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Mateuš Conrad Jan 2020
.that moment, when you realiße... "it's not yet another garry glitter song"... because quiet frankly... you still haven't seen Joker... you're stuffing raw dough into biscuit shapes in a make-shift Tibet... as a raw-treat... and your body is tombstone stiff... but your eyes are on fire and your soul is dancing... synonym parade... because gary glitter can be excused in the same way that: rob halford... rob halford isn't gay... isn't gay the metalheads would otherwise say... but because the song can exist per se... since... a glaring gary is no... jimmy 'the kid-fiddling dj' savile... and he's... no ian watkins... because... if you asked me... rock & roll part II is a gary glitter song? och! ouch! pinch-punch 1st of April is upon us recoil... hell no! i still read marquis de sade... only because by my standards... he's quiet decent... all he ever did wrong was use the imagery of a crucifix as a ***** when asking a ******* to peform the sado-masochistic act of ******* before him... otherwise his phallus was lost in the niqab of the bastille... his uncle though? ah! that's another matter! although: much aggrieved but somehow agreed... you could still buy marquis de sade's novella ****** in London, once upon a time... perhaps you still can... but does that even matter? i am about to get a primer about the Iranian inherent hate for h'america anytime soon... about how h'americans manage to bundle the Persians into the rag-ah-muffin crowd of camel-jockeys and easily replaced arab donors... and those poor iraqis... doing their bit...  who is to forget the phrase: turbanator? i.e. not referring to sikhs... no one besides moi... welcome to l'inglese... the modern lingua franca... and i do feel so sorry so very so very much for the natives that were beither born in Bratford or the rustbelt fly-over states of h'america... if joe biden says: learn to code! guess what i was but wasn't told being ***** from a ******* that was poland come the drop of the iron curtain of the 1990s... coming to the 2020s... me conjuring up the Silicon Curtain?! really? adverse to learn to code... learn a new language! and globalißation will "win"... internationalism already works on a bilingual basis... there's the established language of commerce... which is english... i'm sorry... i'll be kind... "you" will have to move... if not cognitively... then otherwise... i learned yours... learn mine! that's the motto... this is where linguistic nativism comes in... not borrowed time from places like h'america... not some emblem worship... just ol' lil' england... i hope this doesn't reach a wide audience... i am having to consider learning romanian... du-te dracului! that's a starter...

i've found out that, the only way to truly enjoy
a glass of red wine is...
to have also rolled your own tobacco...
and since we're talking the highest quality rolling
tobacco: golden virginia...
after rolling it... you gentle bask it in a lighter's flame
from top to bottom... to warm it up...
so you don't have to finish it off as if *******
through a straw...

that's of course if you're drinking red wine on its own...
but there's a reason why i hanged around
with a few spaniards in the past...
why i went to paris and met this two catalonian
hot-takes... who i later visited in Barcelona...
drank kalimotxo for a while getting ready
to hit the party scene...
was given my first joint in my life...
and... hello lullaby...

next day we toured the sights...
we never made it to the gothic quarter...
or the el reval...
we went into one of those shops
in a shopping mall that sell everything...
that's when i discovered portishead's debut:
dummy all by myself...
and then onto camp nou...
to be honest... throughout all this time...
i felt like a glove...
no really... i felt my company was being...
tested as to whether it could be well worn
and: worn out at a much later date...
i was, what, 19 then?

what will leave me well versed in travel,
jumping continents?
i should really add prague along the line somewhere...
the days when i would solo for a weekend
and never bother with any if at all: precautions...
i can't imagine the sort of trips
my "highschool friends" took...
en masse... and always to a resort -
say, in greece...

the joker scenes are out...
the scene where he's dancing on the stairs...
sounds good... mhmm...
oh... this is gary glitter?
the art has absolutely nothing to do with the artist...
it's not like gary glitter can get away with it...
but... i'm pretty sure he can get away
whereas... ian watkins?
in that crushing defeat of musical genres...
when emo wasn't quiet a thing...
and nu-metal didn't die out...

i'm a cheap ***: all the people are raving /
were raving about a film...
and i'm waiting for the delayed spectacle...
only recently... avengers: end game?
what a major ******...
this "self-aware" introspection into movie
franchises that explore time-travel...
here's an alternative: study chemistry
and get a hippo's ***** ready on the wet
dip... i'm guessing this is a period of time
when: the genre of science fiction will
slowly die off...
i don't see how science fiction can sustain
itself...

