dreams of drowning
but not in water, necessarily
locked in rooms that look familiar
though not recognizable
locked doorknobs with missing locks
and my name being called from the other side
repeating mundane tasks
to the point of insanity
"what's the point of everything?"
dreams of you hurting people in front of me
and while i watch, i say,
"it's okay. i understand."

I'm telling lies to terrorize tame territory,
and so they'll strip me down, string me up, and bleed me dry of glory.
Mourning from the morning after, hanging from a ceiling rafter.
Two rows of platinum canines, call me a gangsta-veloci-rapper.

Truly emancipated, drinking whiskey from Lincoln's skull.
Proclamation of my bank roll grants more ***** than animal control.
Flicking cigarettes at MC's who think they're superior,
into their passenger window to burn holes in their interior.

I run all night, jiggle my handle after flushing.
All the plump gals seem to love me, I've got their cellulite a'blushing.
I don't like *****, but I'll sip on something Russian,
if you ship her in the mail first class from your Middle-Euro cousin.

heart torn in half
dream of future
reminisce on past
emotionally unsure

this isn't what Jesus meant
when he said a kingdom
divided cannot stand
but the truth still resounds

my heart skips when she smiles
or laughs or talks or breathes
but with equal strength I collapse
when the thought of the other calls

love was meant for one
two war for my mind
will the past return
or has the future won?

you said goodbye
effortlessly
you explained
with even breaths
and walked
with even steps
out of my door
and out of my life
i shakily said
"goodbye"
and i smiled
and pretended
that i
would be okay
but it's been five months
and it's like the sun
ceased to attend morning
or the ocean
refused to make waves
and the earth
forgot
how to roll into big beautiful hills
and mountains
and i
forgot
how to wake up and smile
or walk home by myself
i learned
to spend my weekends alone
and put my head down when i saw you
with them
and her
i was no longer them
or her
with you
no longer a tree in the words
but a ****
among pavement
and that was life
without you

Reminiscing the Moments
Do you remember me? Because I remember you. YOU. Everything about you. The way you walk. The way you talk. How you dress up. The night we argued. How you wanted to say sorry but I wouldn’t let you. You caressed my cheek and held my arm. You looked into my eyes and it seemed you were trying to reach my soul. I remember the glimmer in your eyes, it sent sparks down my body when you touched me. I was filled with warmth and happiness. A tingling feeling engulfed me and I could have melted right then and there, but I didn’t. I just stared on ahead, ignoring you. There was a sly smile playing on your lips as you were thinking that you finally got me. You were right. You did. My face stayed blank but my mind, my heart, my body, they were one. If my face registered ignorance, my body sure didn’t. It was screaming, and my organs were trashing around, dancing to the rapid beat of my heart, matching their tempos to that of my thoughts.

As I’m typing this right now, reliving the memories, I could feel the same warmth, the same flutter in my stomach, craving for the electricity that once flowed through me.

  I remember you.

we place immeasurable weight
on worthless unnecessaries
mindsets carousel pointless
reverberation off desolate hearts

school, jobs, money, houses,
cars, clothes, shoes, religion, media,
materialistic vacancy

food is waste
shelter is empty
water is dead

I don't want to survive
if I'm not alive

Christmas

A time for family
Love
Sharing
And gathering

This year
It was an
Untraditional Christmas.

It was had to work around the one present under the tree for each of us

It was odd and completely opposite
Of a normal persons perspective
On this holiday.

But honestly to me
I knew the struggle my parents were facing
And it didn't bother me

Just the one gift under the tree
Was probably the best thing
I could have.

The thought put into that present
Set me to ease and not frett.

Music an escape from reality
A release from pain
A simple chorus
Brings the depression
To an ease

But instead of music doing
That to me
You do .

You make me hold on
Just a little bit
Longer

But it makes me wonder..

When you leave me
Broken and shattered like
A mirror
Will you to have bad luck
Because of me
Or do you believe in
Superstitions like the
Rest of the naive world?

Ever since you left
You gave me hope
Something to grasp on

Now I'm free falling from a
Man with god like hands
To the depressions down
In hell.

I'm left here guessing
How someone so strong
So loving and caring
Could drop someone
With a fragile heart
To fend on their own

Honestly you make me
Question my own existence
And you made
All that my trust was
And will ever be
Evaporate.

Now
I am
Nothing but a fool.

After all of that hurt and worry
through this
Year
The only true person
there for me was my best friend,
with a cigarette
in one hand and
A cup of tea in the other

A peaceful resort for me to
Escape to

Maybe

Or maybe it just me putting my
******* up and saying
**** the free world

Let me be me and do as I please
So that day we both say out
Under the dark starred sky
Smoking cigarettes

Inhale the roses and exhale
the thorns
Cause flowers don't grow when there's a storm.