Come back to me later.

I couldn't eat.
I ate less than a tenth of what I usually eat.
Why?
They say love fills stomachs.
I am living proof of this.

I am pathetic.
I waste my time waiting for a text from you,
Hoping it wasn't all a dream.
But I guess it was.

Stay.

I don't care if you hate yourself
And hate everything around you.
Im going to be a selfish blunt ***** and tell you that I need you. We need you.

If you leave me,
Who will remind me to punish the holy and free the sinned
All while being awesome?
You will just leave me with heartache
And too many tears...
The grief will drown me,
And I will struggle for a breath that isn't there.
I might even join you.

There's still so much left for you to experience,
Like the way the sun might dance across your skin as you lay lackadaisically on the beach,
Or how you might smile and maybe shy away as I go paparazzi mode on you,
And the way the skyscrapers will tower over you, blocking the sun,
A vampire's natural habitat.
I need you to try
Theres so much left you need to do...
Like meet at starbucks somewhere in manhattan and write poetry together ;)

I want to be your tour guide.  
Stay.
I need you,
If you leave, I'll never forgive you or myself.
I won't be able to go on,
And there would be no point for me to stay.

Someone sent me a candy gram the other day.
I marveled at the anonymous note
And cherished it for the rest of the day.
I put it in my bookbag,
Getting ready to bring it home
Just to cherish it even more.

When I got home,
I found it broken and at the bottom of my bag
The way whoever sent this to me will probably do to me...

I tasted a tiny peice, spat it out.
It was too sweet,
The way your love might be
After you broke me.
You'd try to put me back together,
The way I am trying to put this candy gram together,
But it wont ever work.
Whats been broken is broken,
And cant be fixed.
Its just a matter of accepting the brokeness and living with it.

I told you I tripped today
cause I stumbled over my own foot,
that I'm so clumsy.

But really,
I stumbled cause I was trying to please you,
to get our team that goal,
and maybe you would be able to see me.

The whole time,
I was literally "falling" harder for you.

HAPPY OTAKU DAY!!!

You came in black.
Drenched in black,
encompassing the night into your every move.
Sun or moon for each eye,
stars twinkling your feet
so that you can slip quietly in,
black holes removing all evidence of breaking in.

You crept slowly, surely
grabbing everything you found,
every little
secret, scar, soul shine
into that bag you clung to,
clutching it so that it hung from your back.

You passed my fire place.
Empty, with nothing left but coal and dust.
The fire once there?
Now long extinguished.
You shivered,
and continued looking.

You glanced at the kitchen counter.
Strewn across it were spices
and ripped up shreds of pictures
of all those loved.
Mixed into remnants of
entrees, appetizers, desserts,
too good to be true,
gobbled up too fast,
gone.
You shudder,
continue.

Finally, you find what you're looking for.
In the basement, kept in a safe right by where I slept,
you found it.
You reached towards me,
slowly, silkily took the key I had around my neck
as I sighed at your touch and unconsciously let you take it.

You twisted the key,
opened the safe
and grabbed the
ornately scarred,
worn down wooden
box that was held inside.

You opened the box.
Inside lay a red thing.
It resembled a minuscule
mauled, mangled, mutilated
crimson heart.
You sighed with relief and tossed the box and it's hideous contents into the bag.

You grabbed everything else you found and put it inside your bag.
Some were lead heavy, others too light...
Memories kept too long,
some fading,
some still fresh,
others just too strong of a memory.

You crept quietly away,
but not before you heard me whisper your name.
You looked away
like the coward you are
and left the house.

You stuck a knife in me.
When the pain from that wasn't enough for you,
You twisted,
leaving just another gaping hole in me destined to never heal.

I need to find some mistletoe
and someone so I won't be so lonely this holiday season.

Why do you stare me with such an intense gaze?
Making me blush, and hide, and run away,
But when I look at you again later
Trying to get your attention,
Attracted to your passion,
You just look away...

Sin like an angel.

Baby, please don't leave me alone to rot in this dead world...
You are the only thing here that keeps me alive...
If you leave, there's no telling what I'll do to myself...
Maybe I'll even follow you...

You know,
     there was once this
          sweet, sweet
                boy,
                     who I am forbidden to love.

He wrote me a poem
     and stole my heart.

