Hey Kids ever wonder why people are such a pain in the ****?
Well thats usally cause they have to work for a living and unless
your in **** that really ***** well I guess in that field you get paid to ****.
But enough about what certain people I cant mention do in there free time
im just saying.

And ever wonder kids why your parents are so ******* uptight?
Duh its cause befor you  mom and pop used to be total freaks.
Now Pop is lucky if he gets at least once a month from moms sister.
Yeah thats why they invented hookers I know what a ******* .

But enough about global warming cause really I just live here on the planet.
Why should I care about it?
Some people often ask me.
Gonzo dont you think you should put the bottle down and give up the drugs and *****
strippers?

Hmm yeah probaly when hell freezes over and hopefully it does cause I have never
looked forward to moving to a warmer climate.
Yeah sure I could stop being a party animal and ****** with a heart of gold.
But **** that duh then what would I write about?
Being misreble like everyone else really doesnt sound all that fun.

Hey ever wonder if im really insane as you belive.
Well just send me a key to your house and find out.

One time when  was but a young little Gonzo.
I stole Grandmas credit card and tried to hire a ******
for *** ed  class I always was a more hands on student myself .
Yeah it would have worked  if that old *****  hadnt noticed it gone

Thanks Granny you totally ruined a kickass party.
Its okay she talks to the wall in the old folks home now.
Im kidding  like id waste that sweet social security check on a home.

She's doing just fine in the shed out back ****** that reminds me i gotta
feed her and take her to the park for a good run yeah I know im all
heart except fro the rest of me.

You know I think it's unfair hookers never give discounts.
Hey look every other company does even ******* subway.
Yeah the footlong isnt really a footlong  some people really
dont know what to do with a tape messure.

Hey remember its not the size that matters yeah news flash
if she ses its a good size then locks herself in the bathroom
for a hour and you hear a motor going off as the lights dim
on the whole dam block .
Well women lie  just like men except way better.

Sometimes I like to get really ****** up
I know your shocked.

Ever wonder why weirdos love to hunt ufo's and bigfoot?
Duh you cant live off star treck reruns alone.

Some people think im a pervert and a drunk and a womanizer.
And a drug addict well and a sick ******* as well.
Words they really hurt well at least to people who give a *****.
Sure they said alot of good things about me but they also left out a charming
mispelling half wit duh what *******.

You know sometimes I think.
Hey it could happen.

Just remember kids whatever you think of me.
If you dont have a sense of humor you'll ******* hurt yourself.
That and Gonzo loves you all and especially if your hot.
And if you have any pics send em to www.learntotakeafuckingjoke.com

Untill next time hampsters.
Remember that little bump on some chicks face aint a beauthy
mark its probaly ******.

Dam you Cindy Crawford well at least i'll never forget you.
Im kidding she a good girl it was just the clap.

Stay crazy Gonzo

The pub under the hands of some fellow madmen and
my divorce already in the works I set out cause why sit around a place and be misreble when ya can be heartbroken and drunk off your ***
somewhere else.

That and and my new wifes boyfriends were stealing all the dam covers
dam you Dallas Cowboys.

The trunk looked as if i had ran over a drug dealer and knocked over a liquor store ****** had i been sleep walking again?
There was uppers downers wild turkey and beers chips dips chains and whips oh my.

Yes this would be a journey that would test the limits and like a boozed up college girl.
On a ******* video would expose many
things for a T shirt  and a chance to make dad proud and kinda weirded out at the same time being he was trying to have some alone time to ummm   do some deep thinking  and touch apon  well yeah.
But enough with the foreplay children.

I was loose apon the highway bound for the place of true insanity
home to killer thieves perverts and the rest of my family.

Knotts Island N.C. is but a small island off the Virginia border
but remeber kids it's not the size of your island that counts.
or at least thats what your girlfriend tells ya cause secretley she's
******* half the state of texas  but hey who's bitter.    
  
Yes there was a smell of outdoor fires corn whiskey maybe
some organic  umm tabaco  that was green and Dr Jerry  had prescribed to me for my vision although i still couldnt see ****
but after awhile who gives a **** I never liked that guy anyways.

So after dumping the body in the marsh i had arrived.
Home where i could smell the microwave pizza burning cause mom
was to busy  helping 16 year old Brain  with his homework.
Yeah public schools ****** good thing Momma Gonzo loved to teach
and who better to teach *** ed than the town *****.

