desires and lust were burning
too hot to the touch, I could not stand
yet she left me wanting and yearning

Diamond her spirit, and all that she was
reflecting her whims and her moods
an emotional whirlwind, a tempest untamed
her beauty and spirit, my food

Pearl, her lovely supple skin I did stroke
it's silky smoothness, soft, warm, & yielding
her essence so intoxicating to breathe
defenses broken and all that 'twas shielding

Sapphire, her eyes, cool blue fire burning
piercing my being to the core
no hidden agenda nor secrets could hide
saw the whole of me and much much more

Emerald, her thoughts, so wild and so green
exposing deep forbidden passions
her world of sensuality screamed
I lost all my reason, control, and my 'ration


Yet...


Onyx, her heart, so black and so cold
midnight's abyss nay compare
careful & wise the choice you must make


pray,


tread lightly if you must dare





An Awakening © 2019 Roberto Carlos

A tear falls into a lake that was created since you left. I cannot, to this day, remember the moment I sadly began to sheds tears for you

What was once a desolate dessert, now a boundless lake

The lake took an eternity to develop, as the ground was very parched and dry

At first, the arid wasteland I found myself in, had no beginning and no end

The sun was unforgiving, the land smoldering in the heat. The darkness of night, dry and freezing, stole the moisture of my tears before they hit the ground

Only in the early dawn hours could you see the remnants of my suffering, as dew drops on the few strands of grass in the shadowed areas, behind a large formation rocks I had found as refuge

Countless times the sun advanced, and as many times in the darkness, the moon looked down upon me with sadness

After what has seemed an eternity, I now find myself in the middle of a vast lake

I cannot see the shores in any direction I look. I feel alone and lost, but I do find a bit of comfort on the rocks that have been my soul's bastion and companion in my desolation

When I cry at night, the ripples of the tear drops I shed, send unending waves away from me to distant shores

Upon these ripples I see the moons' distorted reflection, the illusion of her smiles flashing up to me between the crowns of the water's reflection

The sun now brings warmth, and the night solace

Sometimes at night I can almost hear the echoes of my heartbeat

I believe the lake has restored part of my spirit. The water signifying my sacrifice and my contribution to life, promising growth..  the now gentle sun, promises life

I am almost ready to set off from my self-imposed solitude. I shall swim until I tire, with hopes of reaching a shore where I may once again regain my way



The only question I have



is



in which direction should I go?





An Awakening © 2019 Roberto Carlos

I met death tonight 
he sat down by my side 
we watch and prayed, in silent, mourn 
over my father as he lied 

Bells and voices barely heard 
over the oxygen... silent breaths 
I wondered to myself, alone 
would he take his final rest 

Hours passed in retrospect 
I remembered through my life 
a violent man, he lived in rage 
a hard life so filled with strife 

He laid there, life, still hanging on 
as the fates met, rolled the dice 
I would not know what they had read 
but the room was cold as ice 

Death turned his head and looked at me 
said that all would be forgiven 
but before Dad left this worldly coil 
I'd have to release my hate, so driven 

No matter what this man had done 
I was his blood, his bone, his "Sire" 
what kept him here was guilt, unsaid 
and my heart so hard, on fire 

As tears ran down my face and cheeks 
I saw a light upon Dad's head 
I swear I saw an angel's hand 
...my heart filled full of dread 

I looked upon the angel's eyes 
I cried from my soul, so deep 
I begged him for another chance 
another day for Him, to keep 

I spoke out loud, so my dad could hear 
that I understood his pain, his torment 
not a man of words, so proud, he was 
tread a path so dark, abhorrent 

It's then I saw in my father's eyes 
as he looked deep in my soul 
I felt his grief, his embarrassment 
how he had lived his life so bold 

Time stood still as we conversed 
although not a word was said 
then Death ahem'd, and said farewell 
I could watch (And wait), in lieu, his stead 

All through the night I prayed alone 
that we both could have one more chance 
to mend our broken "Aiga" 
rebuild our familial anse 

Before I knew... the morn had broke 
the **** had crowed the day 
we had missed his final slumber 
but for long I could not say 

I stood up tall and leaned his way 
and kissed him upon his cheek
the hate had left us both... the same 
so spent we could not weep 




An Awakening © 12/07/2017 Roberto Carlos

Passionate Bibingka


1 stick butter 

Warm to the touch, velvety smooth as your lips 

1 box mochiko 

Perfectly packaged, a mysterious confection, like your kiss 

2 cups sugar 

My old favorite, your taste - guaranteed to bring a sweet smile to my face 

3 cups milk 

Silky smooth and rich, reminiscent of your alabaster, supple, yet yielding skin 

1 tsp vanilla 

A taste and essence, a hint of passion, like you, driving me crazy with desire and yearning 

3 eggs 

The last ingredient that binds our love. Simple, filling, and of itself, whole, complete 

Bake in a pan lined with banana leaves for 45 minutes at 350. Let rest and enjoy, or enjoy, then, let's rest.