Now, whenever I feel sad,
     I reread it,
          and remember what it felt like
                                   to be loved.
---

I wonder when it will stop working it's magic and I'll finally let go of the memory of what it felt like... why I should still be here...

You know what scares me most?
The way you can make me fall for you
all over again with that smile.
How you can make me
curse and cry
whenever you hug her, flirt with her when she's just gonna rip you to shreds.

I'm terrified
of losing control,
changing into something unrecognizable.

I'm scared of being alone.

I am frightened that
I'll be addicted to you,
but you're just gonna **** me slowly.
Of caring too much,
hurting myself...

I'm not afraid to be hated,
I'm used to it.
Too all the terrors the world brings,
I'm just not prepared for this thing
we call
love.
It disgusts me,
yet I wish I have it.
How?

Sharing is not always caring;
     You don't want to share STDs with anyone.

You know what's the best compliment?

                                                    ­               *You have a pretty soul.

Remember,
you might think that everyone hates you,
but that's not true.

There will always be someone who needs you.
(and if you don't think there is anyone, there's always me.)

She's adorable. With her golden eyes and that cute laugh... If only she loved me back... If she'll come, maybe.
"Holy Rome!! ^^"
"Italy!"
She came!
"Holy Rome, what did you invite to this flower field for?"
"I just wanted to... enjoy the beautiful sight with you... build our alliance..."
"That sounds wonderful!" She picked flowers and sat down next to me.
"I picked you some flowers! Aren't they nice?"
"Yeah... They are pretty. Thank you."
She smiled in excitement and ran around the field. After a while, she got tired and sat down.
"Holy Rome! Look! The sunset!" She pointed at the sky.
The sky was orange and pink and we watched as it quickly set under the horizon.
After the sunset, Italy went home and left me all alone on the flower field, her flowers still in my hands. Another opportunity missed. To tell her I love her. To share my thoughts and feelings for her. For that romantic kiss during the sunset I was planning. Maybe next week.
---
I trudged home quickly and quietly, I just missed my moment to tell HRE how much I really love him... when i skipped through the vibrant field he brought me to, all i could think about was how he brought me here anyhow he was watching me the whole time... i could feel the red blood rushing to my cheeks, even now on the porch of austria as i sweep, just from thinking about HRE...

I sigh and continue to sweep, back and forth, back and forth, scampering all around the house, in a hazy daydream of HRE and me... oh how i love his tender smile... and the way he takes power and shows strength to all the other countries... I'm glad he and i are making an alliance... it gives me another excuse to see him :)

suddenly, i hear a crash.

"hey... italy..." a drunken austria walks into the room and staggers over to me. i look at him, frightened, as he leans down onto me, leaning on my shoulder and his mouth by my ear... he whispers "i love you italy..." he laughs a haggard laugh at my shocked face, his drunken alcoholic stench engulfing my nose with its smell and staggers back out the door where he came from.
I am left standing there with my broom to support me as i stare at the door, still so surprised, my mind whirring with so many thoughts....
---
Today I saw her again.
I volunteered to help her with her chores.
(at first I typed chairs ^^")
"Italy, um... do you need help... today?"
"Not right now Holy Rome, but maybe later."
**** IT. I lost my chance again.
"Are you sure?"
"Now that you mention it, where do you keep the vacuum?"
"Oh, follow me."
I showed her the way to the closet and gave her the vacuum. "Here, this is what you wanted, right?"
"Yes thank you."

I watch her vacuum as I stand to the side out of the way. The way she sings while working, the silent vacuum makes it much easier to hear her. Her occasional smile at me makes me blush every time. The way she stops and pants, it's just... adorable.

"Holy Rome?"
I snapped out of my thoughts. "Huh?"
"Can you help me put this away?"
"Oh, sure."
"Okay! Thank you!"

