In and out
This is all I can do
Inhale, exhale
To not scream

Food has no taste
Nothing matters
I can’t live here
Your shadow occupies every corner of New York

I feel chains creeping over my body
Tightening every time I hear your voice
Or see you stroll to fill your water bottle
I’m so replaceable to you

You lost 5 pounds
I lost the same
We both lost ourselves
But at the end now, Truth remains

The sun has set forever
Joy, fun, gentleness, all pulverized into dust
It has congealed and covers the streets
Under an unending layer of ice

Am I just a creature to you?
Did you mean anything you said?
Now I’m stuck, reckoning with these questions
I haven’t heard from you in weeks

You’ve changed my life
Transformed my eyes
I see you everywhere
It seems I haven’t made a dent in your heart at all.

So far the worst part about finding out
That you were cheating on me

Is that you could into my eyes
And lie with your silver tongue
While my heart disintegrated
Into your waiting hands.  

Wolf in sheep’s clothing.

I hope that she promises you the world
To never, ever hurt you

And then promptly discards you like trash
So you can see how it feels

I am not mad that you found another
I am mad that you looked into my eyes
And lied
For months

There are universes in me
That I cannot show you
I want to tell you so many things
Whisper them in your ear

But as I sit alone at the dermatologist
At the appointment you promised me you’d come to
Scorned by your icy silence
On the Valentine’s Day you promised we’d celebrate

Empty promises, my heart, broken
I decide I cannot tell you
For now
It must stay hidden, deep

(Baby, if only you knew)

You can’t see how my heart
Splinters into a thousand pieces
Raining down, stabbing me from the inside out
As you show her your portfolio

An easygoing smile on your face, you are glowing
As they all bathe in your sunshine
I don’t exist
Why did you ask me to come?

You won’t touch me, I’m a ghost to you
Condemned to watch you bless everyone with gold
To everyone but me
Is this my penance?

I smile, numb myself, change the subject
Look at the magnets on the fridge
I say I’m tired, I’m surprised when you ask me to stay
Is it to let you punish me even more?

On the G I start to choke on a shard lodged in my throat
The world is spinning
I think you forget how big you are
How small I feel around you.

I think I’m too big for New York.
I can’t fit into its small spaces.

My world is so much bigger than this place

It will be time to leave soon.

You told me
That you needed space
That you needed time
To be alone

But being alone
Does not mean
Being up in the sheets
Of your roommate

I think the most difficult part of a breakup
Is realizing that they just don’t care.

It is terrifying
How much power
Lies in these
Two hands

Every time when I think
No, I could not possibly love him more
I am surprised by my heart
That continues to expand

Beyond planet Earth
I think I’m around Saturn now
Floating gently, gazing
Peaceful

I feel peaceful
I feel whole
You would too
Have you seen his smile?

I stand in the water
Face towards the deep black ocean
Beckoning the titanic tidal wave
That has emerged from the depths of the sea

To come,
Crash over me
Barrel me down
Until I am but a tangle of limbs

Then I will resurface
Baptized in your shadow
My sins drawn out by the rough waters
My wickedness carried out in the waves

You stand next to me
Unmoved
Take my hand
And off we go.

I want to trust you
Fall into the vision

But your thorny exterior is making it difficult.

There have been others
Like you

Who believed they loved me, and they too, left, but you were supposed to be different, hm.

It’s a sweet world
Words drip off my lips, like honey

It was high fructose corn syrup
When we were forever

You, with your lollipop thoughts
And jawbreaker ****