- which is always beside the point...
moving on... english... this acquired tongue of
mine...
if only i were so adamant as a czesław miłosz:
had i a translator's worth of shadow,
and baggage running around after me...
like a sacred cow of the Raj...
how did i learn to mitigate?
i don't know... what i do know is...
drinking and habits of listening to music...

it starts off with: listening to some
music using english...
it sooner or later gravitates toward
something in german...
after i tire myself of german lyrics...
i'm heading toward scandinavia...
chances are: i will visit "mother russia"...
but i'll probably sink into
visiting byzantine chants...
once i figured out a way to move
from scandinavian paganism...
work my way past german folk
from the medieval period...
and finally arrive at: αγνη παρθενε...
obviously i will have to stop over
some quasi-folk germanic songs...
northern crusades:
teutonic songs... or the templar songs:

da pacem domine...
pristine times! the drunk carol singers
has sung their bit... there was no rest
for the wicked...
the carol: god rest ye merry, gentlemen
was sang...
reality of the everyday happened
no day shy away from the "celebration"...
i find more comfort in songs
of the templars...
perhaps the gregorians with their calender...
but most certainly the byzantine choir...

of ancient greece and what is known...
what can stand out from byzantine greece?
except from: byzantine bureaucracy?
counting knots in the fish-net stocking
on a centipede crawling out of a harem?

my musical diet: when i drink...
i can't listen to music when english is involved:
for too long a "passing" of: enjoying it...
i grow a beard and satan mount
a throne of wood and amber...
fiddling with it like a mad maestro that
has been given 100 violins and no...
woodwinds... and this is my "orchestra"...
a beard... crux of central europe:
with the zenith on the border of the river
Oder...

i do wonder what this scenario would look like;
if the girl gambled otherwise...
the pretty-****-pick sent by my offspring...
or my full-crop of hair...
and a beard... ***** envy can hardly be
a social events on the pedestrian stage...
but cranium envy?

the diet for a session begins...
it has to begin in english...
but who knows where i'm otherwise willing
to lend an ear to?
i can't be stuck with music i can understand
lyrically...
if i can't understand how to compose music...
well i did once know how to play
the ***-ar... and worked a nightclub
for a mandolin: just to serenade a Fiona
from a window a maggie may by:
rod-it stuart in edinburgh... once...

how romantic of anyone...
hell... this is still in english?
why aren't i pulling the strings of a czesław miłosz
and not retaining my nativspreschen?
why? i love to tickle german...
i love to tickle deutsche more than i care
for speaking english, or... rather...
writing in it...
but unlike a czesław miłosz... i didn't bring
a linguistic ghetto with me...
i don't have a ****** ghetto to go to...
perhaps... if i mingled with enough
of my "fellow", "countrymen"...
much easier said than done: if you're Irish...
and the only THing you have to worry
about is... diacritical nuance...
the THing, the Θing... is an english:
what the irish consider to be a surd affair...
T'h'ING... it's a t'ing... not ******* F even
if you looked at it with a bollocking of
a microscope, either!

- and this once high-school "fwend" once suggested...
'maybe you should go and find your own
fellow countrymen'...
who the **** do i look like? paddy?
an arab, an iranian, an italian...
or some *****-cheeky-cheese-brigade of sorts?!
my, "fellow" and "countrymen"...
on foreign soil? em... allegience to who?
i have severed my ties with Poland...
i keep my ties with Poland on the basis that:
my grandfather and grandmother are still
alive... when i visit them...
i don't expect them to be into this whole:
post-nationalism: internationalism non-nationalism
globalisation gimmick of: at least,
at least the modern lingua franca:
which is the l'inglese....
because... quiet frankly? i have a stash of:
mutterzunge bubbling beneath what's being written,
with some mongrel-german and mongrel-russia
auxilliary...

ah... the natives of the english tongue...
well... it's quiet expansive...
it can go beyond encompassing merely england...
it can go so far as to tread over scottish gaelic...
somewhat irish gaelic too...
only zee Velsh... seem to be... W: whistling free
in their linguistic stand-off...
who the hell even bothers to hear
about any scottish gaelic?
there's only gaelic gaelic: irish gaelic...
and there's welsh...
scotch gaelic? huh? apart from: a wee this
and a wee that?
*******... tartan and god's **** *******
of beer and the side-trash-dish of the savior
of whiskey in a gulp of ms. amber's **** juices
from a...
one of those distilleries...
that served up a whiskey tokaj whiskey...
i still remember the picture...
a girl i was dating took the picture...
in front of her a belarusian jew cosmo...
to her left... a russian looking into the glass
of whiskey with some philosiphical insight
begging to come out...
to her right... a dog ****** with his nose
in the matter...

figures... the ****** will sniff **** out...
the russian will: peer into the glass
for some "magical" insight...
philosophy or what not...

as if insuating: concerning the "little" people
of europe...
unlike the portugese, the spanish,
the italians or the greeks: acronym: PIGS...
but i least i'm no czesław miłosz:
i don't need to move to cam'cam'h'america
with a language in tow:
for some sort of lesson of: preserving roots
for a tree...
my version is apparently:
the bad integration strategy...
esp. on paper...
why would i still retain my tongue...
on paper... in this medium...
citizen ist citizen:
bürger ist bürger ist mir!

