God, this hurts.
It's terrible and heart-wrenching.
To believe the moments we had weren't worth anything.
Or were they?
I have trouble discerning.
I wanted love that didn't make me feel patronized, used, discarded, and broken.
Would it make me happy?
Would it make me feel more alive to be away from you?
Would I find someone that deserves me?
How can I say this respectfully?
Without putting down our moments together?
I hate you.
I hate you so much to the point that I want you out of my life.
To the point I can say "You can die!" ad I wouldn't care.
You made me bare,
all my emotions and time,
while you sat in silence.
This is when I CAN'T remember.
These were the moments I CAN'T surrender.
Therefore, I smile when I look at you but feel like throwing up in a corner.

It didn't matter. We didn't matter.
"I saw you and felt nothing."
"I saw...you know...and felt something."
That's what you said to me.
You don't want to keep hurting me.
You didn't want to keep lying.
Those statements didn't make a difference when I confronted you, crying.

"Honestly, you're sick."
Disgust and a sour taste filled my mouth.
Your feelings for me are too intense?
That was the same for me.
Notice how that sentence was in past tense.
You couldn't breathe for a second?
You didn't think about your lapse in judgement?
I'm not asking for the world, which you wouldn't be able to give.
I'm asking for the respect,
r the prospect.

Now I'm here, confused.
Tell me what am I supposed to do?
Hold your hand and be a healer
or slap it away because of fear.