After there session had ended there we stood.
John how the **** are ya  you little *******?
Well it was a moment of only true gonzo  understanding and after are usal  conversation like hey did ya bring a bottle? And hey are we related?
And hey mom do ya think ya could  put on some clothes cause its kinda awkward im just saying.

We laughed we cried we turned on the tv and watched are family reunion on jerry springer ahh memories all alone in the moonlight.
Hey mom great left hook you really showed that ***** although
grandma did put up a hell of a fight.

We drank my mother knew her little Gonzo was hurting
and so we spoke over ten, tweenty cases of wild turkey.
Well son did ya pay her after ***?
She wasnt that kinda ***** mom.
What a stupid ***** hell she could at least made some money i mean really though look at you.

Thanks ya heartless *****.
Your welcome honey.
Going home it really reminds ya why ya left and went in the witness protection program to start with.

And looking at my okay kinda perverted lush of a mother I relized
****** no wonder im ****** up.

We drank talked I relived the old times as i held
her hair as she puked.
then she spoke to my heart once worried me that just maybe she had finally drank herself sane.

Ya know son sometimes people's are just a plain pain in the ***
but no matter what mom always loves you.
But ya gotta leave cause the Hells Angles are coming over
and you know your uncles Skull and Eightball still are a little sore
over the whole   you turning state witness thing.

Yes the thought of getting drug behind a mottorcycle for a few miles till your flesh was ripped from your bones really did sound like a downer.

So as I hugged my slighty weird kinda crazy okay perverted demmented  hell of a gal i called mom goodbye.
I realized the journey had just begun and Mexico was a calling i needed a save place to relax  and where better to than a semi insane drug cartel controlled  country  hey but other than that it was swell.

As I herd the chopper's apraoching
And had to ask for my wallet back now mom.
Really i havent fell for that since highschool  when we were on are double date at the prom.
i know what your thinking the Gonzo clan are nuts and momma Gonzo really shouldnt had me at such a young age but she was very mature at 13 and corn whiskey and football teams  happen.

Hey she said suprized looking at the pic thats Skeeter?
Umm  yes.
Hey can I have her number?
Ahh family moments.
And as I sped away like some
hyped up teenage girl  after there God Justin Beiber.

I thought well no matter where the road takes me  
as long as I have the blood of that  lush, perverted,kinda insane,southern bell in my veins it will always be second nature to forever stay crazy.

***** pills and that naughty no no known as drugs
hell if you do anything your addict ever see the sobber ******
down at the local mall?

Kids screaming wife *******   you catch the eyes of  the so called
happy *******  who looks like one more scream laced cry
is gonna make him flip and   create some  drama for the evening news .

Yeah happiness sure smells like misery to me.
Id rather  drink and **** till I fall out dead than
live the dream that looks more like a nightmare.

Taking pills not to strangle some misreble ***** to death.
Meanwhile she's greezing your brakes trying to to talk ya in to going to see the grand cannyon.

Ever been there?
Yeah a big *** ditch with a bunch of  annoying picture taking ******
yeah i'll snap a pic of ya okay step back ,back okay like a few more steps  well ya fell of the ledge  ya silly *******.
Guess it's cool to keep the camera.  

Ive been to scores seems the sights were more dam grand and
the drinks a hell of alot better.

Ever wake up to the dam TV blaring some early morning
horse ****?
Some dam annoying tiny voiced ******* talkin to the kids.
Look they got the net they get knocked up and make a show about it
something tells me you can cut the ******* act.

16 and pregnant wow  what genius  more like when
horney *******  attack  hey heres a brainstorm
birth control  not that some over emotional half wit
doesnt need a kid   hell   cant wait to see thoose offsprings
hey mom wanna go on a double date to the prom?

Happiness it cost to dam much and love will give ya
heart burn.

Its always in goodbye we taste what is the essense of that scar called love.
Pain in nature and no words can capture remorse as well as a milepost in a reaview of thought.
It was there we togather once called home now like a tombstone it stands a marker of what was never to be.

Fracture of heart and bitterness my seal.
Im the leftovers of another we can cleanse this logic or simply say ***** it all and regress.
Forever a lie to the young and a curse to the old.
Has it burned this earth and killed me to all that dare to know
what I could never explain.?  

