I am Phil
I am Phil
Phil I am.

That Phil I am
That Phil I am
I do not like that Phil I am.

Would you like to drink some Scotch?
No Phil I am.  No I would not.
I would not like to drink some Scotch.

Would you drink Scotch on the Rocks?

I would not drink Scotch on the Rocks
I think it tastes like ***** socks
So get down off that Dewars box
I will not drink a Scotch with you
No that is something I won’t do
I might drink *****, might drink gin
But drinking Scotch would be a sin.

Would you drink some Chivas Regal?

I think Scotch should be illegal!
What is it that you do not get?
I just don't like the taste of it!
Scotch just doesn’t suit me well
I do not even like the smell.
Give me wine or give me beer
But don’t talk to me when Scotch is near.

Would you like a single malt?

I don’t like Scotch.  It’s not your fault.

Would you try some Lagavulin?

I won’t drink Scotch; I’m not foolin’
I won’t drink Scotch all by myself
With you or anybody else
I hate the smell
I hate the taste
To serve ME Scotch
Would be a WASTE!

Well!!  You don’t have to cause a scene
Just try a sip, see what I mean
It’s really not that bad, at all
Don’t drink the bar stuff, drink the call
All the ‘Glens’ are really nice
Drink them neat, add 1 cube ice
One ice cube brings out the taste
Two or more would be a waste.
Try just a sip, and you will see
Then you might drink a Scotch with me.

Oh Phil I am
Oh Phil I am
You wore me down.
Was that the plan?
I guess I’ll let my scruples slip
And try a Scotch – a tiny sip.

Sip.    Sip.      SSSSippppss.

Oh (licks his lipsss)
This is good.  This is really good,
I think that I can taste the peat.
It’s not too smoky, not too sweet
It’s not at all what I expected
Now I’ve got my thoughts collected
My admiration resurrected
I think I like Scotch, Yes it’s true.
I think I'll drink a Scotch with you.
In fact, Phil, I just might have two!
Do you have some Johnnie Walker Blue?
PwL   April 8, 2015

My daily hobbies draw, create music, poetry, read, and clean
My favorite sport is soccer, Las Chivas del Guadalajara Jalisco, I love listening to rap music, and learning new techniques
My chosen color is heavy grey like my skies abundant with water, ready to pour down on earth
My clothes has always been simple, baggy, fresh, neat but swaggy
My goal has always been to make a change for everyone, the whole wide world, the struggle and the rich make no difference fair treatment
My best friends have always been Jesus Christ, my family, a few friends I can count on till the end
My lucky numbers are 9, 13, 22, 10, 11,

Another year, another resolution
Dry out January
That was a tough day
Change of job, new challenge
The scalpel cut deeply through the chest cavity
Maybe the year to find love, maybe
So many choices, so many
The scalpel cut deep, too late
The patient was lost
A long break
Different country, new start
The drink would help the choice
So steady as the bottle emptied
The scalpel cut deep, advanced signs of liver cirrhosis
The surgeon assisting was in awe at the dexterity of the liver being removed
The signs were staring back at him
The warning stark
He pondered it over a bottle of chivas
The operation would last ten hours
The hospital was lucky to have such a prestigious surgeon
The scalpel cut deep
Four hours in, the sweating and trembling began
The vessels were clamped off
The bathroom break soothed as the whisky hit home
The operation continued
The  drink breaks also
Finally finished he excused himself and left
The trip home left him physically shaking
The whisky hit home
Calm now, he went through the operation in his head
The patient was responding, the team were pleased
Something was gnawing away at him
He just couldn’t pinpoint what it was
The whisky had done its job
He was calm
It had been a long day
The pager sounding brought him round
The nagging doubt as he phoned the hospital
The patient wasn’t responding
The patient, the patient, always the patient
The clamps, he couldn’t remember
Did he remove them
He started to shake
The whisky calmed him
The pager sounded
The bottle stared back at him
Time for a change
A new challenge
A long break
The decision was made
He would drink to that.

I love seeing you seat comfortably in silence, with a cup of coffee in the sofa at days
and I love it more when you talk to me at our bed time, with whiskey and chivas, telling me a lot of stories that I don't even understand

I love seeing you wear a tidy suit and tie,
and I love it more when you made it a little messy to look **** in front of me

I love when you kiss me forehead gently
and I love it more when you crave for my lips like you can't breath and I'm the oxygen.