heaven behold i have to use alt sächsisch vaterzunge
to speak to the grünschnabel...
i fear for the natives of this tongue:
esp. since hiding behind the stipend of:
the empire upon which the sun never sets...
to have to hide behind a cultural import
from h'america...
or australia... is what gives rise to these
pseudo-communist grey areas of Bratford...
or Islam-came-ah-knocking in
Rotherham...

even i have to escape this...
this l'inglese... this new frontier of...
no frontier at all: except for the skull moon...
and baggage of frohlicht!

is priti patel a civic nationalist?
well i'd be ******* sterile if i didn't say:
a babe with class any loser in
my vicinity said: a banger...
if priti patel is not a civic nationalist...
then i'm not in england...
i'm nowhere...
******* banging bunny... anyways...
and the first time i managed to ******
a black girl for a quickie...
it took just the right amount of cocktails and...
enough coccyx banging into my pelvis that...
i... almost wished for a 12" ****
and the "proper *****"...
no... really... imagine a black girl mixed with...
a stick insect... and you just so happen
to have served her up...
a genuis concoction of cocktails...
the coccyx is bound to appear...
alligned to your poor-pelvis plum-sore...
one time or another:
no ***** envy in sight...

hence my "wish"... give me the 12" cod...
and enough plump *** as that will allow...
otherwise: no...
i would still like to imagine being
circumcised via the orthodox methods:
of a rabbi... not via some over-*******...

why am i writing about this with such fondness?
em... 21... nearing 34...
i can count... how many times i've had ***...
using only my fingers...
that's beside counting the prostitutes...
which... when you forget to trim your ***** hair
and you just end up kissing for an hour...
kissing prostitutes: what a noble affair...
bumble, trumble, tumble, twitter, bitter...
grinder... tinder... don't know:
i can't remember having owned a smartphone...
or a mobile...
that ambition died when:
i was left with calls 10 minutes from a meeting
for a pint... on a bus...

that's... 34 - 21... 13 years with sporadic
casual *** patterns...
oh and that thai bisexual girl... woman...
boy... i picked up from a park bench...
we listened to some jazz... drank some beers...
"weaped"... then had a cigarette in the garden
and ****** while i was kept in suspence...
honestly: i didn't know what i was getting myself
into... it was a thai surprise moment...
sports bra... and... until i reached into
the nadir of the zenith did i find out...
phew... no pronoun debauchery...

13 years and the sort of *** life that could
be celebrated by a *******
harriet turtles of the islands of galapagos...
while, around me, in the vicinity:
kama surtras left right and center!
why would i drift toward...
scandinavian pagan songs...
byzantine chants... crusader anthems?
i don't know: it's hard to punctuate
ridicule into that sentence... ridicule and irony...
self-depreciating humor...

- 'music was terrible in the 2010s'...
perhaps... except of a ****** band: LAO CHE...
i will still be punching myself over
my sentiments...
and "they" can come and speak english
like it's "theirs"...
but at the same time... not be "english" at
the same time...
perhaps it's the north h'american conundrum
of patriotism with the old continent
sentiment "for" nationalism...
perhaps if we all speak this one
magical language...
we can still find ourselves
with unboxing cues in a bazar in Tehran...

and they were Persians before
the Arab camel-jockeys came...
and that spirit of poetry died
and the old antagonism with the Greeks:
too died...
arab camel-jockeys with their... sole book...
and enough time...
enough time to see them sitting on
an iceberg of dinosaur crude fuel...
that truly was and is a miracle...
i still don't see why the Ottomans wouldn't
want to treat the camel-jockeys as they
should have to have prospered:
since no Lawrence would ever come from
ottoman Istambul...

but oh oh: tuba büyüküstün the god-smacker
and the slow death of martyrs' promised: harems...
even a slow-to-understand man
can find his solomon and his queen of sheba...
somehow, "somewhere"...

so much for drinking some wine...
and: it's not like speaking the truth, drunk,
managed to get anyone into trouble...
perhaps the "kind" alternative?
nietzsche on barbiturates?

i sometimes wish i could be alligned
to a female sort of companionship...
without the immediate awe-struck beauty parallel
with: what's actually beneath being
awe-struck... but no...
i will have to do my best with dogs,
cats, the odd fox... and pyramids and pyramids
of stacked ms. amber bottles...