A dance of years now a thought no drug has yet to erase.
Pills aside your drug was the best poisen ive known even with another I
know paradise was a cancer ive long since left behind yet a simple moment can make me slide
into a vice that will see me fall for the last time till next.

Im the clown that circus left behind.
Now a skeleton for home I  ask why leaving takes a milestone and emptyness a downpour
as my desert has long stayed dry.

Read the riddle like a oinion pealed only more layers remain.
hell has welcome thought for ive found more toture here.
Voices haunt my thoughts as emptyness thrives inmy existance.
Its has misreble as when we knew each others love please drown so I can
breath life into this wornout frame one last time.

Winter's chill reminds me of what we never had yet again.
People often question what has no meaning to begin with.
As for me I avoid its poisen a scared child hidden in shadow of a
lesser man.

Nothing stands as a reminder of pages wasted in promise of a day that never came.
Sometimes I view that place were we were more than a bad memory and a traggic vice.
Sometimes I yern only for end to what has never been allowed to begin.

The worst prison of all is the mind.

For years it's been my  defense my escape and my prison
all in one.
It's a drug I can and will never kick.
I wield it as a wepon sharper than any razor none
could ever hold.

But it's a love hate relationship twisted in it's
lack of perfection  harsh edges none can
understand but I.

But in it I find isolation in others happiness I find
none of my own and like any drug its high slowly drains you
yet no matter your best efforts to escape it your always
a ****** after that fix.

I've taken to the stage as easy as breathing
and found it simple to draw there laughter.
Happiness is a splendid vice i deal it often yet
In jokes we show are fears  are weakness is on display
for the mocking of others.

Why do I struggle with masks when my own face is but a stranger
to me?
From the stage im the fool by apearence yet I control
every thought  a craftsman  in laughter  my job
i understand better than any other.

Yet I yern to be more than a teller of jokes.
It's to easy at times not that I want to seem
like a ego mainac  but my job I know well.

Often we see the comedians but seldom do we see the misreble
******* behind the jokes.
Maybe were madmen lunatics in a asylum
so happily on display.

The laughter is the comfort and for a moment it heals.
You feel it like a drug it it flows through your veins.
You take people outta there misery if only for a second
and thats the reward there happines is but my gold in thought.

But any role can become a trap.
For no one cares to hear a fools thought.
So you drown in other vices make light of your ******* up past.

And with any  exceptance in life it changes you.
People treat you diffrent for they see the act not the person.
Soon you cant even see yourself anymore.

Relationships turn sour.
Welcome strangers  who thirst for fun replace friends
And the more you succeed the further away you become.

So you drown in ***** or dose in pills  
Share moments you can barely recall.
Hide behind dark glasse's talk to women who claim
to want a glimpse but you both are just junkies
yerning for that fix.

But to be close if only for a moment is a
bitter sweet  dream cast on a nightmares
wing.

But there's always someone who can see past your *******.
but no matter how strong the love the stage and the laughter
are a poisen few can survive.

For how can you love the man who lives a double life?
Who's loved by many and understood by few if
even himself.

Everytime I get up there it's a sacrfice a road ive choosen
with no set reward.
My love for one can never match the  love of many.

It's more than joke ,Im more than a comedian,
Yet im less off a person after the lights fade.
Nothing can match that fix of the stage.

Pain ,Isolation the loss of yourself  and everyone you ever
cared for  thoose my friends are the setbacks of humor.

She played me as always her lies had become a constant and I no longer questioned if they were truths anymore.

She needed to look down on someone the spoiled always do .
Once I was her fix to ******* daddy now I was simply her crutch .

Look at what I tolerate he's a drunk
He is lazy won't work all he does is stay out all night he's such a *******!

She needed someone to blame someone to make her appear less of a train wreck than she truly was.

She was a first rate **** .
Maybe that's why I liked her so very much.

She always was the victim of a nonexistent crime .
The lover of empty words .
And the destroyer of mine.

There's no hell just people trapped inside prisons of there own creation.
Mind **** ******* like myself misreble and doing nothing to change the course.

It was one in the morning when the phone rang.
Hey can I come over she asked .
I've really missed you I'm sorry I've been such a ***** .

I paused for a moment saying nothing I simply hung up and took the phone off the hook.

Looks like I decided to take another road instead .

The world is going into a slow regression ******* TV shows about spoiled rich ****** who are as about as interesting as  a city dump.
Movies reflect just how the intelectual bus has become way to packed and short.

