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ac Aug 9
i’ve been telling myself that ive been good for months
i think just pushed it all down
six feet in the ground
and it’s digging itself up right now
i keep staring into the abyss
wondering what im even doing with my life
i sleep to much or not at all
school started monday and im already behind
i wake up, do my make up, and im already exhausted
i say hi to the girlfriend of the guy that im in love with
the same guy i get “reminders” of
i’m torn because he’s not C
but C is everything to me
perfectly
but right now i kinda want to be lonely
what is happening?
read my poem “reminders” and you’ll get the reference
idk what’s happening rn bro
but smth ain’t right
ac Aug 8
my therapist said to love the things that are wrong with me
but why should i love starving myself
or having so much rage
cuz one day i will crash out
loving all these horrible things?
it reminds me of loving M
i want to name drop him
expose him
but that’s dangerous
but i have to love the way that i hate that i loved you
and love the things about me you hated
that i grew to hate too
but now i have C
and he’s teaching me that i have every right to hate you
so with that i say
“I HATE YOU!”
much better
C is treating me so much differently than M and it’s so clear that M treated me horribly.
Hate may be a strong word but i’m stronger
ac Aug 7
C
he put stars in my heart
and it lit up the dark
ac Aug 6
there’s a new girl at school today
i don’t know her name
i said i loved her hair
i hope it made her day
  Aug 6 ac
SquidInk
im addicted
im addicted to hating myself
im addicted to crying over you
im addicted to longing for the warmth of your touch
im addicted to reliving moments in my head i would give anything to get back
im addicted to looking at you and still getting butterflies
i know i shouldn't, but that's why its called an addiction
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