The stillness of the heart

The stillness of the silent heart.
When it doesnt beat and it doesnt speak.
Oh the stillness of the heart when its quiet.
When it doesnt move, its still.
When its grown contempt with its surroundings or come to terms with its turmoil.
The heart, when its lost its heat and its fire.

Oh the stillness of the heart when its silent.
When it doesnt make a sound.
When its grown too weak to weep.
When its grown tired of trying.
When there is nothing left to hear.

Oh the stillness of the heart when it doesnt speak.
When there is no words to form a rhythm or a beat.
When it doesnt move or quiver.
When it doesnt lash out or scream.
When it doesnt click of clammer.

Oh the stillness of the heart when its quiet.
When it doesnt mumble or moan.
When it doesnt wince or whisper.
when it doesnt murmur or mutter.
When it doenst have tenants or tones.

Oh the stillness of the heart when its still.
When its calm as night.
When its knots are un-tied.
When its movemnet has died.
When its lids are dark.

Oh the stillness of the heart when its grown contempt and come to terms.
When it doesnt  complain or compare.
When it doesnt fume or fight.
When it doesnt stretch or strive.
When it doesnt define or despair.

Oh the stillness of the heart when its lost its flame and its fire.
When its grown cold.
When its hard as rock.
When its ache and hurt is gone.
When it  doesnt hurt or long.

Oh its still.

I stare all day at a picture of you broken by me
In more ways than one it claims to be
She looks beautiful and happy now with Sc filter flowers in her hair
But here comes her quick repair
A trip to Thorpe park will heal her heart
While mine lays torn apart  
A ride so exciting she forgot she was ever sat beside him
Strange boys of dull drugged description
Will fill her life's future  ambition
These times help me write but don't right my ruin
Only create a broken heart from what she is doing
It doenst matter she took me for a fool I claim no innocence at all
Just wish I'd had one last chance to show her a future in preview past tence in advance
Before she threw away it all and wrote the unwritten rule that true love doenst say
You are not in my day or night
your no longer my shining light
I never want you to hold me tight
id rather a life without the plight
Your not even worth half a fight
I'll never forget her gorgeous ways and how she brightened and made my days
I'm sorry beautiful princess forever true
I'm sorry I couldn't be the one for you for loving you is all I do

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxI3t67cspw
Listen and recite on tempo with the space between preferably
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Let us sneak past the beholders
And fall through the hedge

Twist and tuck your shoulders
Careful not to slip the ledge

Where that speaking plant rose
'Till all noise is scant

Pass the root that slows
'Nd Keep the leaf that quickens

Follow the vine that goes
Passed the sign of picking

When the lone holt rises
And the deep mire thickens

There are three stones stricken
Standing of similar sizes

There it is the time of all ages
'Nd it doesn't matter what your age is

Where the wind flower is always a toss
And where the rocks are growing on moss

I have had it with signs and maps
At this next crossroad I will try to get lost

Nothing feels familiar and I've lost all name
Here life feels only a process, maybe a game..

I'm feeling wayward
I hope you are feeling the same

Forget all clocks
We will look in each others eyes to tell time

Forget all forms
The great Dao is a mirror and you are a mime

Whistle 'gypsy' to meet a sekret of my kind
Passage to a garden of thistle and thyme

five fold colors from the canopy above
rest warm and low on the mushroom land of love

With draping crowns of brugmansia
and fragile ground of foxglove

tip toe the maze and careful where she lept
for where she landed is where many had wept

the life giving rivers we swim
are the same some were sweptt

or have you ever thought
that where you are now is where once a soul's body was left?

where one is complete
another in this life is bereft

so respekt what beyond that hedge lies
everything may be separate now, but everything is one when it dies

And if I were to shapeshift into a fish
my swirling ocean, i would call my sky

And if that fish had one wish
Would be that the world would never run dry

See your spells of intention and what you imply
dictates what your world is run by

And that is beautiful
no one can deny

But quick! cover with the shade of mind
because beholders of beauty are everywhere
yet some give the evil eye

so I shade with the hedge of night
And gaze with my third of sight

so my body can be hidden
and my soul in soaring flight

Because something in the air in the city doenst feel right
But I see it in every one of your eyes, your own starry night

if you are still weary on the path to unite
this spells scroll recite

in one lord and lady
in darkness and in light
i cast this as tinder for your soul to ignite

i ******* hate my life right now.
sometimes im the happiest, smiliest person ever, and then the next minute i feel like total ****.
i dont know what i want in my life right now, and i dont know where to go or who i can trust.
ive been let down by so many people.
every time something seems like its about to work out, it doesnt.
something else happens that ruins it.
i just wish things would work out soon.
ive been through self-harm; im still going through it. it doenst help.
i smoke way too ******* much; i drug way too ******* much.
its making me worse, its making me hate myself more, its making me feel like a disappointment.
i just feel judged by everyone and unable to please anybody.
and its miserable because its been going on for just so ****, ******* long.

When I was little my mother was always near
I did as I was told no questions asked
Until the age of twelve when everything was clear

I began to quesiton the things I was tasked
Caring less and less if mother was around
Acting reckless keeping my feelings masked

My friends and I would terrorize the town
Giving no regards to others and acting like fools
It was five years before the old me was found

I found relief in music so it became my tool
The stress of my parents was too much to take
I wanted to give up on everything including school

I rarely asked for much and made my own cake
But I was sick and tired of not having freedom
So I signed my life away for some rank

When I graduated I left for a few seasons
The confidence I gained was what I'd needed
Although my absence was for no clear reason

As my eyes open wide my mind becomes heated
Everybody is ignorant whether they agree or not
I have new standards for how I need to be treated

I promise I've been through more I've been through alot
Treat me with resepct and understanding when I speak
Being right sometimes doesnt add value to your thoughts

Thinking a lot means not that I overthink
Listening not to me but others is destructive
I know from experience not from a link

I'm not a child anymore that little boy is rusted
I'm a grown man that has his own views
But I still make mistakes on who should be trusted

If the effort is mainly on one side who has to choose
When nobody wants to make up I have to grown upwards
Because my sidekick Watson surely doenst get the clues

Yet I'm still competing against myself for no rewards
The effort I put in doesnt reciprocate
So I get edgy because I have a goal I'm working towards

Every conversation feels like a new debate
My relations are irrelivent and you don't listen
You aren't honest most often being fake

No being mad you're never wrong in your vision
Of course those rules never apply to me
Tu eres el hefe and thats your mission

The point is that I've matured in ways you wont see
I grow weary of your demands and lack of understanding
and I still find myself wanting to be free

What goes up must come down and I'm landing
I hope I maintain my composure and retain sanity
My last one took that from me without my planning

In the process I was filled with vanity
I pray you're not the same resulting in a tragedy