She was the definition of my name
She was the flowers that bloomed from the wounds that she healed
She was and always will be the ink that flowed from my pen when i wrote about her laughter that made me feel warm inside.
She saw right through me
She saw the mistakes i made
the mistakes that i used to tuck into bed with me
and she bought me a brand new bed
a brand new start
I could then say that i knew exactly what love looked like
love called me at midnight to make sure she was the first person to tell me happy birthday
love knew my favorite flavor ice cream
love knew what to say when i was crying
love knew how to make me smile again
love was there for all the fuckboys and drama
love knew me for me
love,loved me and i loved her.

There are days when i cannot find the sun even when it's right outside my window
There are days that i feel like a puppet
with the strings on my back leading to nowhere
There are days when i feel like I've finally managed to run away from you when you turn up...making it clear that i was only running in circles
I wrote tales of you with my favorite felt pen across any piece of paper i could find because, i simply couldn't wait to put down the butterflies that you placed ever so gently at the pit of my stomach down
They flew back and forth and back and forth
a constant reminder of the person i could never have .
the person i dared to love.

I beg you to love me like you love her
To caress my cheek with your hands like you did, her
to make me laugh and give me kisses when no one was looking
at least you thought no one was looking
but i was
I watched you as you trampled on my heart ,
tore it apart
and trampled on it again without an ounce of remorse in your dead eyes
I watched you as you brought the insecurities that i had so effortlessly thrown away,back to my doorstep
thinking that they would keep me too busy to realize your misdeeds.
But i was stronger than that and i picked up my insecurities from the floor and threw them out the window, my fingers wrapped around a glass of wine.
I won.

Is solitude so wrong? Is me reveling in my quiet four walls so strange and a cause for bewilderment? why don't they understand that the rhythm of my own single heartbeat is enough to get me ''up-beat'' i love you all..that part is true but leave me alone...i promise ill come back to you.

Honey,
you are so much more than the man you have gone to war for
You are so much more than the careless curses thrown at you for being who you are
You are so much more than the empty bottomless glasses of wine you seek comfort in
You are  so much more so honey put that glass down
and march to his door
remember what you stand for
and go to war .