Hold in heated passion until golden brown and glistening with moisture. Toasty and tastey - our pleasure sated 





An Awakening © 2019  Roberto Carlos

Testimony of the Love of Life

Ludwig ...: “Today ..., tomorrow and the day after, will be the today that walking has taught me through the experience of running through the months together with the years, and I have not feared the divine or the unknown. Today I have seen the greatest reflection of light, which enlivens, guides me, and will show me a space of trust, perhaps one of those who come here in summer, and singles are linked together. And possibly the other is the one who does not speak to me, nor does he expose himself like those in the summer, they only appear radiant or multi-stimulating, giving opportunities. Like other times, his inspirational work is repeated with something poetic ...: "And where you are blind, that the light bathes my eyelids with a deep glow ... Just keep quiet and speak with your eyes ...just look at, for the strange and watery feel …and so be the ear who perpetuates the sound. And so it is that in the static, it is impossible to accept ...how ironic that laughter opens to wards arousal ...When you turn on the light, and see the fearful darkness I perceive the new knowledge ... "

Ludwig ...: How many more times will I have to endure changes, such as those that come against my will ...?

But I know well what I represent and what I have to join, and thus alleviate my life and do not disapprove of what I feel in poetry, or perhaps the meaning I see in it seems rudimentary. Above all, the doubtful, the interested, the most enviable thing that a person has, that is multifaceted does not manifest itself specifically, but goes straight ahead to hide the verisimilitude, and only entrusts to others or another the worst armed evil of today ... "The tiredness of the targets, that if they remain close they move away, distrusting the worst cruelty ..." Well, now, get away from me cursed and cruel. Let me let you sleep in the sweet comfort of sleep and finally fight for me. Until I get angry with others, but everything is bearable. I don't want to think too much, I'm afraid to forget, or maybe I don't want to fear anything, I just know that I will ruin the attempts since there will be nothing to cheer for since I was born not to live and build absolutely nothing (End). Almost leaving the same thought, brief in content, but great in prosecution, he feels the voice of a flute and its faithful sound.

Fernando ...: Friend ..., as soon as I knew that you came I was very happy, especially now that, who knows if we will see each other again? The truth is that in a week I'm going back to Germany, I've already confirmed the flight. But make me sad alone, no I want to enjoy this moment of this place with so much bustle, so many hours under the sun and good friends.

Ludwig ...: Life is so short, everything happens so fast and we continue to yearn tirelessly, we continue to tirelessly squeeze memories. Sometimes, I feel that time does not pass later and I would like to grow old later, or if some accident or illness has to come, let it come. Or sometimes, I am interested in childhood, but I am more interested in Today.

Fernando ...: Play the flute today with something from yesterday that is so beautiful .--- Take the flute and play without stopping as if it were falling into the water.

Ludwig ...: I'm leaving Fernando, I hope we say goodbye before you go .--- Fernando tells him logically I'll go to your house to say goodbye. They both go back to their homes, and in them, some desire for company animated. It was the gentle company of the sea breeze. But in Ludwig Antoinette boiled like her attractive spiritual force, which is extensive to explain.

Ludwig ...: It was very nice to see you, and I wish you good luck.
Fernando ...: Thank you, also for you.

They hug and say goodbye. Each one moves away, Fernando goes happily where his parents, while Ludwig has no one, except Antonieta, who would see later and this time in the beautiful landscape at night. He walks and walks, until the crosses of the night of the great lighted city, indicating that he was close when he passed near the Park. As he passed by he longed to see Antoinette at the fountain, but he went on and crossed the underpass and approached his beloved home. Upon reaching the front yard, he saw Antonieta sitting.

Ludwig ...: Antoinette ...! But how can you be out here? We agreed to meet at seven and I know it's seven-thirty, sorry for the delay.

Antonieta ...: Don't worry, it has helped me to know your environment, and how wooded it looks.

Ludwig ...: You're right, I call this the Flower Forest of my Green City.

Antonieta ...: If I understand now, this is very different from everything.

