only dead boys hold insects like they're something
special
only a dead boy would let a mantis in his heart and
preying was always a better descriptor
because hymns burned in my throat and
i scratched a cross into my palm but i was never lucky enough to scar
but
oh, dead boy
bug lover
enduring a thousand lashes to save the soul of a beetle  -
i'll help you peel off all your scabs to make sure they scar
thick tissue skin memory sometimes you think scars are the closest you'll get
to a wedding ring
you're a suicide king i think a kingdom of hearts was never the safest place for you i
don't think you understand the way your subjects' hearts are strung because
entomology entomos everything you love is cut to bits
and on the fourteenth of february you told me
the only purpose of a flower
was to hold
a spider
inside
and i guess that was why you painted all your walls with roses i
hope your garden  smells as sweet
covered in your misfortunes
only a dead boy would let
a praying mantis so close
to his neck
oh, you freak. disgusting.
i ate the last one that let me this close.
you told me {if i die
leave my body
in the forest
by
an anthill}
maybe you don't realize we were doomed from the start or maybe you're just naïve but
honey you're a dead boy and
corpses don't fall in love.
[you're so genuine it hurts and i think
i could teach you how to be a fake -
nobody likes an honest man
i could teach you how to hate the world but you said

{the only one
i hate here
is me}]

freakish child.
all you see in every rorschach is mantes and
decapitations and
wedding rings you are an aberration,
suicide king entomologist your throne room
was full of termites.
with hallowed cheeks and hollowed churches,
i will assure that you scar
dead boy, if you die
i will put maggots
in your chest

omnipresent sick to my ******* stomach

dressed in mosquitoes that are woolen
like the lining of my english ******* and
coated in a complex mixture of secreted proteins
i follow the screen of the teleprompter as it storms,
blue and brilliant behind a mess of optical wiring.

lip and teeth
theres bile at the base of my throat
threatening to bust with each greased second
as my brain becomes nauseated by the snow-drift
of sentences burning the back of my eyelids.
i've never believed the things i read
so now i'm mute but spitting, spiteful and unoriginal
visualizing their greyhound decapitations in high colour.
nearly implying transit to our friendship or something
that would only churn the stomach like rich food after famine

so yes, i am the cruelest female of august
shipwrecked on the front porch with the lamplight raining in my mind
and i'm asking the moon as it rises like a solemn word
why i'm sick all the time, sweating
from everywhere but my tear ducts and
waiting for several breeds of cold to attack my corpse

Who does it hurt?
Domestically,
North Dakota, the worst,
But New Mexico also,
Just to bring it home to me,
Here on the high mesa
That is Northern New Mexico,
At one time The Northern Viceroy,
Empire Americana,
His Majesty Philip I,
King of Spain’s
Duke of Earl Moment--
Felipe’s 16th Century
That was Europe.
But I digress.

Dropping oil prices have to,
Must impact the Arab Oil-
Producing World in a most
Un-delightful way.
Perhaps it’s time to
Put the screws to our
Islamic brethren?
The Powers that be—
Our pals at the World Economic Forum,
The Nabobs of WEF,
Getting together again at Davos or
Some other insanely affluent playground,
This time deciding
These barbaric decapitations
Have gone quite far enough.

White hot ashes mixed with bones around me,
Decapitations held aloft with dark pride,
Screams of the dying ring like howling banshees,
Lowering my prize, I toss it to those who have already died.

Cherished and revered, I return to my home,
The skies still burning, in this earthly place I feel no rest,
Oceans of humans wash over me, but I am still alone,
Until the day finally comes when my mind pierces my chest.

If we are to plunge sinful deep into the fiery pits;
This room is fully empty imma go with half eyelids;
Ten fathoms deep sullen and angst ridden on the roadway to hell;
With a fist full of soul candy that makes your spirit swell;
And on my arrival I will greet the cereberus with my bag of bones;
Filled with much regrets before I prayed for unforgotten atones;
I will whistle my swan song walking across its grotesque corridors;
While wailing souls orchestrating with me as they try to sing along;
I payed my dues..Well not maybe?but who cares to collect? to come to me;
I have been abused feelings misused the attitude branded my character they see;
Too little too early I am too far young to die;
If you gonna be the death of me that is how I wanna go and that's no lie;
So I woke up wrongly in this ****** up world that torns me;
So let me walk my own ******* fate go ahead stop me and you'll see;
Ten thousand chaos in a heartbeat will rain down on you;
From best to worst art of filleting skin,incisions and decapitations too;
Are you impressed where my words came from so undivine and unearthly?;
Google it quick search! every bit returns a seconds worth of zero query

I walked outside,
Closed the door behind me,
And signaled to clear out.
The fireplace inside,
Casting shadows through the window,
The shadow of my soldier holding two civilians at gunpoint
Them
Sitting apathetically playing cards,
Him
Mourning the loss of his two older brothers.

