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  Sep 2017 Lettie
Miss Honey
I’m gay I’m gay I’m gay I’m gay I'm gay
it kind of
spills off my tongue
when I don’t want it to
an
impulse
a
burning choke in my throat
falling out of me when I wish it would stay inside
when strangers are around
when
they really don’t need to know

it’s painted on my face
it’s written on the backs of my hands
my collarbone is burning white hot with a tell
and my eyes watering every secret of it

can they tell?
can everyone see right through me?
I’m
too scared to ask
somehow
also too scared to keep it inside

It wants out more than anything
but
she wants to be safe more than anything
Lettie Sep 2017
You hide yourself in us so beautifully
No one notices that you are within us
You take over when 1 is feeling sad
also when one is very happy

I sit in my comfortable corner and wonder
What is your aim....
It is to be recognised, acknowledged and accepted
And if this above mentioned are done
Will you stop your ways of increasing the pressure

You get me thinking hard without any lead
Without anylead to your aim

I must say I think your main aim is to destroy lives
Is to end lives
Your way of winning is a corpse in a grave
That is your accomplishment

I know you... i know you on a personal point of view
You take over a life
A life that end in loosing interest in life all together
1 becomes new to themselves
1 thrives to find new ways to be happy in life but not too happy you(depreciation) don't aprove

It annoyes and irritates me the fact that you want more
You want more than you take/took
You specifically want a life
You want once precious life

I don't think I will allow you to do that
No I refuse to let it be
You taking over 1ns being  and their life
No you cannot

Accepting you in us might be the only
The only weapon will use to defeat you

So I think
20170911 19:03
  Aug 2017 Lettie
Arlo Disarray
Suffering from depression is like:

biting your nails
when they're already too short

picking at your wounds,
and not allowing them to heal

living in your past,
because you're afraid of the future

feeling lonely,
yet being afraid
to burden other people
with your presence

wanting to get things done,
but being too unsure of yourself
to even try

you want to be happy,
but being sad is what you're most familiar with

you're afraid to live,
and afraid to die,
but you never know which option is worse
  Aug 2017 Lettie
Imperfect Desire
Am I the only one that has their demons feasting upon their souls?
They say it is easy to tie a noose around your mind,
To overcome the urges and temptations of ending your life with a suicide
They don't know the true pain and torment that is going on in my head
An epic battle that leaves me with restless nights in bed
"End your life already" they say, as they prey on me during my weakest hours
Sometimes I give into the voices, carrying the sharp blade to my wrist
Crying as I struggle to mutter three powerful words that keeps me going
Choking on my sobs, my lungs deflate with a desire to say that God loves me
I try to convince myself that God is trying to test my faith
And to just wait, wait and wait
Then my Demons will eventually go AWAY.....



~Imperfect Desire **
Lettie Aug 2017
This pain comes in different forms
This pain makes sure that it is stronger than the last time
This pain want to leave a mark always
Its strokes devastates me

This leaves me vulnerable
This leaves me confused
My weakness is not physically nor mentally
But weak internally

This makes me not see a will to can
A will to break through
A will to fight
A will to calm and use my brain

This pain blocks all the possible ways to can

Pain you are painful
You are heavy
You a monster
Yes you are and I am scared of you

I am scared that you will visit me and I wouldn’t be able to can

I am scared of you because you possess me
You destroy me
You take control and my being stops
My being stops and honour you

I am scared of you that one day you might just win me
20170823 08:40
Lettie Jul 2017
You didn’t even knock
You stormed in like you own it
To my surprised this is not a visit
You have settled already
To my shock
This looks permanent

I gave you notice
You ignored it
I used all the powers known to evacuate you
Boy that was just waste of time and resources

I had to try, I believed you are here temporary
I never wanted to share my space
Not with you anyway
You are heavy, unpleasant
Uncomfortable when you are around

you do not even utter a word
yet your actions are felt
ignoring you is like trying to sleep with eyes opened
you are impossible

I can understand why you decided to settle
That is because no one wants you
Just a blink of an eye and you stormed in
I am stuck with you

I have accepted you
But i cannot get used to you
It’s a year now

I hope and pray that
You can be attracted to a corpse
And settle there forever
Because no soul deserves
Your presence

You make one feel like a walking dead
Your presence *****
20170706 15:40
  Jun 2017 Lettie
A Thomas Hawkins
Love isn't...
forever like they say
Love isn't...
something that never fades away

Love isn't...
all the lies and the deceit
Love isn't...
just what goes on between the sheets

Love isn't...
where you expect that it will be
Love isn't...
something new to you or me

Love isn't...
dependent on being rich or being poor
Love isn't...
something I remember anymore

Love isn't...
insecurity and doubt
Love isn't...
something I want to be without

Love isn't...
always happiness and laughter
Love isn't...
sadly, happy ever after.
Follow me on Twitter @athomashawkins
http://twitter.com/athomashawkins
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