She surprisingly has manners. If only she could teach some people those manners, because then this life would be a whole lot easier! But, after I helped her put the vacuum away, she turned around and KISSED me! She kissed me, **** it! She told me she was leaving soon to another country.
"But, you can't!" I said. I was so upset I couldn't handle it.
"I'm sorry... I have no choice." She looked as if she was about to cry.
"Hey, Italy. Even if we don't see each other again, just remember that I love you..."
"Okay, I will."
---
I gathered my items into a suitcase and left that day.
I miss him already... i left him with that confused and tearful face of his... oh how sad... i didn't tell him i love you... how could i forget? DX but i gave him the kiss... maybe he'll understand my true feelings for him....

with these jumbled thoughts, i leave for vienna... where i shall stay with austria, he has offered me work in his summerhouse, in exchange i get to stay in his house to sleep... hopefully i can become stronger in a new country, and be like HRE.. i sigh and shake away my dreamy, starry eyes.

---

After the trip, i finally arrive to austria's house. he greets me at the front door, with what i think was an attempt at a **** smile? I'm not sure what he has in mind, after the stun he pulled the other day when he was drunk. i push the thought away and focus on preparing the lavish dinner he has put me up to, with glazed duck confit, salads, soups, everything.

i set up the table and serve all the food in the main dining room table. he sits on one end and on the other end of the long table, theres an empty chair. he simply says, "Go get changed into something presentable, then come down here and join me for dinner."
I look at him in shock, quickly recover, and run up to my room to follow his orders.
---
I went home, seriously depressed and beaten. Why? She's so sweet and nice that it's just too sad to think about. Oh, Italy...

Wait, she said something about going to Austria's... that must mean forever! I was pretty sure that maybe she could come back one day. But I guess not now that I know exactly where she's going... she might not come back. I won't ever see her again. Our "goodbye" wasn't even long enough for a goodbye that meaningful... I wish I could say goodbye at least one more time.

I walk into my home and sit on the couch. I'm too depressed to do anything. I don't want to eat, I don't want to walk, I don't want to breathe but I have to...
---
I rush down to the dining room, with the finest tux that i own and sit down in the chair across from Austria. He looks at me with a new look i havent seen before... im not sure what it is but it seems... familiar.. in the creepiest way. i shyly look up at him as i tuck the tissue into my shirt. he watches me even more closely this time and i look away.

"why dont you have some pasta, italy?"

i greedily take some pasta, pour the heavenly marinara over the perfectly cooked noodles. it is divine, and i slurp up the noodles with a fervor so unmannered, i blush at my rudeness, but im too hungry to stop.

i can still feel his stare.

is it what i think it is...?
lust? 0~0
---
Now you have to eat, Holy Rome!
But I don't want to.
You have to!
I don't want to!!!!!!!
Fine. Just watch the plate of perfectly made pasta you made yourself right in front of you go to waste, then!

I sigh as I catch myself fighting with myself. "Had to be pasta, didn't it? HOLY ROMAN EMPIRE! YOU ARE SUCH A BAKA!" I yell at myself. I suddenly start remembering all the fun we had together. At the Neko Festival, where we dressed as cats and danced together. In the flower field a few days before.

I started humming "Draw A Circle" to cheer myself up. But then it just makes me remember when Italy and I made a duet of our own...

(https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pk9nQzW30bI )

After I think about how much fun we've had together in the past, I think about her twin brother, Southern Italy. I've never met him before, but from what I hear from Austria, he sounds like a ****. I'm kind of glad that Italy doesn't have some of her childhood with him.

Wait a minute.

If Southern Italy is ruled by Austria and Italy is too...

I have to save her!

I have to force myself to stand.

STAND HRE!

I finally stand up and quickly run out the door. Italy! I have to save her! Please let her be safe! Safe from Southern Italy! PLEASE!
---
I blush and look down at my food. it can't be...

"how r u liking ur food, italy?" he asked with a weird smile and a strange tone to his voice...
i tentatively replied, "pasta is always good. um.... may i be excused? i have some work to get done?" he stared at me with a bit of disappointed, replying quietly, "whatever you need to do, my dear." i quickly left, all the while feeling his strong stare on my back. i shudder and hurry up the stairs and slam the door quickly, locking it as well.

well that was creepy. i wish HRE was here, he'd protect me and id be able to confide in him on what i think austria is up to.

I settle down on to my bed after i brush my teeth and change.
mmmm.... so soft.....

right before i settle off to sleep, i hear a sudden noise, a crash. i rush outside my room and quickly head to austrias room to see if he is ok.