wine and the gods' anemia... or haemophilia...
i never which one it is...
i almost wish i could sentence myself
to the banal grey-ish merger of:
the everyday with a woman...
but... alas... i still have a mother...
and i'm still unsure about the times
when she's lying or telling the truth...
but, given, she's my mother...
i allow her the benefit of the doubt...
having a mother is enough to:

going down the river of keeping a woman
company: in company that precludes
having *** with her...
bad grammar or just the unnecessary word:
precludes...

it's enough to be in a company of a woman
you can't have *** with...
and quiet another...
to be in a company... you can have *** with...
this "can" will probably never
arrive at the sober conclusion of:
you "might" or... that you even "will"...
i guess the antithesis of gambling came
when prostitution wasn't allowed...
a man sought alternatives...
50p bet and all the thrills....
that... yep... 110 quid an hour would never give...
gambling and *******...
the siamese child of desolation of
Moloch and his bride: Ursula (usury)...

what's that "motto"? when the fun stops: stop?
here's a way to figure it out:
see a ***** before you start gambling...
and when you gamble...
bet for a quarter... less than but equal to / no more
than a pound...
i've started to bet on football results:
a win... and the other team also scores...
i managed to find a bet accumulator...
that would leave me off...
over 200K richer... from having bet a pound...

like i once mentioned...
the 3Ps of today's clinical "advice"...
there's the priest... n'ah...
there's the psychiatrist (you'll want to see him
first, seeing a psychologist is pointless...
he has no prescriptive authority...
he's no big pharma loved-up yuppy sort of...
gwy)...
or there's the *******...
priest, psychiatrist... *******...
i did the priestly bit when i visited
a monestary in France, Taize...
i was young and the hormones weren't kicking in,
just yet, and i would have stayed...
but i wasn't rich enough to buy myself
a place at that, kind of, prestigious "university"...

psychologists and psychiatrists...
what the tongue can't lick or taste:
a tongue can't heal...
talk talk talk... but no: suma summarum:
no oeuvre momentum...

prostitutes and betting habbits it was...
settled...
this one maroccan colt with his one maxim:
there's no water in a desert...
ever see more water than that in a puddle
in a concrete jungle?
and that's hoping for: evian...
tapeworm free water... ever?!

so much for tinder...
and so much for... ahem... adverts: ok cupid...
claustrophobic dating advice with no
spares...
if you can't pick them up fresh
from a park bench of uncertainty waiting
for that, that thai surprise?
so much for being a h'american...
and a *** tourist... in Odessa...
of Kiev... or getting milked for the bogus
*****-****-thrill of it:
to genesis the whole model escapade of:
dosh stashed in a porky inch-by-inch
leather itch of: spend spend spend!
Romona Hardy Jul 2013
Lacking the ability to peform everyday tasks,
the mirror your enemy ,
makeup a mask.

Advert your eyes
in them the lack of truth,
vulnerability inevitable
as fleeting as your youth.

find comfort in normalcy
repetitive and bland,
every breath mundane,
dead and dejected.

the delusion of happiness
apocryphal lovers
in pursuit of nonsensical dreams,
is everything as it was
or is nothing as it seems.
rk May 2020
love me in the darkness
i want to feel
your breath on mine,
our demons dancing
under the sweet moonlight.
only you have the power
to peform an exorcism
so beautiful,
even fate herself
can't help but watch.
- only you can cool my desire.
Mateuš Conrad Aug 2022
i think she still appreciates the fact that i'm visiting her in
the brothel after a "gruelling" shift...
that i still have the energy to come to her for:
i figured it out! finally! a way to avoid any erectile dysfunction
without a quick-and-easy fix...
******* for four days prior to actual interacoure:
without climaxing: that's called channeling the ******...
unlike the medieval medicinal practices of draining
blood via leeches...
tiredness also helps to stimulate the member...
and? no hard alcohol... glory-laps around the park
at Goodmayes... and via Huxley Drive...
drink 75cl of 7.2% cider...
when take three glorious sips of whiskey
drowned in Pepsi chaser...
right... the nerves aside... now i can focus on slapping
that glorious fat *** of hers...
oh... so that's why i climaxed so early last time?
i almost forgot... she most certainly forgot...
she was groaning more when performing oral *** today...
why? i noticed she forgot that: even as an uncircumcised
male... i built up a tactic of folding back the *******
exposing an imitation circumcision phallus...
it makes me last longer...
see... that's why i don't see the point of circumcision...
and all that circumcision dictates in the realm
of monotheistic religions...
a man gets circumcised: he starts waving his hands
about like a mad seagull!
a man circumcised ergo: a woman needs
to don a niqab... a man has do don a kippah...
a man has to grow a long beard...
a man needs tonsure curls...
there's need to Halal... there's need for Kosher salt...
me? nice and easy... i just peel the ******* back
and hey presto! i can peform for much longer:
mind you... for a woman's mouth? aesthetically?
an imitation of a circumcised ***** is...
well... let's just say that the first time i had *** with
Michaela i forgot that she had an orange in her hand...
an orange she ate with the zest... hence my "premature" /
too quick a "performance"...

