As I lie awake in my bed,
I remind myself of all my stupid mistakes
How I could've avoided them and fixed the situation
My mom said not to use the word "could,"
Because it is too late to change my past
There is no point in dwelling on it
But if I could go back and redo half,
Knowing what I know now, maybe, just maybe,
I'd be in a better position
Instead of worrying that I'm not good enough
And that I'll somehow be a complete mess
Everything would be different
But I am happy now, and I wouldn't trade that
And if I went back in time and changed things,
I would not be where I am now
A few years ago I was in a dark place and I wrote this a year after it all. I recently found it. Here it is