"... mmmm oh italy is so cute.... i just want to kiss him sometimes.... and his cooking... simply marvelous..." muffled noises are heard from the room. i back up hesitantly, unsure what to do as i can see a faint outline of him holding a picture... of me. i back away slowly, completely freaked out. i try to escape his notice as quietly as possible.

too late.

"italy? is that you i hear, my dear?"
I stop, unsure what to do. austria comes out the room, still clutching the picture of me and wraps his arms around me. I stand stiff, incapable of moving.
"you look so **** in those pajamas of yours..." he whispers eerily into my ear. i turn red, and try to get out of his grasp,but he is too strong... he pulls me closer towards him and begins to kiss my neck...i gasp and squirm trying to get him too stop, but he just pushes me against the wall and pins me there. he starts tugging at my shirt and I struggle to break free.

suddenly a loud bang explodes through the hallway.
austria doesnt stop, he starts to take my shirt of, bit by bit, trailing a line of kisses and moans down to my now bare chest.

he whispers... "i see southern italy has arrived to help me..." he looks up, and gives me over to southern italy.
No! why?
I close my eyes shut, too scared too look.

Suddenly, another bang.
"who's this?" austria asks southern italy as southern italy continues to caress my pale, heaving chest, him moaning every so often.

"ITALY!" HRE yells as he comes to the rescue.

I open my eyes to see him charge at Austria.
---
I headbutted him. I kicked him. I scratched him. I did as much as I could to get him off of Italy. I pulled him away finally. Why the hell is Southern Italy here too?
"Southern Italy?!"
"What is it you *******?"
"Why are you here?"
"Because I feel like it!"
(All of this was happening as Austria is passed out on the floor!!!!)
Italy was standing there, her shirt off- WHAT?! I blocked my eyes so I could help put her shirt on without seeing anything.
"Why are you being so cautious?" Southern Italy asked/
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"You don't have to block your eyes..." Italy said. "Austria told me what was happening..."
"What?!"
Southern Italy sighed and said, "You idiotic *******! Italy is a guy!"
I froze. What? How? I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I looked at Italy with he- um... HIS shirt off, it's true... She's a boy.
I started to cry without warning and ran away. I couldn't bare it. I kissed him, I hugged him, I LOVED him! A guy! It's official...

You're a diamond.

I told you this, that one time I allowed myself some vulnerability.
You denied it, but let me tell you,

you are both wanted by everyone,
but little to no one
ever has enough "money" to "buy" you.

You are both
impossible to ever scratch,

always shining,
in the light
and*
in the dark.

Diamonds are a precious stone,
The way you are precious to me.

I'll put diamonds on a necklace,
lay it on my heart,
the way I took your heart
and encompassed it with mine.

I'll try to shatter you, break you apart,
you'll always stay whole
when you want to.

When you don't,
you'll break into little pieces for everyone to
hold, love, cherish,
and one day you'll just disappear on them.

You'll drive women,
and men sometimes,
mad with greed, lust
for your luster, the sparkle (in your eyes).
They'll all fight for you,
and the winner?
Hah.
Who said the winner gets anything?
Both sly... both heart-breaking... both trying to rip us apart.

I love you too much.
It's a fact.
And now it's too hard to let go...

"Get over here, brat!" Levi hollered at me from across the room, with that permanent scowl and annoyed voice. I prance over to the table he stood over and studied the map he had laid out in front of him.

"What do you think of this?" he asked me. I continued staring at the map. it showed titans coming in, now closer to the walls than they ever had been before; the titans were getting braver.

"We have to scare them away. Look! I made this new potion that when thrown on a titan's face, will explode and make a fog over the titan's face, confusing the titan and making it easier for the scouts to **** the titan. Let's try it out when we go scare the titans away!" I exclaimed with fervor and grinned excitedly.

"Problem, four-eyes. Everyone is either dead or has left for vacation." Levi stared at me, matter of factly.

"Well, we'll get them all together! It's time to kick some titan-***!"

Levi snickered at me. But he always does that anyway.
What was I thinking attacking with only the two of us. I'm always prepared to die, but not today. Today will be different.

"Four-eyes, there's only twenty of them. We can do this with your new potion stuff. Your brain's inane like them. You probably knew them the best. I believe in you brat." Levi gave me that uplift despite the sarcasm.

