it’s not that i don’t like my body,
im secure in myself,
but i can feel my weight
like being shackled to a mountain,
and i can’t move without feeling
like im not myself.
i see myself
i know it’s me,
but daily slugging
fills me uncomfortably-

i’m so aware that this is killing me slowly
but my apathy leads me to eat my self to passion;
good thing i can move past appearances,
or else i might be crushed under the fashions-

i know that i need to make a change
if i long to live a life without this feeling
but is there any room left to fill this void
or will i be crushed under all of my weight.

Waiting is good enough
Suffering is good enough
A valley is good enough
I’m tired of being high up
There’s not enough air to keep up
There’s not enough pain to enjoy enough

it’s like I am reborn into confidence
drowning in my butterflies
feeling like I could run for miles
or maybe take my chance at flight

it’s like I am covered in warm blankets
and never hot enough to sweat
while snow clumps cling to trees outside
and I’m finally breathing air that’s fresh

it’s as if the world is completely changed
and there is nothing left to regret,
and I can finally breathe out calm air
and lay all my burdens to rest

it’s as if all things have disappeared
and the only things left are us,
but instead of feeling immensely lonely
I feel nothing except for your love

there’s nothing quite like my love for you
there’s nothing quite like your love for me;
thank you God for something so beautiful
thank you God, this was not supposed to be
and now I’m radiant in my care for her
and now I’m lost in a pleasant dream

it’s like commitment was never easier
it’s like love flows from bottomless fountains
it’s like I’m maturing in what love is
it’s like thankfulness and love is boundless-

Fly, fly, fly away Ulysses
Now that you have wings;
Metamorphosis freedom
From doom ridden cocoons.
Dream bad dreams away Ulysses
Now that you’re far from me;
Gleaming dew, new kingdom
With kaleidoscope rooms.
Amber Phantom, transcend this plain
With your monarch to the skies.
May Heaven’s light bless you
To forget the stings of our night-
Confessions, confessions of your name
Ulysses, tear drops from crystalline eyes.
I coveted a soul absent body to abuse-
I found a Goddess small enough to bind.
-
Fly, fly, fly away Ulysses,
Sparkling star in an absence of light.
Flying slower after barbed entanglements,
Fly away, away, and don’t look behind.

I used to curse everything I touch
Not because of love
But because of selfish thoughts.
  I thought that flattering speech
Would break your wounds
Not make things bleed,
  But I blinded myself with my lust
And desires of feeling your want
And your trust.
  Manipulation was always my hand,
Playing the cards that I can,
No thought out plans!
  Why didn’t anyone break me down
So that I could bleed
And learn to stop bleeding others out!
  I was no different from the other guys
Who broke hearts left and right
With their selfish eyes!
Selfish soul, selfish heart, selfish hands,
Selfish plans, selfish wants, selfish thoughts,
Selfish love, selfish hugs, selfish drug,
Selfish kisses, selfish wishes, selfishness is
Still my poison, still my pride, still my go to every time,
Still my way of acting, still my way of thinking,
Still my words, still all I’m speaking,
Still my default, still my function, still my assumption, still my
production,
Still something that I look in the mirror and see,
Still something I’m praying for God to take away from me.

this wasn't our first time
at the waffle house
sitting across from each other
staring out the window
at fading car lights,
astigmatism placebo running rampant
(or maybe just greasy windows).
  this wasn't our first talk
about you wanting to die
sometime late at night,
we talked for hours
the week before this,
tears, sweat, and trembling lips.
  this was our first meal
we shared together at night
after hopeless thoughts
in late december
before your brother's wedding.
  this wasn't the last time
we'd see each other again,
or order the fully loaded hashbrowns,
or talk about suicide,
that would come in time.
  this is the first time
I've thought about this memory
and have been grateful for your marriage
and how far you've come
from eating garbage at 2am,
from wearing the punisher hoodie I gave you,
from drinking mike's hard lemonade,
from feeling lonely and hopeless
and wanting to end your life.