dear pisces
i read that a pisces needs commitment
like, somebody that will accept them fully
and put everything into it

i read that a pisces loves
only when they feel safe and secure

reading your horoscopes
gives me a sense of false understanding

love cancer

dear pisces

you are always thinking about things that are not in front of you

dear dreamer, your dreams inhibit you from me

please come back to the present, i rely on you too much for you to be so far

even when you're right beside me

love, cancer

I learned when I was
fifteen that I could make men
fall in love with me.

I learned that I could
control someone solely on
the bulge in their pants.

I learned that sometimes
people don't fall in love with
personality.

I learned how to break
someone's heart without looking
them right in the eye.

I learned when I was
fifteen that I knew more than
I should know about this.

**** me in a summer dress
all pastels and spaghetti straps
kicked off ballet slippers and a green cardigan

sweat with me in a bus stop
we wait to ride downtown
our cheeks sun-burn blushed and shoulders freckled

swim with me in the river
polka dotted swimsuits and a sweaty beer
inner-tubes and soggy hair. a big wet dog.

sit in the grass and itch your legs
wearing jean shorts and cotton t shirts
black sunglasses and white earphones, hot cigarettes

invest in a fan for your room
while we sweat through the blue dotted sheets
peel off sticky underwear and wipe your damp forehead

washing grass stains from my dress
pastels stained and straps loose
ballet slippers and a green cardigan

**** me in a summer dress

**** me in a summer dress
all pastels and spaghetti straps
a shirt like a swallowed up picnic

sweat with me in a smoky car
panting through the skunk
our cheeks sun-burn blushed and shoulders freckled

swim with me in the river
polka dotted swimsuits and a sweaty beer
inner-tubes and soggy hair

sit in the grass and itch your legs
tiny black shorts and cotton t shirts
a big blanket, hot cigarettes, feeding ducks

invest in a fan for my room
while we sweat through blue sheets
peel off sticky underwear and wipe your damp forehead

wiping dirt from my knees
pastels stained and straps loose, slipping down
pink sunglasses and a picnic shirt

**** me in a summer dress

thank you kyler, you were my first
right in the back seat of your car
first in front of my house at two am
and then later in a grocery store parking lot a few blocks down
with foggy windows and clothes that took a while to find again
I only told you I loved you when you ****** inside of me
with new car smell and broken condoms.
You pinned me up against your car
in the parking lot of stadium thrift way.
baptized my neck with hickeys after I cried about issues with my dad.
I broke your heart I guess
i'm not that sorry

thank you Donald, I fell for you
sneaking over to your house
or up to my bedroom
or on every couch in my living room
even in a public park
the first time we kissed, we stood in my empty living room. you made fun of me for standing on my toes.
I fed you leftover Thai food as we snuck kisses in the kitchen and then crawled out on the porch.
I sat in your lap. you put your hand between my legs.
you felt more experienced and more apathetic, making me feel small and childish
you thought you had taken my virginity, but you had just taken an old phone charger and a yellow hat
you told me through a text
'I just don't see where this is going'

thank you Cassius, with shocking white hair.
infatuation isn't a word strong enough.
'don't u know vandalism is illegal?' id say.
you hid a smile when you caught my eyes in the back of jacob's show
you'd say 'what can I give u for a cigarette?
a lighter, 50 cents, or a kiss?'
we almost did it in the back of your friends car
with your **** out, your friends came back in and we threw a coat over your lap
sneaking into a construction site, I sat on a dusty shelf and you ****** me
I left my scrunchie on the ground in there, and you pulled out and came on it
I never got it back
you said once 'I'm always sad, and whenever Im happy
I just get more sad'
sneaking into your bathroom
turning the shower on
pushing me up against a wall
I liked the way you held my hands
and wrapped me in your arms.
sneaking my fingers into yours and you responded eagerly.
out of breath, you'd say 'I need a cigarette'

tell somebody you're falling for them.

text them everyday. sweet messages: i miss you, i like you, come see me.

hold their hand.

kiss them on the forehead. the cheek. the neck.

place your arm around their shoulder.

talk about your dreams.

make them say that they love you back. they'll say it.

leave. for an extended period of time. months, maybe.

become distant.

don't send anymore texts, unless maybe you're *****.

keep your responses vague. they will stress and worry constantly about what you mean.

if you see them in public, avoid. ignore.

tell them how you're seeing other people.

keep your meetings short. zero physical contact.

slowly, stop responding to their messages.

never tell them if you really did fall for them.

have you ever gotten a love letter?
you told me you were a ******
when it was midnight and we sat at the docks
surrounded by boats and ocean

you had never even kissed a girl,
so I advised
and guided your clumsy, clownish hands
up my raincoat and under my tank top.

this is my letter
i love the way your eyes squint when you smile
i love the way your hands shyly move around
i love when you give up and agree with me
i love how you made me take the long way home so you could walk with me more

I’m a metal cage with a heart inside.

Equipped with legs so I may run away at a moment’s notice.
Arms, so I can push you away with ease.

My cage’s bars are barbed wire. You cannot put your arms around me.
There is a great, steel lock at my cage’s latch, so you are not allowed in.

I have harsh, leather gloves, so you may never reach for my hand.
My ears are plugged. You cannot sway me with words.
My cage’s handle is poisoned. Pluck me up, and it will cost you.

I am tough. You cannot fight through my exterior.
You cannot reach my insides.
I will not let you near. I will not let you touch me. I will not let you hold my hand, or sway me with words. Don’t try to pick me up.

My metal is cold. My lock is rusty. My leather is dry and cracked.

I think: why doesn’t anyone come comfort me?

i took a pill that made my pupils big
and crawled into your lap in the back of your car
sitting in candy wrappers and bits of glass
from your broken window

once you rolled me a blunt in your drivers seat
we smoked and i curled against you
with an open sun roof and a hand up my skirt

with a track from your phone,
missing missy, penning lines
you speak words from memory
and recall rhymes to me
after a cigarette in your car

there's a cut on your lip
a bruise on your arm
little pink scratches
a scrape on your elbow

a cut from a kiss that got too rough
a bruise from a bite in my bedroom
scratches from my nails when I hugged too tightly
a scrape from when I pulled you back to me

im sick of stiff sheets that smell like chemicals
you wash all your clothes with incense
i wish i could wash my sheets with your scent

im sorry, but i liked it a lot better when you were obsessed with me.

what ever happened to not being able to keep your hands away ?
what happened to texts every minute, asking to see me ?

i liked us better when you had no control.

you showed me constellations and i cried
now when i see the big dipper, my eyes start to sting again

who knew the little one was so small ?
i'm glad it made you laugh to see me so happy

thank god your astronomy teacher taught you about shapes in the sky
so you could make a girl cry chilly, 40 degree tears

maybe it was the vastness of space
or the tiny specks of light, something astral

the significance of opening my eyes to a huge sight like that
or the way you pointed into the sky and found them, easy

i think of your smile when i see the stars