hmm... i always thought of myself as some archetypical
closure for what a werewolf ought to behave like...
i had a decent affinity toward dogs... foxes... cats...
i come across a clever little satan-black rooftop mongrel
crossing my math: i chance a little petting of the little critter...
but it turns out i'm more vampiric in nature...
**** me: who am i *******? Transylvanian girls...
goddesses with raven hair...
in whatever shape and sizes... perhaps i'm both...
depends on which part of me feels like being
more eloquent than brute on a given day...

she's going away to Romania for a month...
i promised her that i'd see her before she left on the 28th...
i came today... i have another shift on the 18th...
West Ham... much closer...
i think i'll have to give her a little parting present...
that ****** little book of poetry i published on my own...
sign it: farewell! i've already given on to a Turkish girl...
time for Romania...

kisses... more kisses... now the tongues met...
from her opening of oral to sitting on top of me...
to the missionary...
        my god... it's not like i wasted my 20s on having
too much ***: it's like i actually did go mad
with god and now, that i'm in my masculine prime
of the age of 36... i'm finally earning enough money
to spend it on the only worth spending money on...
*** with women: no... not dates with women...
*** with women: women who enjoy having ***...
i enjoy having ***... like i enjoy petting dogs
and petting cats... the same chemicals are released into
my body... these three creatures lie side by side
in my psyche...
i enjoy a woman enjoy herself...
i like seeing her do a little dance... smile... giggle...
it's just a beautiful "thing" to watch...
esp. if her body-type has been undermined:
while you wonder at all her imperfections...
a bit of fat here... a bit of fat there...
you know you're "in" when she likes it when you slap
and pinch her *** and other places...

**** it: this is clarifying for me: it's a remedy for me...
this is therapy-scribbling at its finest...
when i was a colt... night-clubs... drinking...
always the same story...
i'd finish the night off with screaming into the night
because i was alone: i didn't manage to land a "chick"...
now? with the aid of earning money...
i finish a glorious shift at work...
i lost count with regards to how many palms
and hands and wrists of women i touched today...
i got to the brothel...
obviously i first have my walkabout with a bottle
of cider and three glugs of whiskey to relax...
i go... mind you: i figured something even better:
why? why spend money for an hour...
when you can be done in 30 minutes?
on top of that... you can have more 30 minutes
sessions than wasting your money on an hour's
worth of bollocking:
like i told Michaela today...
you'd prefer me to stay an hour? yes...
but i want to see you more often...
how about... more 30 minute sessions than
me wasting my time, your time, within the confines
of an hour?
she agreed...

reading Ovid certainly helped...
            
now: i find this comparison slightly funny...
coming back from work this Asian colt started saying:
ooh man... now all i want to do it sleep...
tall guy, by my standards handsome...
all i want to do now it sleep...
obviously i kept me mouth shut and exploded
in a giggle only the gods could have heard...
me? oh sure, sure... sleep...
me? now all i want to do is ****...

that's the difference between me in my early 20s
and me in my mid 30s...
i want my brains left on a pavement
in a scrabble-puzzle...
      at least in the ******* you can kiss...
lips... wriggle one nose against the other...
kiss the forehead...
and as she licks her lips in ecstasy you dive back
in with our lips and tongue...
and are met with the right amount of teasing
reciprocation...
oh: if it weren't for my zenith-prime...
i look at old age with such disgust: or rather:
fear... old age stands before scarier than death
itself... it's so decrepit... when modern allowances
meet up with ancient standards...
i don't want to grow old...
there's no concept of old age when it comes
to the seasons...
a winter is never old...
an autumn is never old...
turtles are perhaps unnaturally old...
but i don't want to live a life of summaries...
without any philosophical endeavours started in youth!

i thank my momentary lapse into insanity
for my chance to peer into the mouth and ****
of Sophia... and learn a thing or two...
but i don't want to drag this life
to some rancid realisation that i could have done more...
loved more...
thanked more...

carpe ******* diem...
          the parting was the worst... we just couldn't
stop kissing each other, me and Michaela...
that's how it should be: that's how relations between
women and men ought to be like:
antithetically political...
i must want to kiss her... even thought:
she might have slept with 10 other men during
the night... it doesn't: matter...
what matters is that she slept with me...

me? i wash myself prior to *******...
she looks on...
the coldest of waters to relieve my mind from
a hot fungus "tumour" sitting in place
of my ego... i almost slip out of the bath...
she dries me up with a towel...
at least she knew to dry my forehead during my
missionary stampede so i wouldn't sweat all over her...
giggling... tender... a woman turned girly:
a beautiful sight to watch:
the tower of Pisa has done enough leaning...
i'm done with already too much learning...