As we walked, I wanted to stop,
I wanted each stomp
                I wanted to loose my eyes from my head
I wanted to telescope my eyes back
I wanted to reach into my sockets
                I wanted to feel smooth bone
I wanted to crawl blind of body
I wanted to be cast into the envied innocence
I wanted to sit in town,
I wanted to be festering in the pit
I wanted to be splayed apart
I wanted to have my tracts tangled between two others
I wanted to embrace any warmth as my own dissipated
I wanted to run far from the front
I wanted to run until I died
I wanted to run because
I wanted to beat the ground for allowing us to happen
I wanted to never **** again
I wanted to crush a calf’s head in my fists
I wanted to throw myself into a furnace
I wanted to swallow burning tar
I wanted to scream my name loud enough
                I wanted to burst eardrums
I wanted to etch my name into every piece of skin
I wanted to grind my teeth into dust
I wanted to crack my canines
                I wanted to rip out the roots
I wanted to ****** every person responsible
I wanted to puppet their decapitations
                I wanted to apologize
I wanted to drink their blood
                I wanted to jail them within me
I wanted to tear apart their chest
                I wanted to hollow them out from inside
I wanted to wear them as a suit
                I wanted to undo all of their dones
I wanted to steal back my eyes from their stomach
I wanted to form them in the crucible of my throat
I wanted to throw them up
                I wanted to finally be able to use them again
I wanted to be able to weep
I wanted to be able to see
I wanted to lie dead
I wanted to feel the worms under my skin
I wanted to hear the ants walk into my nostrils, out my ears
I wanted to be carrion for the wolves
I wanted to loose my heart
I wanted to lose my voice
I wanted to be completely forgotten
I wanted to be erased from my history
I wanted to wake up the next morning and work
I wanted to feel the sun bake my back
I wanted to subjugate the plants under me
I wanted to get on my hands and knees
I wanted to untangle the roots of trees
I wanted to push my hands into the earth
                I wanted to pull out my child
I wanted to watch her tear apart everything I have built
I wanted to feel her scorn upon every word I’ve written
I wanted to capture her soul
                I wanted to steal it for myself
I wanted to give her my name
                I wanted to give her my possessions
I wanted to leave her with my world
I wanted to see her already building her own
I wanted to tie myself into a box
I wanted to have her dump cement upon me
I wanted to be the first block in her foundation
I wanted to be uniform with the rest
I wanted to be forgotten
I wanted to sit on top of a mountain
I wanted to breathe in the clouds
I wanted to breathe out the dew
I wanted to get drunk upon the rain
I wanted to dance with the moon
I wanted to streak with the meteors
I wanted to connect constellations
I wanted to name my scars constellations
I wanted to have streams upon me
I wanted to hold anything nurturing within me
I wanted to feel the thrall of the stars
I wanted to jump
I wanted to beat gravity
I wanted to spring into the air
I wanted to feel crystals on my lashes as I flew
I wanted to ******
I wanted to trust enough to fall
I wanted to fall into someone completely
I wanted to embody unconditionally
I wanted to be embodied
I wanted to grip upon flesh for life
I wanted to feel at risk
                I wanted to feel at peace
I wanted to close myself off
I wanted to be in one moment
I wanted to die in that moment
I wanted to be slick with sweat
I wanted to harmonize my moans with another
I wanted to cleanse my body as I wash another
I wanted to lend my brain to another
I wanted to be told they would like to use it again
I wanted to attach my lips to someone’s ear
I wanted to have them attach them there again later
I wanted to look at someone as I’ve finally only just awoken
I wanted to hoard smells from my senile brain
I wanted to feel someone languish in my arms
I wanted to be held with two hands
I wanted to be crushed by them
I wanted to be only remembered in solemn reflections
I wanted to be brought up in uncanny appearances
I wanted to end comfortable conversations
I wanted to watch others suffer without me
I wanted to carefully extract my heart from my chest
I wanted to watch it beat
I wanted to sink my head down to its level
I wanted to touch my eye to its side
I wanted to hold my heart in my mouth
                I wanted to feel my blood in my ears
I wanted to feel the throbs upon my tongue
                I wanted to bite into the meat
I wanted to break everything it cares about
I wanted to tarnish every sensation of being
I wanted to hold my skull in my hands
I wanted to compress until it cracked
I wanted to lift shards of bone
I wanted to pluck out my brain
I wanted to dig my nails into the mucus fat
I wanted to reveal the coward
I wanted to mash every inkling I’d ever considered
I wanted to plug it into the radio
I wanted to blast my thoughts into every home
I wanted to control your every action
I wanted to tell them how I masturbated
I wanted to tell them who’ve I lied to
I wanted to tell them who’ve I protected
I wanted to scream myself into audio
I wanted to lose my form into your ears
I wanted to sail on frequencies above melodies
I wanted to drop into bass notes
I wanted to escape
I wanted to get far enough
I wanted to be close enough,
        I wanted to be able to tell the difference
                                         Between a flickering fire
                                                        And two muzzle flashes.

Giant monsters
House monsters
Dismemberments
Gory car accidents
Decapitations
Forest monsters
Shadowy faceless figures following me
Falling off cliffs
Falling off tightropes
More monsters of assorted types
Sharks
Sea monsters
****** torturing me (I’m not Jewish)
Burning chemicals in my eyes
Being shot in the chest

Also, I was naked in school a few times
but that wasn’t really scary

I miss my ******* stray cat
Just wanted food, and was honest.
I loved that.

Now he's dead since the winter.

******* tired
, Another human that dies every 2 seconds.

You read about it everyday, watch videos of it,
Decapitations, rapes, flaying, burned alive

Another human
Talking to the wind

Why do we go through this?       I hope you make it 2

We are the universe,

One day we'll win