this is some kind of torture
I felt like Alex must have
when they had him strapped in]
and poored drugs in his eyes
and showed him images he had to learn to despise

but he didn't wanna learn
and neither do I

Lipstick
Cigarette
******* kisses  
In low light bars where the only witness
is your own **** conscience
and how she loves to tease
draws you down to your knees
before snarling her teeth.

I waited for you,
Your picture in a silver lockett,
That I wear heavy against my chest.

I bought you flowers on Christmas eve,
And the rain that poored ceased,
Then the sun came out to play.

I wrote you a poem,
One that you could not read,
But I swear I felt your gaze.

Then as I cracked a joke,
Smilling at your headstone,
I saw your famous grin,
As you asked,
"Why are you waiting? I've been with you the whole time."

You tried planting seeds in my heart,
But somehow they landed in my lungs,
Although the blooming  flowers are a beautiful work of art,
I feel like I no longer can breathe, nor run.

I threw some seeds in your heart,
I watched as green spread from the seed,
But instead of the flower I expected,
There were stinging weeds.

I took a step closer,
To touch what I grew.
I expected something soft and tender,
But instead I was stung by you.

After collapsing one night,
When the flowers started killing me from within
I decided it's time to fight
I poored a bottle of herbicide down my throat.

Instead of killing the flowers,
It just made me numb,
It dripped from my throat to my heart
And turned me into this monster I've become.

It's killing me...
And you couldn't be bothered,
I'll never be the same
and you're frolicking in a garden filled with new flowers.

I will write you out of my stupid head
On black paper that I have slightly colored
By my bitter-sweet tears that poored on it

My make up's washed away and beauty's dead
My trembling fingers grab a pen I borrowed
From you when you had no need of it

For many months all my daydreams were lead
By your shadow they have obeyed and followed
They're dead now, I have no need of it