I just have to look
at you
to feel it.

To know it
I have to look
away.

Like the pages
of a book
mid-tornado,

Fragments of
information, the pieces
all out of place.

Still,

I believe you
beg to be
read.

Since then I feel smaller,
Like half a person,
There’s a reason people call people their other halves.
The tears rock me like an earthquake and it physically hurts.
Everywhere I go it’s music, and food and terms of phrase,
Screaming your name.
Like the world wants me to be in pain.
My bed is way too big just for me but I don’t want it full unless it’s full of you.
I think I took for granted the beauty of normal life with you in it.
The worst part is I can’t even tell you how much I miss you,
Because you’re healing too.
That’s okay.

i'm watching myself
unfold
i try to stuff
what's falling out
inside
maybe i
can go for
one more week
maybe then
i'll feel i earned
a sigh

In a world
that grows more
black and white
with each passing day.

I am simply not content
staring at endless
shades of grey.

So please forgive me
If I take this opportunity
to go in search of rainbows.

You on the bridge
don't have to feed me
YOU tugging on my sleeve
don't have to grieve for me

Let it go
You heard me
I am not your sympathy
So let it go !

LET IT GO !

Don't come over here
Keep it out of my way
Your cheer is leer
So go make you dark energy lay

Go away !

I wanted to learn

so last night my fourth grade teacher
tore my eyelids off

and sat me near a television screen
that showed my mother dying
over and over
and over again.

I left as a cavity
of a boy,

collapsing at the sound of passing cars

as I searched for a payphone where
I could speak to the static about Gabriel.

(where is he?)

When I look at my brother and father

I beg for my eyes to be caressed until they’re scarred

with every daytime matinee
and curtsy on the train platform

that built me into this mosaic
of a “man”.