"katlyn" poems
April 14, 2008 was a Monday. My family had just moved into a new house, we were starting a new life, and I was starting a new school. I was 10 years old then. I thought that moving schools and leaving all my friends behind was the worst thing in the world, the worst thing that could ever happen. I didn't realize it then, but moving was the best thing that ever could have happened to me. At Mulberry Elementary, I was put into Mrs. Bell's fourth grade class. I remember the principal standing behind me with her hand on my shoulder as I tried not to make eye contact with all the faces who were staring at me. I was terrified. I think the teacher could tell how scared I was. She sat me beside of a blonde haired girl named Katlyn. I was an over weight, ginger kid with glasses; and Mrs. Bell knew she was the only one who would be nice to me. That year, she was the only one who was nice to me. I remember thinking how weird this girl was with all the faces she made. I also remember being confused, because the way she made me feel inside, was something I had never felt. Soon enough we became best friends. We were inseparable. Throughout the years we have gone our separate ways, had a couple of fights, and even more kisses. It was always you I came back to in the end. They say that love is kind, and patient, and works in mysterious ways. And now there's one more Love to add to that.
One day in fourth grade, I took her hand and looked her in the eye. I about broke down as we promised to be best friends for forever and sealed it with a pinkie promise. Today, I married my best friend and sealed it with a kiss...and a pinkie promise.
Jan 1, 2016
Jan 1, 2016 at 8:56 PM UTC
My dearest Katlyn,
I love the way that sounds. I love the way your name just flows off my tongue like it’s the most natural thing in the world. To me, we are the most natural thing in the world. I believe it was fate that brought us together all those years ago, when we were nothing more than innocent children. Now our innocence has been stripped from our bones and our bodies have developed along with lines of laughter and worry across our faces. Yet you are the one, who after all this time, I still cling to. Back then, you were my rock and my safety net in a new and confusing environment, not much has changed.
Our history is a rocky one, to say the least. It’s full of drama and heartbreak; but as well as love and passion. I swear we could add a little embellishments and have our own soap opera. Despite all the troubles from our past, I hold those memories dear. Because when I recall those times, I don’t just recall arguments and words thrown, I recall the way you stumble over words when you’re flustered and how red your face gets when your choking words down. As for our better times, I worship those memories as if they are held upon a mental shrine; protected, never to be tampered with or tainted. There are things I have come to regret. I regret not swallowing my fear and being proud to tell everyone, “This is the girl I love!”, but during those times, I wasn’t ready. Although, our hidden love did make sneaking around so much more exciting. Sometimes I wish we could go back in time about three years and just show ourselves then that it was okay and it turns out for the best.
Things are more than okay. You are the love of my life and the one to spend forever with, however long forever may be.
Dec 27, 2015
Dec 27, 2015 at 9:37 PM UTC
2013,
This is for you.
The year started out in hell.
There was family drama,
Fights,
Court dates,
And DSS.
Then you kinda leveled out.
I met a boy,
Named Devin,
And he ran my world.
I discovered and came to terms with something,
During that time I was with Devin.
I came to terms with the fact that I liked girls too.
I came out to him,
And my closest friends,
And then eventually my mom.
Not everyone liked it.
All year I had been taking stick pins to my skin,
And making little scratch marks.
After that,
I moved to razors.
I had always had anxiety,
But I would have 3 attacks,
Within the span of a day.
At school,
I got bullied,
And beat up.
At many points during the year,
I wanted tp end my life,
But I didn't.
I'm still here.
Almost at the end of the year,
I started dating my bestie from 4th grade,
Named Katlyn,
But then things spiraled out of control.
Life is still hell,
But things are getting better,
Im starting to pick up the pieces.
I hated 2013 with a passion,
But I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world,
Because its the year I became me.
Jan 1, 2014
Jan 1, 2014 at 2:06 AM UTC
To the girl my life revolved around
The girl I love to death
And miss more and more each day
With every passing breath
Every time my heart beats
It aches a little more
For your touch
Your kiss.
Oct 5, 2014
Oct 5, 2014 at 5:05 PM UTC
The sidewalk seems to grow longer the more that I walk.
Leaves blowing in the wind, scratching at the asphalt.
Baggy shorts a t-shirt covered by an overly large hoodie, a backwards hat and DC's.
Sideways looks begin to consume me.
Silent comments are spread between them as they double look me.
My body reads a young girl in her teens, while my clothes read just the opposite.
Me I'm a different breed from what they're used to seeing.
Mixed emotions control my being, forcing tears into fleeing from my tear ducts.
I skip high school daily, I can't stay there the hate drives me crazy.
I thought if anyone could handle it... that it was me.
I was forced into believing that being me was some sort of disease.
I cry myself to sleep in a crisis facility that isn't for me.
My cries are silent, the same goes for me.
I leave them speculating what goes on within me.
To others I am far from perfect, to me I will one day be perfect when I shed this layer of female and grow into a picturesque male; like caterpillars shed their cocoon and become in tune with what they were destined to be.
Only then will my soul be able to live in complete harmony with my body.
Others only see a girl trying so desperately to be a guy... a young lesbian in their eyes.
Truth be told I am a woman on the outside and a man on the inside awaiting the day that I can be turned inside out and sprout out what my heart always said to be.
They don't understand me, they claim it to just be a phase that all people go through... but for me this "phase" is never ending.
They are wrong to tell me that it is just a phase, that's like me telling them that their sexuality or their gender is just a phase and that one day they will grow up into the person they were born to be.
You are born already knowing who you are within your own heart it just takes time to grow into that state of being.
Life is a series of phases, in my life being a woman is the phase that will soon pass as I transition into the young man I was all along.
People like me tell me to be strong, I listen but sometimes it feels as though I am... alone.
I'm singing to the choir this much I know.
But when will I be able to say that I am at inner peace with myself.
When will I be able to stand in front of the mirror and see the real me staring back ready to marry the lifelong decision of changing my ****** gender into what I deem is me.
I was born by the name of Katlyn... I grew up into this world by the name of Nick. They question why... my answer is, I am just a butterfly.
Oct 26, 2014
Oct 26, 2014 at 2:34 PM UTC