I love when you tell me that I look nice in a fancy dress,
and I love it more when you tell me that I'm the most beautiful girl in this whole world when I'm in a pajamas

I love hearing you saying that you still love me,
and I love it more when you look at me like you really did

I love you when you're sober
and I love you more when you're high



I love



           the way



                           it lies

I still remember
the last day we spent together
Last day of the 4 years
you walked by my side
You asked to wander the streets
I had to go to work
We parted ways and I was fine
Little did I know I made you cry
It just wouldn't hit me.

Two weeks after you left
I had my skype on
Curled up on my bed
Your voice come through
We cried and I said
"Please come home"
The Lights went out
Just me
Your voice
And the cold floor

2 months after you left
I'm working overhours everyday
The weekends are a big blurr
I talk to no one unless I'm wasted
Such profanities leave my lips
Sentences get tangled up
I cry in the arms of an old friend
He hardly recognizes me
I slur on
It's safe here

5 months after you left
Just one joint before I go home
I shouldn't be smoking
The pain suspends me midair
I have no controll of my life
Chivas goes down fast
This perfect combo puts a smile on my face
A senseless dumb smile

Everything stopped
All the thoughts
All the emotions
All the words
What feels like empty tears
Come without any triggers
black make up lines on my pillow
A raw voice sings me to sleep
I close my eyes and let the world spin

I'm sitting here, alone in my thoughts
Drowning myself in alcohol trying to forget.
Trying to make sense of it all, why?
Busy re-learning the 3 W's from my Life Orientation teacher, mma Vaaltyn;
What?
When?
Why?
To be honest I don't think I need to know How, because it makes me hurt even more thinking about it

I can still see your smile.
You looked full of life,
You looked happy,
You looked...
I don't know, I'm running of words to explain how you looked because I realize now it was just a mask
You kept it on to let the world not bother you
Kept it on for your protection
I did always know that looks lie but I didn't know it meant this
I will lie to myself and pretend this doesn't hurt, but little sis it really does

What about your matric farewell?
I was supposed to drive you, remember?
What about your 21st birthday?
What about your college graduation?
What about the days at the park?
Days at Naval hill, playing, enjoying?
Last great day I had with you was at the park, Shell ultra.
We were having so much fun till my lil nephew ruined it by falling from the see saw.
I can still remeber your laugh
The poses you made while I was busy taking pictures
The conversations, the memories  

We'll, I'm on my 3rd bottle now,
I cannot even see clearly as I type this,
And I still cannot understand little sis,
Why?
What do I tell your dad when I see him in the afterlife?
What do I tell your mom too?
Did you miss them too much?
Is that it?
It that why you took your life?
You just couldn't wait to see them?
Or were you tired of this life you just had to go?

What do I tell your big sister?
She left you in the best hands she knew
How do I make her understand?
And what about your little brother?
How do I even begin to make him understand why?
What do I say it's the reason why?
Is it school?
Is it friends?
Is it the family?
Or is it me little sis?

Answer me! Can't you hear I'm talking to you?
Busy looking for an answer at the bottom of this Chivas bottle
Doubt I'm gonna get it
But where else would I get it?
Because you're not here to answer me little sis, are you?
You know you could've talked to me right?
Please wake up, I'm sorry.
Forgive me little sis,
Forgive me uncle,
Forgive me auntie.

I'm sorry I didn't spend enough time with you
Sorry I didn't call you enough
I should've seen the signs
The last Whatsapp post you posted last night was a friend who passed
Is it why?
You looked sad
I should've asked you if you're okay
Why didn't I ask you?
Why did I just read and ignore?
Maybe I could've talked you out of this
Maybe..
Just maybe
I'm really sorry.
Maybe it's my fault too...

I'm gonna miss you little sis
Death has no shame, has no fear

I guess we might never know why
Whatever it is that drove you to this point, I know you it was a valid reason for you

Sleep well lil sis
Say hi to uncle Kelos for me.
I love you
We love you
And truly miss you...

Thank you for lending me a shoulder
and suffocating me with your tight hugs
while some only gave me silence

Thank you for handing me
the tissue of apology
while some walked away watching me cry

Thank you for putting an ear to my chest
and learning the frequency of my heart
while some had major linguistic issues

Thank you for making me learn
that someone's emotional imbalance
is not my baggage to blame

Thank you for constantly reminding me
how much you love and care and
not letting me drown in the ocean of anxieties

Thank you for treating me
like I was finest shot of Chivas Regal
when the night was long with too many hours
.
.