yank my chain
slap my face
call me *****
let me ****
and not feel shame

kitten
it was a bad dream
snuggle against daddy
he’ll protect you

lay your head
on his shoulder
close your eyes
fall asleep
daddy is here

Baby Girl: crying
Daddy: “What’s wrong Baby Girl?”
Daddy: “Are tired. Do you need a nap?”
Baby Girl: “No, I’m not tired. I don’t want to take a nap.”
Daddy: “Come here Baby Girl. Let Daddy give you a hug.”
Baby Girl: reluctantly walks into Daddy’s arms
Daddy: picks up Baby Girl and takes her to bed
Daddy: gently lays Baby Girl down on the bed
Baby Girl: “Daddy, don’t go, stay”
Daddy: gets into bed with Baby Girl
Baby Girl snuggles up against Daddy. Lays her head on his shoulder
Baby Girl: “Will you stroke my hair”
Daddy: softly strokes her hair, until Baby Girl falls asleep

daddy

pet me
softly
gently

show me
with your touch

how much
you love me

you are strong
fierce
independent
a wonder
of woman

but are still a child
wanting
needing
love
and affection

put down your shield
remove your armor
lay we me
to hold and warm
ward away the cold
and loneliness
of winter

yes, daddy, yes
*** for me
*** inside me
cause i’m
your little neko

why did you do it
****** me
use your eyes
pout your lips
tilt your head
touch your hair
look up
smile
feign innocence

you knew exactly
what you were doing
didn’t you
pixie

it was 12 below in Rukatunturi

you were feeding reindeers in the snow

i was drawn to you, like a magnet, not knowing why

pixie hair, porcelain skin, button nose

your doe eyes, midnight black, called, drew me in, like a siren’s

you played it cool, distant, aloof, like a filly, wary of my attention

i had no idea, i was a fly and you, a spider

more than a girl, not yet a woman, you were a precocious, streetwise

oozing ***, sensuality, craving daddy’s attention

seeking my gaze, locking eyes, so intensely, i had to look away

daring me, to kiss, your baby girl lips

wrap you up, hold you tight, in my arms, tap into your passion

you hungered to love, be loved

the eagerness of your kisses, combing the hair on my chest

pulling me down, on top, to penetrate you

christening you from a girl to a woman

when did you realize
to truly love
you have to
surrender
your heart and soul
to another

swipe left
then right
desperately seeking
mister right

******* strangers
for love and tenderness
hoping he’ll stay
make babies
raise a family

bracing for the pain
the heartbreak
abandonment
of a one night stand

why did you leave
am i not good enough
pretty enough
to be loved
daddy?

technicolor psychedelic lost realities
kissing cats then and now stupid fantasties
hallucinating white and black invisible fairies
inspiration perspiration a little mushroom tea
falling listening monochromic shades or hues
mind bending red green jaded poets and ingenues

you were
a girlfriend
a lover
a woman
the perfect couple
to the outside world

but in my arms
you were a child
anxious fearful
of being alone
for even a moment

i held
reassured
whispered
in your ear
that I loved you
like a man loves a woman
like a father loves a child

you're a woman now
now longer a child
but in my eyes
you are still
my little girl
twirling
dancing
in her pink
disney
princess gown

i miss
the intimacy
of when you were little
hugging
cuddling with daddy
under the blankets
watching sesame street
and eating
peanut butter
and jelly sandwiches

chasing a fantasy
of an ideal
never to be seen
in this world
existing only
in my mind
personified
with pen and paper
and tears and liquor

day & night
dreams
reveal
hidden truths
welling
from the blacken depths
of our twisted minds

you were so young
it was so wrong
we went too far

newly bloomed
fully flowering
once a girl
now a woman

a mutual attraction
too strong to ignore

a subtle seduction
of a man
just moments
a boy

who seduced whom
who crossed the line

i couldn’t help it
i was mesmerized,
by the whispers
of your blue eyes

dangers foretold
by a warning sign

i resisted
as much as i could
i lost my senses
to my youth
and your beauty

drawn to the flame
like a moth
captured like a butterfly
in the spider’s web

how could i escape
when the siren called

i am manic
full throttle
God
please
make it stop

serotonin
syndrome
dopamine
exhaustion

save me
hold me
i'm afraid
of being alone

i like it
when you fall asleep
in my arms
while watching tv
hearing
your breathing slow
getting shallow
feeling
your body relaxing
softening
as you shuffle
reposition
and mumble
“baby, don’t go”

i don’t understand
i’m still reeling
from what happened
we never kissed
touched

it was all
in your glances
the yearning
come-hither
inviting me further

i wish
how i wish
we’d had more time
to kiss
touch
be intimate

i hurt
so much
when i think of you
i can’t stop
crying
imagining
all the possibilities
we could have had
together
pixie

you’re thirsty
not trusting
imprisoned by your mind
locked in a body
starving for love
craving touch
begging to be held
wanting to give
all of you
heart and soul

your body is ripe
sweet
juicy delicious
life a fruit
covered
in morning dew
to kiss
lick
bite into
and savor

in your arms
safe
and snug
is the only place
i find solace
from a world
full of dangers

i feel loved
cared for
knowing
you’ll protect me
and our babies

stop
projecting
imposing
your morality
judging me
while ignoring
your own
neurotic tendencies