Adam ******* yeah there's a true comic a idiot that makes weird voices and ****** movies good wholsome
family fun well you can put the family in a car and point them to the nearest cliff in my book.
We live in a dark age yet we design bubble gum images to destroy are senses.

Hey Gill how's Tommy?
Well after getting his legs blown of he's been stuck in front of the TV  for about a month and ses
why couldnt it have been my eyes instead.

Yeah i may seem harsh to  you just cause i dont like bubble gum ******* but ask yourself this.
Why is it more people will feed a hungry dog than a ******* starving person?
Why do people belive kids are so ******* advanced when in reallity there just more sexually active than smart

I got friend's that got kids the misreble little ****"s I asked one of the turds in highschool
so what do you think about this war?
He looked at me with a brainless expression and replied what war?

Yeah real deep thinker there yet if i asked him a what's good **** site the **** would
have  opened up like a dam directory.
Yeah were moving forward and slipping into a ******* coma as we speak the last great minds worry more over a ******* new phone than any answer to real problems

Hell it's like a bomb was dropped and all that was left was a a few roaches and some ***** mice.
Who's thirst for talentless ***** cannot be met by the television screen its herion for the thoughtless mind.
Night of the living ***** and the last few true voices are stuck in ****** farm house at each others throats

They flip on the television for new's.
Instead of information they get some stupid reallity show star hyping there next season
Yeah I gotta pitch for the Jersey Shore how bout next season in space !

And while your there send up old Adam cause the aleins will love to see a
fool make **** films that have as much depth as a kids sandbox.
the shame of this is i come off as the bad guy cause in this life you can pick on Jesus
but when you attack a millionare *******.

Well then your just being mean.

I sat there lost in that strange magic the music the scene perfect in its semi empty smoke cast brillance .

We were all lost together .
Jack you still writing ?
Tommy asked from behind the bar.

Well I'm still breathing so i suppose so my friend .

Tommy just laughed grabbed the bottle poured me another .

Dont worry Jack this ones on the house .

Oh to what do i owe the honor or do you know something i dont know Tom.

Just figured you needed one besides its valentines day you old ******* and seems as though your Valentine is missing.

Yeah couldnt afford her and i think her dance cards all full that and she seems to prefer someone with a bigger box of chocolates.

Maybe you should of tried flowers and champagne.
Yeah and maybe i should of tried being something besides a drunk writer to **** Tom .
Why try when you can pay

I  know your girl Jack your to ruff on her she's not a ***** .
No your right she doesnt charge .
And a real ones much more honest.

Tommy and some other stranger i forget his name laughed.
Man your nuts .

**** your seeing him on a slow night you should see him when he's really cranked up.

Richard at the pool table behind us said between shots of a solo game.

Tommy pour me another .
Jesus Jack you finished that one already you know this isnt a race.

Yeah i know but maybe its just the love in the air I have no idea just pour me another make it a double.

Just then that heavy steel door slammed into the wall the couple was happy laughing well untill he noticed me and and told the woman who was supposed to be at work.

That awkward oh **** look in her eyes .
Tommy I shouted a round for valentines day on the ***** with my favorite street walker .

Jack calm down or I'm going to have to ask leave .

They both walked to the bar once giving how I had already set the mood i had to give them a nod for having the ***** to not just turn tail and run.

I stood up hey pal names Jack I can see we have some things in common like ****** taste in women .

Jack we'll just leave i didnt know you'd be here im sorry.
Yeah a writer in a bar bet you would **** yourself to find a nun in church

Hey pal want to take my seat being you seem to like things that belong to me hell want the keys to my car .

******* your nothing but a drunk .
Lets get the hell out of here Susan.
Maybe its best you all leave for tonight Tommy said .

No no Tommy I think i will leave hey buddy i didnt catch your name .
Oh wait i forgot i dont give a **** .

She stood between us I only hoped he'd swing giving me reason to knock the pure **** out of him .

But It wasnt over her I had long learned you couldnt waste a ounce of concern on another who only cared for themself.

Susan was lost in herself a confussed misreble fool.
Who could never find another who loved her as much as she loved herself.

I laughed in his face he showed his fear i knew soon as i was gone he would inflate his chest play the badass.

I never played a role .
Well Tommy and my fellow drunkards i bid you farewell .

And to the fool and the lady please allow me to set the mood .
And at that very moment i cut the biggest **** you ever herd .

