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One meets
his destiny
often ...

in
the road
he takes
to avoid
it.
i think,
     i think that
i was
never meant
   for this earth.

born,
  i was blue
    in hue,
my parents thought
   i was going
to die.

perhaps,
     perhaps at birth,
        it was
my destiny to die
    before i
ever lived?

i guess God felt
   as if,
     this life was
in need of me,
    and what i
had to give?

i have served Him
  with the life
    that He felt
i needed to share.
  
from barely breathing
     and blue
   at birth,
Jesus knew that...

    what was in that
   baby's heart was rare.

as the man that....
    He has groomed me
      to become.

i still remain a
    tortured soul ...
  my heart always bleeding
with no chance of
    ever being numb.

there are days that...
   i privately wish
     that blue baby
would have never lived,

      just some....

just some days.

i can't save the world,
    i now know
but i
      really really
want too.

    next time that i am
       blue and
barely breathing....

   please......
    
        please let me

go.
I'm happy, that's for sure!
Happy like someone drowning underwater.
Happy like someone getting rejected.
Happy like an anonymous girl writing poems online.
Under the light of the moon.
You’re still a mystery to me.

And every night in my dreams I wonder
if you hear the soundtrack of my soul.
Like I hear yours.

Please know, You’re never alone.
Just continue to bloom.
As I will too.

Until then, I’ll search these
muddy waters for you.
My lotus love.
To work, to live, the way you hate it
To wish, to dream, the way you love it

Many have this dichotomous life

Few found a way to go
From a  real life
To a dreamed one

Still more are struggling

This is good to know
That you deserve better
Many even don't know
They can really better

They never dream, and never try
I want to be free.
Confusion!
I feel I'm lost
Every day is a copy of the day before
Sometimes worse!
Dreams are lost in dailiness
My dreams are not as great as before
The worst thing is not what I am now
That is I can't even remember
Who I dreamed to be.

Lost in dailiness
A prisoner in time and place
My dream is now
to be free from
The jail of time and place
She left me that windy evening
When the sun height was decreasing
The globe was gradually darkening
As I knew later, also my own ending
The sun left the sky, she fiery shining
She too left my life, her heart burning
From the words, she couldn't bear hearing
* * *
The sun came back tomorrow morning
She never came back, I'm still mourning
21:43 - Tuesday, June 4, 2019
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