Ludwig ...: Although now I am fixing some parts that remain of my parent's old house. So I am going to repair the most essential.
Antonieta ...: It will be very nice in this beautiful, beautiful and picturesque place.

Ludwig ...: Well, what do you want to do? , go somewhere or stay here.

She replies that she wants to stay and Ludwig tells her that as she wishes, so he takes advantage of inviting her to a celebration of the anniversary of a Film Institute. She tells him that she would confirm him these days, but that she does invite him to a trip to Calypso Lake. Ludwig agreed and then invited her to roast a fish and some salads.
Antonieta helped him and then they ate the exquisite menu, they sat by the edge of the fire to talk.

Ludwig ...: One day I was coming from Sara's house, and on the way, I found a run-over dog, I took it and brought it here, where I assumed the food chain would be. In effect, that way I felt as if it were a clean place, open as a field of ecological habitat, the current city that I have. As you can see here, it is wide, its extension reaches one hundred and fifteen thousand hectares.

Antonieta ...: Your Ecologist city is very big and it also has a lot of beauty. It is an ideal place.

Ludwig ...: Do you know if I die I will donate it to people who wish to cultivate this fertile space.

Antonieta ...: I hope you don't die Ludwig so later, I would like you to always keep your property.

Ludwig ...: How nice to hear that!

Ludwig takes her by the head and hugs her for a long time. He tells her that if he was okay and she tells him that he made her feel that way. He intimately thought ...: “How much I miss running through the hills, sliding down the slopes until I reached the top and raising my hand to cool my phalanxes in the mountain air. But still, my phalanxes are warm hugging her, who shares the peace with me. When he finished thinking, he began to look at the small flames of the stove and suddenly the smoke on his exhale. Ludwig followed the fumarole that lost him, that astonished him. Antoinette was asleep, so he left her stretched out in the fire and followed the walking cemetery smoke. He left behind the pool, the orange groves, the oaks, and the eucalyptus, always following her as if she were an oil stain on the water. But he did not understand the bronze glow, but he did like to get away from the world and he did that in his redoubt. He says ...: "I want him to speak to me, to name this spot, but he makes me follow it everywhere." The fumarole was deposited on a large stone, and it reached here, then it disintegrated. Ludwig reached out and touched her, feeling that she was warm. And he says that what was there was very valuable and that something would come out of it ... After coming back the same way, he felt a certain suspicion on his back, it was how lonely and quiet the forest was, not even the owls cawed, only the cold of the night circulated. Upon reaching the pool, he skirts it to the other end, where he ducks it, seeing that some were there.

When suddenly in the mirror of the water, the aureoles of gray rain appear irrigating the lagoon. He says What a sensational ... what a pure rain ...!Then he goes to the path to his house, where Antonieta was sleeping. Now she was coming back to life, to the jungle, the drops produced the formidable sound of her falling, of the largest waterfall that exists. When he reached the extinguished stove, he saw that Antonieta had taken refuge under the willow tree.

Antonieta ...: How could you let others take over something so yours, right ...?

Ludwig ...: This is beautiful, it has also healed me of many ailments, actually I love it like everything that exists here.

Antonieta ...: What do you want from me ...?

Ludwig tells her that he liked her just the way she was and that she was something similar to what she was extracted from the wooded place.  She says how beautiful it to hear that, and asks him to share as much time as they could .--- Ludwig tells him that she thought like an exemplary mother, he says ...: Don't you know how I like to hear that it be so? Uh ... I think it's time to leave you. You are right, I have to go to work tomorrow, she answers him. They call a taxi, and Antoinette leaves Ludwig at midnight. When she got home it was still raining and the cold was freezing more than ever, Ludwig warns her about the invitation on Saturday. Antonieta receives him like this, but she wanted to say something to him before, Ludwig is left in suspense waiting ..., and she gives him a big kiss, with the same desire to give it to him. When he returned home, the rain was a great spectacle, it was a bit of a joyful feeling and a bit of sadness at the same time. Because that's right, it could be temporary or drizzle, this time it was with the body of a Cyclops with its neck twisted.