it's beautiful to watch...
i can go and see any variation of beauty in an opera house...
or an art gallery...
but? a woman in a brothel is like for like
with these exponents of culture...
and? if, like her, she's Romanian...
and i'm not English... and we're ******* about in England?
all the better... all the best...
it's like we have created our very own Vatican city
out of nothing except out of tenderness for each other...

change of pace...
more kisses... i'm sorry to say: i'm not sorry
that even the bodyguard ensuring the girls of the brothel
are protected looks at me with eyes and a smile
that suggests i might be his younger brother...
hey presto! no problem here...
one lover-boy is making progress...
but man: i used to get so so angry about being 21 and going
to nightclubs and not getting laid...

now? i do a shift... i go and get laid...
i come back home... relaxed:
like a shadow without a body... about to escape into the night...
it's so pleasant seeing a woman be plesured:
it's like sitting beside  river...
contemplating a metaphor of serpents wriggling
though: they way...
or the obnoxious earth-worms...
or perhaps: watching a waterfall: demanding:
where's the sea! where's the sea!

very much in the vein of Milan Kundera's
the unbearable lightness of being...
Michaela? she likes to have her eyes closed
during *******...
me? i like to have me eyes: wide-open...
two, perfectly couple dynamics...
of *******...
it rarely works when both parties like to see...
it's teasing: necromancy...
with one one party wishing to have their eyes closed...
while the other party adamant on keeping
them open...

my god: i like having ***...
it's like petting a helpless animal
it's like the 1960s revolution reignited...
into its former splendour...
there's only one greater aspect of ***:
watching a woman get pleasured...
those little nuances: grimaces,
    irks... bothersome "somethings":
when you change pace on the summit of your own
piston... shoving...
and while you're kissing... beautiful to watch...

oh man: i felt like a man...
she kept adoring my beard: kept stroking it...
she adored my chest-hair...
kept running her hands... fingers... nails... through
the foilage...
i felt like such a man with this:
very much a woman...

to hell with English girls...
                  if they're supposedly this lucky-stab of
a Pakistani offensive:
so easily duped... no... no... i'm not going to chase
that... i'm not chasing after cheap-****!
after the easily quenched...
some ******* intelligence doesn't hurt...
i don't do automaton:
                            *****-extension robotic clad
*******... shy fake-shy types...
no!
                 nein! nein! niet!
some ******* ****-worth-of-brains... seriously...
*** is good... bad *** is: no *** at all...

       i'm not going to lament the fate of women
not of my ethnicity!
idiotic enough to not know any better:
why am i to be some *******: compensating
outlet of "compensation"?
               me? i like them primed...
readily agreeable...
***** 20 *****... but kisses one lips...
i like girls like that... in one night: mind you...

I'M NOT YOUR, *******, FATHER!
i've done my duties in what English girls have kept secret:
i'm not ******* pretend-nuns!
to hell with you if you think i'm into
******* Thespians! no!
ugh... i'm irritated from the get-go...
no! **** that... i like wholesome women...
authentic women! WOMEN! not feminised-girls...
i love women... girls don't interest me...
women? Romanian, Turkish, Russian...
Thai... that sort of brood...
these are still women... anything western is
girlish...
i liked the idea of being a woman's man
when she stroked my hairy chest and gave off a purr..
i loved how: when i told her to pull back my
******* she exclaimed with a sort of: hide & seek
exclamation of: aha! that's how it works?!

there were once men and women...
as there are now ideas of what men and women were...
i think i'm of the former category...
date? date my ***... i was fiddling my fingers:
trying to find a violin in her ***-crack and ****
while she was performing oral *** on me...
the inner-side of her thighs...
***-slapping a must...
                      
i'm sorry... what?!
                 i'll be seeing her on the 18th...
this plump plum of a body that requires kisses
on the lips and tongue on tongue and kisses on
the forehead... and all the adoration that her fat curves...
even she was surprised:
i already had a hard-on for her before she
started to suckle on it...
my god... i love the sexuality of women...
it's... so... it's... so... hybrid!
so unusual... it's so make-shift...
as much as i might:
   no... i like being a man long before any envy
concerning the sexuality arrives in me...
let women be women: and Plato, Plato...
             for the love that's readily leftover in me:
for the love of prostitutes...
all the love i could ever possibly give:
i give unto them!
Mateuš Conrad Mar 2020
.no... i'm pretty sure, that prior to hearing... glitter's rock and roll part 2... oh sure... if any of these citations were my favorite... anything but the sound of a congregations of humming farts and echoes... the trusted: self-help guru mantras... the what ifs of what nots... and knots... period pieces of picked up... and all of which... no... not even :wumpscut: bunkertor 7 - vomito *****'s fall of an empire... what radio station are you listening to? the kind that might also play 13th floor elevators' you're gonna miss me... somehow they'll be playing the black angels' young men dead... well if there's a radio station that does that... i'm gonna do the next best thing to compensate the feminists burning their bras... i'll burn my ******* vinyls! but... i can't see that on the horizon: any time soon!

