how can you be happy when you're missing your smile?

I wish you would leave and never return
I got rid of your letters i just let them burn

i returned your sweater that i borrowed last year
i did it without shedding even one tear

i packed the rest of your things away in a box
i threw it in the river and sank it with rocks

i deleted your number and all the messages you left
i may hurt now but i know its for the best

one day i'll look back and not remember your name
or any of the things you did to drive me insane

it wont hurt forever maybe just for a while
maybe in the future i'll think  back and smile

what you taught me was tough but it had to me done
it ****** that it changed us, that wasn't much fun

i am better now then i was before
one day you'll wish you could've loved me more

I can still hear you laughing in my passenger seat
like you did all last summer in the blazing heat

now my car is but a  frowzy mess
no one I ride here I need to impress

everyone used to tell me to just let you go
now they say nothing, its like they all know

its like a song that's stuck on repeat
I know every line and I  know every beat

they think its done because your name no longer troubles my writing
the battle of letting go is one i'm still fighting

truth is I disguise your eyes with metaphors of emeralds and diamonds
or the way you breathe with pacifying silence

lemonade cake mix and cream cheese frosting
all these good memories are now just exhausting

trying to move on but i'm stuck in the past
like the ending summer, we weren't meant to last

so i'll end this reign of poems about you
and maybe i'll finally write something new

this ending is dumb, bittersweet and tough
but i think its time, I've put you through enough

i'll end this poem with a goodbye and an apology
if it hurts it still matters its basic psychology

i'm sorry for all the hurtful words and all the fights
for all the lost time and sleepless nights

you didn't deserve it
so its time i quit

you were one in a million and for a second you were mine
i'd be lying if i said it was okay, or I'm fine

its time i let you be happy and new
you don't need to take all our memories, just keep a few

go forward in life with your head high and a smile
i know we cant be friends now but maybe in a while

i'm holding my breath
maybe this time you'll say it
who am i kidding?