one day everything falls apart. your hands and her promises and you heart. loving her turns into not sleeping. ever. that one day six months later when you finally saw her again and choking on not saying I love you before she left because you can't stand the thought of her not saying it back. the possibility. this ache. someone asks you what happened between the two of you and you say that even the continents came apart. they don't get it. you don't either. something breaks inside of you every time the wind blows and you smell her perfume. something harder than glass. they call this something hope. she knows where you live and she knows you never leave but she isn't coming back. make no mistake. there will be no surprise visits. no knock on your door at five a.m, no tear streaked hello's and no heartfelt I missed you's. no happy ending. no ending at all. just a belly full of whiskey and the last time she told you she loved you. her words feel like plagiarism in your ear. you wonder how her mother would feel about this. you wonder if her mother saw this coming a mile away. you wonder if her mother will always be right. you take another drink and wonder how this glass would sound as it breaks against your wall. the moment it leaves your hand you regret it. what a mess. all liquor and love sick and four a.m. the rorschach stains on this carpet from back when you were practicing for ava or evelyn or aiden. she picked the names. all the carpet cleaner in the world won't erase the memory. you wouldn't try even if it would. the empty chair theory doesn't soothe this broken heart of yours. nothing does. you pull another glass from the cupboard and see her lipstick stain on the edge. you imagine being small enough to jump from the top and landing hard enough to **** yourself but softly enough to not leave a stain. they would look at you and say, "I think this one was an accident." and they are wrong.

This one was originally written in Spanish.

volví al Kilómetro Cero
donde empiezan todos viajes
y en el mapa
en el centro
de la rotonda
debajo
donde estaba escrito
Usted Está Aquí
he añadido
Pero Tu No Estás

Then I translated it, with a small change to the last line.

i returned to Kilometre Zero
where all journeys begin
and on the map
in the centre
of the roundabout
underneath
where it was written
You Are Here
i added
But She Is Not

I had to alter the line, because "tu" also translates as "you", which would have been confusing, but I think it's less good in the English version.

Forever was thought to be a million hours,
months,
years.
But forever felt like seconds I could count on one hand
if I had the time.

putting perfume on before bed,
dancing in my daydreams without my muscles being sore
because there, I actually have the motivation to stay stretched.
>sometimes it feels like i'm ******* with my destiny,
as if i knew what i was supposed to do,
and it wasn't exactly this.

i love you i love you i love you
in ways i don't quite understand sometimes
how loving can feel like it hurts
that it can be so distracting i can't think of anything else
that it can lift me up in seconds
cliche, etc, cliche, etc.
i love you in new ways and in the same ways
i love you because you challenge me to evolve
and i have and i am and i will

my lips are dry and i forgot chapstick and i still think of kissing you so all your ******* saliva can help moisten up these bad boys
but i'm four hours away and thats okay some weeks i just wish i had the right arms to lay in every single day
and yet i still need to shut the door when i brush me teeth in this hotel,
not because i don't like my company
but because **** for a second (at least) i need to be by myself
and i'm tired with work
but i'm kind of just sitting around all day, watching dances i don't get to dance in
wishing i got to dance, but happy to view
and i'm not sure who i am or how i represent myself
and it feels lonely
though at moments everything seems in place
but regardless, right now i'm here and still mainly thinking "**** kids, straighten your legs and point your feet and put your shoulders down and breathe"

i think i could be a cloud tonight
or climbing up the walls
fingers pulling back my eyelids.
can't wait to make love in the back of a car again,
maybe this time on our way to somewhere else