anything by frank zappa...
or... iggy pop...

           and out of the bag
those stand-out tracks...

           fat white family -
        whitest boy on the beach...

wolf alice - silk...

              slaves - cheer up london...

scot the braille-reader...
which could be a name for a band's
name...
more like scotty the whipped-lock
baron...
or just scotty the braille-reader...

redder meat than buffalo steak...
a streak of tartare...
bitten by a dozen...
by a dozen: and none of them
are mosquitos...

for all the whipped cream:
sacrilege of the sacred...
beelzebub the lord of the flies...
my debaser...
my rhythm guitar on
white stripes' seven nation army...
my: this whiskey bottle
just went to heaven...

ms. amber um-um and all
those leftover yummy-crumbs
and slurps of a slush-puppy
sequence...

nirvana and sonic youth:
our lady peace...

             obviously the pixies...
the people of the sticks...
       the lesser inquiring montage
of inquisitive bums...

the nuns of beirut...
         the kola-kool kids of sunday
school mandarin...

                that! john peel epitaph.

***** boots: ariel clean socks!

       mud! rummaging in...
clay and custardo: mantra of a north
korean commando!

small elephant! big mouse!

              mahler digs ****...
mozart only does marzipan oral!

well... if beelzebub is the lord of
**** happens...
jesus, oh hey-zeus and christian...
who's the lord of the mosquitos?
who needs as much blood
and doubly as much wine?

the real miracle came when:
he turned the water into wine...
apparently no miracle
when he turned wine into blood...
the miracle: i'm pretty sure...
he turned the water into wine...
but... never mind...
he's still the lord of the mosquitos...

sugar kane and ***** boots...
anything on in utero:
the lesser part of me is still
struggling with that whole:
in vitro...

               imagine the birth of
a vampire... a blood-clot pandemic...
a romance of vampire...
that ol' h.i.v. riddled drag queen...
the vampire is either...
is a vampire an anemic or...
a haemophiliac?

                     the bad blood: ministry...
fear factory: linchpin or
zero signal...

          KMFDM - juke joint jezebel...
'i'm am the city that will rise'...

                vex'd: citations of blade runner...
i want more... life... ******...
the good old days of donny the dub and stepper...
precarious strawberries...
better... precarious strawberry harvest!
nuance: all is pink...

       ha ha...
               i'm the madman and all i did:
please don't let the draconian hogs...
oh... look... youngsters on parole...
coughing into the faces of the elderly...
n.h.s. ambulances found with nails stuck
in tires... moving slower than...
slu------- -gs pour some salt on them...
watch them sizzle in the sun...
hell... find a toad... smear some lipstick
onto it... let's wait for the princess...
no princess in 10 minutes...
set the neon-green burp alight...

as i was told by two conspiring sadist
peform this torture chamber in
the open... their excuse was:
fairy tales are gay... none of them are true...
we'd much prefer to be told the mundane
truth first... to later find escape in daydreams
than be fed the worse kind of virus disease
with santa...
      
        i just wished they stayed on
the middle ground...
         if all the would be sadists could work
in meat-processing factories...
too cute to be a cat:
or a dog... a cow can't whimper from
both the pain of the pain inflicted
and all that heap of attaching points
of being your extension of it being petted...
you herd cows...
you herd sheep... you can't exactly herd
dogs...

  you can't exactly keep or put a leash
on a cat.. you shouldn't really put a dot
above an ıota... or ȷanıce...
ı'm pretty sure the full-stop declared ıt:
we would lıke the questıon mark (?)
and the exclamatıon mark (!) to keep their
dots...

then again... my delights galore...
seeing two sadist conspire...
they were quiet open about it...
smear some lipstick onto a frog...
and set it ablaze...

       i do wonder... do i have enough
metal-******* capacity to draw that one
out from my ******* of malnourished imagination
or whether: yes... this really happened...
and...

   i got away with: adam and the ants...
prince charming...

and some duran duran...
  and some the cure and some depeche mode...
and... she must be in her 40s... nearing her 50s...
and she would be an auntie for me...
and no...

     that (out of the ashes rmx) of type o negative's
blood and fire...
    less the bat-curse and more that
resurrected crow...
     of no -man suffix to give him a marvel:
mar-vel: marvelous-veal? entry...

traci lords - control
        sepultura - roots ****** roots...
    orbital - halcyon...
           faithless - woozy...
                     geezer - the invisible...
sister machine gun - burn...

