the hand from nightmares
that grabs you and squeezes until you pass out crying
lives in my room
each year since birth
i became closer and closer with it
first when i was a baby we were strangers it was still a little shy
then as a child it started crawling slowly out of the corners and looking
i was curious
next as a teenager i rearranged my room
i was closer
and it was so happy
i felt that disguisting smell all the time and those fingers
grabing at my body and breaking and
cutting skin
today i realize i haven't felt the sun in a while
it has been stealing pieces of my heart leaving me in eternal winter
i have no skin and not a single free space on my body
wounds wounds wounds pain and ice
but ... since existence
it has been there for me
suddenly those fingers turn into my mother's hands
i just want to lay my head down and let mom touch me
coddle me like an infant
i don't remember where or who the hand belonged to before
i felt my eyelids dropping
sleep tight little angel
no one stopped me