The sound of the ending cue.
It’s colored in a grey hue.

No battle left to bellow.
Footsteps that use to echo.

Words that have already been spoke.
All that tears that have already soaked.

A surrender to the closing.
No longer are we apposing.

A welcome to the end.
There is nothing left to mend.

hello.
hi.
how are you today?
ok, as usual i guess.
just ok?
yep.
would like any tea or water?
no thank you.
ok. well, how was your weekend?
fine i guess, i went out with schuyler and his girlfriend and austins girlfriend. i guess their friends now. we went to the beach. i didn't eat anything and drank all day so i work ****** the next day.
you don't sound very enthusiastic, didn't you have a good time?
sort of, cora brought a friend and i apparently wooed her somehow.
well that's exciting. are you interested in her?
not really.
why?
i don't know. she seems really nice and smart, i just don't have any real motivation to go through all the dating hurtles right now.
can you explain?
(long exasperated sigh) i'm just tired of being disappointed. the person i'm in love with dosen't love back anymore, i don't really want anyone else and the idea of meeting some new person that somewhere down the line will tell me i'm "perfect" and then leave when i've invested myself into them sounds pretty awful.
what about all the parts of dating?
what about them? i guess i'm just tired of going out with people and thinking of willa the entire time. it makes me feel boring and crazy. i try to hide it and not focus on it and you know what happens? i get asked like 4 times a day if theres something bothering me. i'm just too transparent.
i understand, how you feel but you have to move on.
i know that. i want to. i deleted my facebook, my tumblr, i took down all the things she gave me and put them in a box, believe me, i'm trying. but despite everything, i have these moments where some random little thing reminds me of her, a song, a youtube video, a street, something someone says. and all i can do is think of how amazing she is and how much it hurts to not have her in my life.
...
i understand.
...
how was sunday?
...
...
i'm tired of them.
why?
i don't really feel like talking about it.
(light scoffing sound) well, i hate to break this to you gil, but that's kind of why your here.
(slight smirk) yeah i guess that's true. i'm tired of them because of they make feel fake. i have to be this different person that is nice and helpful and almost chipper. and it ***** when im in a bad mood and i just have be that way anyway.
does pretending ever trick you into being happy?
not really.
do you like your job?
sometimes. 60/40 these days. but since the breakup, i have to see her pretty much every sunday which kind of *****.
really? that must be difficult. why do you say "kind of *****"?
its a bitter sweet thing. i like seeing her cause she was my best friend and the person i loved more than anyone and its nice reminder that all it was real but at the same time its a reminder of how its gone now.
plus she doesn't get it.
what do you mean?
i don't know, shes just so ok with everything. we're on apposing ends of it all and i bet she doesn't even think about me anymore.
i'm sure that's untrue.
yeah maybe. i don't know. she just seems so happy whenever i see her and i wish it was cause of me.

end

I am honey coated
In the dawn yellow sun
As I walk softly
Through the glazing savanna
Intimately married to
My body I feel all
Her strength and power
My low center of gravity
Pushes down 2 tonnes
Of my power house weight
Almost buckles the ground
It is as though the earth
Beneath me becomes concave
As I stand on a spongy soil
As the landscape rolls up
To a brand new sun

If the rest of me forgets
Where I am going submerged
In flaky doubt my hard horn
Points the course through the
Clouds of apposing forces
As even the Gods are forced
To part the way like the red sea
As I plough through space and time
Nothing dictates to me
As I chase away darkness
And carve out doubt
Breaking spells while proceeding
All ghost will run from me
Possessed by the devil
I will DRIVE  him out
For I am the AFRICAN  EXORCIST

Careful where you step
Because I hang over
The savanna like a
Silent volcano
Run and hide if you
Ever hear the huff and
Puff of my disgruntled being
As you better get out the way
Without any delay
As I blaze new pathways
Showing you a brand new day
As I smash through obstacles
You or the world

I feel my center speaking
Opening , EXPLODING into
Inside out spaces
Multiverses are vibrating
As I ride on a wave
Of infinite forces
combusting
I am fired forward
With rocket fuel
As I reach new places
Expanding into worlds
Of high and far out spaces
Greater than I know