Ludwig ...: How I love her! just like that time in that poem after the rain everything seemed beautifully damp, very still, very decisive of harmonious peacefulness. Yes, after it rained, everything is more beautiful ...! He gets out of the taxi, after walking down the sidewalk and feeling the water on his shoulders, he enters a restaurant. In these days of light legs and impetuous silence, he saw how he treasured his gifts on his behalf. The rainy night was majestic and close to a resurrection. Millions and millions of icy drops and Ludwig drank the hot coffee, with thousands of thoughts all alluding to the wonderful watery element. He wanted everything, that is, what surrounded him made him want more, although the distrustful mania, did not let it open Totally, like those sleepless nights, of not being able to reconcile posture and sleep. This night that blackened like ink, made him think about that rock and what would come out of it, maybe everything would be solved with a hammer or a chisel, or that a lightning bolt would transform it. He also prowled Antonieta, Fernando, Debra, Sara smiling, Roberto with his rag, and Víctor with his shyness. He imagined his parents in youth who left them the gift of today to transmit what they lived while alive. He also thought that he was normalizing himself and that he had Antonieta very close to supporting him. In the thought of long analysis of him, he could see how the world has taught him to love and respect, and those things with beating hearts caused the greatest breakdown, the greatest erosion, that which has been abandoned and inactive. So the earthquakes, so the wars, so brotherly hatred, and self-consciousness and let us return to our primitive existence, retreating to humility. Whether it is out of love or envy, destruction marks us, whether it is because of the lust for power, isolation, and whatever remains to happen. He takes the second coffee and goes out to wander without knowing where ...? Walk and walk, pass near the Aula Magna, keep walking until you reach the end of the road, where there is no cement, only the accompanying earth that was coughing from a cold, which assimilated the minerals where death could wait for him and cut his throat, or he would simply walk away. long steps through the countryside. As he traveled the surroundings, along rural roads, when he passed some houses with canopy lights, he saw how they inhabited their houses seeing the smoke in the chimneys. After a long walk, he approaches the escarpment, when he sees that someone was coming to meet him, it was a fisherman who came with his fishing device at a slow pace. And so it happened, the man of the sea only pierced like a dark bolide.

Ludwig comments how strange he was, he seemed an enigmatic being and not a fisherman. Maybe he's a caretaker or an Augur. It was incredible how he was wet, it was necessary to get indoors. With no other alternative, he descends the gorge until he reaches the beach, which now seemed all sea all water, beyond the limit. Now this space seemed alien to him. But what may seem uncomfortable, it was a vital necessity, that he wanted to be alone in his house. Ludwig wanted more than ever to feel the experience. He needed his body to rest, and he wanted to relax, forever he wanted a surprise, and he just appeared done star then another and another, until it clears and the rain stops. Ludwig is amazed at having come so far, looks for some dry branches, and sets fire. He puts the coat to dry and sleeps like an angel, before falling asleep he begins to remember ...: The stone ...?, He crossed himself with his numb hand and wrapped himself in his arms. The wind blew softly, carrying and bringing various aromas, until the sleeping voices with their gnats say good night ...: “Me Ludwig, I will not speak very close to your ear, but I tell you that where you have arrived in our proscenium, is the high observing of the emotions felt and lived. And today you have done it allowing the push of your vague spirit, which pulls you, taking you wherever your spirit wishes, you only accept his opinion. Today dear Ludwig, the immortal issue is valid, and what you have reached is infinite ... "

The sleeping light is gone, along with the others that supported it. Ludwig closed his eyes and said goodbye to the sleeping voices, while his body floated in the warm air and his voices manifested gratefully from his friends. Around her, the wind carried and carried, carried and carried. In the morning she had a fever and looked like a real frosted corpse. It could be helpful if you took off your coat overnight and dried it. Still, the first beams of lights were enough to revive him and begin to wake him up. When he was warming up more, he got up and went back to the city, but this time he did not do it through the rural road, but rather went along the coastal beach, to the sea huts. He sometimes looked back to see where he was. In the sand he saw more than his footprints, he saw a penguin and a beached whale, he saw innumerable algae next to the white of the waves, he saw how the gulls carried minnows in their beaks and the sea lions dove. Beyond some dolphins danced in rounds, one another lined up as if they were children with playful youthful souls. Some with their pigtails beat the foam that would cut like globules of insipid foam. This time the wind brought from all sides, the ceiling was populated with little clouds, with cirrus clouds resembling the angry Oblong milk, and above all this air simulated being freshly made, it was breathable and stimulating. Those species thrown out of their own environment, would not return from their home, they would only be after the last effort to revive, but everything had remained that way. Everything was reduced to footprints and those of the whale was furrowed as if asking to have feet and get rid of the executioner. Over and over again he turned his head to see what distressed his feeling, but he couldn't do anything, even he knew that he was like them dying ... ”When above his face rotted without healing from leprosy, below his legs became thin. This is how death attacks, if not from the center, it destroys us on the other hand ... " And his continuous odyssey, at the top of the crown, he saw the summer cabins, indicating that his redoubt was close by. His house was approaching by leaps and bounds, he no longer wanted to look, or eat, only to gather his little strength to sleep.

