It's 2 am in a hotel room,
In a not so foreign place,
With some bafflingly strange toothpaste,
And duck soap which smells like oranges,

And to think
That I would be,

Thinking of you.

Don't be so ******* yourself.
The holiest of mysteries
may be bafflingly simple.
What is redemption if not
rising from your bed
into the broken world
of human flesh and struggling
to imagine how to live
and what to say?
Isn't that wrestling with angels?
Isn't that staring down
that burning bush?
Isn't that calling the forbidden
name of G-d out loud?
To try it every way,
knowing clearly you may
never quite get it right,
but persisting in the challenge
each and every day?
Don't be so ******* yourself.
Redemption may be
only a morning away.

You may not be a knight on a horse
but your poetry speaks volumes.
I may not know you very well,
but I will use this poem as a formal invitation
to dive into my profound and bafflingly complex soul.

The sea is dead so
come on and take a swim
let it pull you down
meet the horrors of the deep
let your laughter end their sleep
      as you drown.

The world is dying but
you seem just fine.
Somehow you are happy here
bafflingly impervious
to ethereal delirias
      and cosmic fear.

It’s humorous the way you look at me, when I tell you I’m gay.
I’ve never been more bemused;
at how someone can be so egotistical,
or look so bafflingly confused.

You spent all night chatting merrily,
yet body language accounts for much more.
When I told you those two simple words,
your jaw almost hit the floor.

You told me about your ex-girlfriend,
I really don’t understand why
because at the time you brought it up,
I was talking about my grandad’s glass eye.

I consciously see you are flirting
as the topics of *** and love I swerve;
after I told you I was in a relationship,
you’re still being an absolute perve.

After half an hour of almost falling asleep,
these topics won’t seem to go away,
I tell you the lady with me is my partner
and automatically your eyes start to stray.

But not before you start to ask
the most inappropriate form of a question,
to which I’ve heard a dozen times
and still lacking any discretion.

To give you a laugh I’ll share a few.
‘How do you have ***?’
‘Which one of you is the man?’
‘Have you ever gone with a boy?’
To be honest my dear chap, with your incompetent attitude,
I’d rather use a toy.

It leaves me feeling a little dejected,
that we don’t live in a world
where being gay is totally accepted,
or if it is accepted,
****** privacy is not respected.

So, to you dear boy I wave goodbye,
I think the atmosphere has dried;
but don’t worry, I don’t think too highly of myself,
the only thing that’s hurt is your pride.

it's mind bafflingly frustrating to know
that the reasons i like you
are the same reasons i hate you

You’ve had a busy day
Had people call you names if they may
Call your name in the name of terrorism and in vain
Who’s gonna bless you after all the blasphemy falls like acid rain
You’re the only one to the explanation of all of it
Takes a long time to find the meaning and know how to sacrifice for it
To find a student to share your troubles
Take me up or down with you I’d jokingly hand a fee of roubles
That’s a crack at the USA
Pardon but I want this to be a story of desperate divination rather than an esoteric essay
Up or down I’ve made my mistakes of working the ladder of success and standing tall
At least I’m not guilty of escapism and have no chance of falling if I have the promise of having your all
Instead just having you
Bafflingly I do not know what you are too
But in this reality if I did I suppose everyone would get at your personal struggles
Dissecting your tangible personality as you try mastering on a daily secondly basis all the cosmic juggles
However if I have no place in your midst
I’ll wonder how could thou do what thy didst
And I shall separate myself from your promised love and make devotion a safe haven for me
Rather than keeping an eye out for the messenger raven keeping eye on my actions for thee
You show love by watching over me
But sometimes I feel you watch only because you are
But if you feel a faithful singularity you wouldn’t reincarnate me too far
Unless that’s not what you do
But I wouldn’t count on anything more mystical than death itself
From an entity who didn’t create a utopia for himself
Because I know you work hard
But we humans with false ideas of utopia cause you to ******
So please bless peace because it’s the ideal I believe in
And a surrounding around which society can adhere to instead of still being called a hyperbole of an ideal society called utopia to which it is akin

