I can't see where I'm going,
but like a blind man's hearing is heightened,
I will listen for the Lord's direction.

For long enough I've tended to a heatless fire
Scared of labels they press to uninspire
Tried to convince me this gloom was nothing
Then you'd think I'm demented or something
But at the same time my aloneness was hyped
Making me think I was of the insane type
But it's nice to hear my thoughts bounce off of you
Otherwise I don't know how I'd make it through

every morning we look into the mirror and everyone sees something different. someone sees big bright smile and someone sees dark circle under the eyes. someone is shining with happiness and someone is just empty shell without emotions. someone goes to work/school with that bright smile from the morning, but someone has to think which mask he/she will wear today. most people see us that we are happy with our lives, but those are only masks. masks that hide us from the world. and why do we wear masks? I wear them to protect myself, to hide my weak self. someone once told me, that I changed. but it's not true I just changed my mask. we wear masks to make other people proud. then we make one mistake and they judge us. they tell us to be ourselves... but when we are, they don't like it. so question is:
Do you really want me to stop hide behind my masks when I'm broken? Do you want to see me break down because of my past? Do you really want to see this side of me? I don't think so.

I must warn you of my condition
Could it really be depression?
It's a disorder I have yet to oblige
For now I'll call it a thorn in my side
But I promise you everything will be alright
I'll get through and I'll be just fine
This thorn in my side may give me some fear
But I've come to understand why it is here
This weakness is not something to hide behind
But a way for me to finally find
Those who are going through the same exercise
Learning with these people how to empathize
And teaching me that I must learn to consign
My thoughts and fears to leave them behind
May these sufferings be scars of my loyalty
And strengthen me in God's sovereignty
I will endure the thoughts I face all day long
Because it is in the Lord that I belong
Were it not for Him, I would have given to the grave
But in His power and goodness, I am saved

I'm better today than I have been
But I can't expect it again to happen
Lately it's been worse than it has in a while
But I know it's just my faith under trial
I've been tested like a ship at sea
The winds and the waves have come to suit me
But I won't let the ocean pull me asunder
Gravestones won't burry me and take me under
In time I know I'll recover
Recently I've been worse than I usually am
I wonder if I've chosen it
Or if I can choose not to think this way--
How to undo it if I can
I know the night will come again
But to play a part in the dark will not happen
I can't choose every moment to live in the day
Even if I tell myself to think that way,
The feeling won't stay
One day I will get over this wall of stone
Though I know I'm so far from home
For now, I am fighting to reach the morning light
One day, I know, I will leave behind this night

I could take the easy way
I could use one of the rootless poems
One without the depth of what I write for
Then they wouldn't know
They would just see talent
And I wouldn't have to fear for what they think
What they think about my thoughts
I'm afraid to get the truth that I'm alone
If it affected no one, or if no one spoke up
Then they would know, and I'd still be alone
But would I do it, if there was one person?
One person in that crowd,
Only one that fears their mind,
Who feels alone
Would I do it for them,
To let them know that there's more put their,
More like them?
Even if everyone figured out what I think?

I feel like there's no one to confide
Hiding behind walls that confine
There's a system where I'm walled in
A rhythm that keeps me in depression
It's a pattern within I craft fire to
But it's not what I desire to do
A wall is in my way and obstructs my view
Contained by the wall that sets my life in skew
With the help of my friends I'll reach the top
With the sound we make, I won't fear the drop
Sometimes I'm able to see the other side
Then I'll look back and find my mind is tied
These lies convince me I can't get over the wall
They hype up the doubts and make me fear I'll fall
Could it all just be one of the schemes
To make me believe in such silly things