your ego
fragile
brittle
and shattering
in the face
of reality

on your knees
you weak pathetic worm
you disgust me
always thinking with your ****
beg and whimper
like a puppy
knowing you’ll be refused

accept
your fate
surrender  
submit
willingly
before me
your master
bare my brand
wear my collar
whisper
in my ear
you are
my kajira

chasing a fairy tale
flitting between lovers
in fear of abandonment
good girl bad boy
promiscuous *****
re-enacting traumas
suffered in childhood
emotional scars
deep wounds
and daddy issues
an endless procession
of honeymoons and nightmares
crying all night
binge and purge
*** drugs and alcohol
suicidal idealation
hoping the next one
is the right one

you gave me purpose
my life meaning
i was your  daddy
you were my little girl
at once a woman and child
needing a lover father
seeking needing
constant validation affirmation
afraid of the dark of being alone
reminded by nightmares
haunted by traumas
dominant daddy reassuring comforting
giving solace to his little girl
will he love care protect you
like i did

mountains on the moon
fragile like ice
a touch
a kiss
remembering this
how bittersweet it was
our love
dreams
shared experiences

fading like dream
upon awakening
but never forgotten
two children
dreamt of
but never conceived
infinite tears
for little girls
never held or known
an endless sorrow
of expectant parents
wanting to be
their mommy and daddy

lonely
is the night
for a poet
writing of
love and
live
during
a pandemic

how sensual
and ******
you dance
slow soft fluid
like python
wrapping around its prey

intertwined
intimately
like twins in a womb
loving
touching
tenderly
reacting
ever so slightly
their touch
saying so much

triggered by the pain
lost in addiction
endless tears
and shame
anything
so as not to feel
everything
to numb
the loneliness
and fear

i miss you
i miss us
the look in your eyes
the love in your touch
sharing dreams
of raising kids
growing old
being together
for eternity

kiss me
hurt me
so i can feel
and remember
what it was like to be 16

stand before me
undress
show me
your body
kneel
submit to me
voluntarily
look
into my eyes
say it
i’m yours
body and soul
to use and abuse
sexually

it ended so fast
unexpectedly
saturday morning
sitting on the couch
while drinking coffee

you wanted kids
now
your biological clock ticking
to get married
tomorrow
no planning
no prenup
gave me an ultimatum

we had fun
you were a great girlfriend
the quintessential party girl
you’d be a bad wife
a horrible mother

i said it’s over
said goodbye
got up
walked away
avoid a disaster

i’m not done
haven’t finished
my recovery
or healing

you triggered
my addiction
tap into
my sickness

i wanted
needed
craved
your body

to be inside you
physically
mentally
emotionally

burn as one
eternally

alone
dreaming of home
a sky
full of stars
for all the blind
to see
witness
the moon
casting
no shadows
as shattered hearts
wither and die  
begging
for redemption
from a devil’s
cruelty
looking
for solace
where there is
no humanity

lonely
is the night
for a poet
writing of
but never being
loved

take off your leggings
spaghetti top
get naked with me

i want
need
to be inside you
connect emotionally
build intimacy
through our bodies

slide slowly
penetrate you
savoring
the pleasure
wetness
and welcoming warmth

feeling your body
tense
then relaxing
hearing you moan
pulling me near

you are right as rain
I am meant to be here
deep inside you
******* together

pass the ketchup
no the mustard

who went fishing
does my *** look big

that’s the pepper
do you have a ******

are those my *******
what clock who’s Dali

i’m on my period
remember the groceries

you’re such a perv
do you want chinese

don’t be mad
yes please

chick-fil-a waffle fries
is today sunday

*******
i’m high

who is she
where is she
my mistress
my muse
who whispers
who shouts
in my ear
telling me tales
telling me stories
of secret fantasies
and ****** desires

to love the woman
or nurture the child
am i your partner or father
for the night

power
in a relationship
lies
with
whoever
cares less

sit on daddy’s lap
let him brush your hair
you crave his touch
his attention
the tingle
of being
so close
to a man
the ****** confusion
of the electra complex
**** your mother
******* father
you’re suffering
from the sylvia plath effect

i am ashamed of you
first day
as a freshman
and already
in trouble

i see
that over the summer
you bloomed
acquired the body
of a woman

full lips
*******
round hips

i will not permit
such behavior

from a good
christian girl

the football team
says
that you’re

the hottest
sexiest
most beautiful
girl in school

but are
freaky
nasty
and an insatiable
*****

you put yourself on display
show too much skin
leaving little
to the imagination

like a piece of meat
in a butcher’s case
screaming
come and get me

everything about you
is fake
the lips **** and hips
contact lenses
hair extensions
collagen injections

you’re all about
the presentation
exterior
the pretty wrapping
superficial and hollow

you play
hard to get
guys chase
pursue
in the end
get their prey

you give it away
cheapen it
all the guys know
you're easy
to lay

when the novelty wears off
there is nothing left
no reason to stay
you’re the latest
in a string
of conquests

you were 15
i was 40
you were *****
i was lonely
you kissed
penetrated
consumed me

i’m the prize
try your hand
audition for me
like a dancing monkey
do stupid things
to impress me
see if i’ll pick you
to **** me