When he arrived he did nothing but go to the humus to sleep. The road continued with himself and a long way traveled, without a doubt this path was the one he undertook without asking anyone. All that made him seek more in him, is the agitation of himself, nothing more than losing what has hurt him so much, society, sinister men, slave factories, and the cohabiting environment in general. His emigration is indefatigable, he goes where the misunderstanding has left him, but this time he is very refined without belligerence, only what he has collected from him, which as no one can pay the right to put aside all resentment and accept that we will always be subject to be squeezed like another object in between and people. Maybe, Ludwig, is the one who will each of us go to the link with humanitarian sentiments. How many times will you continue looking for something different, what gives an answer to the intrigue of being normal or wondering ... If we are part of normality ...? Our restlessness takes us very high, sometimes it is difficult for us to descend from the highest, of course, everything goes gradually because everything happens like this, but who takes care of the changes caused by ourselves ...? It was late when another of the sleeping voices made him soak her cornea, still with a sea breeze. Despite the autumn rain, it hadn't dampened the ground and the air temperature seemed to be springtime. In the afternoon he went for a walk nearby, until he reached the Abbey, the one he saw succumb in his dream, the one threatened by the deadly light.

When he entered he saw how the warm and thermal suns lodged in its walls. He saw how they remade the image of Christ and saw how everything in the neat incense, he sanctified. He contemplated how the face of the most sinful person was going to ask for mercy, being able to see that the venous Christian hand was forgiving. Here everything remains the same as Nazareth or Jerusalem because it accompanies very attached to the heart, not only the pious but the well-affectionate. I know that he will not disappoint me, I know that I cannot assure the believer of his Faith, that because of the silence that dwells here, what this sacred place claims to contain will continue to be unfathomable forever. To Christ himself, to the superiority that we all need to have.

Ludwig ...: Does everything seem so still ..., so static ...?, But at the same time you can see dynamism, like pilgrim logs in their pilgrimages, or in that common sob to all, to the need to regret the yearned for. When his smallness magnified him, making him more deified, but as a human that he was, nothing in the world. The pain in the face of suffering is the indecision of our Faith that irrevocably resembles the face of Jesus, which we need to represent the mortal pain common to all humans, called "Sons of the Lord".Of the consequences of the facts is the answer to the others, who wander uncertainly on the worldly path ambitioning the favorite and magical Sermon on the Mount. The feasibility of being relegated by a human being is nothing more than a trifle, it is nothing more than being disoriented. Therefore, everything that comes from another it is nothing more than an abandoned wind. His attitude towards others always dies, when he could not cling to another creed or has been dependent on religious neutrality.

El pensamiento no nace en la boca
Nace en el corazon del corazon.
Roberto Bolaño

solo el plumaje te atrae
a la nacion de una pluma
en ese existir te dejo
y te resucito de alambres como pginas de letras
tube la emocion de pedir tu escudo y tu hora
recuerdo tu cuerpo
tu cuidado y tu forma
nace como pajaro sigh
liberate de francia
liberte des swedesburg
liberte

The rain upon the window sill
reflects my mood inside
gloomy darkness, clouds, detached
cold lony tears I cry

Been many years since the sun hath fade
and many more the storms
I think, relive, that fateful day
now sadness is my norm

A plaything, puppet, on a string
entertainment on the side
was blinded by my happiness
hard reality now abides

I sit here dwelling all alone
her essence on my skin
my thoughts, the clouds, my everything
barely holds my soul within

A moment filled with life, I smile
now dust upon my heart
the strings have broken, my head held low
now dead, what love hath start

A simple thing had brought me life
now I sit up on her shelf
no thoughts of me, my feelings


now...

she only thinks about herself



  
An Awakening © 2017  Roberto Carlos

And whence the Vogel sang its song
awoken from my dreams
my flight against my destiny
prone helpless doth it seemed

I sat bestirred my heart afire
life's echoes raged in my mind
to rule what once - the best of me
oh..  so treacherous bane's design

I fell upon my knees in vain
screamed hoarse into the night
the rhythm of my blood, drained full
... ne'er concede the fight

All through the night my heart, bestilled
love's ichor 'pon the floor
my head held up, I would not yield
to lose her...

my soul abhorred



* A recurring dream


An Awakening © 2017  Roberto Carlos