             *****'s day out - what U see...

and everything, everything i might want
to hate about a milkman's son...

there's too much music to look-out
for any sort of in-crowd...
one mention of:
in the court of the crimson king...

sergei prokofiev: crusaders in pskov...
or... alexander nevsky - the battle of the ice...
holst: an ode to death...
               death that great *****-**** or something?

death that ******* into a tissue
and a baptism after and all prior:
on the throne of thrones and from that
the great debate: was it genocide
will it be ******...
eggs without yoke?
     is that the "debate"...
or is that: one poultry abortion a day...
keeps the cholesterol at bay...
and of course the apple...
to combat the dementia of:
never / not out of Eden...
with or without the hebrew poetic route
of congesting a period of time
to mark out: the better parts
of what's still memorable...
before the acid of humanity audacity
and outright stupidity...
  does the second half of the erosion...

foals' - my number...
           foster the people - sit next to me...
anything by: cage the elephant...

!!! - chk chk chk (strange weather, isn't it?) -
jump back...

the velvet underground -
all of tomorrow's parties...

kyuss - demon cleaner...
  
     just saying... it's hardly expected...
this is the sort of music i'd hear...
if i didn't collect records?
on a whim... this brvo delta d.j.: good yarn!
of whittle amsterdam would
somehow spin... a wooden shjip's:
flight?

        wow: oh wow now that's my first
summary of: really?!

the historical argument for the accelerated
whims of balding men
in the harems of sheikhs...
that they really are the ******* emblems
of horses but otherwise...
the castrated wind-sacks of *****
when it comes to pedigree cat or
dog breeders willing a monopoly...

some come with the gories: and ghost rider...
there's just too much and there's
also "too much"...
sputnik 'nick of time of the candy-floss
barbed wire when you just sat
through a sobering visit to the dentist...

you will count your pearls...
and that tongue...
that mollusk of yours...
  well: wriggle wiggle wriggle and high-brow
forward through...
to the base of the bull's eye...

because by then: counting to 1
is the only arithmetic that's worth anything...
the vice barons - fuzzy 'n' wild...

trevor something - into your heart...
ulver - utriese...
boy harsher - country girl EP...
primitive knot - ******* of brutalism...
years of denial -
film maker -
beat bizarre...

                   boris brejcha...
skip james - hard times killing floor blues...

spirit - the twelve dreams of dr. sardonicus...
never mind...
anything about vietnam...
c. c. r.: running through the jungle...

                    sam cooke and:
                             that knock-knock music...
heard once... never to be heard again...

pulp? this is *******... or we love life?
rammstein contra radiohead?
or is that all about elvis costello?
         tiresome the cool...
        but beyond reaching 70 and your language
is still as practical as everyday
of charles bukowski...
without any of those complications
of the comfort-riddled life...
which can always allow for an ink
and some... paper...
but then: what are guilty pleasures
by then?

        talking? thinking?
being the impractical dog-walking man?
oh god... i can think of being paid
to be a movie critic... or a restaurant
sabatouer... also a critic...
by now: as long as the hands are washed
that prepare any food...
is fine: oh a mighty O mighty fine by my
standards for identifying:
the universal / a franction of a billion
strong population sort of china-       man...

nothing smart about singing
about my initials...
m c e...               energy = mass x speed of
light squared...
so... what sort of equation has it at:
speed of light cubed?
there must be a speed of light cubed equation...
given light comes from stars...
and the stars aren't going anywhere:
apart from their usual disco orbit...
there must be a...
                                     space travelled...
time concerning = energy and...
something that invokes the speed of light cubed...
rather than squared... 2-dimensional...
there needs to be something concerning...
the nature of light in a 3-dimensional
posit... pivot...

               i am this far from wanting
any credentials to have to be psychopathic about
a heritage and a future that's a bit like
about that fortune and fame of the man:
not the buddha not the christ...
but the man who won the crown of king anon
when fermenting the clarity cocktail from
a bunch of near-rotting stalks of wheat
and getting drunk on rotting apples
borrowed from the mules and the bears...
that would stumble into their caves
and hug their shadows...

                       christopher young:
the hellraiser II: hellbound soundtrack...
or dead can dance: into the labyrinth...
or hammock's ketonic...
the full album through and through...

                        pulp that never became an oasis
or a blur...
as expected... winning... losing...
but somehow forever meshed into
the ongoing democratic fortune-wheel
spin-off... the minor influences congregation
dynamic... congesting the cogito...
          
                 wins! wins? a comment section...
the loser...
                  keeps on writing...
because... here's to elbow nudging...
   as the hands are riddled with hand-signs
for the deaf... and... that would truly be
the better part of anyone's guess...
        hallucinating braille come mid-air traction
of: things heard over a megaphone.

— The End —