We planned out our pattern strategically. Usually it'll be easy with eight men. But I need to uphold his trust. His beliefs.

The first explosion went perfectly, grazed the titan's face but his nose exploded. And we killed him in a second. We managed to skewer more than we expected. Explosions within seconds, titan growled in agony as they fell to their demise. Suddenly something flew up in the air.

"Run hanji!!! This ******* can fly!!!"

I lurch away just in time as the titan snapped his jaw right where I was at. I maneuver around, trying to get away, killing titans left and right. It still trails behind me and I run.

"Levi! What do I do?!?!" I holler to him.

"Figure it out, four eyes! I'm busy!" Levi hollers back as he kills a titan. I glance back at the flying titan, trying to think of a way to outmaneuver it. Hmm 15m class, wing span of maybe 20m, two capable legs and two arms, vulnerable neck, but wings help it fly... can we use its flying ability against it?

I throw a potion at the things head and maneuver my way into a building window. It follows me, right where I want it to, and the potion explodes in its face, so it blindly reaches forward. I maneuver out a nearby window and slice its throat as it stays face first into the side of the building, confused on where I went and what it's seeing. It roars, then slumps down, dead. I make a mental note to come back here and inspect this new titan later, but for now, I run towards the other titans, ready for the bloodshed to come.

I remember I was shivering
when you told me
death was near.
No hurricane came,
no tornado burst in,
nothing.
Nothing changed,
all except that you were gone.

The bull began to tear me apart inside
bit by bit with its horns,
delirious,
I guess you messed with the bull inside me,
and I finally got the horns.

But I know that at least,
when you're up there,
you'll be able to laugh more freely,
to smile a bit more.

I'm still not used to
you not being here
and letting me know how awesome you are
and using present tense.
Your still here.
Your not gone yet.
I refuse to acknowledge the corpse,
'cause really you haven't left no matter what they say.

And i know for a fact
all those selfish *******
will now come back
and “cry” for you,
to pretend they liked you,
give you even more unrest
as you roll around trying to get the peace u deserve.

such a right day to do things,
on such a dreary, rainy day
a day you would love
but everyone would hate…
you decided to troll us all
and leave on such a ripe day,
the best day.
a day you would love,
but everyone would hate…

im still shivering.
of the news or the cold that suddenly waft in,
im not sure.

maybe if i talked to you sooner...

in the death of a forest,
in the ashes rises a new one,
a meadow forms, strong,
filled with larks,
and the horror that once was
is gone,
but no, that's not true...
it still lives inside each and every being there...
its just...
there...
always there....

Where are you?

You asked me to put on some makeup.
Well, dear.

I would need too much makeup,
to cover my scowls,
and this ugly thing I call
a face.

There would never be enough makeup
to cover up my scarred heart
and attempt to make it look whole and pretty.

There would never be enough makeup
to cover my sarcastic and strange humor,
make myself sound smart, pretty, cute.

There would never be enough makeup
to cover my soul,
make it seem pure,
innocent - the way you want me to be...

I've been exposed for too long,
too many burns, and scars race across me,
everywhere,
too noticeable, too many
for me to ever use makeup.

Makeup will never make me look pretty.
It will disfigure all that I have,
take away the stories that are etched onto me,
it will cover what defines
*me.

You: The world is *******.
---
Me: You don't say?

Love is like a vaccine,
sometimes it's good for you,
keep you healthy;
other times, it will hurt you
and get you even more sick.

Everyone wants to be with a singer,
yet they still croon
on and on
about how they can't get the
love of their lives or
anyone to love them.

I'm a photographer, and I can't picture you and I together.

If I were a stop light, I'd turn green everytime you passed by, just so I don't have to see you any longer.

I thought happiness started with an HAPPI. Why does mine start with NOT U?

Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I run and hide.

Do you have a map? I need to figure out a way to get the hell away from you.

Do you live in a corn field, cause I'm just gonna harvest you and sell you to someone else.

Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got Violation written all over you.

You look cold. Good. Freeze to death.

Can I have directions? [To where?] To get the hell away from you.

I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated enough to tolerate talking to you.

I was so disgusted by your face that I ran into that wall over there. But thank god I don't have insurance, so don't bother telling me your name and number.

Is there an airport nearby, cause I'm gotta get on the next flight to Antarctica and get the hell away from you.

