Can I take a second,
To try and sort out the things,
Thats going through my head,
And turn it into a story?

Five people to tear my love between,
Is way too much...
I dont know who to drop,
Or which way to turn,
So I'm sorting it out with words,
Trying to figure this mess out.

Because being bisexual is complicated.
Can I just be married to my music instead?
No?....Ok.

So there's this guy...
Lets call him Derick.
Derick was the guy I loved.
I gave him my heart and my everything.
For nearly a year,
He was the one that I called "mine".
After school started,
We drifted apart,
But that wasn't unexpected considering we go to different schools.
We had our fair share of fights,
And dates,
And then our time was over.
Only to reconnect a few months later,
Which led to one hell of a scare.
Last night we talked,
And I think...
I think I fell for you again.

But then I think,
How can I fall for Derick,
When I also love Lynn.

I've known Lynn for years,
Shes been my best friend forever.
Shes amazing,
Loving,
And beautiful.
When our lips touched for the first time,
It was magic,
That I still hold on to.
I think I love you too...

But--

Theres also Ashley, Shane, and Cory.

Ashley was my first real girlfriend.
A person I'd known since before I knew myself.
She inspired me and led me into being comfortable with who I am.
But then something happened,
And we couldn't be together.
Every time I see you though,
I still miss the warm embrace of your arms.

Shane is just awesome.
His voice is---ahhh.
He's helped me so much,
With anything I need.
He loves me,
I know he does,
But I dont know if he loves me,
The way that I love him.

And then there's Cory.
I really like him,
And were in to all the same stuff,
But there's no way he could return my feelings.
We would never work,
And I really need to let go of that glimmer of hope,
That I have sitting in the back of my mind.

I love all these people,
I love them to death,
But I dont know where to go,
With any of it.

Derick just broke up with his girlfriend,
And he'd be my number one option,
But thats really bad timing.

Cory would be my number two,
But theres not chance,
Sadly.

Lynn would be my third option,
But she has a boyfriend,
And I missed my chance with her long ago.

Wow...I really hate numbering them,
But I need some order,
To make since of this.

Shane would be my number four,
But he's so wishy washy with all the girls he dates,
That I'd be afraid of heart break,
Along with that,
He's figuring out some sexuality things for himself.

And finally, theres Ashley,
Who would have to be number five,
Because even thought I love her to death,
I wont go back.
Shes too much for me to handle.

So my causers of stress at the moment,
Are the people I hold dearest to me.

Have you ever become so enraged by your own thoughts?

Your mind replays situations that you feel you lost.

Making you wish you could go back in time and handle things accordingly.

Gain the power that was necessary for you to have the victory.

Is this how we become our own worst enemy?

Fixated on our past hurts and pains.

Wanting vengeance on those who were the cause of it all.

Wishing for their downfall.  

It's madness when you live inside your mind.

Forever thinking about how you were wronged in life.

All while time continues to tick.

And your abusers continue to live their lives without feeling convictions for their sins.

When does it end?

How can you forgive when no apology was given?

Why must your mind be consumed with the rage?

Why can't the causers take your place?

Go through a mental genocide as a repercussion for the hell they raised.  

But life doesn't work that way.

And God no longer condones "an eye for an eye" like in the Old Testament days.

So I'll just have to get on my knees and pray.

For God to free my mind of the ******* and pain that plagues it everyday.