Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Butterfly Nov 2018
Hollow.
That's how I'm feeling.
Something's missing.

You took apart of me when you left.
And i let you.
I didn't put up a fight,
Because deep down i knew i help push you away.

I let you walk away when you said,
"I'm done."
I accepted death,
Because those two words were like daggers to my heart.
The pain of all my other wounds paled.
All i could see was you walking away with my life.

I let you leave with my soul.
I accepted my fate,
Because it was all my fault.
I hurt you, and that only hurts me more.
Butterfly Nov 2018
I have nothing to say.
Yet, there are thoughts,
that haphazardly float around in my brain,
Randomly colliding with bits and pieces of sense and meaning...

This is logic...,
"This is mania...,
What am I thinking!?"


Other times my mind is a vaccum.

Nothing...,

Nothing...,

"Please pick up."
.......
.......

"Please, please pick up."
........
........

"SAY SOMETHING!!!"

But it doesn't.
Atleast not yet.
Not when I want it too.

So I go about my business.
I do what i have to,
I smile, and I speak little.
They think I'm quiet but,
It's just that,
I have nothing to say.
Butterfly Nov 2018
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I wasn't a genuine friend.
I'm sorry for always being a problem.
I'm sorry for not meeting yout expectations.
I'm sorry for never learning.
I'm sorry for causing you pain.
I'm sorry for making you feel less than you are.
I'm sorry for being selfish.
I'm sorry for coming into your life in the first place.
I'm sorry for existing.

I was supposed to be your everything.
I'm sorry I couldn't be.
Butterfly Nov 2018
I write because I'm full to the brim,
With hot scorching emotions,
Unshed tears and
Unexpressed thoughts and ideas.


I write because I'm shaking with rage, unrequited love, guilt and regrets.


I write because
when all else fail to suppress these bubbling emotions,
Poetry is the silent scream that allows me to feel heard.
The words are lodged in my throat, making me dumb.
I can't speak but I can write.

[Figuratively]
Butterfly Nov 2018
I don't want to tell a soul about all the crap that I've been going through.

But sometimes I wish some intuitive person would just stop and leave a word of encouragement.
Butterfly Nov 2018
I try to pray to you,
Oh God,
I try to pray.

I yearn to hear from you,
Oh Lord,
Hear what you say.

There's much to talk about,
My God,
Too much to say.

But how can I step to you,
Knowing how much I've strayed?

How do I kneel before you,
With this weight?

I judge me,
more harshly than you judge me.
More than one ought to be judged.

For I see the missteps that I take,
And the mistakes that I make.

Deliver me,
Oh God,
From my unforgiveness.

Save me from my personal hell.
Butterfly Nov 2018
I hate myself so much right now
But I love God.
Does that mean I love myself?
I'm so confused!
How can I say I love God, but not love myself?
I mean, it's me for Christ's sake!
The person I live with, in.
The one person I should know better than anyone else in this universe.

Maybe that's the problem.
I don't know me.
Atleast not anymore.
God knows me,
Better than anyone else does.
He knew me before I was even thought of.
He created me, formed me in my mother's womb.
See, he has every right to love me,
to love his creation,
what he calls his masterpiece.
But I don't have to,
Because i can't love what I don't know.


The artist can look at it's painting and deem it perfect
But me glancing at myself?
I guess the light is shining on me at a weird angle,
Because I see nothing special.
Butterfly Nov 2018
I've been hurt,
And i have hurt.

I've been loved,
And I have loved.

I've lost love,
And I withdrew my love.

I've been forgiven
And I try hard to forgive.

In the end,
What goes around comes back around.

— The End —