"regionals" poems
At 8:30 this morning I was still hopeful. I still had a chance. It was possible. It was mine.
An hour later "We regret to inform you..."
An hour later it was over. the 4 months of waiting for absolutely nothing was over. "Excellent pool of candidates..."
I wondered if that made me less excellent. "highly competitive and qualified..."
Was I not qualified? I replayed my application over and over in my head and it sounded like it was mine.
"Oh, it was national" says my father.
Maybe I'm only qualified when it comes to Wisconsin, because the same thing happened to me at Regionals... Somewhere in America there is someone better equipped for your dream.
"We wish you the best of luck in your future endeavors"
Well, what if I have no luck left? What if I'm not excellent enough?
What if I'm not qualified enough?
What if I'm not deserving enough?
Then I look over my Journalism application. 120 spots.
120 qualified people out of a pool of who knows how many.
My morning made me feel unqualified as if there was a slim chance I could possibly obtain anything I truly wanted.
Then there's Beyonce and Jay-Z tickets everyone is raving about, but I'm in a stand still because I have **** I need to do. I have dreams that money actually can buy. So while everyone is raving about concert tickets,
I'm at a standstill wondering how in the hell will I afford to make my dreams come true when Beyonce could've made them happen 100 times over and then some...
Feeling unlucky, unwealthy, and under qualified
Then a friend tells me "cast your anxiety upon the lord"
Deep breath in.
Exhale. Something greater is coming my way.
Apr 29, 2014
Apr 29, 2014 at 9:43 PM UTC
I thought that I loved you. I believed that you loved me. I was wrong. You violated me. You took the little innocence I had left. I can't thank you enough for making me this crazy, ****** up person I am today.
May 23, 2018
I had tennis practice that day. I walked out of school down the sidewalk to bus 9. Your bus. I sat down in my normal seat and leaned against the window. Then I saw you. I forgot that it was your bus until you walked on. You said hi to the bus driver and then you sat down next to me. You started some small talk and then you held my hand. I didn't move it because I was stunned. You laid your soft hair on my chest. I just let you and I wish I didn't. You put your hand on my chin and lifted up my face and kissed me. Then you slowly put your hand down my shirt. I didn't know what to do cause this never happen to me before. Then the bus stopped. People were getting off, so you stopped. You didn't want people to know the "fun" you were having. And then you continued. You laid your head between my breast, I was fighting my anxiety. He left his mark, the bus stopped at the middle school. You said done. I ran off of the bus feeling saddened. All I wanted was to forget. I...I....I....
I tried to forget about it. Little did I know, this would happen again tomorrow.
May 24, 2018
I just got back from regionals. I was sitting on the wrestling mats outside the band room waiting for my boyfriend. He wasn't there so I started to wander the school. Then I ran into you. We started talking cause I thought we could put yesterday behind us. But I was wrong. We went back to the wrestling mats and I used his leg as a pillow cause I thought I could trust him. And again I was wrong. Then you leaned down and kissed me. You went to get some water and I sat up, then next thing I knew was that you walked up behind me and wrapped your arms around me.
We walked around for a while and we went back to the mats. Not thinking, I laid down. You were standing. You put your whole upper body on me and kissed me.
I could explain so much more, but it's to painful to talk about.
Thank you for making this so far the worst year of my life.
Johnathon. Welcome to your tape.
Jun 6, 2018
Jun 6, 2018 at 6:41 PM UTC
Stop acting like you're great.
And tearing people down.
You say I'm too negative about myself.
With what I say--that's ******* true.
But it's because of people like you.
You pump yourself up in ignorant arrogance and exaggerate everything.
You say snide comments about people.
"Look at her blog, that's so gayyyy."
"D'aww look at them [couple picture] lyk so in luv."
"'Won regionals today' --you're so cooooool."
Seriously?
I blog.
I wish we took pictures. One ******* picture even (I don't even like them but at least then maybe people won't ******* go, "oh are you still with THAT girl?")
I do a lot of the things you mock.
Then you say that you wished that I did more of the things that I like to do.
Wonder why I'm so negative?
If I say it's stupid first--I'll be less butthurt when you mock it.
This is all so stupid. I shouldn't care so much.
But I'm annoyed.
I'm so sick of people talking about me like I'm mediocre.
***** you all ******* know who I am.
I'm sorry I'm the little leather pants wearing "goth girl" who hooked up with the football/swim guy you all supposedly adore.
But most of all, I'm sick of this feeling that it seems like you feel like I'm mediocre.
Apr 21, 2014
Apr 21, 2014 at 12:17 AM UTC