Hope
By Shani Jonas


I actually believe that there is hope for this generation
For the boys and girls and adults of this nation
Even with teen pregnancies
And puberty coming too fast
With rapes and murders
And relationships that don't last
With mini thugs and thieves
With judement that's cruel
With abuse and hunger
And no religion in schools
I may be a fool
To think that we can possibly achieve something in this dog eat dog world
But I have a lot of hope
For just a 12 year old girl

I believe that men
Will stop treating women as objects
That they will stop watching her "twerk her stuff"
And really mean their "I love you"
Women will stop getting dragged by society into the black ashes of the souls that used to belong to confident girls
That they will stop being insecure
So they can see the roses among the thorns
And the buds among dry leaves
I wish that parents will stop beating their children
Because is it worth all the pain?
Killing your own flesh and blood?
I know I can't do much
To change all the evil in the world
But there is one thing that both you and I can do to help.
And that is to pray and
Hope
Hope
Hope, for a better life

His words were lies through teeth, and I should've known. Oh, I should've lnown.

Uncanny eyes, and stupid flattery, and how he made me feel so unique.

It's all so dumb, isn't it? I let him in despite my better judement, and started writing about his habit of never finishing cigarettes.

How he took whiskey in chipped glasses, and the bitter alcohol tasted like his own blood. And how things were always a demsotration of power, control, carelessness- rough hands and champagne smiles, and splinted knuckles, and mignight kisses.

And I guess now I know how much a person can realy ******* over.

I don't want to be the chains
I just want to make and see a change
With whatever good judement's left
As priorities rearrange.

Wedding bells are ringing
wedding bells are ringing
As I turn around I see the man I'm marring
Walking down to the alter I see my sister and in her hands my nephew shes caring
please sit the pastor states as the man slowly slips my vial away from my face
then suddenly like a shadow casting down at him he vanishes in place
I turn to look at my friends and family and they slowly seem to fade
I start to feel the world cave
and I wake and I start to hyperventilate
something just didn't feel right
I couldn't catch anything I felt like I was late
as I stare at the calendar the year 2013
It was the end of a chapter at age 19
heart aches and sad sorrows
loving days and a painful tomorrows
The man I was going to marry the man I once loved
called me Nov.2013 to tell me he was done
That was the day my heart turned to ice
I took my chances in life like I was rolling the dice
I tried and tried to get him off my mind
but my mind and my body remembered just fine
the smell of him and the memories tumbling like dominoes
one after the other over and over
I found someone who became my late night lover
He was one call away, he was my distraction
Heartless I was, it wasn't lust nor was it love, it was just for my satisfaction
Even then his name slipped out here and there
losing the memories of him was my fear
Then the pain faded and I was healed
I ended it with my lover and suddenly the world became real
I was back and I felt new
To finally get rid of you who knew
that I could finally walk to the next chapter
with you no longer taunting my laughter
I could breath again, I no longer feel myself gasping for air
my clouded judement began to see clear
that you were just a sweet grenade in my innocent days
but you my dear was the start of my new ways
wedding bells are fading
wedding bells are fading

I should be so lucky
Where did it all go wrong?
We're not a match because you are much too strong
And anyway it's just a fantasy
Consider things from another point of view
I see birds and tRees.  All the colours of the world
You brought me to life
And so I run to the things I love in desperation to protect the things I've lost along my lonely journey through surviving on a moment with you.
A moment in return for a world of hate and judement.
No we can't be together and it pains me
Why would you consider something much too dangerous for us to go
ahead with
What is the point of breaking my heart  
In this way.
For I have to let go of something I have never so much wanted and can't have and tenderly has made me so happy all at the same time

The Things I Think About
Most Souls Dont Know
How To Think It Out
I Believe In Anything
And Right Now Im Bleeding Out
My Twin Soul Flames
Is On Her Way
I Need Her Now
Rain Storms Just Rains More
Im See A House
In Side Its DRY As Ice
Pain From Eyes Just Burn The Ground
Deathly Alone
No Needed Explenation
All That My Family Say Is Not Okay
I ******* Take It
Swallow My Spit
Transmute All Sensations
My Heart Going To Stop
So I Begin My Meditation
Theres A Demon Screaming
An Angel Singing
The Walls Are Shaking
I Built Em With My Blood
Its So Strong
They Will Hold On
And With Stand Thier Placemnet
I Am So Strong
I Will Not Yell
I Will Not Speak
I Will Just Breathe
I Will Not Fail
Heal My Body With Angelic Energy
Purify My Consiousnnees
Sub Consious Mantras My  Remedy
Im More Ready Then Ill Ever Be
Im Alright I Am The Light At Night
Remember Me
If Tonight I Take This Knife For Stake
And Slice My Throat And Face
Because I Could Not Breathe
I Love My Slef More  Than Any Body Could Give To Me
I Am A Miracle
Of Living Dream
That Will Never Die
Even When I Leave Earth
Spread These Silver Wings
And Bodies Cry
I Am Bleeding Opera
I Oughta Try
Tell My Mother
That Shes The Reason For My Lonlieness
And Readyness To Die
I Just Wanted To Spend Tine
The Past Really ****** Up Your Mind
I Would Go Back And Change A Things EXcpept
Our Vibe
Cos Our Connection Died
And Its Dark At Sometimes
I now Know My Soul Better That I Know  My Mom
Well I Never Knew Her
And It Feels So Wrong
Mom I Say This Strong
Im Letting Go For Ever
I Was The Only One Holding The Rope
As I Play These Notes
Just Know You I Dont Perceive Right Or Wrong
I See Through The Midst
There Is No More Holding On
Its So Cold With Out Coat
I Will Not Pass Over Without A Soul
I Just Might Take Flight Tonight
For Ever IM Bleeding Hope
Who Ever Is Reading This Note
When Somebody Speaks
Be Judement Free
And Look Deep Into Thier Soul
People Scream And No One Knows
I Am Raven
And A Dove
Suffocating Stuck By Crows
Its A Metaphor
Only The Deepest Souls
And Poets Know
No Suicide Note
I Didnt Want To Die
It Was Time For Me To Go

i always thought i could be that girl
i always thought i could be that size
i always thought i could fits those shoes
i always thought i could be wanted
i always thought i could love
at least they were thoughts,thoughts that no one can hear
safe from judement.