remember when you said, the world looks so beautiful?
well, i maintained that distance but my
lashes were wet with crimson
weeping, weeping for love
i tried to paint with saffron
and burst leaves with chocolate candies

this is one of those days where you sigh sweetly
with love, because the magnitude summons
earthquakes and you’ve touched the well of
stillness, but some soul threw a pebble in there,
and now its waters turbulent, no longer
reflecting back purusha, you let air expand your
lungs, collect emotions like honey and
buzz out of your mouth, a horde of bees

you succumb to its effects, blending with
self-created thought loops that wake you in the
middle of the night. what’s that about, you
wonder. you try to recall, lamely, if in your
past you were kept wake by the flickering
lamplight of your mind, jumping from your dreams
to daylight in fractions of a second.

it never feels easier, this business of love and
adoration, despite the intellect screaming to
pull yourself together. drawers open and close.
new ideas are formed, the former abandoned.
an instant of peace is bafflingly shattered
by a sudden starburst of kaleidoscopic light,
pinwheeling dangerously. what of the
tower of cards you so meticulously built?

breathing, breathing
here you are now.

falling in love has taken on a sense of
dread, and shame. if only you were still
dumb and blind, and you could love and love
with abandon, but now all these selves
housed in your consciousness have formed opinions.
is it someone external, or you who you are seeking?
the infinite? what of releasing
all desires, putting an end to suffering?

just another fork in the road. just another
pebble in the well.
he penetrates you with his eyes and
suddenly it’s all you see with eyelids shut.
one godself naked and exposed to another godself.
how furious, how delightful.

if you’re so whole and complete, why so delighted
by another’s differences? why so enchanted by
a mannerism?

baby, baby, you tell your aching heart.
an exquisite feeling
always falling in love
always, always, always, always

you want to hide yourself,
you’re older now, wiser now.
you don’t want to be found out!
a fraud – a little baby animal being
who still messily falls in love

surrender, surrender
surrender, surrender

hashtagged introvertedness trademark
silently exorcised, ostracized, and vilified
Impossible mission to resuscitate...
a forsaken promising
(even short lived) friendship
regardless of expressed gender
exhibited by other persons from yesteryear.

When trying to jump/kick start
lapsed meaningful interpersonal connections
from much earlier in my life
absence of a spark to kindle
once upon a time
valuable linkedin treasured bond
bereft of dynamism.

Folly entertained courtesy yours truly
bafflingly, desperately, and futilely
grasped elusive chimera
sabotaging rare occasion,
when fate smiled benignly,
I botched, ******, forfeited...
overarching golden opportunity
to experience sustained
positive rapport with compatible
lass or lad to accompany me
thru travails or buzzfeeding
a "lost" boy
with words of encouragement.

Now as an emotionally freighted
Unitarian, sexagenarian,
nonestablishmentarian, omnivore
psychologically perturbed,
rankled, tortured, vexed
bully me I got
repeatedly severely traumatized
similarly hectored by parents
issuing threatening ultimatums
no surprise I surrendered
to proclivity when showered
with affection courtesy

consensual ****** intimacy
(minus the use of birth control)
eventually married the gal,
whose child I helped beget these last
twenty seven and a half years
to a woman, (who after numerous
illicit marital transgressions)
forgave her leftist
write minded husband,
regarding his lascivious, promiscuous,  
and salacious engagements
though would not tolerate

(understandably, necessarily, logically)
even platonic female relationships,
nevertheless does unconditionally
accept him mental health issues,
and all told comprise
obsessive compulsive behavior,
anxiety/panic attacks
palmar hyperhidrosis,
considerably alleviated courtesy
nine prescription medications
Aetna Medicare Advantra
picks up the tab without any co-pay.

I cannot help but wince
with twenty twenty hindsight smarts,
nurse misgivings and hanker with
shutterflying, recurring, plaguing melancholy
where passivity punctuated
the first two decades of mein kampf.