You stop to think
About yourself
And you say
Anything can be better
Than this loneliness

Yet, you exclude yourself
From everyone who comes near
From everyone willing to help
And you keep excluding

To feel the thing you don't want
To feel something not worth feeling
To feel loneliness  
To feel what you think you are
Worthless

I will make a bet with you
He said
What
I replied
If you eat something
Everyday, I will hug you
Everyday.
He told me
It doesn't even have to be a meal
Just a little bit
Just an apple
Even half an apple.
He continued
I don't know
I said
I don't want you to leave me
He said
I don't want to leave you either
I said
Please
he said
Okay
I replied
Okay
He said.
Maybe okay will be our always
I cheekily said.
That book is so lame
He joked
But it's how I feel
I thought.
You're my always.
I thought, but never told him.

You're so welcoming
You're here for anyone, with open arms
You love all of the people around you.
Yet, when you open your arms in your
Short sleeve knit
I see scars
Scars all up and down your arms
Some old
Some new
And it makes me see
Someone so beautiful
That makes everyone else
Feel so beautiful
And loved
Can feel so worthless and unloved
And I see now.
I see why you are the way you are,
           You're so welcoming
                 To everyone
  Because no one ever was to you.

Part of me is vivid green;
Cheery and
Lighthearted
Joyous and
Merry
Like a window with spring light shining through

But deep inside is dark grey
Worried and
Anxious
Lonely and
Shy
Like a black shade masking a lamp's bright light

She walks through the door,
Confidently
Her personality shines bright
She is a light kite that flies through the sky
Fearlessly
Joy is everywhere she goes
She struts around with noticable feeling
And that feeling is happiness
Never shows doubt;
In anyone or anything
Always looking for someone to help
Without ever needing to tell
And her friends agree that they do not see
One flaw in this girl
This girl, is radiant.

"You're gonna fall" the voice inside my head says as I walk to the front of the room.
"You're a worthless piece of crap" it says.
I start rapidly shaking, and my palms begin sweating.
I stand in front of the board holding my head down looking at my paper clutched in my hands.
"I-I-I-" i begin.
"I I I, what's up dumby? You nervous?" A boy yells to me.
Tears start to well up in my eyes. I fold my paper, walking over to my teacher's desk. I set it down and run out the door.
I run
And run
And run
And run
Down the hallway until I reach the bathroom.
I stop abruptly, grasping the door handle firmly.
I start to cry and I run into the bathroom.
Standing in front of the closed door;
I sink down to the ground, curl up in a ball,
And cry.

I love you.
But not in the cliche way of loving you.
I love you by your voice
By your hugs
By your smell
By your presence
By your constant care
By being you.
I love you,
But it's not cliche at all.

I am stuck in a silent black and white film
All the color has been ****** from the theater
I am left with a dim light and nothing but my demons inside
I can let no one in
Even if you buy a ticket
Even if you try your hardest
Because I don't want you dragged into
This silent black and white film
That is my life.

I've never truly loved something as much as I love you
It's almost like it doesn't matter my skill
It doesn't matter who I am, how I am
It just clicks.
You're like a light in the dark shadow
You brighten the day and shine on my heart
My heart is overjoyed when I think about you
And I think about you as I reach for the stars.

Oh
Oh how I felt so lonely
I felt like I was worthless
Like nothing was left
And sometimes
I still do
But you're there for me
You're there for me God
And I thank You
Thank You
For being the one that's always there
You let me know I'm loved
You let me believe there is a greater good
And oh God
How I love you
And how you make me feel
Loved.

It makes me wonder
You know?
It makes me wonder
If I should have cherished it more
If I should have spent
Every waking moment
Thinking about it
And thinking about you.
But it also makes me wonder
It makes me wonder if this was meant to happen.
If I was meant to feel this way.
If I was meant to miss you this much.
Sometimes I wonder,
Why you came into my life
Just to leave so quickly
And
Oh how it makes me wonder.

It's not okay.
It's not okay to tell someone to **** themselves.
It's not okay to bully someone.
It's not okay to exclude someone.
It's not okay to be a **** to someone.
It's not okay to judge a book by its cover.
It's not okay to intentionally hurt someone.
It's not okay,
Because you never know what battles they are fighting;
They don't need your ignorance.
It's not okay.

He had this way about him
His smile radiated
He smiled like he knew every single thing about you
And he did
He laughed like he'd never been hurt
Yet he confided in you about all the times he had
His light brown curly hair swooped
Just above his perfectly shaped eyebrows
His hazel eyes looking deep into mine
With all the love in the world

"I'm hungry" I say.
"That's nice" you reply.

"I didn't eat breakfast this morning" I say.
"That's nice" you reply.

"I haven't eaten all day" I say.
"That's nice" you reply.

"I haven't eaten in a week" I say.
"That's nice" you reply.

"You're withering away, you haven't eaten in days." You say.
"That's nice" I reply.

It's coming to an end
I wish this had started sooner
Then the end wouldn't have come so
Oh so quickly
Although it would've felt the same
It's too soon
I don't want you to leave
I can't handle you leaving
This is the end
I don't want it to end
I will miss you
You're my best friend
But a new part of your life is developing
And I feel
I feel you will forget about me
You'll forget about me.
You deny it now
But in 2 years time
People will ask "who is this"
Pointing to the pictures of us
You will reply with "I don't remember"
Because I will be gone
The memories
The late nights
The hugs
The conversations
It's all gone; in your mind
But for me
It's still clear as day
It's in my mind as if it just happened
But for you. It's all gone
So I don't want this to end
I don't want you to forget about me
Please don't forget about me
Please try
Please.
Don't let this end without a lasting impact.
I don't want this to end.

Time is all I need with you
I don't need a bouquet
Or a dinner
In fact I'd rather not have either
I just want you
You and time with you
I don't need to talk all the time
Though the sound of your voice
Is beauty to my ears
Just the feeling of being with you
The silence that let's love flow through our bodies
Is what makes me feel alive
Makes it worth it
Makes me love you more
Just time with you
Can do so much
Even in silence

She closes the door
To her home now
The only place
Where she can be
H E R S E L F

She walks over and sits on the bed
Just to lay down
And hold her head
In her hands
As she starts to cry
She says to herself
Why why why

As she sits and sobs
She wonders how
She would ever allow
Her life to get out of control

She sits on the bed and feels alone

How can someone
Ever have to be alone
How can someone
Ever have to make the decision
To stay alive

And as she sits on her bed and sobs
She thinks
How can it ever get better
And the story has an ending
An ending that may not appeal
She gave up crying on her bed
And never got to heal