the hand from nightmares
that grabs you and squeezes until you pass out crying
lives in my room
each year since birth
i became closer and closer with it
first when i was a baby we were strangers it was still a little shy
then as a child it started crawling slowly out of the corners and looking
i was curious
next as a teenager i rearranged my room
i was closer
and it was so happy
i felt that disguisting smell all the time and those fingers
grabing at my body and breaking and
cutting skin
today i realize i haven't felt the sun in a while
it has been stealing pieces of my heart leaving me in eternal winter
i have no skin and not a single free space on my body
wounds wounds wounds pain and ice
but ... since existence
it has been there for me
suddenly those fingers turn into my mother's hands
i just want to lay my head down and let mom touch me
coddle me like an infant
i don't remember where or who the hand belonged to before
i felt my eyelids dropping
sleep tight little angel
no one stopped me

And life has become a dangerous place.

she looks in the mirror
in pitch darkness
no light upon her face.

And life has become a disguisting place.

American sin we chase
no unity, no purity, no love,
filth from every race.

And life has become a desperate place.

Death will forever be man's case
born into sin was our crime
the punishment is much more severe this time.

in times like this
I feel myself shying from paper like a little school girl in the prettiest dustpink mini skirt
I feel my cheeks rosing up , into this blush red
I feel my palms sweating like a little waterfall, dripping down to my shaky thighs
The paper scares me
- because being here makes me desperate.             It means that I can’t scream any louder. It means that no matter how many people try to warm me in their embrace I’m still here shy from the paper . Alone and trapped.
Now this little school girl must bleed from her thighs and palms here she must expose the ***** thoughts and the liquids from her vile body.
Isn’t she disguisting in her purity?
Does she make you mad
She is so alluring she dominates all that she touches , I’ll tell you a secret I once saw rain run towards her.
But she’s ugly, and kind and I love that little school girl because I’m tired of everyone giving her up . I don’t know if they’re mad at her for being to pure or maybe she’s not at all
Maybe she’s too many pieces to be loved by a whole
So she finds a few along the way and lets them love a piece of her
The little school told me
That she’s manic
She is a maniac I’ve seen how for the past few weeks she’s danced in her room and jumped in bed with her parents and pretended to be high on some sort of adrenaline
But I’m tired of being creepy and staring at her through the window
Because the real girl is starting to emerge .
It’s making my head sore
AM I A FUCKINF BIPOLAR
Maybe that’s the anxiety whispering
Or is it an alternative personality
I’m going crazy
This one wasn’t supposed to hurt like the rest it was supposed to heal
This one hurt the most
Because - after not believeing that we could love
You thought us that we are the purest form of uncontrollable affection
But we are done now
And we must sleep
Forever
- don’t be scared of me
- I’m confused too
- I’m the old man in the window
- The manic
- The school girl
- And maybe you too.
A multidimensional ******* organism

I grew up with few companions
Between the best champions
Recognized as the surrounding air
No one did really care

Life was never giving to me
How wrong might I be?

Those I loved, passed
Those I trusted, left
Those I adored
Became the ones I abhorred

I can't see through this *******
Or I'm covered,
But I sure as hell
Can't breathe anymore
Or it's just the disguisting
Taste
Of
Oxygen