Hesitation and procrastination
Will be trampled on
All those blown over by life
Jump on my back
And I will stampede you
Through this world
So dare you attack
Or cover my track like weeds
With feeble words and excuses
As they strangle my future path
And my lava filled belly
Will blast them with fire
Melting and molding
My internal landscape
As I imprint my freedom

How I love you Black Rhino
You have my attention
So can you please point
Your horn in the right direction  
FORWARD AND UP
Forward and up for me
As I ride with the BLACK RHINO

I.
I still get flashbacks.
Like that time we explored a forest at a whim
and found out we had a thing for bridges.

And I think it was because we were both awestruck
with how easily we were connected by two apposing worlds,
so we made our way to the middle of the arc to claim it as ours.
And you used to hold me from behind with satin hands;
a soft satin parachute
that was ready to catch me if I ever fell.

And every single time I did, you were there.
You cupped my big cheeks,
the ones you always made fun of,
and kissed me for the first time in the middle of green and bush
like we were the first humans on earth,
destined to be the last.

II.
But now I'm staring out the window of my car
and I'm freezing inside and out.
The earth is no longer green;
it's white,
plain Jane
and frozen.

It's surface is glistening against the moon
and I'm witnessing more sleepless nights
than I did when your presence was still part of my life.
The sheets of snow look like sheets of cotton,
so close to satin.
So close.

But I promise you, Love,
they could never replicate your touch.

It's covering the soil we used to explore on,
as well as my leftover slivers of sanity
I've barley managed to scavenge.
And I can almost guarantee,
if I fall,
nothing will be there to catch me.

I still get flashbacks, mostly of our bridge.
But it's just a memory now
because all the green and bush and trees
that once surrounded us have gone silent,
all the trees have forgotten who we are,
all the trees have turned to ash.

gd

at the border and in cages
it’s the worst
in clouds of smog
it’s the worst
in prisons
it’s the worst
in foster care homes
it’s the worst
at the mall
at factories
at fundraisers for the poor
it’s the worst
at parties
at family gatherings
it’s the worst
at city hall meetings
at schools
at movie theaters
it’s the worst
in the morning
in the afternoon
in the evening
it’s he worst

going to bed
yellow balloons
that’s the best

looking at the starts
smelling food
watching the cow escape the slaughter
that’s the best

sparkling water
a bee pollinating a flower
that’s the best

swatting flies
fresh bed sheets
overcoming suffering
that’s the best

apposing the rich
unpopular opinions
fighting for minorities
that’s the best

vintage finds
forgotten promised
happy thoughts
that’s the best

answers
a still mind
understanding
hatred extinguished
that’s the best
for me.

Admittedly,  

I thought commitment
would be nothing but a figment
but instead of growing distant
I analyzed each pigment

holding onto hips
as well as every instance
biting lips at the thought of fingertips
heart eclipses

juxtapose
wrapped under the blanket from nose to toes
apposing clothes
disrobing
no need for them here I suppose
Crowned Bell of the ball
without a dress or even lingerie
Found a menagerie of reasons
that I'm at last able to feel this way

it's faultless
these pictures that my mind take are defaulted
on my mind most of the time
every freeze-frame simply flawless
I swear I never saw this coming
whether inches away or miles apart
distance plays no role
when it comes to matters of the heart

At last
demolition of walls constructed from my past
recognition of it all
wrapped and bandaged up my callused hands
Created by delusions
no tools of the trade
Put up an illusion
mercury in retrograde

I was afraid of moving backwards
but it’s simply not the truth
standing still upon my axis
time just stops when I’m with you
Never felt so blessed in deliquesce
I’m melting where I stand
watch chaotic messes decompress
each time I take your hand

locks tangled
curls are mangled
climbing
intertwined
can’t make out where yours begin
or which are even mine

I’m lost in it
the thought of it is nothing short of bliss
not even scorpius’ bright collection
could shine as bright as this

Lull to sleep in seconds
breathless
before it took me hours
I tried every single method
excepting magic powers
magician you must be
tricks that mesmerize
I’ll be your assistant
if it means I’m by your side