You taunt me, your

perfection,

your tan skin glows like a god's.

your legs pale with a criss-crossing of

light brown hair,

a furry overcoat.

Your veiny forearms

and blotchy red face, pink with

acne and scars.

Chapped lips and eyebrows

forever quizzing what has been said,

artificial black hair gelled into

stiff shapes.

I could look at you

forever

but you still seem to

puzzle me.

Because I've already showed myself
I can't handle a razor and
a problem at the same time.

your face is in profile, and i
can see your thoughts
etched across the skin

cold,
pale,
posterity

Your eyeliner dr
                             i
                               p
                                 s

down your eyes in

S H A D O W S

and the profile is screaming

inside and

nothing

outside.

you made me

shiver.


Girls and dolls
and red ****** rain
train

tracks

silver in
the light
sparrows with
mohawks

****** tears and

guns you promised


never to give.


You made me afraid

of the dark

I was doing it
A L L W R O N G

Because I thought about it,
I thought of
David Levithan
and his books
and I thought of
Alex Sanchez and
HIS books,
and
I thought about
Julia Anne Peters and
HER books.

And after I was done
thinking I realised
I was doing what
I hated.

Boy meets Boy isn't
a gay story.
It's a story about love.

Keeping You A Secret
is not a
lesbian love story,
it's just a love story.

Rainbow Boys Trilogy is not
a gay trilogy it's
a story about growing up and
getting along and
being in love and
being scared and
being stupid
and being brave
and being
a
friend.

I'm just thinking about them as
being about gayness because
they are gay,
even if you take away everything they
are love
stories
and
that's
it.

Love Is The Higher law--
about 9/11.

I Am J--
Being yourself--
a common theme.

Wide Awake--
finding courage and
finding yourself.

All these books,
and I've been looking at them
W R O N G.

I mean,
ten years ago
Boy Meets Boy
and
Keeping You A Secret
and
Rainbow Boys
was a
H U G E D E A L,

but now...
not
so much.

Maybe it's from living in a
household where gay
didn't exist,
Don't get me wrong,
I still want a book about
a character living in a
fantasy world or
utopia as a..
clone, maybe.

Or a dragon slayer.

Could you kiss me?
Remember when we used to hate each other?
I think I might have loved you
Did you like girls?
I loved being your son
I still have that* Footloose pamphlet you gave me
Thanks for being nice to me
Carrot-top Kelley
I tacked that picture on my bulletin board
scratch my back?
You were my first step outside kid
I still think you were flirting with me
I was surprised when you swore
Can I get a towel, please?
I was writing poetry when you found me
Paul really is great, huh?
*can I sit with you one more time?

my dear it's so quiet here without you
and oh my dear is it raining there too?

my dear while you're gone there's nothing here to save
so i think i'll visit the cemetery and name the unmarked graves.