The room busted up in laughter .
I breathed it in oh Tommy my friend it seems loves in the air.

Yeah Jack smells more like **** .
Yes kinda like love my boy .

Your disgusting Susan said ****** i had made everyone laugh taking the attention from her for once .

Who said romance was dead.

I kept the room laughing as I sang  memories all alone in the moonlight letting a burp out inbetween.

The door slammed behind me.
And as always i was myself not the character

Never allow them to see past the curtan.

Stay crazy.

Gonz

I think I'm starting to lose it
Whatever 'it' is
      Whatever I 'thought' I had...

Is it all really just a hallucination?
       Because I really don't want it to be just another illusion
And if it's an illusion
       Then this is the scariest best thing to have happened in a long time
Illusions of you in times...
          When I want time to just stop 'being' time
Because time passes, and sometimes it can be so very unkind,
       And I wish sometimes that I could rewind,
So that I can freeze frames of time.
But I can't, can I?
       And it's not because I haven't tried,
    It's because I've tried and I couldn't capture the warmth that you ignited like a fire when I was in your presence.

But by bottling all my emotions away,
     Until it seems like the skies could not get any more grey
          Because they look like they would overflow because it's filled      with so much tears and pain and strife and starving due to loss of hope and finally given up on life
   And everything inside of me just wants to stop functioning
          Just wither away like crumbled walls and grains of dust
            not in existence.

That's when I'm close to the breaking point
  Of no return.
That's when I lose myself.
   Because it all becomes a mashed up blur of visions...
And suddenly everything seems so calming'n'clear.
    And somehow....that's the only time that 'time'
Seems to be kind enough to me...and slows down.
S
   l
      o
          w
               l
                  y
Trapping me in a place where I'm connected to you
      Not through imaginations or tricks of the mind....
But in some other wonderful state of matter...
Because in that place, i feel at home...and for once 'I' actually
m   a  t  t   e  r

&I; don't know if I'm supposed to,
        be able to...feel things so much more than I should.
They say missing the ones you love is natural,
       But what is natural,
about something that...terrifies you and mesmerizes you at the same time?
Makes you glad to be alive and yet i still feel like dying? because i'm stuck here without You.

You.Human by flesh
You. So ridiculously annoying
You. So full of contagious laughter and positive vibes
You. The divergent. The one that words have not yet been able define.
You....the person who stumbled across Me
&Mad;; me feel
b e a u t i f u l.

You...the one who put the northern star to shame,
Because nothing burns brighter than the light
that refuses to stop flickering
In your eyes.
You...the one who says the words i can't seem to find.

But when missing you flips without a notice
      Zooming me down lanes of emotion extreme
            And I'm no longer me
I take on the form of frozen ice stiffness
       Numb in my limbs
           Struggling to hold back the waves in my eyes
                Because....
iKeep seeing you there but you don't seem to see me at all.
You'reLike a ghost from the past
        ButYou look more real to me than I've ever known
.a l i v e.

And I keep hearing your voice in strange places...
            Calling my name.
And i'm screaming out loud and the tears are streaming and pouring down!
But you still don't see me....
                and I'm standing right here, so why can't you see me?

Then i realise,
Peace no longer seems to resonate
Where it once did.
It has been drowned in the echoes that surround my very existence.

I see you. still.
I hear you. still.
                &I;'m trying so hard to reach out to you. still.
But you're not really here, anymore.
& that's when time stands.still.
The realization doesn't fit, right.still.
In my mind you're.....still.....here.
But....still.
I tell myself.
If you where there, you wouldn't let me feel so deathly chilled
So deathly cold.
So empty'n'shallow
So hollow that I can hear my own echoes.
Bounce of the walls suffocating me..still.

You wouldn't leave me lost. in this still-ness.
You wouldn't be looking for me as I am you.
You'd find me.

And I'm pulled out of my daze
& the haze lifts
Yet it...still...hurts
I'm so misreble without the blurry'hazey'dazey'maze
Because without you I'm so conflicted'n'confused
Without the nightmares...
Forcing me to stay alive, to survive, to find a way....
I'm forced to awaked to a cold flush of realities.

That...
1)You're just not here anymore.
2) I can only see you in figments of my imaginations.
3) You're a fragment of a past I can't seem to let go of.
4) You're Simply....
G
    o
        n
            e            
          ­       .