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 Jun 2020 Lupus-
Emily Miller
My father walked me down the aisle,
But my mother held my arm.
He went with me,
But we went not towards the altar,
But towards the door.

My father walked me down the aisle,
And the ***** rang through the church,
Humming through the elaborate crown molding,
Carved by my ancestors.

He went,
Not beside me,
But before me,
And I watched,
As he was illuminated by the bright,
Overbearing,
Texas sun.

My father walked me down the aisle,
But I did not wear white.
My father walked me in silence,
And I shed tears not for a man standing at the altar,
But for the one I would never see again.

My father walked me down the aisle,
And no veil obscured my face.
All eyes were upon me, but not for my pristine beauty,
Instead for my clenched jaw and furrowed brow,
Severe and fierce to distract from my glassy eyes.

My father did not leave me at the end of our walk to sit beside my mother.
She clung to me for support and sobbed breathlessly,
Loudly,
Unavoidably,
And I carried her with one hand,
My sister the other,
And walked towards my future.
A future family,
Not one person more,
But one person less.
I walked,
One final time,
With him.

My father walked me down the aisle,
And I will never forget it.
Hundreds of eyes isolating my family from the crowd,
Slow and muffled sounds drowning in the deafening beat of my heart,
Blurred faces staring,
Black heels clacking against the cobbled path from the church,
The anguished wails of my mother,
The whimpering of my sister,
And the wooden box that glided before us,
Pulling,
A string tied to our patriarch,
The pin key of our family,
Pulled taut and then snipped with the slam of the hearse doors.

My father walked me down the aisle,
Before I had a chance to grow up.
He walked me,
Out of the church,
Away from the altar,
Never to be walked again.
 May 2020 Lupus-
Emma
i have the choice to sleep
but if i do
then i am vulnerable
my demons would be able to
target the darkest parts of my mind
where all of my pain has taken off its armor
and it is left with a target hanging from its neck
so why would i sleep
if i can just stay awake

my knights are tired
but the night is awake
 May 2020 Lupus-
Queenologist
I wana close my eyes
& wake up next to you
I wana see your worst
that leads up to the best of you
I wana lay on your chest
& listen to your heart beat
Look up into your eyes
& tell you that it belongs to me
I wana please you
mentally, emotionally & physically
I wana make you smile
be your saving grace
kiss all over your face
& give you the best of me
I wana make you wana run home to me
& make love to me
because you love being alone with me
I want you to trust deep down in your core that I adore you
Do anything for you
I love you with all of me
I Would never do you any harm
You not being part of my world
means everything in life is wrong
I wana be your confidant
your best friend, lover & your wife
I want you to know that
where you belong is forever in my life.
 May 2020 Lupus-
Solaces
I am forgetting about you..
Your smile has gone away..
No longer written on your face for me to see everyday..
Its getting easier for me day to day..

I am forgetting about you..
Saved memories emerge from time to time..
They are full of colors of you and are easy to find..
But are fading away to darkness as if I were blind..

I am forgetting about you..
No more haunting smiles in dreams..
No more deep brown angelic eyes that made my soul scream..
Because I couldn't have you in my arms under the sunbeams..

I am forgetting about you..
That part of me is dying..
That part of me walked under the moonlight and was crying..
But there you were in the clear night sky simply shining..

I wonder if I will forget about you..
I think that part of me will not die..
I think that part of me will stay alive..
Nothing left for me but endless goodbyes..
 Apr 2020 Lupus-
Lil Lalo
You asked
What is the scariest part?

I answer
The scariest part
is not the feeling of loneliness
or the darkness that fills you
despite the looming pain
of emptiness

The scariest part
is the realization  
that you have lost yourself
completely
sinking in as you lay awake
at 2 AM
because you lost the ability to sleep
and you can't even cry
because you don't even care
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