You look so familiar… didn't we take a class together? I could've sworn we had physical education, where I was educated how to physically hurt you.

If you are a steak, I'd say you are too meaty.

Can I have a picture of you? So I can show Santa what I don't want for Christmas.

There must be something wrong with my eyes, they've started bleeding at the sight of you.

I'm a photographer, and I can totally picture you and I together.

If I were a stop light, I'd turn red everytime you passed by, just so I could stare at you a bit longer.

I thought happiness started with an H. Why does mine start with U?

Are you a camera? Because every time I look at you, I smile.

Do you have a map? I'm getting lost in your eyes.

Do you live in a corn field, cause I'm stalking you. (so creepy lol)

Are you a parking ticket? 'Cause you've got fine written all over you.

You look cold. Want to use me as a blanket?

Can I have directions? [To where?] To your heart.

I'm not drunk, I'm just intoxicated by YOU.

I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran into that wall over there. So I'm going to need your name and number for insurance purposes.

Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off?

You look so familiar… didn't we take a class together? I could've sworn we had chemistry.

If you are a steak, I'd say you are well done.

Can I have a picture of you? So I can show Santa what I want for Christmas.

There must be something wrong with my eyes. I can’t seem to take them off of you.

I want to write things out,
but I realize now
that there are no words
capable of showing you how I feel.

I lay my dingy old purse down on the floor,
by the hydrant reeking with ****,
my broken stilettos,
as well as my judgement and heart.
Only hours ago, you took my heart and smashed it to the floor.
You left me.
So I ran.
Now here I am, still in my clubbing clothes,
strewn, messy,
on the sidewalk and crying.
Smeared makeup,
runny mascara and eyeliner.
I don't care.
All I had left was you,
and I put my everything on you,
I paid for the rent,
I worked double jobs to support you
as you lay around doing nothing...
I loved you, but you used me like a tissue.
Now your off with some other *****
using her the way you used me.
I wipe my face,
stagger down the block, clutching dearly
at the wrecked shoes and purse,
my hair tangled,
my small glitzy dress in tatters,
too much showing.
An older man walks by me, whistles, low and clear,
piercing my fuzzy head,
and I wink and blow him a drunken kiss.
I have to continue walking,
one foot in front of the other.
I'm too aware of everything,
the honking,
the blaring lights,
the stares,
It hurts, all that noise, all that brightness...
I wince and stumble back to the ground again.

Suddenly, a honk.

I look up to see a cab right by me, it's door open, inviting me to go in and be driven to somewhere else. I sniff, wipe my face and crawl my way in,
closing my eyes, and
waiting for paradise.

---

She was never seen again.

You're like the flu,
everyone wants you,
maybe just to skip school or work,
but really,
your gonna make us regret having you.
We'll try to get rid of you,
but you'll just threaten us,
tighten your grip.
Everyone knows who you are,
you don't care
about anyone,
you strut in here like you own the place.
You'll take control, seize our minds,
as we'll struggle under your grasp.
And when you finally go,
you'll always leave behind a trail...

I like to imagine
what would it feel like
tucked away in your arms.
Oops.

Remember when I told you
that I ***** up everything around me?
Well, that's why I can't have nice things.
You'd think I'd be used to it by now.
Well I'm not,
it hurts as much as the first time,
sometimes even more.

CALLING HELP FROM ALL THE MALES:
HOW SHOULD A GIRL APPROACH A GUY SHE LIKES? IN GENERAL CONVERSATION OR IN ASKING THE GUY OUT?

Thanks for any help you can offer me. ^^

I can't concentrate
all I can think about is
*YOU.

I stole your sweater today...
You didn't seem to mind.
I used it as my in-class pillow
but really,
I was secretly inhaling you,
feeling your warmth evaporate slowly,
the soft cotton pressed to my cheek...
I'm addicted to you...
but I can't have you,
and this is the best I'll ever get...
So lemme pretend you love me and your holding
all my broken pieces together...

before i whisper "I love you"

NO
     NO
          NO**
I can't
I shouldn't
fall in love with you
again....

I just want to steal you away and kiss you
'till you finally shut up...
to wrap myself inside you
so you can protect me,
and maybe I can give in to my addiction
to your scent and smile...